First date - he didn't pay

[VertexSquared]

If you want someone to do nice things for you without complaining, you should be willing to do the same. When you get in the habit of doing this, you'll find that there's a synergy of happiness where you learn to WANT to do nice things for others -- where you genuinely find joy in it. I think this is what it means to be a gentleman. It means learning not to play tit-for-tat -- it means doing nice things without necessarily expecting immediate reciprocation. It means understanding that people do nice things for each other in different ways.

 

There is absolutely zero excuse as to why one can't be a gentleman to a woman on a first date -- or even all-around in general.

[Engadget]

If you want someone to do nice things for you without complaining, you should be willing to do the same. When you get in the habit of doing this, you'll find that there's a synergy of happiness where you learn to WANT to do nice things for others -- where you genuinely find joy in it. I think this is what it means to be a gentleman. It means learning not to play tit-for-tat -- it means doing nice things without necessarily expecting immediate reciprocation. It means understanding that people do nice things for each other in different ways.

 

There is absolutely zero excuse as to why one can't be a gentleman to a woman on a first date -- or even all-around in general.

 

There's no reason the woman can't do the same damn thing. I think men are tired of being expected to pay for dates that end up not working out at all, and to some it happens a lot they're basically throwing money away.

[marsle85]

Trust me when I say that you have made your stance VERY clear on this subject matter MANY times before.

 

Its amazing how much energy you focus on the minority of women in this world.

 

It's soo refreshing to see a man have a healthy outlook about men and women. Like you, I guess I look at the world rather optimistically, and while i know that slim minority exists... I'm hopeful. Bravo!

[Woggle]

Chivalry might not be dead but it is very much on the decline.

[Mary3]

Chivalry might not be dead but it is very much on the decline.

 

But you know Woggle. That * could * be the answer.....You go out with a Shemale and then you won't have to deal with the femnist Nazi women any more....

[VertexSquared]

There's no reason the woman can't do the same damn thing. I think men are tired of being expected to pay for dates that end up not working out at all, and to some it happens a lot they're basically throwing money away.

 

This is why I generally remain picky about who I choose to go on dates with. I only date people I think I'll have a serious shot with. I don't try to go by looks alone, but intellect/personality/etc. If you're tired of wasting money, then make your money well-spent, I say. If you pick the right dates, it won't feel like a waste of money -- at the very least, you may hope to learn something new from your experience if it doesn't work out.

[A O]

Chivalry might not be dead but it is very much on the decline.

Decline is a more appropriate word Woggle. There's simply little need for it anymore as is the case for most traditions where the necessity that gave rise to them no longer exists. Escaping tradition is not an easy thing, women - especially those of past generations know this all too well. But we've all got to make a start somewhere. The path isn't easy, as I'm sure you're we'll aware, but history suggest that we'll get there in the end.

 

Overall, I see where you're coming from. You're willing to go above and beyond common human decency, manners, behavior, call it what you will, but only when you're sure the same behavior maybe, or is returned back to you and absolutely not because its expected of you simply because of your gender.

 

 

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[Ruby Slippers]

Of the last 6 dates I have been on that lead to additional dates only 1 woman was really appreciative... and she was not raised in the U.S.

Honestly, I think we are somewhat encouraged not to show too much appreciation. The idea is that showing too much feeling makes you look desperate.

 

I don't want to hold back my feelings, but in my experience, if you show a man too much feeling, he doesn't like it. Seems to put pressure on them.

[harmfulsweetz]

I've always been the 'go dutch' kinda gal, because I really hate the thought of someone paying for me, let alone, someone I may barely know paying for me. I like to take care of myself, because I can. I'm working, not making much money, but money is money. If I don't have the money to go to that place, I shouldn't have gone there.

 

However, if the guy insists on paying it's all good with me. I'm merely stating that going dutch isn't a problem for me, happy to do it, as are quite a few women. But as a general rule, only go dutch if the woman says so unprompted first. If she doesn't say so or reach into her purse when the bill comes, then she expects and wants you to pay. Is that a princess mentality? Yes. But we were taught we are princesses and we deserve to be treated like ones.

 

It's not about who makes the most effort in terms of money spent-I can assure you, women often spend a lot on hair and make up and clothes for a date, more than what the entire bill comes to sometimes. That is our effort to win you over, to impress you, and sometimes, you have to put your hand in your pocket to impress women. If you can't afford to do so, find something cheap or free. But, as a general rule for women, if a guy isn't willing to pay up, it may be because he's just not that into you. A coffee costs next to nothing if you're on a budget and don't know the girl enough to spend more.

[Els]

This is why I generally remain picky about who I choose to go on dates with. I only date people I think I'll have a serious shot with. I don't try to go by looks alone, but intellect/personality/etc. If you're tired of wasting money, then make your money well-spent, I say. If you pick the right dates, it won't feel like a waste of money -- at the very least, you may hope to learn something new from your experience if it doesn't work out.

 

This. If you're gonna shotgun every decent-looking woman you see on the streets, of course the coffee is gonna add up to a lot.

[Woggle]

Honestly, I think we are somewhat encouraged not to show too much appreciation. The idea is that showing too much feeling makes you look desperate.

 

I don't want to hold back my feelings, but in my experience, if you show a man too much feeling, he doesn't like it. Seems to put pressure on them.

 

It works the other way around as well. I hate games but if a person wants to date they are almost forced to play them. He is right about how many women claim to want chivalry but show little to no appreciation when they get it. I have had women scream at me in public for simply holding open a door and I have seen men get spit on a few times.

[Mary3]

Chivalry : def.-

Today, the terms chivalry and chivalrous are often used to describe courteous behavior, especially that of men towards women.

 

So I guess being courteous to women is dead for some ?

Acting like a gentlemen is out for many as FWB ( Friends with Benefits ) is more the norm. No dinner. Just have sex with her as often as possible.

 

No money spent there...

[carhill]

No money spent there...

 

condoms aren't free

[Bangle]

I prefer picnics to dinner and movies and picnics aren't expensive. I went on a picnic date once and I made sandwich at home, bought some cake, some fruit and a small bottle of white wine and had a wonderful time, it cost me not much and it was good.

 

Always think "where and how can I save money?".