Delacy Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I have recently got close to a girl who lives 200 miles away from me, she says she is head over heals for me, and she as never felt this way about anyone. So when i suggest we start a relationship she says she cant because she wouldnt be able to cope with the distance (the distance isnt a big deal to me) she still keeps in contact and keeps telling me how she feels about me, and im begining to fall for her. What should i do? is this whole thing pointless? i'm sure i will just end up hurting myself. Link to post Share on other sites
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 One thing to keep in mind is that long-distance is VERY DIFFICULT! You might think it's no big deal, but an extended period apart means you can't always be there for each other, you can't touch them, hold them when they cry, and when you 'talk' on skype you're just looking at a computer screen. There will be lots of miscommunication and if you don't completely trust each other, resentment and jealousy will destroy it. You will long for them, miss them a lot, but there will be nothing you can do. It's also a financial burden. Phone bills, visits, etc. all cost a lot of money and might put a strain on the relationship. Also, if there is no long-term plan to move and be together, and the months and years start to go by without any direction, you will start to lose heart and be depressed about how it isn't going to work and you will never be together again. But still, people do it. It's very hard, and both of you need to be fairly mature about the whole thing to pull it off. Yes, it can be done, but both of you need to put in the effort (and trust me it will take a lot of effort). If you ask me if it's worth it, for casual relationships, no. But if you think you've found someone special and you're willing to put in hard work, yes, definitely. I've been in a long-distance relationship for 9 months (with no visits) and yes, it's totally worth it Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Starryskyblue basically said everything I was gonna say. LDRs only work if both people really, and I mean REALLY want them to work. I know in my last LDR it fell apart because you had one person fighting for it in the beginning while the other didn't really care (me) and one person fighting to save it by the end (me) while the other person had given up. So that didn't work too well. But with my boyfriend now, things are different. We both want our relationship to work and we're serious about being together. For instance, he had a crappy job with crappy hours when we first started talking so I worked my butt off to pay for a $650 plane ticket to go see him. We also have a plan to make things work. We're saving like crazy and planning to get me to be with him in October because we miss each other like crazy. So that'll mean we'll have been apart for 4 months or so by then. So no, LDRs are not for the faint of heart, but if you really think this girl is special and not your average run of the mill girl, go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
JacquesA.LeFrancais Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 They are tough...very hard. But at the same time, they give you a sense of attachment that I don't think many people experience. They give a relationship a solid ground in communication. When forced to communicate with a partner they become a true best friend. When my S/O and I are together we not only enjoy the time, we laugh we talk. It goes beyond just physicality, and going out on "dates" That communication is paramount and its one thing that LDRs to foster...but they are not easy and take a lot of patience... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delacy Posted June 27, 2010 Author Share Posted June 27, 2010 Thanks guys Link to post Share on other sites
woody2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 I had a long distance relationship for around 8 months and it was good. Hard at times but i always held the view I'd move over to her. Which i did. She says the distance is an issue. Would you or she be willing to move? I'm not saying move now but if neither of you have that intention it can never work. Long distance is hard. When it was me, we spoke on MSN every minute of every day! Well, as much as we could but at the start, theres the whole thing of visits, what if you don't like each other in person or one does, one doesn't. If one of you are a jelous type, it may be even harder. There are alot of factors to take into account. Later on there can even be sexual frustrations. In my opinion, you should look at what you want. The moving thing, I'd say is MOST important. It may seem obvious but when your in love, and if neither of you want to move away from everything they know, it could lead to heartache. And thats only if it goes that far. There will be many trips to see each other. Heartache when you leave. Counting days till you see each other again...and the cycle repeats. I found it easy because in the back of my mind, i was always moving over anyway. I always wanted to move to Ireland even before i met her. It can be life changing and you should evaluate possible scenario's, good or bad, before diving into the deep end. Perhaps talk to her in more detail on the subject, see if there is a way to go about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delacy Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 We are now speaking on the phone for hours a day, is this a good thing? or is there such thing as too much? Link to post Share on other sites
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