Born again spouse wont attend gay wedding...should I care ?

[redmelon]

If I was harsh it's because it's difficult to have respect for someone who determines their moral stance based on a religion and what that religion mandates for its followers.

 

Love is love, and who people decide to share their heart and genitals with has nothing to do with God, in my opinion. I think it shows a weak mind, and I guess I pounced on that, because I think it's pathetic to make your judgements about people in this way.

 

If she doesn't agree with gay lifestyles, whatever, but don't blame it on God or Jesus. That just seems like, "sorry, I can't go to the wedding, it's what God wants" and that makes me want to vomit. Individuals need to take responsibility for their own ignorance and fear, not blame it on an intangible force.

 

As for the OP, I think he should go alone, and do what another poster advised, just say "she decided not to come, but I am so thrilled to be here and share in this wonderful day" Make her insignificant in the situation, because ultimately, she is, it's not about her in the slightest.

[bayouboi]

If I was harsh it's because it's difficult to have respect for someone who determines their moral stance based on a religion and what that religion mandates for its followers.

 

Love is love, and who people decide to share their heart and genitals with has nothing to do with God, in my opinion. I think it shows a weak mind, and I guess I pounced on that, because I think it's pathetic to make your judgements about people in this way.

 

If she doesn't agree with gay lifestyles, whatever, but don't blame it on God or Jesus. That just seems like, "sorry, I can't go to the wedding, it's what God wants" and that makes me want to vomit. Individuals need to take responsibility for their own ignorance and fear, not blame it on an intangible force.

 

I bolded the only important parts of your post. Your opinion is just that. You find it hard to respect someone who claims religion for the foundation of their decisions while I find it hard to respect someone who demands that everyone share their views and opinions or be labeled ignorant or bigoted.

[george44]

The next time my wife asks me to go to a wedding for a straight couple I'm going to tell her that I don't want to go because I don't believe in marriage.

[califnan]

I bolded the only important parts of your post. Your opinion is just that. You find it hard to respect someone who claims religion for the foundation of their decisions while I find it hard to respect someone who demands that everyone share their views and opinions or be labeled ignorant or bigoted.

 

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I know. What is so hard about each marriage partner respecting the other's opinions/priorities?

 

And then it gets into name calling because the wife doesn't wish to attend.

[Jilly Bean]

OP - I assume your family knows your wife's religion?

 

If so, attend alone, and explain her religious beliefs prevented her attendance.

[bayouboi]

I seriously doubt even you walk around with a vacant stare while the world and all its inhabitants whirl around you doing what they do. I'm betting you judge plenty just like everyone else.

 

Even if I do, it wouldn't make it right.

[califnan]

You mean like woose?

 

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some of my finest work ..

 

Marriage isn't just so someone will have another on their arm at events. OP and others should know there can be exceptions..

[taiko]

Obesity may be a symptom of one form of gluttony, but not always. You don't know the someone is breaking Biblical codes as you interpret them by looking at someone. You may suspect but you don't know. In the same sex couple case they are proclaiming, by holding a public ceremony, that they are breaking Biblical codes as the OP's wife understands them.

[redmelon]

I bolded the only important parts of your post. Your opinion is just that. You find it hard to respect someone who claims religion for the foundation of their decisions while I find it hard to respect someone who demands that everyone share their views and opinions or be labeled ignorant or bigoted.

 

No s*** my opinion is mine. This forum and this post exist for the sharing of opinions, so I did. Where did I "demand" that everyone share my views and opinions? I merely shared that I have respect for those that contemplate their beliefs, rather than choke down someone else's notion of what God wants. I also do not require your respect, nor does the OP's wife require mine.

[taiko]

But you understand that that poster was talking about. Gluttony where food is concerned and sloth in not exercising WILL cause someone to gain weight. No doubt.

 

And I'm willing to bet the woman would attend the wedding of THOSE people. THAT is the point.

 

But are those people actively saying God is wrong? Or if you believe it is a sin did they, in many cases, try a crash diet and exercise program to correct their ways?

[redmelon]

I hope the OP's wife never goes to an art gallery where a gay artist has submitted works, or a play where there are homosexual overtones, or a salon where there is a gay hairstylist, or a restaurant where a gay waiter/waitress serves her, or flip the channel accidentally to Will & Grace...because that would be supporting gay lifestyles in "God's eyes" right?

[taiko]

I hope the OP's wife never goes to an art gallery where a gay artist has submitted works, or a play where there are homosexual overtones, or a salon where there is a gay hairstylist, or a restaurant where a gay waiter/waitress serves her, or flip the channel accidentally to Will Grace because that would be supporting gay lifestyles in ;God's eyes right?

 

It depends, some do and only read or watch certain things or look for like believers on the title page. In other cases their Bishop might be a man who left his wife to live with his boyfriend.

[Corporate]

To the original poster, was there a bachelor party? Were you invited?

[redmelon]

I actually think that is some pretty damn good advice, my personal disdain aside.

[Enema]

While I don't agree with her view at all, I think your wife has every right to be absent.

 

I have not gone to any of my nieces/nephews christenings for the same reason - I'm an atheist and I won't want the impressionable kids to think I support the cult their parents are into.

[califnan]

While I don't agree with her view at all, I think your wife has every right to be absent.

 

I have not gone to any of my nieces/nephews christenings for the same reason - I'm an atheist and I won't want the impressionable kids to think I support the cult their parents are into.

 

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That's funny ..

 

Goes to show, to each their own - including the OP's wife..

[aerogurl87]

Don't force her to go, if she wants to stay home let her. But tell her you'll be attending with or without her. Just because you have different mindsets doesn't mean you can't respect those differences within your marriage.

 

On the subject as to whether or not people are born gay, I believe they are. Some may have some external forces that push them to become that way later on, but I'm pretty sure some people are born gay like some people are born straight.

[Shakz]

Please remember that to have a successful marriage, each spouse needs to learn what really is and is not a "deal breaker," and how to still support their spouse emotionally even when they might disagree with their spouse on some ideological issue.

 

So in this case, you would want to be able to find a way to have a conversation with your wife in which you can explain that you disagree with her religious opposition to gay civil unions, but still love her; also explain that you feel a bond towards your relatives and for that reason feel compelled to attend their ceremony; but by doing so you do not disrespect your wife's religious beliefs nor her right to hold them; and that you also understand that her refusal to attend is not to gratuitously hurt your relatives' feelings, but from her perspective, a matter of adherence to basic principle. Therefore, while you do not wish to "force" her to go with you, you still would like her to do so, but understand if she does not. But in turn, you will hope she also understands why you must attend without her.

 

If the question comes up at the ceremony and you feel a need to actually explain your wife's non-attendance, you have to find a way to express similar thoughts in as diplomatic way as possible to your family members, without denigrating or undermining your wife.

 

The bottom line is that while your family has the right to their beliefs, so does your wife.

 

I resent the fact that you would attempt to introduce reason and common sense into this otherwise happy discourse and therefore I shan't be attending your wedding.

[bayouboi]

I hope the OP's wife never goes to an art gallery where a gay artist has submitted works, or a play where there are homosexual overtones, or a salon where there is a gay hairstylist, or a restaurant where a gay waiter/waitress serves her, or flip the channel accidentally to Will & Grace...because that would be supporting gay lifestyles in "God's eyes" right?

 

I find this to be an absurd comparison unless you make the following distinctions. If the art gallery or play depicts a bunch of homosexual acts, then it's a fair comparison. If the salon or restaurant is serving up gay haircuts? or gay food? then it's a fair comparison. In other words, the union ceremony is all about the homosexual relationship & its celebration, whereas in your comparisons the exhibitions just so happen to have homosexuals involved in the productions. Big difference that I would think so-called "enlightened" individuals could realize.

[Shakz]

I find this to be an absurd comparison unless you make the following distinctions. If the art gallery or play depicts a bunch of homosexual acts, then it's a fair comparison. If the salon or restaurant is serving up gay haircuts? or gay food? then it's a fair comparison. In other words, the union ceremony is all about the homosexual relationship & its celebration, whereas in your comparisons the exhibitions just so happen to have homosexuals involved in the productions. Big difference that I would think so-called "enlightened" individuals could realize.

 

I know, and besides, "gay hair stylist?" What planet does this guy live on?

[xxoo]

I find this to be an absurd comparison unless you make the following distinctions. If the art gallery or play depicts a bunch of homosexual acts, then it's a fair comparison. If the salon or restaurant is serving up gay haircuts? or gay food? then it's a fair comparison. In other words, the union ceremony is all about the homosexual relationship & its celebration, whereas in your comparisons the exhibitions just so happen to have homosexuals involved in the productions. Big difference that I would think so-called "enlightened" individuals could realize.

 

The union ceremony is all about love and family and committment, and just so happens to be a homosexual relationship

[taiko]

The person who drinks too much, over eats, refuses to work etc and who tries to change his ways if just temporary to show off for a cermony/party as most do to fit in the perfect dress and look what the society considers better is treated differently then someone who in effect doubles down on his sin. Someone who struggles is treated differently then somone who gives in that is simple how people react be they religious or not.

[reservoirdog1]

OP, I don't think you should badger her into going.

 

However, this is a family event, where a lot of people would presumably expect her to be there. They'll probably be wondering why she isn't.

 

So, you should tell her that, if she's not going to go, you want her to provide you with an explanation in advance that you can give to people when they ask. Something that's not going to worsen the uncomfortable situation she's already created with her viewpoint.

[bayouboi]

The union ceremony is all about love and family and committment, and just so happens to be a homosexual relationship

 

I fail to understand how your personal distinction alters the purpose of my analogy, or did you just want to add your perspective?

[JamesM]

What do you guys think ? I think she should go as it doesnt mean she is a gay supporter or anything---it just means shes supporting the family. Thoughts ?

 

This is NOT a discussion about her God. This is not a discussion about whether God exists. This is NOT a discussion about whether homosexuality is "right" or "wrong." This is not a discussion about whether homosexuality is genetic of a result of environment. And this certainly is not about such a decision being "homophobic" (which is a poorly defined term, I might add. A different opinion in no way indicates hatred or fear.)

 

As one who believes that God is more than "an imaginary Friend in the Sky" and as one who has heard no evidence or read of no evidence (besides continual repetition of media and public opinion) that supports the notion that homosexuality is genetic, I understand your wife's POV. As one who has gay/lesbian cousins, I can understand her dilemma.

 

At an earlier point in my life, I would have agreed with her and stayed home. Now I would view it differently.

 

IMO it would all depend on how close I felt to this person being united with his/her partner. It would be looked at by me as I do when relatives get married. How close do I feel to them? Why will I attend the ceremony? Am I going because of family pressure or because I truly feel a part of their lives?

 

Since I have paid for a wedding, I sympathize with the individuals and would not want to waste money simply for appearance.

 

I have a gay cousin and a lesbian cousin. In one case, I would attend simply because she is one of my favorite cousins. In the other case, I probably would not attend because I feel no closeness to him. (Having said that, I may attend for my aunt's sake).

 

In either case, I would not attend because I am endorsing anything. I have attended numerous weddings that I felt would end in divorce. To me this is a mockery of the wedding ceremony. Yet I attended for various reasons. (And yes, many did end in divorce.)

 

The question is...would my cousins want me there knowing my thoughts and opinions? Would they understand that I am attending out of friendship and love to them? As I have attended weddings that I disapproved of yet attended due to familial and friendly support, I think I would do so in this case. Would they look at it this way?

 

So, IMO this should not be about beliefs completely, and it should not be about pleasing the family. The reason that the family IMO is pressuring everyone to attend is to show a unified front in acceptance. And that is where I think is the issue. In her mind she does not accept this ceremony (which is not a wedding) and cannot show support.

 

Truthfully, she needs to make the decision and go with it. As someone who understands her POV, I might make a different decision.

 

If the roles were reversed and in her family, a gay cousin was having this ceremony and her family was NOT attending due to their beliefs, would YOU go in defiance of the family's wishes?

 

Consider this in the same category.