Family falling apart

[newenglandmama]

My brother is in some legal trouble..long story but he was protecting his family and himself. My parents claim to support him but they don't believe his story, are angry and ashamed of him, and are making their feelings and stress take center stage. I feel that in times like this we should be closer and stronger as a family but my parents are taking us in the wrong direction. I have tried initially to listen to both 'sides' vent and be understanding but this weekend I took a 'side'. My father decided because of this situation he did not want to celebrate father's day and announced it Friday. When my brother stopped over to apologize for everything and try to smooth it over he told him 'if I didn't support you I would disown you over this'-- which even using the 'disown' word in my family is a sore spot since my mother's whole family disowned each other and us over the years. When I heard this I called my father and tried to explain to him why he was wrong in using the word even if he didn't mean it (something I didn't think I would ever have to do). I got nowhere. Sunday I went over and we talked and I told him I was disappointed in how our family is dealing with this, what kind of support I would want in that situation, etc. He got more and more stubborn and hornery and told me how angry he was and how if he wasn't supporting him he wouldn't go to court,etc. We did not celebrate Father's Day as usual, my brother didn't feel welcome to attend, my father didn't even eat with us, and not much was said after our talk.

I have always been a Daddy's girl, looked up to my dad, respected and admired him. Seeing how is behaving in this situation has made me lose respect for him immensely. I understand his feelings about this, but in the end, family is there for family and parent's love is unconditional or so I thought. I expect him to lead our family in supporting my brother and in strengthening in time of crisis and he is leading us in the opposite direction. At this point, I have decided not to talk about it again with him unless he brings it up and even then to keep my responses minimal. I know he has been deep in thought and I just hope he will come to the right conclusions and make this right somehow-- he knows by know where I stand and what my opinion is so there is no point in repeating it over and over. I am brokenhearted about this and feel bad for everyone involved. I told my brother that me and my husband believe in him and support him 100 percent, I know it meant the world to him...I just wish it had come from my father.

I am worried about the future of our family, my brother's legal battle, and my father's health in all of this. I don't know what to do about it. I hope that we will pull together and recover from this but right now I know my brother is really hurt and my father is really angry. I am about to have my second child in a month and my father's 60th birthday shortly after...I feel like crying all the time right now-- this is just awful! Any advice would be appreciated.

[turnera]

My advice...remember that dads are just human, too. Each one of us has dreams, desires, likes, dislikes, prejudices, open- and close-mindedness, and feelings. If you want your dad to do what you want, figure out what he is thinking.