Confused4Now Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Are you divorced ? Which court is it filed at? Agreed.... but my from JJ's post is most of the time in these situation we have one side trying to get out or one person fed up and filing for divorce. Ultimately the bottom line is "Are you Divorced?" but I think if both spouses have agreed that divorce is the only solution....I think you have a greater chance of getting to the bottom line than the way most are handled. Link to post Share on other sites
silverplanets Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Agreed.... but my from JJ's post is most of the time in these situation we have one side trying to get out or one person fed up and filing for divorce. Ultimately the bottom line is "Are you Divorced?" but I think if both spouses have agreed that divorce is the only solution....I think you have a greater chance of getting to the bottom line than the way most are handled. I just can't see the point in getting into any discussion with them unless they can point you at the divorce document ... so what if the both "agree" that divorce is the best otion .. it's an emotional journey between agreeing and doing ... and until they do then they can just as easily decide that they will try again .. Once they are divorced, have the docs and have spent a little time on their own then maybe they'd be worth listening to ? I want someone whose single and dealt with their baggage !!! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 I just can't see the point in getting into any discussion with them unless they can point you at the divorce document ... so what if the both "agree" that divorce is the best otion .. it's an emotional journey between agreeing and doing ... and until they do then they can just as easily decide that they will try again .. Once they are divorced, have the docs and have spent a little time on their own then maybe they'd be worth listening to ? I want someone whose single and dealt with their baggage !!! :)Oh I totally agree with you...however I have and do know a lot of people who were and have divorced amicably and I don't know any of them that went back together. Meaning they both decided they didn't want the marriage anymore. Yes you could say they need time to deal with their baggage...what about people who stayed in a marriage who lost total emotional love for their wives.... I was one of them....I didn't have to deal with that baggage with my EX... I was doing all that work during the course right before I left. Link to post Share on other sites
silverplanets Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Oh I totally agree with you...however I have and do know a lot of people who were and have divorced amicably and I don't know any of them that went back together. Meaning they both decided they didn't want the marriage anymore. Yes you could say they need time to deal with their baggage...what about people who stayed in a marriage who lost total emotional love for their wives.... I was one of them....I didn't have to deal with that baggage with my EX... I was doing all that work during the course right before I left. yep, that's true ... I D'd amicably as well .. we both used the same lawyer etc, etc ... I guess it all depends upon the person but looking back from 17 years down the line I can see that, even wanting the D as I did and with it being amicable it took me a good few years to really get back to being good old me ... if you'd asked me in the interim I would have said I had no baggage as well .. and I didn't ... it just took a few years for me to return to fully being me ... Depends upon the individual at the end of the day I suppose, but yes, I see what your saying. As a single person though, I'm in my rights not to be involved with anyone who doesnt' have what I consider to be a safe "recovery" period between their provable divorce date and now ... At the end of the day they can claim all they want .. I'll go with my view of how long it takes :) Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 (edited) As a single person though, I'm in my rights not to be involved with anyone who doesnt' have what I consider to be a safe "recovery" period between their provable divorce date and now ... At the end of the day they can claim all they want .. I'll go with my view of how long it takes :)Which is what I think I said on another thread. You have to be upfront and honest of your intentions when your dating....I'm not looking for a booty call or a relationship. I'm just trying to get myself out there meet people networking and making friends. I know I'm in no position after the crap I went through with my xMW to be in anything now. Again like I've said I'm doing the work. When I first left my marriage....everyone thought it was the divorce but the reality was it was my xMW causing all my anxieties. But going back to the topic...the BEST solution is for someone to have Final Divorce papers in hand. Still doesn't guarantee they aren't screwed up emotionally. Edited June 25, 2010 by Confused4Now Link to post Share on other sites
cavedweller Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Thunderbolt, Are you in love with this man? You need to bring it to a head...Contact him and tell him to move out and file for a divorce and you will 'hook up' with him.. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 "Don't scare the penis!". That's something our resident misogynist who hangs out on the other boards needs to have as his signature. Thanks for that, jj! Sorry for the tj. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Confused I think my choice of phrase was unclear all I meant was the question to ask is whether divorce proceedings have been started. It doesnt matter by who at that point (when you are being contacted during NC). IMO, the idea when you are contacted during NC is not to get into a philosophical discussion of why or when or how or who thinks what but just to get enough information about whether the person is still married or still living with their spouse or whatever to know whether to hang up the phone or delete the email etc. JThorne glad you liked that - to me that is most OWs problem during the A (besides the fact that the MM is married). This reading of tea leaves for fear of scaring is what leads to such heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
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