What the hell is going on? Almost over it!

[CheshireGirl]

I have been seeing this guy casually (by that I mean we haven't had sex, but we've done pretty much everything else) for about 6 months now. We have known each other for 2 years, and get along really well. We haven't made any 'commitment' because in this past 6 months he got out of a long term relationship, moved houses, and changed career paths. I wanted him to settle down in other areas of his life before thinking seriously about me. I was dating other guys, but for the past 4 months have turned down ever offer and don't even look around any more. I don't want to be with anyone but this guy, I think we have amazing chemistry. He does not date around at all; I am the only girl he has been seeing this whole time.

 

However, I think if he realised how strongly I felt he might be scared away, so I have been sure to let him know I have a life of my own. I'm pretty sure he thinks I still date other guys, even though the opposite is true. I am just starting to feel frustrated coz it's been 4 months now and nothing has really developed... He wants me to go over to his new place but it's always said with a wink and I'm scared that he just wants me as a f* buddy. He is 10 years older and although we connect, maybe he doesn't take me seriously. I really want to sleep with him, but I need to know there's potential for a relationship there before I dive in.

 

How can I find out if he likes me as more than just a Friend With Benefits, without pushing him into a corner with a scary 'relationship' talk?? Should I just go with the flow? Please help!

[Iamhappy]

I have been seeing this guy casually (by that I mean we haven't had sex, but we've done pretty much everything else) for about 6 months now.

 

So you want to have a relationship with this guy?

 

Um, does anyone else find this troubling:

 

in this past 6 months he got out of a long term relationship, moved houses, and changed career paths

 

So, let me get this straight;

 

1. You've known him for two years and although you "connect" you don't think he takes you seriously.

 

2. You dated him while he was still in his long-term relationship?!!!

 

3. You've had sex with him (I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I don't think sex is limited to penetration. Therefore, oral/anal sex is still sex.).

 

4. He's 10 years older.

 

This guy has a lot of issues (and pardon me for saying so but so do you). I don't think this bodes well for you or for any future relationship you might have with him.

 

You might want to ask yourself why you'd be so willing to short-change yourself by getting involved with someone who

 

1. Doesn't possess the maturity to end his long-term relationship prior to seeing you. (Aren't you worried that he would do the same thing to you?) And

 

2. Because he's going through some major changes in his life, may not be able to put you first on his priority list?

 

There's also that rebound factor to worry about.

 

I hope you go into this with your eyes wide open.

[CheshireGirl]

1. I have indeed been good friends with him for 2 years - I am just not sure he would take me seriously as a "girlfriend".

 

2. No, I did not date him while he was in a relationship, he left her a month before we became involved.

 

3. I guess a person's definition of sex is subjective, and this is fine. Penetrative sex is more important or symbolic than the other forms; the difference has significance to me.

 

4. Is age necessarily a factor? I thought emotional maturity was more important than how old a person was; I have never enjoyed the company of my 20-something peers.

 

So the cheating while he was in a relationship isn't an issue. The priority problems and rebound factor certainly are issues - but I already identified them in my post. So you're not telling me anything new.

 

Anyone have any further advice for me?

[Iamhappy]

I have indeed been good friends with him for 2 years - I am just not sure he would take me seriously as a "girlfriend".

 

Lady, he just got out of a long-term relationship, he moved into a new house and changed careers. Does this sound like a guy who's ready for another long-term relationship? I smell something and it sounds like mid-life crisis.

 

No, I did not date him while he was in a relationship, he left her a month before we became involved.

 

Oh, there's no worry of a rebound here. After all, 30 days is enough to get over a long-term relationship. He sounds like a strong guy. Emotionally resilient. Lucky you, if you break up. I'm sure you'll find it comforting that after one week of your breaking up, he'll have found someone else.

 

I thought emotional maturity was more important than how old a person was

 

Just because a person is older doesn't mean they are mature, emotionally or otherwise.

 

You are a twenty-something year old determined to get much more deeply involved with a man in his mid-30s. In your own words, it's been 4 months and NOTHING has developed.

 

Why?

 

Why would a man who just got out of a long-term relationship be satisfied with just a Friends-with-Benefits relationship with you? Maybe the men of LS can answer this question for you.