Why is my ex trying to make me jealous and feel like ****?

[sweets_guy]

Here's the background on my situation. I was with my ex for 4 months and things got REALLY serious. Neither of us planned this...it just happened, which made it that much more special. Before we dated, we would text and talk on the phone everyday for a month straight. So we really got to know each other pretty well. WE could talk to eachother about anything and everything. She told me how she's never met a guy like me and how she rarely gives any guy the time of day. Once we finally made it official things just kept getting better and better in our relationship. We both fell in love and everything was perfect. She would always tell me she loves me and that I'm what she wants and I'm exactly what she wants in a guy and how happy she was that we were together. Our connection was very deep and romantic/intimate. Words can't even describe how happy we both were. It seriously was the PERFECT relationship. Neither of us had any doubts whatsoever. We were very open and vocal about how we felt about the relationship. She told me she wanted to marry me and how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. We only dated for a total of 4 months before she texted me and said, "we need to talk." She broke up with me an the end of February because she didn't feel the same way anymore. Plus she was graduating from school and wanted to enjoy her senior year and the summer.

 

I was devastated when she broke up with me. I felt shattered and lost. My heart has never hurt that bad ever. We still talked after the break. She told me that I shouldn't worry about us because she said we'd get back together once college starts in the fall. I asked her, "are you 100% positive?" She replied, "150%."

 

A month later I find out she has a new boyfriend. I was furious, jealous and sick to my stomach because I wasn't even close to being over her and she already had a new boyfriend. Are you serious?!?!?! I know me and her were only together for a solid 4 months but it was just as serious as a 2 year relationship, so for me it was so hard to get over her. I just couldn't accept the fact that she was already over me. Anyway we did talk while she dated this guy, but we ended up just arguing every time we did talk and I would tell her how I missed her and loved her. I know I texted her way too much and kept bringing up the past. That annoyed her that's for sure. I should of just stuck to the NO CONTACT rule.

 

I thought we could try and just stay friends or something, but I was just using that as an excuse to get closer to her or win her back. And I wanted to hold onto any sort of contact that I had with her. I'd try and get her to hang out with me but she told me that we couldn't hang out because she had a boyfriend and she was scared that if she did see me, that she would do something, like kiss me. That right there gave me a glimmer of hope that she still had some feelings for me. Our relationship was very romantic and we never started off as being just friends before we dated so we don't know how to be JUST friends. Anyway I would constantly text her when she was on my mind. I definitely let my emotions take control of the content we talked about. I ended up just annoying her and she told me there was no benefit for me to be in her life. She said that she was never going to get back together with me...blah blah blah. I told her that I'm sorry for the constant texts and calls and that I'll just talk to her when she's ready to talk again.

 

So she texted me last week and said, "hey was just thinking about you. hope you're doing well." I replied to her on this past Monday because I didn't want to just respond right away like some pathetic loser. So we've been just small talking but then last night...she sent me a text that said this, "we were saying bye to each other and then he kissed me and I cried. ohmygooddd."

 

I had no idea what she was talking about. She was like, "sorry. that text wasn't meant to be sent to you." I guess it was supposed to be sent to one of her girly friends. Do you think that was an honest mistake or did she send me that text on purpose knowing I'd get jealous and mad?? My friend Lisa told me that there's no way she "accidentally" sent me that text and that she did it because she has feelings for me still. Do you think there is any truth behind that?

I feel like she was trying to get a reaction out of me. BUT WHY?

I was trying to pretend like I didn't care but I did. To be honest I don't want to know anything that's going on in her personal life as far as other guys go. I wasn't sitting here telling her about anyone in my life.

 

Then she went on about how she met some guy and that they've been hanging out for 2 weeks and are in love with eachother. I told her I wasn't over her and that I didnt want to know any of this and that it was making me jealous. She said she would never intentionally hurt me, but then she like wouldn't stop talking about this guy. I told her to just stop and respect the fact I don't want to talk to her if she's going to bring up this guy. She was clearly doing it to piss me off and make me jealous. She made one comment where she said how this guy is more perfect than me. That comment really made me feel like ****. Seriously, why the hell would she say something like that? And why is she trying to make me jealous? She knows I'm not over her.

 

Also this morning, I basically told my ex to stop texting me. I told her there is no point for us to have any kind of contact. I told her to stay the **** out of my life. I know that I can't be friends with someone I still have VERY strong feelings for. If anyone has any advice, please please comment. I need to know that everything will be okay. I honestly feel like I will never find a girl like my ex and when I do that I'm only going to compare her to my ex.

Edited June 25, 2010 by sweets_guy

[LovelyDaze]

I love your brutal honesty on how you are feeling and how you reacted to situations with your ex.

 

Yes, she is trying to make you jealous as a means to keeping you on a string just in case the current relationship she is in, doesn't work out. Don't give her the pleasure of putting your heart and your integrity through a meat grinder. Exes(Dumpers) have a sadistic love for wanting the dumpee to continue being lovelorn for them. Your exGF would go completely ape s*** if you picked up and moved on with your life. Good reason to do it.

 

It is extremely hard to let go of someone you were so sure was right for you. I know. I felt the same way when I came on LS 9 months back. Thanks to so much great advice, I am now in a good place, dating and having fun. I have no clue what's going on with my ex anymore. He did return a couple of times to reconcile but I gathered enough strength to refuse.

 

Your ex is at the "dangling carrots" stage and is enjoying being chased. Don't give in. Anyone who doesn't mind you wallowing in pain is not a friend, much less the love of your life.

[sweets_guy]

Lovely daze,

 

So this isn't really an indication that she wants me back or still has feelings for me? What would she be keeping me on a string for and what happens when her current relationship fails? I don't want to be that guy she comes to just to talk. If she wants me back then she needs to be vocal about it instead of playing childish mind games.

 

I feel like I have a love/hate relationship with my ex and is very unsettling. Ugh this is so frustrating...I wish I knew the answers to everything. This whole break up has hurt me a lot and it's like she was over me in an instant and doesn't care about my feelings. I had mentioned to her the other day how she's said some hurtful things to me. She said she was sorry and would never intentionally hurt me. But then she rubs her current boy in my face two days later. She knows it's hurting me. So why is she intentionally hurting me?

 

Some of the things we discussed in our relationship are not things that should be discussed if they aren't meaningful and truthful. Like you don't say "I love you" unless you mean it. I've only said those three words to one other girl. I've dated a lot of girls too, so when those words come into play, then there's a reason why. This is why it's so difficult because I actually loved this girl. She had

Edited June 25, 2010 by sweets_guy

[D-Lish]

I don't think your ex knows anything about love at all.

Yes, she manipulated your feelings intentionally when she sent the text. She sounds like a total flake!

 

She's keeping you on the hook because she can, because you make it painfully easy for her to do so.

 

You know what would make you more attractive to her? Ignore her.

 

I think she enjoys the attention, plain and simple. Don't give her attention, don't let her lead you around by the nose anymore. No more contact, no more declarations of your love for her, NO MORE CONTACT.

 

A girl like this isn't worthy of your attention or longing. If she truly cared about you, she'd let you go. You have to take responsibility for you part in this, because you let her lead you around by the nose.

 

Start while you're young, and learn now, that you need to teach people how to treat you. She doesn't treat you well, but you continue to fawn all over her, and you need to stop.

 

Sometimes you have to make hard decisions about relationships and do what is best for you- even though it hurts like crazy. This girl has done nothing but manipulate you and hurt you- so your response should be to walk away and start the process of healing so you can move on.

[sweets_guy]

Thanks D-Lish . I know I played a part in this and I wish I just stuck to the no contact. It's just really hard for me to let go, when I know I gave her everything I had and cared about her more than anyone ever could.

 

I'm going to cut off all contact with her because I know that's best. I actually sent her a text this afternoon saying that we can't talk anymore and there's no point for us texting or talking on the phone. I told her I don't want her in my life and to stay the **** out of it. The no contact will be very tough, because my emotions are really fresh and sensitive right now. I know though I will be better off like you said D-Lish. They do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I know if we ever pick up again where we left off, that it was left very ugly and negatively.

 

I don't understand why she's being like this. She treated me really well in the relationship. It's like she's a completely different person right now and I don't know why.

 

Why would she want to manipulate my feelings and hurt me like this?

Edited June 25, 2010 by sweets_guy

[ALombard]

hey man,

 

Truth be told it really shouldn't matter to you why she is doing what she is doing to you. When my ex broke up with me she immediately started dating another guy (literally 3 days after we split). I went through the motions that we all do. There were plenty of time she would tell me to stop talking to her and vice versa, and many times she would yell at me and vice versa. When she found out a month after the relationship that I was with someone she flipped. After that I just went NC.

 

Another month later, I am single again and happy. The girl I was seeing after my ex is still a very good friend of mine.

 

See the beauty of break ups is this. When it does happpen, especially after a serious relationship, it gives you an opportunity to grow. People however don't see it like that for a while and get desperate. That's why it cracks me up now when I see a girl or guy dump their S/O and immediately jump into another relationship. They are so desperate to have that companionship that they will go with the next person who treats them well, damn the task of getting to know someone. That's why rebounds usually don't last.

 

So my advice, screw your ex. Change your number, block her from everything. Make it literally impossible for her to contact you at all. If she really wants you back then she will show up at your day one day begging. That probably wont happen but if it does you should really ask yourself why take her back.

 

I was with my ex for almost 5 years and now I would never take her back. The longer you go without speaking to your ex the more and more you focus on their flaws.

 

good luck.

[OndaChin]

Why does she treat me so badly??

 

My brother, I strongly suggest you read up on the "cluster B personality disorders"- Histrionic, BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), NPD(Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

 

You might be surprised what you learn!

 

When I was younger, I met a woman who seemed to "actually" get off on doing and saying hurtful things to me. Very sadistic sh*t! Through my NORMAL experiences- when realtionships fail, each partner goes there own way (or at the least) the dumper tries to be some what compassionate. However with some people- the pleasure in dumping comes in the pain and torment they can deliver to the dumpee!! I swear- the crap some people can do to others in a depressed emotional state is utterly AMAZING!

 

"Your EX IS absolutely playing with you like a cat does a mouse!!"

 

My lesson to you is simply this:

 

People can be predators and prey on other humans- emotionally/physically. You must be strong and separate yourself from this abuse. Time will heal your wounds- so long as you STAY CLEAR of any contact with this girl!!!

 

Best Wishes.