RedCherries Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Sorry if there was a recent post about this, but I can't find it. I broke up with my ex about 5 months ago, we still spoke till about 2 months ago. I don't wish him any ill will and I don't hate him but I certainly don't ever want to get back with him. I know for a fact that he would like to get back with me (mutual friends). Will sending him a card just be mean? It just is kind of painful to think I spent the last 4 years with him, and this will be the first time I don't wish him a happy birthday. But I don't want to get his hopes up, however. I guess I just answered my own question. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 You sure did No, don't send him a card. Won't get you anywhere. I spent the last 2 of my ex's birthdays with him, and yet, he was withholding secrets from me when my birthday rolled around this year. So I don't give a crap about him or his stupid birthday this year. In fact, I hope it's the worst one he's ever had! I guess what I'm trying to say in amongst my own anger is - there's no need. Link to post Share on other sites
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 It's a difficult question because you're the dumper in this case. I know a lot of people will disagree, but I would if I were you. A card would be too much, IMO, so perhaps just a short text? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 I see this question here a lot, and I simply cannot fathom why people are so concerned about birthday wishes after you broke up. I really don't get it, as it's never occurred to me to do such a thing. If they broke up with you, they don't give a crap about your birthday wishes, except maybe as an ego-feed, if they're like that. If you broke up with them, then you're just twisting the knife in the wound. Where is the upside here? Link to post Share on other sites
123BeachFan Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Think of it this way: a birthday is supposed to be a happy day. Where's the joy in getting a card out of the blue from the ex? As a minimum, he'll have pangs of regret. At maximum, he'll spend the remainder of the day depressed because he wants to be back with you and he can't have you. Let him have HIS day without stepping in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 This question comes up about 4 to 5 times a day on this site. Birthdays are the first excuse people use when they are desperate for attention from their ex. If he still wants you and you don't have romantic feelings for him then any form of communication will be painful and confusing for your ex. It will set him back to the horrible feelings of being dumped by you. I hope that is not worth the tiny ego boost you will get out of your happy birthday wish. Any form of contact is like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit and then eating it yourself. Be kind and leave him alone if you don't want him back. Let him keep his dignity at least on his special day. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 NO. I was just dumped by my girlfriend and I wished her a happy birthday in an effort to reconcile. DON'T MISLEAD HIM. Please for mine and his sake, do not send him a text, a card, an email or anything. Just ignore him. It's mean, but trust me wishing him a happy birthday is even meaner. Promise me you won't. I'll feel his heartache if you send it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedCherries Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Thanks for the nice responses and no thanks, really, to the ones who are obviously bitter and feel like they need to take it out on others. My ex and I had a "good" breakup - he knew why I did it and he agrees with me. The reason I would like to wish him well on his birthday is NOT for an ego boost. I don't appreciate the judgment and snarky remarks about needing attention. We shared a great love for a very long time, and the only reason we aren't talking is because I want both of us to grow and become our own people and it's the only right thing to do. Trust me, I do NOT need an ego boost from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedCherries Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 I won't do it though, I guess for his sake. It does seem mean but I guess you're right, it won't help matters. Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
123BeachFan Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Cherry, don't do it unless you really want him to HURT on his birthday. It doesn't matter the rationale you had for breaking up. It could have been 100% the right decision you made to break up, and I'm assuming it was. However, he wants to get back together with you (per your post), and you won't have him (per your post). Therefore, your birthday wishes will TORTURE him. What kind of birthday gift is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedCherries Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Thank you. I promise I won't contact him. It's this Friday. It just makes me sad. But thanks guys, for the input! Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Thank you from him and me. We just saved a heart from breaking. Now I can go back to eating my lunch and feeling depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
123BeachFan Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 It's a bitter reminder, isn't it, that the relationship failed. I completely understand. How about rewarding yourself with a little something on Saturday if you can get through Friday without contacting him? Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 I see this question here a lot, and I simply cannot fathom why people are so concerned about birthday wishes after you broke up. I really don't get it, as it's never occurred to me to do such a thing. If they broke up with you, they don't give a crap about your birthday wishes, except maybe as an ego-feed, if they're like that. If you broke up with them, then you're just twisting the knife in the wound. Where is the upside here? Agreed. Don't do it. As everybody stated, your ex will just be hoping you want to get back together at that point. The ONLY way exes can be true platonic friends is if neither has a desire to get back together. If only one person wants more, it is not gonna go well. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Thanks for the nice responses and no thanks, really, to the ones who are obviously bitter and feel like they need to take it out on others. My ex and I had a "good" breakup - he knew why I did it and he agrees with me. The reason I would like to wish him well on his birthday is NOT for an ego boost. I don't appreciate the judgment and snarky remarks about needing attention. We shared a great love for a very long time, and the only reason we aren't talking is because I want both of us to grow and become our own people and it's the only right thing to do. Trust me, I do NOT need an ego boost from him. I don’t know where you get bitter and snarky from but whatever. Maybe it's because I didn't validate what you know would be the wrong thing to do. However I am wondering what it is you would gain from contacting him on his birthday? The only thing I can think of is either feeling good about yourself because you took pity on your ex and were nice to him on his birthday, which in a way is very self serving, or you get to hear how he’s still pinning for you and you have all the control. Either one would be damaging to him and an ego boost to you. I’m not saying consciously you’re going after that but those are the results. The best most helpful advice I have received on this board were the honest (not always what I wanted to hear at the moment) answers to my questions, not coddling and virtual hugs and someone saying “I know how you feel sweetie” , that’s not helpful and only prolongs the process. I post honest answers here and will always tell you why I think what you are doing is a good or bad idea. I don’t think that’s snarky. Link to post Share on other sites
listen_to_me_please Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 no do not wish him happy birthday. leave the man alone. then again when my ex left me and my birthday came up, i said to myself "she didn't even call" Link to post Share on other sites
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