Signs that your ex wants you back?

[cbee]

I'm new here and just looking for some advice...

Mostly I'm just curious if there are any telltale signs and ex is looking to get back together?

 

I'll try and keep this back-story short, its complicated though. I initiated a break-up with my ex about three months ago. Basically I was going through depression at the time and he had recently found his own place (after unofficially living with me for 6 months). I didn't expect to miss living with him so much and on the flip side he really was loving his new bachelor pad. So as a result I became uber needy (which is unusual for me), I could feel him pulling away a bit as a result. We also had a major fight that scared both of us a week before the split. Though it had been on my mind I broke up with him unexpectedly, at first he resisted then as I explained all the signs he wanted to be single he finally agreed. I still felt like I was in love with him but couldn't deal with the torrent of my emotions and the feeling I was less of a priority in his life. When I saw him a week later we talked a bit and he was still obviously attracted to me but very confused. I was already regretting my action and I let him know I was worried I'd been too hasty. I also asked him if there was a chance we could be together again someday and he said he just didn't know, wasn't sure it would work and worried he couldn't give me what I needed. But he dearly wanted me as a friend since he considered me his best friend (while trying to kiss me). At that point I considered our split mutual.

 

Since then he has contacted me several times. The first was about a month after we broke up, he called and left a very nervous long message about a puppy that needed a home (I have 3 pets so he knows I can't take in more). A week after that he called at 6 am, I called him back soon after since I was worried but no answer. I texted him to find out why a couple days later, no reply so I left it at that. I went on a 3 week trip to travel with a friend in Europe. A couple of weeks after I got home he posts "whatcha doing?" on my fb late saturday night, then follows up with a message "We should hang out sometime.I miss my friend...". I reply rather casually that we should, and he said he was looking forward to it. Then I don't hear from him for a week. Finally I message him "are we gonna hang out or what". He suggests the place we had our first date oddly. The day we were supposed to get drinks he calls and cancels for a legit work reason, which was disappointing because he is famous for his flakiness. However he really wanted to chat and was extremely sorry and embarrassed for canceling. Said he had been scared to call me for awhile. Asked a ton of questions about my friends and family. Asked if I had met any European boys on my trip, when I said some there was an awkward silence. He moved on then randomly asked if I was seeing anyone. I said I'd been out but nothing serious, then asked him. He replied no, but there were a couple girls that interested him but he was scared to have a relationship because I had treated him so well, he trailed off saying we'd talk about that later. He also mentioned his mother always asks about me. Weirdly he wanted me to say hello to my family but added they probably hated him. He had said that before so I set him strait that they have no reason to, especially since I was responsible for the spilt. Finally he asked if he could call me, and was really adamant that I call him whenever I want to talk. Since then he commented on my fb status regarding a memory he had of when we were together.

 

 

Ugh Sorry! This was way too long. But basically I just want to know what signs show interest in reconciling and if my ex is displaying any? We are supposed to hang out soon... I'm just wondering how to read his actions as I am very interested in working things out.

[heavensmesenger]

Signs they want you back, ready? its a long list...

 

1) They call/meet you and say "I want you back"

 

The list is complete. Anything else is a game, a power struggle, the only sign that means they want you back is that which I have given you.

[cbee]

Signs they want you back, ready? its a long list...

 

1) They call/meet you and say "I want you back"

 

The list is complete. Anything else is a game, a power struggle, the only sign that means they want you back is that which I have given you.

 

Ha! That is a long list... But seriously I'm not sure that would be the same for everyone, most people get caught up in their egos. I know that I am, and its definitely not a good way to be. I wasn't even able to say "I want you back" so bluntly when I saw him the last time. So if my behavior is any indication you can want someone back but be afraid to say it without some clues that they might feel the same way. I guess thats the whole point of my post. I would be more willing to expose my feelings if I knew he might feel similarly or at least be receptive. After all the dumper/dumpee dynamic isn't so blunt here...

[XKatieX]

Signs they want you back, ready? its a long list...

 

1) They call/meet you and say "I want you back"

 

The list is complete. Anything else is a game, a power struggle, the only sign that means they want you back is that which I have given you.

 

Not always true. Everyone is different and have a different way of expressing their feelings, signs aren't always clear and cut to the point.

In all the times my boyfriend left me he would say things like I'm never coming back, we'll never be together again..etc. Hes always had a hard time stating his feelings, and never once said I want you back, but he still came back. If he was around and talking normal to me..that was a sure sign. If he didnt want me back, he would not talk to me at all. It all depends on the person I guess.

Edited June 23, 2010 by XKatieX

[DenverBachelor]

I'm just curious if there are any telltale signs and ex is looking to get back together?

 

Hell freezes over.

[lullaby]

It's true that pride has a huge role in this and it's different depending on the person and the type of relationship you had.

 

There are many signs. For me, actions are important, not words. He can say 'I want you back' but his actions need to go hand in hand with that.

 

He can be thinking of you, miss you, or just be lonely. It all depends on you. If you want to risk and see what he wants or just prefer to close the door.

 

It's a risky process and you may get hurt, because the dumpee usually has high expectations, hopes and may be easily lead into the dumper's game, but you can try and things may work. It has for many couples.

 

I would recommend you to look into what he does. What is he offering? just hanging out or really trying to work things out?

 

Also, you need to be strong emotionally in order to settle the rules for this. Trust me, it's a roller-coaster and you need patience and severity, otherwise, you will get sucked into his game and will suffer.

 

Keep us updated!

[sedgwick]

If they want you back, they will tell you in no uncertain terms. Anything other than "I want you back" is not good enough. Anyone who would keep you guessing as to what they're thinking, analyzing whether or not they MIGHT want to get back together, is not someone who does.

[Seli85]

I agree with Sedgwick. After a seven year relationship and a messy break up, almost a year on my ex walks past my house (no major transport,shops nor near his house), drives past my house (he has no drivers licence) and i get the private calls to my mobile. Yet he is engaged.....? Anything other than a "I want you back" will not suffice. moving right onnnn!

[cbee]

I am prone to agree with lullaby and xkatiex. Not every situation is the same and pride plays a role. I think depending on how clear cut the situation was, in mine I felt like the dumper and the dumpee and I think my ex feels the same. I never set down any ultimatum, if i had said "don't contact me unless you want me back" then I would expect that the next time I hear from him he should say "I want you back". I think time may be a factor as well, if a lot of time has past you have no idea how that person's feelings may have changed.

 

In this scenario with no clear dumpee/dumper as well as the fact we both have a lot of pride I think there would be no way either of us would come right out and say "I want you back". I guess I'm trying to decide wether to say that myself when we see eachother, I would be far far more likely to if I knew how receptive he would be. Not only that but I might want him back but not our previous relationship. I feel like I've made some changes and hope he has as well in which case I'd like a clean slate. Don't you think being a bit tentative would be a good thing approaching a new relationship with an ex? Finally I don't understand why he'd contact me so many times and call if he wasn't wanting me in his life?