Is Money A Good Excuse For Not Tying The Knot?

[BlackLovely]

Messed up priorities are one of the reasons people die poor. How is it that you are collecting and worrying about an expensive ring and wedding?

 

There are single mothers with nobody to help them, who truly need govt help. You should be ashamed of yourself!

 

Forget about getting married, you need to establish some independence and responsibility.

 

GET A JOB!

[morganmedina]

Messed up priorities are one of the reasons people die poor. How is it that you are collecting and worrying about an expensive ring and wedding?

 

There are single mothers with nobody to help them, who truly need govt help. You should be ashamed of yourself!

 

Forget about getting married, you need to establish some independence and responsibility.

 

GET A JOB!

 

haha i love this. you act like im not trying to get a job. im in the process with rite aid right now. and how do i not need the help? my parents are paying on there bills and helping ALL my other brothers and sister. so me having WIC helps them with a little bit of groceries. which is like 4 gal of milk. and i get WIC for formula so we dont have to spend that money on that and save for a house.

 

we are saving money (his money right now) for whatever we need it for.

 

and you all say get out of my rents house but i cant do that if i dont have a job (working on it if u forgot) and i cant live with my bf if we arent married. if i COULD live with him without being married i would. i have been in a pickle with my parents for a while just trying to get there approval to get out of the house and live with him so our family can be a family.

and im all for a court house wedding or whatever but HE ISNT. read that HE ISNT not me. and hes not stalling. we have talked about this alot and he isnt stalling he said he just wants me to have the wedding a girl should have. sounds like a nice guy to me.

 

and my MOM wants me to be here. she says i need her. so im not a burden to this house.

[sally4sara]

haha i love this. you act like im not trying to get a job. im in the process with rite aid right now. and how do i not need the help? my parents are paying on there bills and helping ALL my other brothers and sister. so me having WIC helps them with a little bit of groceries. which is like 4 gal of milk. and i get WIC for formula so we dont have to spend that money on that and save for a house.

 

we are saving money (his money right now) for whatever we need it for.

 

and you all say get out of my rents house but i cant do that if i dont have a job (working on it if u forgot) and i cant live with my bf if we arent married. if i COULD live with him without being married i would. i have been in a pickle with my parents for a while just trying to get there approval to get out of the house and live with him so our family can be a family.

and im all for a court house wedding or whatever but HE ISNT. read that HE ISNT not me. and hes not stalling. we have talked about this alot and he isnt stalling he said he just wants me to have the wedding a girl should have. sounds like a nice guy to me.

 

and my MOM wants me to be here. she says i need her. so im not a burden to this house.

 

These are the thoughts of a child; not an adult. Rite aid will not pay well enough if you find yourself alone. And if you are 18, your parents can't keep you from leaving. I could have swore you said you were 20, but I might have you mistaken for someone else.

 

Your parents.

You ARE living with your BF without being married. If he had a place for you to live with him, outside of your parent's place, there is nothing your folks could do to stop you even if you remained unmarried. DOES YOUR BF HAVE A PLACE? Where would he go if he refused to marry you at some as yet determined moment in time where all the things you two need to accomplish magically come together?

 

None of this makes sense. You can't leave because you are not married, but you are of adult age? I suppose you had sex and got pregnant WITH your parents' permission? If they did not give you permission to do that then why do you need permission to move out?

You have to get married to live together because you are catholic? Yet you didn't wait for marriage to have sex as the catholic religion advocates. Your religion seems a handy excuse when you need it to be.....and ignored just as easily when it serves your immediate desires.

 

You mom says you need her because you don't think like an adult yet. It does not mean she loves, loves, loves having you there under these circumstances.

 

You guy, such a nice fella? What else could he say when asked if he is stalling? His reasons still delay things. You see that his efforts are not towards getting married. His efforts are to transportation. And once he has that transportation, I wonder if he won't use it to flee the scene.

 

Use your single, unwed mother status to get more than WIC if you're going to accept government assistance. Get a grant for college. You education will not stall you. It will not make excuses to you. It will not try to buy a truck while you would rather a marital union and house. And it will see you and you kid more real success than a marriage license ever will. If you still end up married to your BF, it will serve all three of you. Your parents are fine with you staying? Good! They will be fine with you staying and going to school. Grants for single unwed mothers can also cover some living expenses while you earn your degree.

[morganmedina]

These are the thoughts of a child; not an adult. Rite aid will not pay well enough if you find yourself alone. And if you are 18, your parents can't keep you from leaving. I could have swore you said you were 20, but I might have you mistaken for someone else.

 

Your parents.

You ARE living with your BF without being married. If he had a place for you to live with him, outside of your parent's place, there is nothing your folks could do to stop you even if you remained unmarried. DOES YOUR BF HAVE A PLACE? Where would he go if he refused to marry you at some as yet determined moment in time where all the things you two need to accomplish magically come together?

 

None of this makes sense. You can't leave because you are not married, but you are of adult age? I suppose you had sex and got pregnant WITH your parents' permission? If they did not give you permission to do that then why do you need permission to move out?

You have to get married to live together because you are catholic? Yet you didn't wait for marriage to have sex as the catholic religion advocates. Your religion seems a handy excuse when you need it to be.....and ignored just as easily when it serves your immediate desires.

 

You mom says you need her because you don't think like an adult yet. It does not mean she loves, loves, loves having you there under these circumstances.

 

You guy, such a nice fella? What else could he say when asked if he is stalling? His reasons still delay things. You see that his efforts are not towards getting married. His efforts are to transportation. And once he has that transportation, I wonder if he won't use it to flee the scene.

 

Use your single, unwed mother status to get more than WIC if you're going to accept government assistance. Get a grant for college. You education will not stall you. It will not make excuses to you. It will not try to buy a truck while you would rather a marital union and house. And it will see you and you kid more real success than a marriage license ever will. If you still end up married to your BF, it will serve all three of you. Your parents are fine with you staying? Good! They will be fine with you staying and going to school. Grants for single unwed mothers can also cover some living expenses while you earn your degree.

 

rite aid wont pay everything ur right but i have no completely college yet and i am 20 . im going to school in august for LPN.

[sally4sara]

rite aid wont pay everything ur right but i have no completely college yet and i am 20 . im going to school in august for LPN.

 

That's the best news I've read in this entire thread! Make that your main goal instead of getting married.

Whether his reasons are sincere or not, you cannot force him to marry you. Since what you want can't be had right now, spending time fretting about it is wasted time and pointless stress. Enjoy what you can make happen for you and your kid. If your BF is worth being with, he will figure out how to keep up with you.

[morganmedina]

That's the best news I've read in this entire thread! Make that your main goal instead of getting married.

Whether his reasons are sincere or not, you cannot force him to marry you. Since what you want can't be had right now, spending time fretting about it is wasted time and pointless stress. Enjoy what you can make happen for you and your kid. If your BF is worth being with, he will figure out how to keep up with you.

 

Thank You! this is the best answer i have heard too. im done reading these post now. you finished it.

[Tayla]

Thank You! this is the best answer i have heard too. im done reading these post now. you finished it.

 

More like this is the answer you are willing to accept as the other ones are too grown up and realistic for you to comprehend. Stay in your playpen. I for one am grateful you came here....you helped me understand that some young folks are still trying to find a free ride thru life.

[Mary3]

More like this is the answer you are willing to accept as the other ones are too grown up and realistic for you to comprehend. Stay in your playpen. I for one am grateful you came here....you helped me understand that some young folks are still trying to find a free ride thru life.

 

Wow ! ..........

[H1N1]

I think it depends on what you mean. The mere fact that two people don't have a lot of assets at the time they marry? No, that's not a reason to delay tying the knot. You might not have a lavish wedding. You may have to put off the honey moon. You might have to go cheap on a ring. But you can -- and should -- still get married. Marriage is about commitment, through good times and bad.

 

However, let's not b.s. ourselves. Money definitely has a day to day impact on a relationship. If you're married to someone who doesn't work or has crappy finance habits, that's going to be a major thorn in the side. That's something you have to assess before you marry.

 

So I guess the point is, if it's not about the money you have now, but how you manage what you have now and what you'll have in the future.

[georgia girl]

I just had to reply... and maybe because it's that I'm old (pushing 40, you know!) and getting married for the first time. What is wrong with peoples' priorities????

 

Thankfully, both my fiance and I own our homes but his is FINALLY under contract to sell (we're keeping mine). We also have the means to pay for our wedding, which will be nice but not out of this world.

 

Maybe its easier for me to say because we are lucky enough to afford what we want without it affecting us financially, but I would caution anyone against having a wedding and/or engagement ring that they can't afford. It's simply one day in a lifetime of days with your partner. Don't mortgage your future to create a fantasy. As for the ring, there are only a few pretentious prats out there that could (or would likely boast that they could) tell if it's cubic zirconia or a diamond.

 

Quite frankly, regardless of what I COULD have paid for my wedding, I am paying substantially less. It's just a waste of money (and yes, there are some parts of my own wedding which I think are ridiculously expensive for the return service/goods). I know you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. My fiance's nephew is getting married a month before us. He and his wife-to-be are both graduating from college with a wicked amount of debt - she's doing a six-year pharmacy program and he's not working until November because he's studying for the first of his CPA exams. While they have great future income potential, their $25,000 wedding is out of reach for both of them now and neither set of parents can afford to bail them out if they need it. I am so afraid they are going to start their married life with one of the greatest stressers on a marriage - financial problems.

 

Don't do this to yourself. Have what you can afford and make it special to the two of you. As for the truck, hold off on buying that, too. You need to get a job - regardless of what it is - and the two of you need to save money like its your second job. When you're ready - and that means being able to put AT LEAST 20% down - buy a house. Don't furnish it with anything you didn't pay cash for. I really hate to see young people make these kinds of mistakes about money. Get out of the mindset of impressing your girlfriends, keeping up with the Jones' and having a fantasy day. It leads to trouble with a capital T.

 

(By the way, I know of what I speak. Although we're old, my fiance and I each graduated with a phenomenal amount of debt from undergrad and law school. I owed nearly $45,000 and he owed over $70,000 - I had a scholarship. We both took clerkships as soon as we graduated to pay our bills while we took our boards and finally, through years of hard work, eventually paid everything off. We got to know each other when we were both working attorneys in our 30s with some means to our name, but we know what abject poverty looks like. I ate peanut butter and jelly for two straight years for dinner when my parents didn't have me over because I was paying $487.29 - I still remember the amount - on my student loans per month and only making $21,000 a year. My fiance used to work a second job on weekends - fixing boats and pumping gas for boaters - for the first three years he was out of school and still had to live with his parents to get by.)

 

Please don't mortgage your future - for anything other than your education. It's not worth it.

[georgia girl]

Thanks, Bond Girl! I really have no right telling other people how to live, but having been so poor once that I used to not sleep for worrying about money, it just kills me to see someone else do it to themselves. In the end, my education was worth it, but there were a lot of long, hard days when I just hated working so hard to only go home and face my bills.

[Mary3]

Wow, GEORGIA GIRL! I stand up and applaud you! I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

And just to throw in my personal story...my husband is a lawyer also. When we met he had school loans and debt as a result of a previous marriage. I had no debt though. And I had savings. I didn't want to start out our marriage by adding more debt to whatever he already had. I insisted on a small wedding. Not only that, and we argued about this, I insisted on a faux diamond engagement ring. To this day, people who claim they can tell with the naked eye (including jewelers) have gotten it wrong. I guess since we're in the upper end as far as average income now, they assume my diamond is real. So funny to me.

 

We never have money issues and we live very well...all because of those early sacrifices we were willing to make.

 

Anyway, bravo GG. I loved reading your post. I do hope the OP heeds your excellent advice.

 

Bravo BondGirl. ! You have a great money sense and your marriage is going to be the survive-all !

[Lipsy10]

then why would he tell me he wants to get married

 

Because he knows thats what you want to hear! He.Is.Stalling.

 

Im not saying he doesn't love you but maybe he just isn't ready to get married. 20 is very young.

 

I've had similar problems. My boyfriend wants the big white wedding but I personally think its a waste of money. In the end we decided to buy a house first and have a small wedding when we can afford it.

 

Truck (if essential for work)

House

Ring

Wedding

[Mary3]

Because he knows thats what you want to hear! He.Is.Stalling.

 

Im not saying he doesn't love you but maybe he just isn't ready to get married. 20 is very young.

 

I've had similar problems. My boyfriend wants the big white wedding but I personally think its a waste of money. In the end we decided to buy a house first and have a small wedding when we can afford it.

 

Truck (if essential for work)

House

Ring

Wedding

 

This is in great order ! I would have a wedding at the house / reception if things were super tight .

 

The ring I have seen nice ones at Walmart . It does not have to be an expensive jeweler. Just hopefully good quality and a warranty on the ring.

[John55]

He can afford a modest home (one/two bedroom apartment), civil ceremony, and a pretty ring (does price really matter?). He's got a car already, so good.

 

I'm not so sure about the modest home, contact local banks. Google is your friend for discount jewelry.

Edited July 28, 2010 by John55

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

I know this thread is old now, but OH MY GOD. I couldn't not comment.

You have to get married to live together because you are catholic? Yet you didn't wait for marriage to have sex as the catholic religion advocates. Your religion seems a handy excuse when you need it to be.....and ignored just as easily when it serves your immediate desires.

Good call, Sally.

 

You're just a few years younger than me, already on welfare, and want a 6k ring?

Are.

You.

Effing.

Serious.

You keep trying to put the onus on him, oh HE'S the one who keeps insisting you need THAT ring and no other...but you're the one who told him you want it? So why not tell him you want a ring that's more suitable to your budget? I can tell you I got the ring of my dreams to close to half of what you want (and both my fiance and I work fulltime and are financially stable). You don't need to go to a jewelry store where everything is overpriced - my fiance bought my ring at etsy.com and got an amazing deal (paid 1/4 of appraised value), and it's infinitely more beautiful than any ring I've seen in a jewelry store!

 

I'm sorry, but I'm absolutely disgusted after reading this thread I want to believe you are a troll.