fit Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 So heres the deal guys...I have a relative who is gay. They are having a "civil union" ceremony. My whole family is going---despite whatever feeling they may or may not have on the whole gay thing. My wife is a born again christian and she refuses to go. I tried talking to her but she just "doesnt believe in it" ---this is going to cause a lot of tension between her and my family. What do you guys think ? I think she should go as it doesnt mean she is a gay supporter or anything---it just means shes supporting the family. Thoughts ? Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 No. Leave it be .. You don't want these kind of things to cause problems in your marriage.. These gay unions are not of God.. Your wife knows that attending such a "ceremony" may be that of approving/endorsing it .. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Don't lie for her, don't defend her, don't explain for her. Just attend if you want to go. You can't change your wife's religious beliefs anymore than you can change your relative's orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Don't lie for her, don't defend her, don't explain for her. Just attend if you want to go. You can't change your wife's religious beliefs anymore than you can change your relative's orientation. I agree with this. And, if you were to force her to go, somehow, she'd be there with a big ole sourpuss on her face anyway. Or she might say something offensive to the couple or family. Better to keep her away if she's got nothing nice to say instead of ruining their day with someone who does not want to be there, and who might feel the need to express that out loud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fit Posted June 22, 2010 Author Share Posted June 22, 2010 Well...I guess I just dont agree and it just strikes me as wrong. Im of the mindset that many people are born gay and they should be treated with love and respect. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Her refusal to attend won't have any effect beyond exposing her as an ignorant bigot. If that is the image she wants to project, fine. Go without her. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Well...I guess I just dont agree and it just strikes me as wrong. Im of the mindset that many people are born gay and they should be treated with love and respect. ---------------- I do not believe they are born homosexual .. but that is beside the point. Attending a wedding is showing endorsement and celebration.. Do not force this on your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Tell her to stop being such a bigot and get over herself. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Don't listen to them Fit .. Your marriage is more important.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fit Posted June 22, 2010 Author Share Posted June 22, 2010 Well I understand both points, I guess. So let me ask you people who feel it would be wrong for her to go as it "celebrates" gayness or whatever...what if you had a gay son or daughter ? Do you disown them ? Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 For once, I agree with Woggle! Isn't it difficult to be married to a homophobic, bigoted person when you have a relative who is gay? I'm sure you are okay with it, since you're married and all. For me it would be a deal breaker. Califnan says that your marriage is more important than principles; if your Christian wife felt this way she would act upon it and not make such a divisive gesture towards you and your family. Tell her it's not very Christ-like behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Well...I guess I just dont agree and it just strikes me as wrong. Im of the mindset that many people are born gay and they should be treated with love and respect. That's something you have to take up with your wife. You two clearly have a fundamental disagreement, and a serious one since this person who is gay is a member of your family. But forcing her to go to this wedding will not make her change her viewpoint, and will not make her actually treat your family member with love and respect. Do not inflict her on your family if she does not want to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Well I understand both points, I guess. So let me ask you people who feel it would be wrong for her to go as it "celebrates" gayness or whatever...what if you had a gay son or daughter ? Do you disown them ? ---------------- I raised my sons to be right. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Don't listen to them Fit .. Your marriage is more important.. Oh for Pete's sake, his marriage is not in danger here. That isn't the issue at all. The issue is that his wife is disrepsecting the feelings of real, living, human beings to please her imaginary Friend in the Sky. Of course that is causing tensions. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Jesus was not a hater, nor did he teach or champion hate. Califnan, I'm happy for you that your sons did not turn out to be gay; I'm especially happy for them, as their lives would probably have been a Hell on Earth if they could never be accepted for who they were. It does not, however, have a thing to do with how you raised them. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Even if the marriage were in danger maybe it is not so great to be married to a bigot. I have a gay uncle who I am very close to and if my wife ever made me choose the choice would be clear. Luckily she gets along great with him but if she didn't I will always stand by him. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 What is wrong with leaving that woman Alone! A Christian woman in a marriage where the two are not equally yoked, has enough problems.. Assuming the marriage is good in other aspects .. Don't rock the boat .. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Tell her you want her to attent for the sake of peace and peace it t that. Let it be known you don't support her decision to not attend and she cn defend herself to your family if she sees fit. You are just as entitled to your opinion as she is. And you don't have to tip toe around someone that can't let go of their bigotry for one day for the sake of family. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Even if the marriage were in danger maybe it is not so great to be married to a bigot. I have a gay uncle who I am very close to and if my wife ever made me choose the choice would be clear. Luckily she gets along great with him but if she didn't I will always stand by him. ------------------- Why would she ever make you choose.. Even if you wanted to go to his marriage and a wife didn't .... That Should Not Be a Dealbreaker! Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Tell her you want her to attent for the sake of peace and peace it t that. Let it be known you don't support her decision to not attend and she cn defend herself to your family if she sees fit. You are just as entitled to your opinion as she is. And you don't have to tip toe around someone that can't let go of their bigotry for one day for the sake of family. ------------------ Assuming Fit is an adult ... there is no reason why he can't attend just this on event - by himself. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 I'd go without my spouse. I wouldn't attempt to force them to go somewhere they don't want to be. Also, I wouldn't make excuses for them; I'd be honest about them having issues with gay relationships (if asked--I wouldn't just announce that, lol). But, yeah, it would be troubling to me if my spouse did not accept a relative's loving partnership simply because it is same-sex. That's one of the big compatibility issues I've always looked for in a mate, because I have gay loved ones. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Maybe the two who are joining a union in celebration are the ones who are wrong.. Challenging this woman for the sake of supposedly saving face with the family - is ridiculous.. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 I'd go without my spouse. I wouldn't attempt to force them to go somewhere they don't want to be. . ------------------ agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 That's something you have to take up with your wife. You two clearly have a fundamental disagreement, and a serious one since this person who is gay is a member of your family. But forcing her to go to this wedding will not make her change her viewpoint, and will not make her actually treat your family member with love and respect. Do not inflict her on your family if she does not want to be there. I agree. Don't turn a joyous occasion into a part of your marriage battlefield. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Tell her to stop being such a bigot and get over herself. Exactly! People like the OP's wife (and califan ) disgust and sadden me. Link to post Share on other sites
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