The Sex Part

[Lizzie60]

Yes, I have "that extreme sexual intensity with more than one partner". They're not all that amazing.. some are better than others.. they all have their strength... I guess.. Some are amazing with oral... those who aren't that great are compensating in other way$$$...

[NoIDidn't]

But isn't this the eternal modern problem? What everyone is pointing out isn't a magical phenomenon but actually the repercussion of modern, organized human constructs?

 

Just a thought that went through my head....

 

Think about this, it's thought provoking. Society has only been organized this way (and increasingly so) over the last 1,000 years. That is, where the male and female partners are in such constant close contact, day in and day out. This circle increasingly grows tighter with modern invention cell phones, texting, IM, etc... Add to that the average life span has increased (say doubled) over the last 1,000 years.

 

So, for maybe a few million years we were in a society where both partners were constantly away and out of communications from each other for extended periods of time. Coming back and 'rediscovering' each other which in turn would re-ignite the passion.

 

The AP actually represents this 'classic' model more than the modern marriage does and therefore that's really what you are experiencing.

 

I'm not using this as a rationalization (though maybe a good one ) but maybe what we all experience is more programmed instinctive behavior then we give credit.

 

Very thought provoking. I once worked with a woman whose husband was an Admiral or something in the military (maybe not that high up, but definitely up there). I asked her how they managed all the deployments over their 25 years. She said each return was like "falling in love all over again".

 

I think modern man wants this, but TV, therapists, surveys and friends keep telling us differently. We question the commitment of people who are married but live on different coasts part of the year. We question the commitment of married people that sleep in separate beds (the Bible mentions separate tents ). Yet, then when people spend every waking moment together, we judge them as not differentiated and insecure.

 

I agree that the intense sex experienced in As is mostly mental, instead of actually any different from other sex. Its all in how you think about it, and approach it.

[Mombot]

I think a lot of my affair is physical.

[Hazyhead]

Very thought provoking. I once worked with a woman whose husband was an Admiral or something in the military (maybe not that high up, but definitely up there). I asked her how they managed all the deployments over their 25 years. She said each return was like "falling in love all over again".

 

I think modern man wants this, but TV, therapists, surveys and friends keep telling us differently. We question the commitment of people who are married but live on different coasts part of the year. We question the commitment of married people that sleep in separate beds (the Bible mentions separate tents ). Yet, then when people spend every waking moment together, we judge them as not differentiated and insecure.

 

I agree that the intense sex experienced in As is mostly mental, instead of actually any different from other sex. Its all in how you think about it, and approach it.

 

 

I agree that sex becomes mental (maybe in all senses ) during the A. Often, for both partners it's a way to reach out and find intimacy and release. Aside from the good stuff that keeps us in them in the first place, A's can be very emotionally stressful - maybe this is another factor that affects the intensity of the physical connection.

[Silly_Girl]

I agree that sex becomes mental (maybe in all senses ) during the A. Often, for both partners it's a way to reach out and find intimacy and release. Aside from the good stuff that keeps us in them in the first place, A's can be very emotionally stressful - maybe this is another factor that affects the intensity of the physical connection.

 

Yes, I remember deciding to take an afternoon at short notice - that can be REALLY hard work, also trying to work around each other's schedule, one or other of us getting held up and with 2 hours travel time it could really play havoc with plans. Trying to get some kid-free time when he was staying with us, was another little 'stress'. Not a big deal but just something else borne out of the situation.

 

So when we did finally get together, when he stepped off the train, or I pulled up next to him in the car park, it was like a rush as well as a huge relief. And then the 'special time' started. Not sure whether, if we worked in buildings next to each other and just got in the car together at the end of a normal day, it would have felt so intense/special/emotional.

 

God, I miss all that stuff (today)!!!!

[Hazyhead]

Yes, I remember deciding to take an afternoon at short notice - that can be REALLY hard work, also trying to work around each other's schedule, one or other of us getting held up and with 2 hours travel time it could really play havoc with plans. Trying to get some kid-free time when he was staying with us, was another little 'stress'. Not a big deal but just something else borne out of the situation.

 

So when we did finally get together, when he stepped off the train, or I pulled up next to him in the car park, it was like a rush as well as a huge relief. And then the 'special time' started. Not sure whether, if we worked in buildings next to each other and just got in the car together at the end of a normal day, it would have felt so intense/special/emotional.

 

God, I miss all that stuff (today)!!!!

 

 

Noooo!!! Come on SG! It wasn't all good, was it? Think about how you are not in that stressful situation anymore and you're your own person again. Don't get me wrong, I get like that too sometimes, something will just pop into my head. BUT, I am out of, and healing from, the most damaging relationship I ever had. It's very easy to dwell in what we miss, as I was when I started this thread... (well, that and, y'know... stuck with my own urges) but I know what's truly best and I wouldn't swap my time now for time in the affair. Even for just a quick roll-around (despite what I said). Keep moving forward, hon; you're doing well (((((SillyGirl)))))

[Silly_Girl]

Noooo!!! Come on SG! It wasn't all good, was it? Think about how you are not in that stressful situation anymore and you're your own person again. Don't get me wrong, I get like that too sometimes, something will just pop into my head. BUT, I am out of, and healing from, the most damaging relationship I ever had. It's very easy to dwell in what we miss, as I was when I started this thread... (well, that and, y'know... stuck with my own urges) but I know what's truly best and I wouldn't swap my time now for time in the affair. Even for just a quick roll-around (despite what I said). Keep moving forward, hon; you're doing well (((((SillyGirl)))))

 

Thanks HH. I'm not like that every day. Promise. I texted a friend this morning saying 'I love [xMM] very much today. That's it!'. It just helps me to acknowledge when I feel that way, so I'm not fighting/smothering anything, it's a 'peaceful process' for me this way Although I did cave and break NC last week Oh well. I can't unsend an email so I may as well move on....

 

If he ran up to me right now with a lotto win cheque, three dozen red roses and a dozen raisin and biscuit yorkie bars (oh man!!! ) I'd have to tell him to sling his hook. He needs to be single for me to consider anything. And my interpretation of single today is oh-so-different to what it was when I was 'in it'. I pretty much would have accepted him walking out of her front door and in to mine. And that would have created a real mess - mostly for me, of the 2 of us. I don't want that. I'd want it done proppa-like. And he's not up to that, he's not strong enough. That's how I know it'll never happen. I wish for it to happen, but I know deep down that it never will.

 

(PS - I felt like I'd found God when I escaped a truly awful relationship, waking up in the morning and breathing felt like a bonus, so I don't feel quite so 'relieved' to be out of this one, but I do know where you're coming from, and you're not wrong!!)

[Hazyhead]

I completely agree with you about the true meaning of 'single'; a few months ago I too would have been happy for him to bounce from her to me. To be truly single he needs to be emotionally, physically and mentally free and coming just out of a marriage he wouldn't be. I'm now at the point though, where I just want to move on without him. Wouldn't matter if he was free - there's too much has happened and we'd have to deal with much more to make it work. We had our time. It's over.

 

=Silly_Girl;2866094]Thanks HH. I'm not like that every day. Promise. I texted a friend this morning saying 'I love [xMM] very much today. That's it!'. It just helps me to acknowledge when I feel that way, so I'm not fighting/smothering anything, it's a 'peaceful process' for me this way Although I did cave and break NC last week Oh well. I can't unsend an email so I may as well move on....

 

If he ran up to me right now with a lotto win cheque, three dozen red roses and a dozen raisin and biscuit yorkie bars (oh man!!! ) I'd have to tell him to sling his hook. He needs to be single for me to consider anything. And my interpretation of single today is oh-so-different to what it was when I was 'in it'. I pretty much would have accepted him walking out of her front door and in to mine. And that would have created a real mess - mostly for me, of the 2 of us. I don't want that. I'd want it done proppa-like. And he's not up to that, he's not strong enough. That's how I know it'll never happen. I wish for it to happen, but I know deep down that it never will.

 

(PS - I felt like I'd found God when I escaped a truly awful relationship, waking up in the morning and breathing felt like a bonus, so I don't feel quite so 'relieved' to be out of this one, but I do know where you're coming from, and you're not wrong!!)

[Hazyhead]

You know SG, you used a phrase in your post that I used to take the Mick out of my xMM for using. He only ever used it kiddingly but I associate it with him because he kind of is known for it - without going into too much detail, you'd know what I meant if you knew what I meant... but I can't PM you so I'll just have to make no sense. Ah well. Used to that!

Thanks HH. I'm not like that every day. Promise. I texted a friend this morning saying 'I love [xMM] very much today. That's it!'. It just helps me to acknowledge when I feel that way, so I'm not fighting/smothering anything, it's a 'peaceful process' for me this way Although I did cave and break NC last week Oh well. I can't unsend an email so I may as well move on....

 

If he ran up to me right now with a lotto win cheque, three dozen red roses and a dozen raisin and biscuit yorkie bars (oh man!!! ) I'd have to tell him to sling his hook. He needs to be single for me to consider anything. And my interpretation of single today is oh-so-different to what it was when I was 'in it'. I pretty much would have accepted him walking out of her front door and in to mine. And that would have created a real mess - mostly for me, of the 2 of us. I don't want that. I'd want it done proppa-like. And he's not up to that, he's not strong enough. That's how I know it'll never happen. I wish for it to happen, but I know deep down that it never will.

 

(PS - I felt like I'd found God when I escaped a truly awful relationship, waking up in the morning and breathing felt like a bonus, so I don't feel quite so 'relieved' to be out of this one, but I do know where you're coming from, and you're not wrong!!)