After 2 years ex contacts me

[vulcan]

I need some imput. Me and my ex gf broke up over 2 years ago. She ended it. I did nothing wrong in the realtionship. For lack of better words she had her head up her *** she treated me horribly. It ended messy and after a few months of trying to get her back I finally gave up and went NC. Totally left her alone and tried to move on. So out of the blue 2 weeks ago I get an email from her. She asked would it be terrible to ask you how you are doing? I replied said I was doing ok the dog is good I adopted a kitty and just been working and hanging out. The next e-mail I got from her was explaining that she didn't even know why she was so pissed at me and shes not mad anymore at anything and went on to say that basicly she was immature at that time. I replied with its cool Iam not mad either Im past all of it. So we exchanged a few more e-mails. She appoligized to me for everything she did and also included appologized to my best friend Carole for being a B***h to her. ]She mentioned that she wished I would have listened to her and moved out with her and that things would have been different. She mentioned that she is getting better with her social anxiety and said she is now more open to doing more things. She even suggested that the 3 of us, Her, my friend Carole and me hang out sometime. I have been playing it pretty cool and responding with nice friendly light e-mails. I told her I don't think anyone would be opposed to you hanging out and Iam sure there will be oppurtunities to hang out and stuff. I asked her if she was open to the idea of going for coffee. I haven't got a reply yet. i sent that e-mail mon night. So my questions are this:What does all this mean?? I gave her my phone number 2 weeks ago told her she could call but she hasn't called why could that be? In our e-mails we haven't talked about anything personal like were you working? where you living now? what you been up to nothing like that. And last, I usualy reply to her e-mails a day after I get it. She takes like a week to reply to mine. So Iam just looking for some input, advice, comments maybe a meaning to all this?Oh I do know that she is not dating anyone.[/COLOR]

Edited June 26, 2010 by vulcan
messed up

[StarrySkyBlue]

She's having doubts and is thinking about getting a second chance. However, from what she said in her emails I don't think she has 'matured' that much, so it's probably not a good idea to get back together right now. You did the right thing with playing it cool. She broke up with you. Let her initiate contact and do all the work if she really wants another chance.

 

And what's this thing with 'Carole' anyway? And, more importantly, how do you feel about her now? Do you still want to get back together with her at some point in the future?

[vulcan]

Carole is my best friend we known each other from High School. Carole has a BF and when I started dating my ex I told her right off the bat carole is my best friend. I did not do anything unusal. Carole and I are friends thats it. At most, Carole and I talked on the phone like friends. I never went anywhere with her alone or did anything that would even suggest anything other.

[vulcan]

Well Iam kinda mixed on how I feel. The trust is completely gone. I don't know if I could trust her 100% again and if I cant wahats the point? I do have issues from what she did to me. she hurt me alot and Im one fo those guys that think crazy stuff like I will always think what did she do with other guys, where did they go? were they better than me did she like certin things better with them than me? I don't know if I would feel the same about her again like I did love wise. Maybe I won't be able to put 100% back into this I dunno I just don't know

[DustySaltus]

If she was truly serious about making a reconciliation attempt she would've called you 2 seconds after you gave her your phone number.

 

....and even then, would you really want to go through what it would take to get to a level where you could have a meaningful relationship again? Only you can answer that.

[vulcan]

I know right??? I was thinking, should I send her a quick short e-mail. Something like this: Hey why does it take you soo long to reply???

Thats what I was thinking of sending. I mean I would like to know whats up because I really don't want to be playing any games. I am soo over games with people. Like you guys said I don't think it should take that long I mean if she wants to be with me geeez just come out and be straight with me.

[vivrantflo]

I bet your ex has been dating someone for the last two years, and that has recently gone sour. So she checks backwards to see how you're doing, and if you want her back.

 

If you show her too quickly that you do want her back, she'll take her time responding to you, cause that's what dumpers do. She's just checking to see if you still want her. Chances are, she's still in communication with her recent ex, which is why she's not responding to you promptly.

 

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't pursue her in any way, but I'd monitor how much effort she's putting in towards getting you back and let her do all the work.

 

And after all that, I STILL wouldn't go back. It's been two years man. You can totally find someone that hasn't damaged you, and that you can trust 100%

[DustySaltus]

I bet your ex has been dating someone for the last two years, and that has recently gone sour. So she checks backwards to see how you're doing, and if you want her back.

 

If you show her too quickly that you do want her back, she'll take her time responding to you, cause that's what dumpers do. She's just checking to see if you still want her. Chances are, she's still in communication with her recent ex, which is why she's not responding to you promptly.

 

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't pursue her in any way, but I'd monitor how much effort she's putting in towards getting you back and let her do all the work.

 

And after all that, I STILL wouldn't go back. It's been two years man. You can totally find someone that hasn't damaged you, and that you can trust 100%

 

I agree 100%. There is something missing from her life and she is looking to fill that with something familiar. The only way you can know whether or not her attempts to be with you are sincere is to continue to respond with indifference. As far as she knows, your life is GREAT...you're moving forward.

 

A second chance cannot work unless BOTH people are willing to do whatever it takes to make thingds work. It's HER job to prove that to you and your job to really sit back and decide if she is the best person for you going forward. Take all the time you need.

[DenverBachelor]

Remember that you were always the stronger person, you have all the power now and you've come to terms with what happened. You're the all powerful one, now. Who cares what she does. It is over with and has been for quite some time.

 

Just relieve her of guilt and wish her a peaceful existence and move on with your life. No ill-will from either party to the other.