califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Once again: Leave your wife alone.. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Well I understand both points, I guess. So let me ask you people who feel it would be wrong for her to go as it "celebrates" gayness or whatever...what if you had a gay son or daughter ? Do you disown them ? Regardless of whether your wife attends this ceremony, this is a good question to ask your wife. Make it clear that you will support your child, should the issue arise. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Once again: Leave your wife alone.. You have no need to repeat yourself. You have given your advice, as you are entitled to, and everyone else is doing the same. I'm sure the OP will consider all advice given. I may not agree with califnan but I don't think it's right for people to get personal with her views. That won't help the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 You have no need to repeat yourself. You have given your advice, as you are entitled to, and everyone else is doing the same. I'm sure the OP will consider all advice given. . ---------------- To the best of my knowledge I am in the minority on here - who knows where his wife is coming from. With the comments, I think it is necessary to be repetitious in favor of his wife.. And that I don't think it should be a deal breaker for the marriage.. Also, I don't believe LS discriminates according to a poster's views in this manner. In other words: You're not a moderator - so ease off in directing traffic. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 It is because her selfish behavior will cause tension between people for many years to come. Her bigotry is more important to her than the family of her husband. She has put fit into a very unfomfortable situation here. If he pushes her to go, there will be a lot of tension between husband and wife. If she does not go, there's tension between his family and her. I hope she's a great wife in other ways. However she is born again, and a rather recent one at that if I am following the original post. She has scriptural back up to leave if her spouse does not follow her into the faith. Is the OP ready to leave for politics, family and outsiders? the believer has been prepared by her church for that possibility because of a new found faith? The question becomes which family is more important, the extended family you see on Thanksgiving and maybe birthdays or the family you share a bed with? Link to post Share on other sites
silverfish Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 If I was getting married or had an important life occasion such as this (or another eg Baptism, Bar Mitvah, Summer Solstice I would not wish anyone to attend who was unsupportive of my celebrations on a very special day. It seems best all round in this situation that the OP attends with his / her kids and the rest of the family and deals with the seperate incompatibility issue in MC. My BF at little school was a Jehavahs Witness but I still gave her Christmas presents and she accepted and reciprocated with her parent's approval in the interests of friendship. Not that hard to find a way through without compromsing your beliefs really Link to post Share on other sites
impz Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 If I was getting married or had an important life occasion such as this (or another eg Baptism, Bar Mitvah, Summer Solstice I would not wish anyone to attend who was unsupportive of my celebrations on a very special day. It seems best all round in this situation that the OP attends with his / her kids and the rest of the family and deals with the seperate incompatibility issue in MC. My BF at little school was a Jehavahs Witness but I still gave her Christmas presents and she accepted and reciprocated with her parent's approval in the interests of friendship. Not that hard to find a way through without compromsing your beliefs really I think that's exactly right. I personally think that if your wife already has a strong belief in religion (Christianity for this instance) and is extremely uncomfortable with this civil religion, don't force her to it. I don't see why TS can't go alone anyway. Why are so many people accusing her of bigotry and all? It's her viewpoint, and there's no right/wrong answer here. All of you are just as bad as her by forcing a viewpoint down another person's throat. Anyway, I am also of the minority in loveshack because of my social conservative background. I do not think it is nice for her to avoid the marriage though, but I think it's better for her to avoid it if she is to make a joyous occasion sour. These fundamental beliefs need to be discussed in a deeper detail by the TS and his wife, because religion beliefs can cause a rift. I think that religion and such beliefs are not that easily resolved, as you can already tell from the holier-than-thou behavior from some of the posters here. I wish you luck, TS. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Why are so many people accusing her of bigotry and all? It's her viewpoint, and there's no right/wrong answer here. Because she's a BIGOT, that's why! What is this babble about how just because it is her "viewpoint," that makes it okay? I'm sorry, but not every idea is a good idea. Not every viewpoint is a valid viewpoint. Some ideas are BAD. Some viewpoints are BIGOTED. Why is this hard to understand? Link to post Share on other sites
impz Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Because she's a BIGOT, that's why! What is this babble about how just because it is her "viewpoint," that makes it okay? I'm sorry, but not every idea is a good idea. Not every viewpoint is a valid viewpoint. Some ideas are BAD. Some viewpoints are BIGOTED. Why is this hard to understand? I just feel since she is against it, why should she be forced to go to a place that she will be unhappy. Isn't a civil union supposed to be an invitation? Bigot - A bigot is a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices. The correct use of the term requires the elements of intolerance, irrationality, and animosity toward those of differing beliefs. She never forces down her view on TS. She didn't tell TS NOT to go. She's simply saying she doesn't want to. That's not bigotry. That's just having her own viewpoint. Being a strong believer of religion =/= being a bigot as long as she doesn't force her religion views down anyone's throat. Well, unless I misinterpret and that she is telling TS not to go as well because she will hate him for his inaccurate views. Then yes, it is bigotry. I will agree with you then, and say she's a #@%@#%@#%# Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 So heres the deal guys...I have a relative who is gay. They are having a "civil union" ceremony. My whole family is going---despite whatever feeling they may or may not have on the whole gay thing. My wife is a born again christian and she refuses to go. I tried talking to her but she just "doesnt believe in it" ---this is going to cause a lot of tension between her and my family. What do you guys think ? I think she should go as it doesnt mean she is a gay supporter or anything---it just means shes supporting the family. Thoughts ? She doesn't have to voice her opinion/thoughts to ANYONE in the family. She can be 'sick' and not go. Problem solved. Noone should know the real reason why she isn't going, that's only going to cause problems and fighting at some point. Sadly, if she can't handle it or feels it's wrong for gays to marry, that's her belief right now due to being born again... Obviously she feels strongly about it and forcing her to go probably will cause more problems too. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 She never forces down her view on TS. She didn't tell TS NOT to go. She's simply saying she doesn't want to. That's not bigotry. That's just having her own viewpoint. Being a strong believer of religion =/= being a bigot as long as she doesn't force her religion views down anyone's throat. She is forcing the issue, albeit in a decidedly passive-aggressive manner. She knows her refusal to attend will come accross as a snub. She knows she is being insulting and disrespectful to everyone involved in this wedding. She knows she has put her husband in a terribly awkward position. But does she care about any of the harm she is causing to real human beings? Nope. All she cares about is about what she thinks her God wants. And in order to please Him, she is putting everyone else out. That IS ramming her religious nonsense down everyone's throat. I'm sorry, but you don't get a free pass to act like a jerk just because you say, "it's against my religion." Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Why are so many people accusing her of bigotry and all? It's her viewpoint, and there's no right/wrong answer here. Replace "gay" with "black" or "Muslim" and maybe it will be more clear to you where the bigotry comes in and how there may be a right and wrong answer. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Well...I guess I just dont agree and it just strikes me as wrong. Im of the mindset that many people are born gay and they should be treated with love and respect. People fall inlove and it shouldn't matter if it's man/man, woman/man, woman/woman. Whether they're born gay or choose to be, or just happen to fall inlove with the 'person' reguardless if it's a guy or a gal, they deserve love and support. Unfortunately there are many in this world who disagree and also change their opinions along the way due to religious influences (your wife and being a born again).. Was she like this before? Did she have a strong opinion of this in the past? Well I understand both points, I guess. So let me ask you people who feel it would be wrong for her to go as it "celebrates" gayness or whatever...what if you had a gay son or daughter ? Do you disown them ? I would hope your wife would love your child, gay or straight. She doesn't have to like it but she damn well has to accept it, and be supportive. This is something you two NEED to discuss.. This isn't about your wife now, it's about others. If your wife feels strongly against gays and lesbians marrying then taking her to a wedding IS going to cause problems. Isn't it easier to white lie and say she was sick? Or does everyone know her views on this? I guess it all depends. To be honest if I were a lesbian and getting married, someone from my family had a big problem with me being gay, I would NOT want them at my wedding. Why invite someone who doesn't believe in you? Link to post Share on other sites
redmelon Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 If she is refusing to go because of her beliefs, then she shouldn't be ashamed for the family to know why she isn't attending. The OP shouldn't have to lie to his family to cover for his wife's ignorance. He should send back the rsvp card with a one person reply and then attach a note that says "wifey don't like the gays" If I refused to go to every wedding that I didn't agree with, I would have saved a lot of money over the years...Oh yea, aren't Christians supposed to be selfless and accepting? Ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 He should send back the rsvp card with a one person reply and then attach a note that says "wifey don't like the gays" That will cause problems and hurt feelings that doesn't need to happen during the couples celebration. Link to post Share on other sites
impz Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) She is forcing the issue, albeit in a decidedly passive-aggressive manner. She knows her refusal to attend will come accross as a snub. She knows she is being insulting and disrespectful to everyone involved in this wedding. She knows she has put her husband in a terribly awkward position. But does she care about any of the harm she is causing to real human beings? Nope. All she cares about is about what she thinks her God wants. And in order to please Him, she is putting everyone else out. That IS ramming her religious nonsense down everyone's throat. I'm sorry, but you don't get a free pass to act like a jerk just because you say, "it's against my religion." Perhaps, I just don't see it that way, I guess since I am in a religious environment (I don't believe in her BS btw), I am more tolerant of people who believe in a higher being. Plus, I don't see her really hurting anyone as you said since she is not forcing down her views by asking others to be on her side and be against these people. Different people see it differently, I guess :D For Nora, she didn't say that TS should show animosity against the gay couple (or replace this with whatever). I am not saying she's absolutely right to do that, it's socially mean and it's quite a turnoff. However, she didn't tell TS to shove it and not go too. That is why I don't think she's a bigot. I also don't think it's wrong. I think it is wrong though to judge someone, plus if she is a newly born again christian, she is still struggling with her value propositions. Give her some time and she will adjust and be a true christian who is loving, more tolerant with others and yet not compromising on her belief. Edited June 22, 2010 by impz Link to post Share on other sites
redmelon Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Jesus Christ, I was kidding about writing the note! Thought it was obvious, my apologies. Honestly, if I were the OP, I would be embarrassed and feel like everyone would think that my wife is an ignorant hillbilly. Also, isn't it wrong in her eyes to lie to the family about why she isn't there? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Jesus Christ, I was kidding about writing the note! Thought it was obvious, my apologies. Honestly, if I were the OP, I would be embarrassed and feel like everyone would think that my wife is an ignorant hillbilly. Also, isn't it wrong in her eyes to lie to the family about why she isn't there? Sorry, abit of PMS here, I thought you were serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Secure Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 She is forcing the issue, albeit in a decidedly passive-aggressive manner. She knows her refusal to attend will come accross as a snub. She knows she is being insulting and disrespectful to everyone involved in this wedding. She knows she has put her husband in a terribly awkward position. But does she care about any of the harm she is causing to real human beings? Nope. All she cares about is about what she thinks her God wants. And in order to please Him, she is putting everyone else out. That IS ramming her religious nonsense down everyone's throat. I'm sorry, but you don't get a free pass to act like a jerk just because you say, "it's against my religion." She has her opinion, so what if she stays home. With or without her, there will be a wedding. I would find it more disrespectful and insulting if she attended the wedding for reasons other than her support and joy for the couple. Most parents teach their children to stand up for what they believe and not follow the crowd. I do commend her for standing up for what she believes to be right, whether others agree or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 She doesn't have to voice her opinion/thoughts to ANYONE in the family. She can be 'sick' and not go. Problem solved. Noone should know the real reason why she isn't going, that's only going to cause problems and fighting at some point. Sadly, if she can't handle it or feels it's wrong for gays to marry, that's her belief right now due to being born again... Obviously she feels strongly about it and forcing her to go probably will cause more problems too. This is great advice. I absolutely do not share your W's views, but still I'd find it unfair to pressure her into attending this wedding. What is important is that she has no problems with *you* going and does not try to force her views on you. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 No. Leave it be .. You don't want these kind of things to cause problems in your marriage.. These gay unions are not of God.. Your wife knows that attending such a "ceremony" may be that of approving/endorsing it .. And thats why I don't go to church. Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Great. So will your wife also boycott weddings if the bride and/or groom are fat? The bible is a whole helluva lot rougher on gluttons than on gays. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Oooo, good point! I think, as regards those who are doing nothing to hurt anyone, the OP's wife should leave the judging to Him. ------------------- She's not a vegetable - she has a mind with Knowledge in it ... Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Great. So will your wife also boycott weddings if the bride and/or groom are fat? The bible is a whole helluva lot rougher on gluttons than on gays. ---------------------- Leave it to LS posters to twist (wring) things til they make no sense - and Only for the sake of argument. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 She doesn't have to voice her opinion/thoughts to ANYONE in the family. She can be 'sick' and not go. Problem solved. Situationally, I like this advice. On short notice, this diffuses tension and preserves the focus on the celebrating couple, where it should be. Long term, the OP and his wife should come to an 'understanding' of such matters, to maintain/build compatibility and health in their M. Both should 'bend'. Hope it works out Link to post Share on other sites
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