Why do I feel guilty when I'm not? Emotional Abuse?

[Egychick]

I am wondering if I was emotionally abused. My boyfriend and I of 3 years just broke up about 2 weeks or so ago. At the beginning, he was so sweet, attentive, generous, and always there for me. I was also strong, independent and had my own life.

 

Then after about a year and a half, he began to change. At first it was subtle changes. He stopped making promises...In the beginning, he'd do whatever he said he'd do, and always keep his promises.

 

Then he started to be moody. He would stop calling me for days at a time, and threaten to leave me and say that I am driving him crazy, getting on his nerves, being too romantic...whatever.

 

Then it got worse. We were in a long distance relationship...he all of a sudden, started to be interested in porn. So, he always suggested we invite others (you know what i mean). If I'd say no, he would threaten not to come to visit me. But I always forgave him, and blamed myself for him being this way, because I was not perhaps adventurous enough. After I'd refuse. He'd say sorry. The next week, he would start again, this time, suggesting my friends join. He always started telling me, he wants to have sex with my friends, and not me. When I asked him if he would get a gift for our anniversary, he would tell me, I'll get a gift for one of your friends. What do you think she would like? She's hot....

 

After a while....he traveled on a business trip to another country. Since he was always talking about these sexual things...I asked him to promise me, he wouldn't cheat on me. He didn't promise, and refused to promise me. But still, I had faith in him, that he would NEVER do it. He came back....and he told me...yes he slept with a prostitute...and she was "damn hot" and he described the things she did. He didn't care that i didn't eat or sleep for a week, cause I was sooo hurt over it. But still, I forgave him, because I was soooo in love with him. He came back, and started being sweet with me, and called me everyday, and visited me afterwards, and we went on a big trip. During the trip, when i would want a hug or a kiss, he would tell me....go to bed. He didn't want to touch me. But when he wanted it, I was there. He would try to flirt with other women....but when I talked to other guys...as friends, he was jealous.

 

During the trip, he began calling me stupid all the time. Anything I did...."why are you so stupid?" Until I yelled at him to stop. But around my friends he was kind to me. From all the things he did, he never said sorry. When I made a mistake and hid something from him, which wasn't meant to hurt him...he now ignores me, and acts as if I am the bad one...eventhough I apologized profusely, even through what I did wasn't half as bad as what he has done. I feel guilty, have lost all self respect, confidence, and wait for him to call me..even though I'm not sure he ever will again.

 

He is not feeling guilty, hasn't been sick, unable to sleep or eat, from what he has done. I'm the one feeling I have messed things up. He says he is perfect, and was always honest...and look at me, I'm the liar...when he has hid from me people who he has met and stayed in their homes...host women ....until I found out from a website. He was hot and cold with me....and I was sooo attached to him...i still am, and I am not mad at what he did....I still blame myself...

 

So please tell me, was I emotionally abused?

[Tayla]

emotionally confused maybe and hiding the reality of the situation. You are conflicted by your love for him and his actions towards you. ALways chose the persons actions as the real deal. He needs to take his messed up attitude elsewhere. Move on, if you stay you are then accountable for the foolishness and poor display of respect and regard. I think you are letting your heart rule what your mind knows otherwise.

[soconfused01]

do yourself a favor and pick up "the verbally abusive relationship" by patricia evans. he's very clearly and severely manipulating you