White Dove Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Great. So will your wife also boycott weddings if the bride and/or groom are fat? The bible is a whole helluva lot rougher on gluttons than on gays. This makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 However she is born again, and a rather recent one at that if I am following the original post. She has scriptural back up to leave if her spouse does not follow her into the faith. Is the OP ready to leave for politics, family and outsiders? the believer has been prepared by her church for that possibility because of a new found faith? The question becomes which family is more important, the extended family you see on Thanksgiving and maybe birthdays or the family you share a bed with? ----------------------- An excellent post. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 It absoluetly stinks that she's making him choose between herself and his family. ---------------------- Another example of twisting the truth .. She is not "making him choose between herself and his family" .. She is merely obstaining from her own attendance at the family "celebration" .. He is such a woose, that he cannot attend a family gathering without grabbing her elbow? Link to post Share on other sites
White Dove Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 It's nicer to attend a wedding with your partner, I think that's what fit prefers. Link to post Share on other sites
Shakz Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 ---------------------- Another example of twisting the truth .. She is not "making him choose between herself and his family" .. She is merely obstaining from her own attendance at the family "celebration" .. He is such a woose, that he cannot attend a family gathering without grabbing her elbow? Califnan, from your own conservative Christian perspective, what do you suppose is at the heart of her refusal to attend? I would think that if you subscribe to a tradition that recognizes marriage between a man and a woman only, then this would not be a wedding at all, so why is attending so objectionable? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 It's how the OP *reacts* here that defines the dynamic, IMO. He can choose to accept his W's declining of this gracious invitation as a conflict or as a choice she is freely given to make. He's in charge of his *feelings* about this. OP, do you see how you can *choose* to make this a positive dynamic for yourself? Can you envision seeing it differently than the tone of your OP indicates right now? Your W ain't goin'. You're free to, and to enjoy yourself thoroughly. I hope you do and hope she supports you in that. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Califnan, from your own conservative Christian perspective, what do you suppose is at the heart of her refusal to attend? I would think that if you subscribe to a tradition that recognizes marriage between a man and a woman only, then this would not be a wedding at all, so why is attending so objectionable? --------------------- It's a gathering that recognizes the two as a union. The important thing here is that the wife does not wish to attend, therefore should not be made to feel as if she must. Link to post Share on other sites
Shakz Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 --------------------- It's a gathering that recognizes the two as a union. The important thing here is that the wife does not wish to attend, therefore should not be made to feel as if she must. So are you saying that her objection is to the recognition of the union rather than the union itself? Or does she object to both in equal measure? Would she feel that by attending she would be giving tacit approval to what she believes to be sin and in so doing be commiting sin of her own? In this sense I can understand her desire not to attend, but then wouldn't she be obliged to object to her husband's attendance as well? In as much as she would be allowing him to commit a sin without making an attempt to prevent it? Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 I highly doubt that she is the only family member of friend who's not attending this gay wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 So are you saying that her objection is to the recognition of the union rather than the union itself? Or does she object to both in equal measure? Would she feel that by attending she would be giving tacit approval to what she believes to be sin and in so doing be commiting sin of her own? In this sense I can understand her desire not to attend, but then wouldn't she be obliged to object to her husband's attendance as well? In as much as she would be allowing him to commit a sin without making an attempt to prevent it? --------------------- Yes she probably feels that her attendance would be that of endorsement or approval.. The husband is supposed to be head of the household. But as a Christian woman she probably feels she is responsible for her own acts while not hindering her nonbeliever husband from joining a family gathering.. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 --------------------- Yes she probably feels that her attendance would be that of endorsement or approval.. The husband is supposed to be head of the household. But as a Christian woman she probably feels she is responsible for her own acts while not hindering her nonbeliever husband from joining a family gathering.. --------------------- Sorry edit .. Head of household should be Christ - then the husband, then the wife.. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Honestly, if I were the OP, I would be embarrassed and feel like everyone would think that my wife is an ignorant hillbilly "ignorant hillbilly"! WTH?! Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 --------------------- Yes she probably feels that her attendance would be that of endorsement or approval.. The husband is supposed to be head of the household. But as a Christian woman she probably feels she is responsible for her own acts while not hindering her nonbeliever husband from joining a family gathering.. Did the op even say hes not a believer? not all religious people have these same extreme views after all surely? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 his wife is disrepsecting the feelings of real, living, human beings to please her imaginary Friend in the Sky. And just you disrespect her for her views on God just b/c you don't believe in him. How is that any better? Link to post Share on other sites
Shakz Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 --------------------- Yes she probably feels that her attendance would be that of endorsement or approval.. The husband is supposed to be head of the household. But as a Christian woman she probably feels she is responsible for her own acts while not hindering her nonbeliever husband from joining a family gathering.. It seems as though you're saying that while her husband may have authority over her it ends at the point where she might feel compelled to sin. She seems to have made something of a compromise: respecting her husband's will while remaining true to what she percieves to be higher principles regarding her own behavior. Whether one agrees with those principles or not, she really harms no one by staying home, and owes no explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
RegardingMe Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 My MIL, wouldn't come to our wedding, as our friends are gay. We are straight and my best friends offered there estate for the wedding. My DH said forget it we are having it where we want it. MIL didn't attend. They made a kind and loving gesture. We had a reception in his hometown. She threw a fit made everyone uncomfortable. I would ask her what about the verse in the bible that says, judge not that ye be judged. If she is a true Christain, expressing God's love through joy and being an example is the way to lead people to the lord. Expressing hatred and disdain is the way to give people a bad example. Do your family a favor and leave her home unless she can be a good example for Jesus. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 It seems as though you're saying that while her husband may have authority over her it ends at the point where she might feel compelled to sin. She seems to have made something of a compromise: respecting her husband's will while remaining true to what she percieves to be higher principles regarding her own behavior. Whether one agrees with those principles or not, she really harms no one by staying home, and owes no explanation. ----------------------- Exactly Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Honestly, if I were the OP, I would be embarrassed and feel like everyone would think that my wife is an ignorant hillbilly My philosophy on that is: She can only embarass herself. Gay people aren't stupid. No one is going to be fooled by the "she's sick" explanation. People know what's up, and appreciate repectful honesty. Go, and don't bring up your wife at all. If asked, just be honest: "She preferred not to attend. But I am very happy to be here celebrating with you :love:" And then change the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 For once, I agree with Woggle! Isn't it difficult to be married to a homophobic, bigoted person when you have a relative who is gay? I'm sure you are okay with it, since you're married and all. For me it would be a deal breaker. Califnan says that your marriage is more important than principles; if your Christian wife felt this way she would act upon it and not make such a divisive gesture towards you and your family. Tell her it's not very Christ-like behavior. Christ-like behavior isn't about being agreeable to everyone and playing "nice" to everyone. Christ was very divisive while here on earth. I agree with the posters who suggest that you go if you want to go, but don't fight with her because she doesn't want to go, that wouldn't serve any benefit. Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Oh and to add, if this guy really loves his wife he would be angered by some of the names you all are calling his wife just because you don't share the same views that she does. Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Bigot - A bigot is a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices. The correct use of the term requires the elements of intolerance, irrationality, and animosity toward those of differing beliefs. Using this definition you could apply it to a lot of the posters here that are attacking the OP's wife. Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 The truth was not twisted at all. I stand by that she's making life difficult for him. It is up to her in the end, but the husband is left having to explain why his wife did not come. It's not going to be an easy explanation. He could tell the ugly truth or twist the truth and say she was sick. Calling him a "woose" is not very respectful. Part of being a couple is doing things together. The majority of spouses even if they didn't approve would quietly go along and not make a big deal of it. Your assertions are anecdotal at best. How in the world would you even begin to come to a conclusion that "majority of spouses would do this or that"? Part of being a couple is doing things together, compromising, respecting each others' beliefs...it goes both ways. This man doesn't have to explain anything to anyone and he doesn't have to lie either. Just as you claim that "she is making things difficult for him", in the same regard he is making things difficult for her. You just happen to be of the view that opposes her view & so you make everything her fault to justify your position. Point being, he should go if he wants to & she shouldn't go if she doesn't want to. Simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 This thread is what I find so equally amusing about either view in the extreme. Can't we all just love each other and get along? As for relationships with people who have different views on homosexuality: My best friend in this world is EXTREMELY conservative. She is very vocal in not supporting gay rights in any way. I am very liberal, I'm all about legalizing same sex marriage and having many lesbian and gay friends in loving relationships, I am very vocal about this. What we both practice is known as tolerance (seems to be lacking a bit in this thread). She is more than entitled to her opinion on this matter just as I am entitled to mine. Sure we can have lively debates, but at the end of the day we cannot try to force one another to change our mind by calling each other dirty names or insulting one another. The OP and his wife differ on this view and that's ok. The issue here has nothing to do with her beliefs so why are we all harping on that. The issue is should she attend an event that goes against her beliefs. I say no, she doesn't have to. I don't support female circumcision and therefore wouldn't attend any event associated with that. I do support abortion, so I wouldn't attend some rally that was against abortion. I'm sure everybody here gets the gist of what I'm saying. The entire family needs to respect her beliefs and not try to force her to compromise them because they feel differently. It shows that she is committed to her way of living and shows integrity and honesty in her life choices. Everyone here needs to recognize the right to individual beliefs and remember that is why we are all here in America, so we can all believe what we want without repercussion. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 So heres the deal guys...I have a relative who is gay. They are having a "civil union" ceremony. My whole family is going---despite whatever feeling they may or may not have on the whole gay thing. My wife is a born again christian and she refuses to go. I tried talking to her but she just "doesnt believe in it" ---this is going to cause a lot of tension between her and my family. What do you guys think ? I think she should go as it doesnt mean she is a gay supporter or anything---it just means shes supporting the family. Thoughts ? It would be like trying to make a vegetarian eat meat. Link to post Share on other sites
Shakz Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 It would be like trying to make a vegetarian eat meat. I'm not sure "eating meat" is an issue for this couple. Actually, very apt. Link to post Share on other sites
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