morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 me and my boyfriend want to get married. we have been together for 3 years. we have a son. he said that he wants to get married but we dont have the money for it. he says that he wants to buy the ring i want. which is $5,700. and not buy me a ring just to get by. also he says that he wants the wedding to be perfect and a small crappy one. a normal price for this is $10,000. he also says that he wants to get a house for we get anything else. also he is trying to get a truck RIGHT NOW. not later but now. he says he wants the money for it but dont you think he should be saving his money for the ring and not getting a truck til we have a house. i think it should go this way. am i wrong? ring house wedding truck tell me the way you think it should go..... Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 That depends. Does he need the truck for work or something similar? Does he already have adequate transportation, or is his current transportation unreliable? Also IMO 5,700 for a ring is kind of a lot if you don't have much money, you don't have a house, and you DO have a child to feed. Is there room to compromise on the ring? Can't you find one that's similar in style but more reasonable in price? Link to post Share on other sites
Author morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 he has a car and it runs. granted something does go wrong sometimes. we have money. he has a construction job. we have the food taken care of. the only thing we buy the child is diapers and wipes. i have looked and found nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
impz Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 me and my boyfriend want to get married. we have been together for 3 years. we have a son. he said that he wants to get married but we dont have the money for it. he says that he wants to buy the ring i want. which is $5,700. and not buy me a ring just to get by. also he says that he wants the wedding to be perfect and a small crappy one. a normal price for this is $10,000. he also says that he wants to get a house for we get anything else. also he is trying to get a truck RIGHT NOW. not later but now. he says he wants the money for it but dont you think he should be saving his money for the ring and not getting a truck til we have a house. i think it should go this way. am i wrong? ring house wedding truck tell me the way you think it should go..... Well, from a guy's perspective, I think if you are low on budget. house (you have a son) wedding (good memories) truck (he already has a car) ring (only for women. Can always upgrade) He can always buy a better ring next time when the finances are more stabilized. Considering how times are decently bad, it's better to secure a roof to live in, and a ring can't do you any good anyway other than show off to other women superficially. Though all rationality generally goes out the window when it comes to a wedding ring, heh. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Are you on public assistance? Why do you only need to buy food and diapers? What about clothes and all that stuff? I'm actually with your BF on this one. If he needs reliable transportation to keep his job, and his car is not reliable, transportation comes first. Then a home for the child. Then a ring. Which, given your financial situation, a 5K ring is too much. I and my fiancé have money. He could have purchased a 10k ring if I wanted. But I chose a 3K one, so we could spend wisely. Then the wedding, which again, if you are on a limited budget, face it, you are not going to have the wedding of your dreams. Nobody is unless they are uber rich. Link to post Share on other sites
Author morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 yes we have WIC so they cover formula. we have LOTS of clothes from the baby shower up to 9 months. and he drives my car for now since i dont work yet. (im working on it and waiting a reply) but i guess he does need a car for work. and the wedding is paid for by my parents i guess i should have said that. i just want to get married because i love him and i want to be with him for ever and i want to continue to have a family with him. but we cant continue or family unless we are married (my mom is super catholic) i also feel bad for being catholic and continue to have sex. so i want to get married so its ok to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 yes we have WIC so they cover formula. we have LOTS of clothes from the baby shower up to 9 months. and he drives my car for now since i dont work yet. (im working on it and waiting a reply) but i guess he does need a car for work. and the wedding is paid for by my parents i guess i should have said that. i just want to get married because i love him and i want to be with him for ever and i want to continue to have a family with him. but we cant continue or family unless we are married (my mom is super catholic) i also feel bad for being catholic and continue to have sex. so i want to get married so its ok to do so. Ummm, you have a child that is being fed by tax payer money. I think you have no business wanting a $6,000 ring or $10,000 wedding! If you and your bf want to marry, marry at your church or city hall, then, when you are able to support yourselves and your child think about a ring and a wedding. Priorities! Link to post Share on other sites
Author morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 Ummm, you have a child that is being fed by tax payer money. I think you have no business wanting a $6,000 ring or $10,000 wedding! If you and your bf want to marry, marry at your church or city hall, then, when you are able to support yourselves and your child think about a ring and a wedding. Priorities! i have mentioned doing a small wedding to him like only having witnesses but he says no. i also tried to compromise a small ring and he said no. i think he has to much pride for his own good. so that is why im asking the question about money. he wont compromise a small everything. basically go big or go home. OR is he just saying this to put it off. thats what i want to know Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 i have mentioned doing a small wedding to him like only having witnesses but he says no. i also tried to compromise a small ring and he said no. i think he has to much pride for his own good. so that is why im asking the question about money. he wont compromise a small everything. basically go big or go home. OR is he just saying this to put it off. thats what i want to know It's hard to tell if he's just putting it off. What do your feelings say? You seem frustrated with him regarding his decision to get a new truck. Have you explained to him that you want to be married but that spending money on a wedding right now isn't the best decision? I know that you said your parents would pay for the wedding, but I can't help but feel like that money would be better spent on a downpayment on a house. It sounds like you guys need to seriously discuss your priorities and your hopes for the future of your family. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 If I were in your shoes and money is really that tight, here's how it would go: Wedding band (no engagement ring) = $300 Wedding = under $1000 (enough to pay licensing fees, JP and dinner out with the immediate family at a reasonably priced restaurant) House If his current vehicle still works, there's no reason to replace it. I don't think your SO has too much pride. I think he's stalling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 It's hard to tell if he's just putting it off. What do your feelings say? You seem frustrated with him regarding his decision to get a new truck. Have you explained to him that you want to be married but that spending money on a wedding right now isn't the best decision? I know that you said your parents would pay for the wedding, but I can't help but feel like that money would be better spent on a downpayment on a house. It sounds like you guys need to seriously discuss your priorities and your hopes for the future of your family. my parents say the same to use the money on a down payment. and i let him want the truck cause i told him that i didnt want the child to change his life. and i know he wants it. ACTUALLY the rules on the truck are that his mom was suppose to buy him a brand new truck in cash cause he finished college. they have there own construction business and are VERY wealthy like the business is worth millions. but he has been telling them that he will take a down payment on a used truck and he will pay the rest monthly. i wish his mom would stick to her word. so that we can use our money on other things. like the house. im mad hes willing to compromise and put everything on hold. Link to post Share on other sites
pathwanted Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 i know you want a nice ring, but when money is tight tell him get a small ring now, remember whats important, family first, when money is better i'm sure he will upgrade the ring, a ring of any size has very powerful symbolism, whether its a $100 ring or a $100,000 ring, plus you can get tax benefits if married ive been trying to convince but a nice ring would be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Would getting married affect your benefits? I know that where I am, if your income is low and you are unmarried you will receive benefits, but as soon as you are married and your incomes are counted together the benefits cease. Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Morgan, The real key here is stability for your baby. And historically the best way to ensure stability was to marry. And sure getting married is still a big deal. Given your financial situation - what might work far better for your baby is to take the money planned for the ring, wedding and truck and buy a house that is in BOTH YOUR NAMES. The ring/wedding money is 15K. This is a good time to buy a house. The lack of a truck payment will make the mortgage easier to pay. Once you are in the house together - the house you jointly own - and you start bringing in income - then you worry about nice rings and weddings. If you need to get married before moving into a house, then get married. If he can't deal with a small reception, don't have one now - have it later when you can afford it. Same with a ring. Get a wedding ring and hold off on engagement ring until later. me and my boyfriend want to get married. we have been together for 3 years. we have a son. he said that he wants to get married but we dont have the money for it. he says that he wants to buy the ring i want. which is $5,700. and not buy me a ring just to get by. also he says that he wants the wedding to be perfect and a small crappy one. a normal price for this is $10,000. he also says that he wants to get a house for we get anything else. also he is trying to get a truck RIGHT NOW. not later but now. he says he wants the money for it but dont you think he should be saving his money for the ring and not getting a truck til we have a house. i think it should go this way. am i wrong? ring house wedding truck tell me the way you think it should go..... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Is Money A Good Excuse For Not Tying The Knot? Yes, after stbx cleaned me out, I've vowed to not propose again until I'm totally broke Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Uh, your FIRST priority should be getting off the taxpayer dime! I'm paying for your baby formula, and you're whining about a 5 thousand dollar engagement ring? Are you serious? I hope you're on birth control now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author morganmedina Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 You've already skipped over the "customary formalities" by having a child with this dude. Either he wants to make an honest woman of you or he doesn't, and all that requires is going to the justice of the peace and getting a marriage license and tested for STDs, which is nominal in cost. A $5,700 ring and $10,000 wedding is completely pointless, why don't you understand that? Obviously this guy has no real intention of marrying you; he pulled the number "$10,000" out of his ass, what it really means is "really big number which I will never seem to be able to save up, therefore will never have to actually get married to this stupid cow". i have been trying to convince him on doing just a witness at the church. BUT he said once again that he wants a big wedding for everyone and he said that we should just have to do it once. the 10k came from me not him. and i dont want the ring more i just thought that the ring would HAVE to come first to get married. if you dont have to have that then im willing to just get married and get the ring later. yes i am on public assistance but we can afford the formula. we do live with my parents. but they cant afford to be paying that either. im currently waiting reply from a job. i applied and shes choosing 2 people to interview. my friend works there right now thats why i know i have a chance cause she keeps telling me what the boss is thinking. and the whole STD thing? what does that have to do with getting a marriage liscense? and i have already been checked cause i did have a kid and they check you. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 I think he is just trying to stall. Or he wants to be sure the truck and house are in his name before the marriage so you won't be as likely to get them in a divorce. If he were really all about custom, would he have the kid before the wedding? Live with your parents? Focus on a truck first when he has transportation? Your to do list is all screwed up though, his is too. You need a job. Then the two of you need your own place even if it is an apartment and not a house. Then you can get a JOP quickie marriage. Then he can get a truck to free up transportation for two employed people. Save for a house. Rings can come later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author morganmedina Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 I suspect what is really going on here of course is that you do NOT want to actually get married because then the state or county government would definitely come after your baby daddy for child support. They could do that anyway if there's been an acknowledgment or proof of paternity but something tells me that this hasn't happened yet. ARE YOU RETARDED!!!? IF WE GOT MARRIED THEY WOULDNT COME AFTER US FOR CHILD SUPPORT CAUSE WE WOULD BE MARRIED!!!! DUH!! They have already tried in which i did not want so i got off of medicaid cause its the law if you have medicaid that you have to get child support. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Your boyfriend doesn't want to marry you. You already live together and have a child together, if he wanted to marry you he would do it now. Or actually, he would have already done it. The excuses he's giving you are just that -- excuses. He is stalling and there will ALWAYS be something he has to do first. Once you get a house, he'll want to save up more for the wedding, but first he'll want to do x, and then he'll want to do y, and then he'll want to do z..... I just don't think this guy has any intention of marrying you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author morganmedina Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 Your boyfriend doesn't want to marry you. You already live together and have a child together, if he wanted to marry you he would do it now. Or actually, he would have already done it. The excuses he's giving you are just that -- excuses. He is stalling and there will ALWAYS be something he has to do first. Once you get a house, he'll want to save up more for the wedding, but first he'll want to do x, and then he'll want to do y, and then he'll want to do z..... I just don't think this guy has any intention of marrying you. then why would he tell me he wants to get married Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 I suspect you are very young. Your bf does NOT want to marry you. He has every excuse , he is stalling . Your comment :" Catholic and we need to get married so sex will be okay " makes me think you are young. You don't need a ring. You need a good babysitter and get off assistance . You need to get rid of bf and get child support. Link to post Share on other sites
bananalaffytaffy Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 me and my boyfriend want to get married. we have been together for 3 years. we have a son. he said that he wants to get married but we dont have the money for it. he says that he wants to buy the ring i want. which is $5,700. and not buy me a ring just to get by. also he says that he wants the wedding to be perfect and a small crappy one. a normal price for this is $10,000. he also says that he wants to get a house for we get anything else. also he is trying to get a truck RIGHT NOW. not later but now. he says he wants the money for it but dont you think he should be saving his money for the ring and not getting a truck til we have a house. i think it should go this way. am i wrong? ring house wedding truck tell me the way you think it should go.....You should work on moving OUT of your PARENTS HOUSE, and OFF welfare!!! Something isn't adding up here. You say your parents are uber Catholic and against sex before marriage, but you are living with them with your baby and baby daddy? And you are posting threads elsewhere about how to be a "freak in the sheets"? Young lady, your priorities are very very very screwed up! It's not your parent's job to take care of you, your baby, and your baby daddy, just as it is not my job to pay my heard earned taxpayer dollars to take care of your baby in WIC benefits because you were irresponsible. You shouldn't get married right now. You have much more growing up to do. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 then why would he tell me he wants to get married Because he can't afford a new truck and won't have a rent free place to live if he is honest with you. He will be out on his duff instead of in your parent's place. He won't be able to afford new truck if he has to pay rent and, eventually the child support you will ask for once you two break up. Really girl, before you go settling on this dude you need to wise up. You both started something (baby) before you were ready for it. He is just trying to manage the situation as much to his advantage for as long as he can. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 100% agree with folks...Something is not adding up. 1: He has a job, you dont. You want a house. No income or 2 year work history means...no house. Period. 2: You both are smart to save up by living with family. You are saving up right? Or is this his money...? Big difference. 3: What does marriage have to do with making an Honest person of You? Marriage is NOT going to suddenly transform you .... 4: You and your Significant Other are on two different stages of what is important. Listen to him..He actually makes rational sense. 5: Grateful for the program of WIC. Glad to be a tax payer that supports a program for our younger generation. I will leave you with this....Pretend for one moment you are all grown up and living life in a responsible manner....Now...Go do it for the next 50 or 60 years... Link to post Share on other sites
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