I want to ask him out but...

[LoveLace]

I've known him several years due to mutual friends, I'd say we've been semi-close on and off over the years, but nothing like best-friend kind of close.

 

Anyway we've chatted on FB a few times recently and I saw him at a reunion-type gathering last night. I was being approached by a lot of guy friends telling me how great I looked, blah blah blah, I could tell that he thought so too..however it was a reunion thing like I said so we didn't get to hang out much..I was so busy catching up with everyone there that i haven't seen in a long time.

 

I've been thinking I'd like to ask him out. I've always thought he was cute or whatever, and also know that he is a really good guy, but for some reason I'm just now thinking I'd like to ask him out. BUT...it would be totally left field coming at him. It's not likely that he's ever thought of me that way too much, although I haven't either until now. We haven't been the type of friends who call each other, even though we've always had each others numbers..I've only called him on a couple occasions, for brief reasons of some sort. Well the convos on FB are usually fairly short, but I wondered if it would be totally weird to ask him out next time we are chatting...and what to say? I've wondered if you would go out with me sometime? I'm scared of rejection, but not because of self-esteem, as much as the fact that we've known eachother this long so I'd be uncomfortable if I'm rejected and run into him somewhere. Or should I text him even though we've never really texted eachother before? I don't know if I could get the nerve do it, either way...

[Star Gazer]

No, no... LL, please don't ask him out like that. Please, don't put yourself in a chasing situation.

 

Make your interest known, and then step back. If he takes the bait, great. If not, you won't feel rejected. You deserve to be with a guy who's going to actively pursue you.

 

If you feel compelled to take action, do this. You're friends on FB. Wait for an opportunity to comment on his status, with something that's suggestive. For example:

 

His status: "Going to see 'Get Him to the Greek' Tonight - stoked!"

You: "Let me know what you think of it. ;)"

Him: "It was awesome - hilarious!" -or- "It was lame - waste of money!"

You: "I see we have similar taste in movies. What's next?"

 

See where I'm going with this...?

 

Just PLEASE don't outright ask him out.

[Morals]

No, no... LL, please don't ask him out like that. Please, don't put yourself in a chasing situation.

 

Make your interest known, and then step back. If he takes the bait, great. If not, you won't feel rejected. You deserve to be with a guy who's going to actively pursue you.

 

If you feel compelled to take action, do this. You're friends on FB. Wait for an opportunity to comment on his status, with something that's suggestive. For example:

 

His status: "Going to see 'Get Him to the Greek' Tonight - stoked!"

You: "Let me know what you think of it. ;)"

Him: "It was awesome - hilarious!" -or- "It was lame - waste of money!"

You: "I see we have similar taste in movies. What's next?"

 

See where I'm going with this...?

 

Just PLEASE don't outright ask him out.

 

What the...!!!!

 

Star Gazer why are you reinforcing age old stereotypes? Girls can show interest. Girls CAN ask guys out, this is not 1892. Stop making men do all the work in relationships.

 

You want equality for women? Start by actually putting your money where your mouth is, and SHOW IT. Women want to be treated like equals, they want to be paid like equals. Fine, but don't choose in what setting you want that equal footing to be.

 

I'm absolutely livid right now.

[LoveLace]

What the...!!!!

 

Star Gazer why are you reinforcing age old stereotypes? Girls can show interest. Girls CAN ask guys out, this is not 1892. Stop making men do all the work in relationships.

 

You want equality for women? Start by actually putting your money where your mouth is, and SHOW IT. Women want to be treated like equals, they want to be paid like equals. Fine, but don't choose in what setting you want that equal footing to be.

 

I'm absolutely livid right now.

 

Yeah, I've actually wanted to try and take on this role more than I have in the past...because dropping hints or "bait" has rarely worked for me. I especially don't think it would work for him because I'm pretty sure he's totally oblivious to the fact that I might be interested...it'd be nothing new for me to say "hey, whats up today, want to hang?"..of course it's been a long time since I've bothered to ask him that, years actually, but that is how it once was...when I really just liked him as a friend, so making small talk with him wouldn't be a clear message and neither would subtle flirting as that's not new to us either...in a joking kind of way.

 

He is also my cousin's best buddy...and my cousin is like my big brother, because of that I've been considered "off limits" to alot of his friends, out of respect for my cousin. And my cousin wouldn't have a problem with me dating his friends at all, it just hasn't happened. So not only am I good old LL that he's known for ages as a friend, but I'm also Joe Schmo's cousin, so I'd doubt that dropping "bait" would make him magically decide to ask me out...

 

But anyway now that I've thought about it more I don't think I want to risk creating an awkward situation between us because we've known eachother so long. Maybe if flirting escalates when we chat on FB then I'll think about suggesting a drink or something casual like that. As of now, don't think I'm comfortable enough to make the leap after all.

[romango]

No, no... LL, please don't ask him out like that. Please, don't put yourself in a chasing situation.

 

Make your interest known, and then step back.

 

 

As a guy, I agree with this part. If he's a normal guy and you are attractive he's already considered it. But you must give him hints that you wouldn't reject him and are interested in taking it to the next step.

[LoveLace]

If your cousin is that close to you than you should ask his opinion about this guy. If he knows hes a good guy than he may just approve and help set it up. If you dont want your cousins help just casually start texting him and facebook messaging him until you build up to the point where you could ask him to get dinner or go on any sort of date. Otherwise, just hope to run into him at more parties

 

Jvaltone

www.leftos.com/hottietotty

 

 

Well, I know my cousin's relationship with him very well, and they call each other "brothers" but they also have a lot of things that get on their nerves about each other..I also know the guy well enough myself that I don't have to ask if he's a good guy or not; I knew him when he had a serious girlfriend a long time ago, and witnessed him as being very, very good to her. And just from knowing him general I know about his morals and stuff like that. However, my cousin isn't one to "help" me with such a thing, he is much more likely to tell me to go for it if I want it. He and I just don't do those kind of favors for each other...

 

Anyway, I'm just going to go with the flow and if we start flirting more, maybe something will happen, maybe it won't...since I've known him so long I don't want to be too forward or push it. If I have the opportunity to drop good hints, I will.

[WTRanger]

No, no... LL, please don't ask him out like that. Please, don't put yourself in a chasing situation.

 

Make your interest known, and then step back. If he takes the bait, great. If not, you won't feel rejected. You deserve to be with a guy who's going to actively pursue you.

 

If you feel compelled to take action, do this. You're friends on FB. Wait for an opportunity to comment on his status, with something that's suggestive. For example:

 

His status: "Going to see 'Get Him to the Greek' Tonight - stoked!"

You: "Let me know what you think of it. ;)"

Him: "It was awesome - hilarious!" -or- "It was lame - waste of money!"

You: "I see we have similar taste in movies. What's next?"

 

See where I'm going with this...?

 

Just PLEASE don't outright ask him out.

 

Why can't a girl ask a guy out if she's interested? If girl's showed a bit more interest at times, rather than beat around the bush with the vaguest of vague scenarios, you could eliminate at least 75% of the threads in this section.

 

As a guy, that doesn't show much interest. All it says is an open ended question that could leave him wondering what the God's name you are asking. Are you asking what I'm seeing next? What's the point of this? Absolutely shows INDIRECT interest. That's like if you ask him "Do you want to go to McD's or Burger King?" and he responds, "I like hamburgers."

 

This is a better way do to it.

His status: "Going to see 'Get Him to the Greek' Tonight - stoked!"

You: "Let me know what you think of it. ;)"

Him: "It was awesome - hilarious!" -or- "It was lame - waste of money!"

You: "I loved that movie! We should catch "insert movie here" sometime!"

 

There, that shows DIRECT interest while avoiding asking him out. It does put the ball in his court, it says to him that if he just asks you'll say yes. I understand all of the gender role mumbo jumbo, but those lines are so blurry right now it's beyond stupid. Just give they guy a little nudge. If the nudge doesn't work, give him a punch to the kidneys.

 

Here's a tip, and write this one down. Guys DO NOT speak hintanese. That's a language females invented. Just be direct. Guys get direct.

[LoveLace]

Why can't a girl ask a guy out if she's interested? If girl's showed a bit more interest at times, rather than beat around the bush with the vaguest of vague scenarios, you could eliminate at least 75% of the threads in this section.

 

As a guy, that doesn't show much interest. All it says is an open ended question that could leave him wondering what the God's name you are asking. Are you asking what I'm seeing next? What's the point of this? Absolutely shows INDIRECT interest. That's like if you ask him "Do you want to go to McD's or Burger King?" and he responds, "I like hamburgers."

 

This is a better way do to it.

His status: "Going to see 'Get Him to the Greek' Tonight - stoked!"

You: "Let me know what you think of it. ;)"

Him: "It was awesome - hilarious!" -or- "It was lame - waste of money!"

You: "I loved that movie! We should catch "insert movie here" sometime!"

 

There, that shows DIRECT interest while avoiding asking him out. It does put the ball in his court, it says to him that if he just asks you'll say yes. I understand all of the gender role mumbo jumbo, but those lines are so blurry right now it's beyond stupid. Just give they guy a little nudge. If the nudge doesn't work, give him a punch to the kidneys.

 

Here's a tip, and write this one down. Guys DO NOT speak hintanese. That's a language females invented. Just be direct. Guys get direct.

 

I agree with all of that. I've learned, as I said earlier, that hints don't get the job done...it might make a guy wonder what I really meant by something, but it won't normally prompt him to hit the gas on pursuit.

 

Your example conversation is exactly how I'd like it to go, but if it doesn't happen something like that way, it just isn't meant to happen period. Again I'd like to take on more of the modern woman role in the sense of asking guys out, because I've really spent my whole life "hinting" without being totally honest and upfront and it's gotten me nowhere (obviously)...so I vow to take the bull by the horns more often if I can. But in this case, being a friendship I don't want to turn weird, things would have to fall into place exactly as you described for it to be a comfortable situation. So, it's really in the hands of timing and mean time I have other male interests lingering around...so it's all good

[Morals]

Here's a tip, and write this one down. Guys DO NOT speak hintanese. That's a language females invented. Just be direct. Guys get direct.

 

Thank you WTRANGER! Quoted for TRUTH!

[Jilly Bean]

LL - please don't start chasing another guy. I truly hate to see you wind yourself up again.

 

Didn't all of the C drama leave any lessons behind?

 

TRUST ME, sister. If a man is interested he WILL ask you out.

 

It just seems you have a pattern of taking old friends and trying to force something romantic, then making the friendship kinda messy.

[WTRanger]

I agree with all of that. I've learned, as I said earlier, that hints don't get the job done...it might make a guy wonder what I really meant by something, but it won't normally prompt him to hit the gas on pursuit.

 

Your example conversation is exactly how I'd like it to go, but if it doesn't happen something like that way, it just isn't meant to happen period. Again I'd like to take on more of the modern woman role in the sense of asking guys out, because I've really spent my whole life "hinting" without being totally honest and upfront and it's gotten me nowhere (obviously)...so I vow to take the bull by the horns more often if I can. But in this case, being a friendship I don't want to turn weird, things would have to fall into place exactly as you described for it to be a comfortable situation. So, it's really in the hands of timing and mean time I have other male interests lingering around...so it's all good

 

Exactly, you can be up front but sometimes the fish just doesn't want to bite. Times like those, you must resort to dynamite. If you still can't catch that fish, perhaps it's time to look for a new fish.

 

Generally, there never is a "right" time. You've just got to go with your gut instinct. That's why we have them!

[ADF]

I think you should go ahead and ask. His response might surprise you. Generally speaking, if a man makes any effort whatsoever to befriend a woman--even through occasional, relatively brief facebook conversations--it means he's interested. Men almost never go out of their way to make purely platonic female friends. But if he does say no, sowhat? It is not like you did something so shameful you'd need to avoid him.

[LoveLace]

I think you should go ahead and ask. His response might surprise you. Generally speaking, if a man makes any effort whatsoever to befriend a woman--even through occasional, relatively brief facebook conversations--it means he's interested. Men almost never go out of their way to make purely platonic female friends. But if he does say no, sowhat? It is not like you did something so shameful you'd need to avoid him.

 

Right...I figure if we are chatting sometime and the opportunity presents itself and feels right, I'll mention hey let's do that, or hey let's get a drink, that way it's a casual/comfortable way to suggest getting together, as opposed to "lets have dinner together"...lol. If he declines I'll know he's not interested, obviously. But it won't create an awkward thing between us which is a huge concern for me. Asking him out more formally could however make it awkward. So I'm going to avoid that. If it did lead to having a drink or whatever, I'll be more comfortable with showing my interest more at that point....actually that would be a better time to then ask him out formally.

 

Jilly, my C situation was entirely different. I NEVER asked him out. I just agreed to hang out with him and get involved in the friendship. My feelings grew as we spent gobs and gobs of time together. To say I chased him is bull sh*t because he called me and volunteered to take me out all the time. I didn't even HAVE to chase him. Also, I didn't post this to say "I want to chase this guy"....it said I want to ask him out. Asking him out and chasing him are 2 different things. Asking someone out is getting right to the point of showing interest, chasing means making contact and beating around the bush about what it is you really want. At least for ME, that's what it means, and I have no desire to "chase" this guy. If we chat on FB it happens by chance, not because I'm chasing anyone. I'm not ready to start calling him or texting him, I'm not ready for anything beyond chatting with him on FB at this point. Know why? Because it's a friendship I truly care about risking. It's a friendship that I will make sure to keep forever even if I'm rejected. Because I care about him as a human being. With C however, I barely shed a tear at that loss. And I've known him for as long as I've known this other guy. Why didn't I care about his friendship as much as I care about this one? Because C used me as a time killer for months without considering my feelings. I can't say it made me sad to get out of it.

 

The reason i care for this friendship more is because we have shared very valuable experiences together over the last 10 years. Me and C went out and partied a lot. That's not valuable. THIS one is but I can't say why because it would take way too long. But trust me, this is no friendship I want to "chase" away. I considred asking him out on more of a romantic level, that's it and that's it. No reason to blow it up into something that is not even going to happen.

Edited June 22, 2010 by LoveLace

[SadandConfusedWA]

But you did chase C. You told him that you have feelings for him twice, and he said no both times. It doesn't matter that he still wanted to hang out, he rejected you in a romantic way.

 

I know it's so hard to meet single men at our age. But you really need to stop thinking that every guy that is friendly to you or talks to you is somehow giving you a "sign" that you should ask him out.

 

 

Your problem is not "not taking bull by the horns" or "not being a modern woman". It is quite the opposite. You intitate and chase way too much with men that have mediocre to no interest in you.

 

It's just that getting rejected all the time is going to further erode your self-esteem. Even the shyest of guys WILL ask you out if they are interested.

[LoveLace]

I know it's so hard to meet single men at our age. But you really need to stop thinking that every guy that is friendly to you or talks to you is somehow giving you a "sign" that you should ask him out.

 

Sorry, but you do not know what I am thinking.

 

This guy has not given me any "signs" that made me interested in him. I considered asking him out because he is a good and interesting guy. NOT because he DID anything to make me think I should ask him out!! When we chatted a few times on FB that was not any kind of "sign" to me, it only prompted to me to consider him a good prospect. He hasn't DONE ANYTHING to MAKE me think I should ask him out or CHASE him. I'm pretty sure he finds me attractive, but sorry, I don't like guys because of that, I like them because of the kind of person they are. I get approached men all the time, some are attractive and some are not, but either way, I do have standards you know, and it doesn't matter if they like me or not, he could be the hottest guy in the room but if he doesn't meet my other standards, he's off the table. You see, I don't bother to post about the guys I reject on a regular basis, because I reject them and it's over. I can't even begin to tell you how many guys I have shot down just over the last few months...or guys I gave a chance with but ended up disappointed. So despite of what you think, sorry but I do not make a life out of thinking every guy that talks to me wants to go out with me. I have gobs of male friends that I've never had romantic interest in what so ever. I see and talk to men on a daily basis and I'm not so stupid that i think they want to marry me just because they are talking to me...sorry, but your judgement is wrong, that's all I'm saying.

 

My real-life friends who know me 100 times better than anyone here, are the ones constantly telling me that I am not upfront enough. It was THEM who encouraged me to try and be honest with C. They see me when I interact with guys and they are the ones telling me that I appear too scared. I think I'm just going with the flow, but to my friends, that's my cover for being too much of a wussy to just tell guys what I really want. They say I beat around the bush too much, and in the end that is what hurts me. So yes, I do need to be more of a modern woman....jump in and really take some risks, for cryin out lound. I've spent so much time being scared that it's kept me from truly connecting with guys that I like..even when I know they like me too...I don't connect because I get scared. As for why, I guess that's a whole other therapy session there. I don't know why. I just know I need to overcome it and it's not going to happen if I spend time with guys without telling them how I feel. Seriously, if I don't work on these issues I'll never be able to be in a relationship. I always want to hide what I"m really feeling for as long as I can. To avoid connection, to avoid confrontation, to avoid dependence. So if I don't jump in and let myself connect, even if it means being dumped, I'll never get comfortable with the serious stuff.

 

Matter of fact, I got invited by a guy I know to a thing on Friday night. He's hot, he's nice, and I've known him for a long time. And he was totally hitting on me the other night. But you know what? He doesn't have a darn thing going for him. So I don't mind being his friend, but he doens't meet my standards, so that's that. I'm not going Friday because I don't want to give him the wrong idea. He's a wonderful guy but I know that if I date him I'd end up supporting him for the rest of my life. So I don't appreciate being called desperate, thank you.

Edited June 22, 2010 by LoveLace

[SadandConfusedWA]

OK, go ahead then and good luck.

[LoveLace]

OK, go ahead then and good luck.

 

 

It's not even likely to happen because I don't even know when I'll see or talk to him again, the whole idea is more likely to fade away before then. It's only something that I considered, not something I was ready to dive into head first. And since he's my friend, I'm not sure a moment would appear in which it felt "right"...if there is such a thing. It could be months before I talk to him again and if I"m still interested then, I'll say something if the opportunity presents itself, if I feel good about it. His phone number is right at my finger tips but I've used it maybe twice in 10 years, and I'm not ready to use it anytime soon. Mean time I have 2 other guys calling me, so I'm not in a hurry. All I did was say I might like to ask a guy out, then people go and judge me on that based on things that have nothing to do with it. I have a huge pet peeve about people judging things before they really know everything about it, or ignore what they know about it and like to draw their own conclusion. It's not as though I have a real attachment to the guy, he's just someone that I looked at and thought, you know, he is a really good guy, I wonder if it would be weird to ask him out after all these years? And MY conclusion is yes, it would be kind of weird, so it's not a likely thing to happen...end of story.

 

However if I should meet a brand new interesting guy sometime, I just might ask him out. Because I need to be more forward if I want something to move forward. I've been horrible with forwardness in my life, which is why so many times I felt like things weren't going anywhere. As for gender roles, I have one girl friend who calls up guys and asks them out all the time, like it's no big deal, and she has so many dudes in love with her that she can't even keep them straight. It's not because she "chases" them...it's because she doesn't goof around and she gets right to the point. I've always wanted to have that confidence that she has, to just call the guys up like that. And if they ever said no, it barely effected her. I would like to be that way, and I'm getting closer, except it still seems like I'm the rejector 90% more than the rejectee. So I think it's time I took some chances.

[Morals]

It's not even likely to happen because I don't even know when I'll see or talk to him again, the whole idea is more likely to fade away before then. It's only something that I considered, not something I was ready to dive into head first. And since he's my friend, I'm not sure a moment would appear in which it felt "right"...if there is such a thing. It could be months before I talk to him again and if I"m still interested then, I'll say something if the opportunity presents itself, if I feel good about it. His phone number is right at my finger tips but I've used it maybe twice in 10 years, and I'm not ready to use it anytime soon. Mean time I have 2 other guys calling me, so I'm not in a hurry. All I did was say I might like to ask a guy out, then people go and judge me on that based on things that have nothing to do with it. I have a huge pet peeve about people judging things before they really know everything about it, or ignore what they know about it and like to draw their own conclusion. It's not as though I have a real attachment to the guy, he's just someone that I looked at and thought, you know, he is a really good guy, I wonder if it would be weird to ask him out after all these years? And MY conclusion is yes, it would be kind of weird, so it's not a likely thing to happen...end of story.

 

However if I should meet a brand new interesting guy sometime, I just might ask him out. Because I need to be more forward if I want something to move forward. I've been horrible with forwardness in my life, which is why so many times I felt like things weren't going anywhere. As for gender roles, I have one girl friend who calls up guys and asks them out all the time, like it's no big deal, and she has so many dudes in love with her that she can't even keep them straight. It's not because she "chases" them...it's because she doesn't goof around and she gets right to the point. I've always wanted to have that confidence that she has, to just call the guys up like that. And if they ever said no, it barely effected her. I would like to be that way, and I'm getting closer, except it still seems like I'm the rejector 90% more than the rejectee. So I think it's time I took some chances.

 

Good for you!

 

It's refreshing to see gender roles being slowly broken down. I think that it's much easier for girls to ask guys out as well, since most guys are straightforward you know right away what type of situation you are getting into.

[LoveLace]

Good for you!

 

It's refreshing to see gender roles being slowly broken down. I think that it's much easier for girls to ask guys out as well, since most guys are straightforward you know right away what type of situation you are getting into.

 

 

Well, I know this much, chasing someone and asking them out are 2 different things. Asking someone out is getting right to the point, they say yes or no, then it goes from there. Chasing is hanging around someone because you want them to like you, but your not getting to the point about it. That's why it hacks me off to get jumped when all I say is I want to ask a guy out, but no, it can't be that simple, it must really mean I want to "chase" someone, it must mean I'm head over heals in love with him, I'm breaking the rules because I'm supposed to "make" someone get my "hints" and hope it gets them to ask me out, which is a waste of time if you ask me, when all you gotta do is ask them yourself, and if they like you they will yes, and that eliminates a lot of pointless work trying to play traditional girl. If they say no, the same work is eliminated as well. I'm only getting asked out by mostly guys I'm not interested in. So it only makes sense to me to ask out the ones I AM interested in myself. If I spend time "hinting" around, the more afraid I get of being let down, so if I take chance sooner than later, it should be much easier to go right onto the next thing without hesitation, without feeling bad about it.

[LoveLace]

Lol, well my friend and I were chatting again last night, I said I have something to tell you and you might think it's funny...he says okay what...I said I've thought of asking you out...he said really?! Then he says well actually I've thought about that too...I couldn't believe it...I said wow, so what now then....then he asks me do I think we've been friends too long, and if something went wrong we'd still have to see eachother. I said yes I've thought about that, for sure. So he says well that's why I didn't ask you. I say well, you know what that's okay, and we had a chuckle about it... So anyway, I'm glad I said something, and learned something I may have never known if I didn't. I was happy to hear he thought of it, but I'm glad we are leaving it the way it is...

[Kamille]

You know,when I read your first post I thought to myself: YES! Asking a guy out could work for you LL. That way you avoid the months of second guessing and trying to figure out a situation. So I'm glad you went ahead and did it and that it worked for you and has helped you clarify the situation.

 

Personally, I'm a fan of the unsubtle hint. I have found myself saying to a guy : "You should ask me out sometime". Whatever it is, I'm glad you're shaking things up and taking a different approach.

[Ariadne]

It's not even likely to happen

don't even know when I'll see or talk to him

the whole idea is more likely to fade away

not something I was ready to dive into head first

his phone..not ready to use it anytime soon

I'm not in a hurry

would be weird to ask him out..MY conclusion is yes

it's not a likely thing to happen

end of story

 

I have something to tell you.......

you might think it's funny.......

I've thought of asking you out..........

really?! I've thought about that too

I couldn't believe it

I said wow

what now then

if something went wrong we'd still have to see each other...

you know what that's okay

 

Sigh...

 

Sorry about that LL.

 

You know, the day you get a bf I'm actually going to celebrate with Champagne or something.

 

Some recovering of faith in romance, love, and all of that.

[Jilly Bean]

LL - this is what I was trying to spare you from.

 

I can't say it enough - if a guy is interested, he will ask you out.

 

This guy was never interested, had no intention of asking you out, and tried to get out of it gracefully and non-awkwardly by saying he valued your friendship too much.

 

Please hon - for your own sense of pride and humility - you really need to stop trying to turn your disinterested male friends into romantic partners. It is a really bad pattern to continue, me thinks, as all it does is drive away previous good friends.

[Morals]

LL - this is what I was trying to spare you from.

 

I can't say it enough - if a guy is interested, he will ask you out.

 

This guy was never interested, had no intention of asking you out, and tried to get out of it gracefully and non-awkwardly by saying he valued your friendship too much.

 

Please hon - for your own sense of pride and humility - you really need to stop trying to turn your disinterested male friends into romantic partners. It is a really bad pattern to continue, me thinks, as all it does is drive away previous good friends.

 

If a guy is interested but thinks the girl isn't interested because she never makes anything clear, he'll never approach her. OH LOOK, the complete reversal of the situation!! WHAT A SURPRISE.

 

GUYS ARE NOT MIND READERS. WE LOST THE ABILITY TO READ MINDS SOMEWHERE BACK IN THE 12TH CENTURY, SORRY!

 

Then he says well actually I've thought about that too...I couldn't believe it...I said wow, so what now then....then he asks me do I think we've been friends too long, and if something went wrong we'd still have to see eachother

 

Yea the guy so didn't like her...

 

and we had a chuckle about it... So anyway, I'm glad I said something, and learned something I may have never known if I didn't. I was happy to hear he thought of it, but I'm glad we are leaving it the way it is...

 

Yea...sure does sound like she's driving him away...

 

Seriously Jilly, could you be any more jaded towards women who are proactive in the world? The guy felt that they had been friends for too long, maybe they have, maybe they haven't. At least both of them expressed their feelings. There's either 2 roads from here A)They will eventually come to be with each other. or B)Knowing the truth they can both relax now and enjoy each others company without the constant question "Does he like me?" nagging at the back of their head...

[LoveLace]

LL - this is what I was trying to spare you from.

 

I can't say it enough - if a guy is interested, he will ask you out.

 

This guy was never interested, had no intention of asking you out, and tried to get out of it gracefully and non-awkwardly by saying he valued your friendship too much.

 

Please hon - for your own sense of pride and humility - you really need to stop trying to turn your disinterested male friends into romantic partners. It is a really bad pattern to continue, me thinks, as all it does is drive away previous good friends.

 

Pride and humility? Lol. Sorry, but it didn't effect me like that, maybe that would humiliate YOU, but humiliated is the last way I felt. And this was not "trying to turn a friend into a romantic partner"...that's WAY different than hey, I might consider asking this guy out. It didn't matter that I already knew him, if he was a stranger that I met one night, I would have thought the same thing. I don't feel rejected, one bit, by him saying the friendship would be at stake. He was speaking the truth, one I agreed with, one I already considered before he even said it. So sorry, but there's nothing to be "spared" here. If it were HE that asked ME out, I also would have mentioned our friendship just as he did, because naturally that's what friends would do..he didn't say anything I hadn't already thought of.

 

 

Of course then I get off work tonight and have a text message from him, I think he's texted me twice in his whole life, so a couple days after our conversation suddenly he's texting me about what I'm doing tonight...just said him and his roommate are hanging out if I wanted to come by...I don't know what that's all about but I was working so I obviously couldn't go. His roommate is also a good friend, so it'd be nothing weird for the 3 of us to hang out, but it's probably been years since he texted or called me for any reason. I've never even been to his most recent home..anyway said I was at work, then he invited me for a 4th July party this weekend, but I'm going to be moving so of course I had to decline that also. Even without our conversation, it's pretty sudden for him to be including me in stuff, but I'm assuming it's only because we ran into each other recently or something.

 

He is also best buds with my cousin, who is like my big brother. I called and told him what happened because I had mentioned that I kinda liked his friend. Anyway, I told him everything, and he confesses to me that he DID tell my cousin that he thought of asking me out once, but it was a couple years ago. My cousin claims he told him to "go for it", but assumed he chickened out because he never heard anything about it after that. I told him about tonight, and about 4th of July, then he says "you rejected him twice?!"....I said no it's not rejecting, I just can't do what he's asked me. I said why would he ask me out right after that conversation? My cousin theory was he's just trying to find reasons to hang out with me, because now he knows I like him. I don't know if he's right, but I guess it doesn't matter right now because I'm too busy for the next 2 weeks to do anything...