What do I do?

[Lost in Doubt]

I will make this as short as possible, if you require a more detailed description of the problem, I will elaborate on a different post, but for now I will stay brief and get the ball rolling.

 

A couple of years ago, I was married for two years to the woman I had been seeing for about six years. We started having problems and found other people from our work that catered to our needs at the time, instead of seeking it from ourselves as we should have. We work at the same place but not in the same department, so this rendevous with other people was not observed by each other. My wife and I finally ended up divorcing because of our troubles and our relationships with two other people. It did not take us long to realize that we had really messed up and we just needed a little help to resolve our problems. However, I kept dating the girl I was seeing during the divorce and eventually moved in with her and her toddler son. I built a good relationship with her son and her and I have built a very good relationship as well. However, during the past two years, I have been consumed with guilt from my divorce with my wife. I never considered myself to be "the cheating kind", but when I started having problems with my wife, it became so easy to seek the understanding of my needs and wants from someone else who seemed so willing to understand me, when my wife wasn't being that person. I have very strong feelings for my girlfriend, but I think about my ex-wife everyday. I have forgiven and forgotten the mistakes my wife and I made to each other, and talking with her, she has done the same. My girlfriend is ready for the next step (marriage and children) with me, with no thought about her past. She is completely focused on the future and she wants that future with me. But, I have not been able to reach the point in the relationship where she is due to the constant thoughts of my past marriage. I know that if I never met my wife, and had met my girlfriend instead, I could marry my girlfriend with no hesitation and be very happy. But I miss my relationship with my ex-wife and have thought everyday about who I should be with. There are a lot of intracacies about this whole story but that is the short of it. My question to you is this...what should I do to figure this dilemma out? Should I seek my ex-wife and fix our problems that seem so small now and rekindle that relationship? Or, should I stay with my girlfriend, consider the past as just that, the past, and move forward with a new life and a new partner? As I receive your advice, I will probably be inclined to divulge more information of the whole situation, but as I said, there is simply too much to put in one posting. Thanks.

[billy the kid]

well I am not really good at this but I think if your wife will take you back and you are willing to be faithful go back, cuz your girlfriend I assume knew you where cheating and so she is defin. not some one to trust.. then again you kinda said the same about your wife.. really I would stay with the one that I trusted most.. but the balls in your court.. so you decide... good luck

I will make this as short as possible, if you require a more detailed description of the problem, I will elaborate on a different post, but for now I will stay brief and get the ball rolling. A couple of years ago, I was married for two years to the woman I had been seeing for about six years. We started having problems and found other people from our work that catered to our needs at the time, instead of seeking it from ourselves as we should have. We work at the same place but not in the same department, so this rendevous with other people was not observed by each other. My wife and I finally ended up divorcing because of our troubles and our relationships with two other people. It did not take us long to realize that we had really messed up and we just needed a little help to resolve our problems. However, I kept dating the girl I was seeing during the divorce and eventually moved in with her and her toddler son. I built a good relationship with her son and her and I have built a very good relationship as well. However, during the past two years, I have been consumed with guilt from my divorce with my wife. I never considered myself to be "the cheating kind", but when I started having problems with my wife, it became so easy to seek the understanding of my needs and wants from someone else who seemed so willing to understand me, when my wife wasn't being that person. I have very strong feelings for my girlfriend, but I think about my ex-wife everyday. I have forgiven and forgotten the mistakes my wife and I made to each other, and talking with her, she has done the same. My girlfriend is ready for the next step (marriage and children) with me, with no thought about her past. She is completely focused on the future and she wants that future with me. But, I have not been able to reach the point in the relationship where she is due to the constant thoughts of my past marriage. I know that if I never met my wife, and had met my girlfriend instead, I could marry my girlfriend with no hesitation and be very happy. But I miss my relationship with my ex-wife and have thought everyday about who I should be with. There are a lot of intracacies about this whole story but that is the short of it. My question to you is this...what should I do to figure this dilemma out? Should I seek my ex-wife and fix our problems that seem so small now and rekindle that relationship? Or, should I stay with my girlfriend, consider the past as just that, the past, and move forward with a new life and a new partner? As I receive your advice, I will probably be inclined to divulge more information of the whole situation, but as I said, there is simply too much to put in one posting. Thanks.

[Tony T]

I really think you need to step back from both of these situations and be by yourself for a while. You know, it really won't kill you. When your mind settles, you will be in a much better position to decide what you want to do.

 

You have to do what you feel will make you happy. There are no guarantees. If you marry your present girlfiend, it might work out and it might not. If you go back to your ex wife, it could work out...and then again it might not.

 

You need to become a little less intense about this stuff. Your life is way too complicated. Back off from it. Do some simplifying. Once your head is clear of all the rubble, you will be in a lot better position to decide just who will make the best long term mate for you (provided they feel the same way).

 

I hope you will start giving a lot more thought to your actions and their consequences. It is just plain human to gravitate to something new and tantilizing but those things do sour quickly. As you mature emotionally, you begin to realize that love and contentment are where the heart of life will always be.

 

So take some time out. Clear your mind. Do that and you will make the right decision. Right now, your life is just too complicated for you to make sound, objective decisions about anything. And if either of these ladies doesn't like it, have them write me and I'll tell them how to handle it.