A friends to lovers situation....

[ringoffire]

This is a situation that has me confused. I wanted to take it slow with this, and not just participate in the hook-up culture that so permeates our small college....nine months after meeting him, six months after our first couple of dates....I'm confused....and my friends aren't very encouraging....

 

I returned to college last fall and went on a few dates. Really, really hit it off with a Vet a year younger than I in a class. He did nice things for me, drove me home several times, I helped him out with academic things. I developed a crush on him over the semester, then after finals, asked him out. We went out for dinner....which then turned into dinner, several games of pool and a movie.

We went out on two more dates, both of which were dinner/activity and enjoyable. There was no physical contact at all during any of these dates. No touching or kissing. I was interested in taking things "slowly" and he had no issue with that.

 

There was a weeklong course during the week before the spring semester began that I wanted to attend, but mentioned to him that I wouldn't due to lack of public transportation on the returning leg. He signed up for the class and offered to drive me the 20 miles home on each day of the course. I accepted and it was good taking the class with him.

 

When I asked him out again a few weeks later, he said that he was seriously consumed with school. We still met up on campus to chat, have lunch, went to another city 40 miles away one afternoon so I could help him out with a project for one of his classes. We went for lunch and walked through the mall after we were finished with the research.

 

He drove me to various places as well during the semester if I needed a ride.

 

At the end of Spring semester, I gave him a comp ticket for a theater performance that I was performing in. He brought his Mom to the show.

 

Three weeks passed by, when I called him at 11pm just to chat for a bit.

The next week, I called him and asked if he would be able to help me move a large carpet from the store to home. He agreed and we moved the carpet. He wanted to go to Sonic afterward and eat our lunch at a park. I suggested a park, and he drove there....saying that he wanted to take the "long way". We passed by the park and he said that he didn't like that one...and we drove to other parks, none of which he said were "right". We ended up at a park about a half-mile from my house, where we sat at a table and ate. We spent a few hours chatting, then on the way home, I told him that I was completely (emotionally, socially, romantically) wild about him. He looked very surprised, but flattered.

 

The next night, I called and said "Hey, I have a surprise for you. Pick me up at my house at 5 and pack a toothbrush and whatever". He said "I don't know what the surprise is, but I know what will happen....." He asked me to please remove all of the hair in that area and asked me if I wanted him to remove his hair. I said that whatever he normally did would be fine with me.

 

He picked me up and was dressed a bit dressier than usual, smelled of the same cologne that he wore on our first date. We drove to another city and checked into a boutique hotel there. The surprise was tickets to a MLB farm team baseball game, as he is a big fan. He loved it. He chose a really nice restaurant for dinner, insisted that we order dessert.

 

We had our first kiss that night, and wonderful sex. The next morning, after we'd woken up, he turned on his Ipod playlist and the first two songs were from one of my favorite musicals. He looked at me to gage my reaction and I was very happy.

 

We went driving to another town a half hour away where he took me to my favorite restaurant for an early lunch. We drove back, went to a museum that showcased something that we have a mutual interest in, then off to dinner.

We went back to our room to watch a movie, then out walking. While out, we ran into my best friend and her boyfriend. My best friend was surprised....I introduced everyone and we went our own way.

 

That night, we talked of private things, including a fetish that he has that is definitely not common. I'm open minded and see nothing wrong at all with this fetish, I'm even interested in participating in it, and told him so.

 

The next morning, he woke me up with sex and it was wonderful. We went home that afternoon. I went to the trunk to get my bag, and he stepped out of the car and asked me "Are you okay, did you get everything?" I said that I did, and I went into my townhouse, saying "goodbye". No hug, no kiss.

 

We will be going camping next weekend.

 

My best friend called me later and we talked. She said that all college guys don't want relationships and that this guy would be rid of me in two months or so and on to the next girl.

 

Should I ask this guy where I stand with him, or should I go with my intuition and let things ride? I'm looking for a serious relationship, but I don't want to rush or push things if that's not what he's into.

 

Someone please analyze the situation and give me some honest advice.

I've never dealt with the friends to lovers situation....

 

Thanks

[ringoffire]

By the way....I'm 26, he's 25. I've been divorced just over a year, he served in the Marines for four years, and began college in Spring 2009.

[MorningCoffee]

It's nice to hear friends can become lovers, but I do not sense a great of passion on his side.

 

You also did not elaborate on the fetish it seemed he wanted to sort of "clear" with you. Are you sure he is not just looking to you as a fetish partner, as opposed to developing a more complete relationship?

[ADF]

First of all, this post is WAY too long. We do not need a play-by-play, minute-by-minute retelling of every single thing that ever happened between you and this man. I say this because a lot of people are going to look at this novel of yours and just decide not to bother reading it.

 

Second of all--and this is not realy directed at you individually--what is this obsession people have with shaving their genitals these days? I cannot imagine asking a woman to shave herself. I would expect to be slapped for saying something like that.

 

But all that aside, I don't see any problems here. I think your GF is right about most college guys not wanting relationships, but it sounds like you may have found that one in a million guy who does. There is really no way to know what will happen in two months, but no reason to assume the worst. Stay around and see what happens.

[WTRanger]

Your GF has a great, and completely false generalization about college guys. Most of my friends that are married, found their SO in college. And what kind of friend says something like that? Sounds to me like she's Miss Bitter and is completely jealous of you. In fact, she'd be great for the better "Whoa is me" threads that have been on here lately. I'd be more concerned about who your GF's are, than what this guy is up to. Friends support you no matter what. They aren't there to cut you down.

 

Unless you have a crystal ball that can accuratly predict the future, or you can read minds, then there is no way to guess what's going to happen. If you are afraid of the fictitious "What if" then you certainly don't need to be dating right now. Any relationship is a leap of faith. The more you are scared of the "What is he up to?" and listen to bitter bitches like your friend, you will be the one who becomes jaded and think any action of his is nothing but a scheme.

 

Just enjoy it for what it is. Jesus, is that so hard? Stop analyzing every God damn thing he does. You'll drive yourself batty. What's left to rush? You've done everything. If you wanted to see what his intentions were, you should have done so before sex. Sex does not equal feelings. Sex is just sex.

[ringoffire]

Thanks for the advice.

I'm going to just see how things go with him.