todd Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 i've been with this girl for quite some time now and i love her dearly yet i have this nagging feeling to up and leave her for reasons that we are not very compatiable. she is quiet and reserved where i am out going and like to hang out with my friends. she likes to sit home and read books or watch t.v. or chat with friends on her computer. i like the bar scene sometimes too and she goes with me but still does not like it much but does it for me. the problem really is not all these issues we don't have in common, it is the pain i feel and the confusion i fee when i think of leaving her. when we get into a fight i can so easily walk away from the relationship or so i think i can then when it comes down to really doing it i hurt so bad that i am paralyzed. i then feel such intense anger at feeling trapped between wanting freedom and wanting her! so i therefore really feel stuck in this situation but not with her but when i want to do something and she doesn't or when we fight, it is not often that we fight but when we do i wonder why i stick around and have my life basically on hold because of her to be with her, then i feel so broken hearted at the thought of leaving her so i stay to make the pain go away and i feel the anger then at feeling stuck or trapped with her because i can't leave because of the pain. i envision us in our evening routine and her sitting there all alone with out me if i left, or really missing sitting there in the chair reading the paper while she reads her book. our life is a routine that i love as well but man sometimes i just want to leave but i love her too much and the pain of leaving is too overwhelming. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 There is another thread on here from a female with the same problem. Maybe you two should get together.....haha! As I posted on that thread.......social compatibility is very important. You need to find a compromise so both of you are happy or it's not a fair situation to either one of you. To some people....going out is part of what makes their life happier. If you are in a relationship with a person who needs and wants an active social life.....there has to be some give and take from both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
SmittenKitten Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 Hi Todd, What do u feel u like about this girl that keeps drawing u back? Is it something about her that possibly u lack? (don't mean that offensively in anyway - just think I've read some where that we sometimes look for partners who have qualities we lack and innately desire)... What is ur communication like when u r togetha and not arguing? Is the friendship pretty good and worth it? Do u guys respect each other's opinions? Is it possible u guys can talk about it and the moment topic becomes heated, agree calmly and gently to discuss it the next day? Like Arabess said, I also think u need to find a balance... It's not necessary that you have to be exactly the same and enjoy all the same things... It's exactly the person that she is that has made you fall in love with her I'm guessing... Appreciate those qualities and still going out with your mates... She can sit home and read a nice book... As long as she's happy also, and u can come to an agreement that makes u happy also... Then hopefully it will be all good! I don't know, for some reason, I get the feeling u shouldn't react cuz of the anger and frustration ur feeling.. Maybe look deeper in to it, and with gentility... U'll find ur way... The important thing tho is once u r ready to sit down and talk gently, be sure that everything is out in the open and finalise the agreement (sounds like a contract - sorry!)... Just be sure it's not a topic u'll b re-hashing every now and again - cuz that may possibly be the detriment to ur relationship (more than the issues currently referred to)... All the best once again, SK Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts