Trying to cope..Is this guy an opportunist, or is he "The One?"

[Egychick]

I have just had a terrible and painful break up. Im in pain so much. I have a friend...a relatively new friend, who I confided in. I guess he liked my while I was still with my ex....but now that he sees im alone, and not attached anymore, he is now professing his love for me. He wants to marry me. Usually someone is put in your path...and sometimes that person is "The One". But then there are people who are opportunists...not in a bad way, but they think cause you are vulnerable, they can just come in and take advantage. Bad timing. I told him, I cannot respond...my heart is aching...and I can barely go on each day. Not to mention, I'm not interested in him as anything more than a friend.

 

I'm still in the stage where I put my Ex on a pedestal. To me, no one can compare...I can't even think of another guy.

 

What do you think this is? Is he "The One" or just an opportunist taking advantage of my vulnerability?

[BiAxident]

I have just had a terrible and painful break up. Im in pain so much. I have a friend...a relatively new friend, who I confided in. I guess he liked my while I was still with my ex....but now that he sees im alone, and not attached anymore, he is now professing his love for me. He wants to marry me.

 

What do you think this is? Is he "The One" or just an opportunist taking advantage of my vulnerability?

 

 

No offense to you, of course, but it seems to be that he is freakin crazy. You do NOT marry someone who you have only watchced from afar. Clearly, you need more time to recover from the breakup before you will be ready to make an emotional investment. He could help to that end. I see NO reason to assume that he is "the one" (dont believe "one" person exists for each of us, its a big world).

 

He could be an opportunist. For now, explain to him that you approeciate his friendship and that you arent looking for anything serious/romantic/committed right now. Then, if after you recover a bit you still see no interest in him, you can move on.

[sedgwick]

I don't think it's anything as sinister as being "an opportunist." I think he's a guy who likes you and chose an inappropriate time to tell you, that's all.

[Ilovecake]

I'm not sure I fully understand your story and question. How can he be the one if you're not romantically interested in him? Have you two ever dated? I would think that a guy who takes marriage that lightly and asks someone he's not even dating is a sign that there is something wrong with him. i would not take what he says very seriously nor should you consider jumping into a lifetime union with someone you do not know.

[GrayClouds]

Wacky... though "the one" could come when you are still have feelings for some else, questioning your own self worth, and have no interest in that person. While I can not say for certain it may happen, I would not bet the farm on it (much less my heart).

 

What I can say for certain if you forget about relationships for now, spend a good deal of time focusing on yourself, grieving your last loss, working on become the best you can, learning to enjoy being alone, you will know the difference between "the one", an opportunist or a silly boy who does not understand how the heart works.

Edited June 22, 2010 by GrayClouds

[ADF]

The fact is, men almost NEVER go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attracted to them. Almost never. You can pretty much bank on the fact ALL your male friends have the hots for you, not just this one.

 

Is he taking advantage? Well, in a purely technical sense, yes. No doubt, he was waiting for you relationship with your ex to sour so he could get his chance.

 

But his behavior is not that of a player, of a guy who just wants to exploit you. I think he is probably sincere. In fact, he may be a bit TOO sincere. It sounds like his relationship with you had progressed in his own mind to a point in never reached in reality.

 

Be honest. Tell him you're not interested. If he is a real friend, he will accept that and remain one.