Why do parents let children misbehave in public?

[bananalaffytaffy]

I really hate it when parents do not control their children in public. My H and I decided to have breakfast at Panera Bread (casual dining type place, but typically pretty quiet). Everything was fine until this kid started jumping up and down in his seat, screaming, and throwing food on the floor. The parents continued their conversation like they didn't even notice! We finally got up and moved, but could still hear the little brat, and could still see him when he got bored and started running all over the entire restaurant yelling! Yet the parents did nothing! The entire place was clearly annoyed. One old man even tried to trip the little fart as be ran by.

 

When I was growing up, I never acted like this, wouldn't have dreamt of it. Why do some parents let their children act like wild hooligans in public?

[sally4sara]

I really hate it when parents do not control their children in public. My H and I decided to have breakfast at Panera Bread (casual dining type place, but typically pretty quiet). Everything was fine until this kid started jumping up and down in his seat, screaming, and throwing food on the floor. The parents continued their conversation like they didn't even notice! We finally got up and moved, but could still hear the little brat, and could still see him when he got bored and started running all over the entire restaurant yelling! Yet the parents did nothing! The entire place was clearly annoyed. One old man even tried to trip the little fart as be ran by.

 

When I was growing up, I never acted like this, wouldn't have dreamt of it. Why do some parents let their children act like wild hooligans in public?

 

I think its because, if they had the skills to make the kid behave, the kid would behave to some extent in the first place. They don't want to be seen in public failing horribly as a parent. They know the kid will not listen. They don't listen at home. There is no point to them in participating publicly in a situation that will just melt down to the both of them acting like children with the real child gaining the upper hand for all to see. What it says to me is two things. They are too embarrassed to parent in public, and/or how they handle it in private will get CPS called on them if they employed the same method in public.

What I can't figure out is why parents don't sit down with the kid and explain the behavior necessary for where they are going and just leave if the kid starts cutting up and annoying everyone. Kids don't come out of the womb knowing what is appropriate behavior in all situations; you have to teach them.

[anne1707]

I think I can beat that one.

 

I was on a long train journey one day and there were two women with children nearby. The boy - who would have been aged about 8 so old enough to know better IMO - was climbing over the tables. It was very obvious what he was trying to do and then he succeeded -he pulled the emergency cord so the train automatically came to a halt.

 

The family just carry on chatting as if nothing has happened. In the meantime the guard starts his walk through the train to identify the problem (expecting a real emergency). The women say nothing - obviously don't care that the train can't start and hundreds of people are being held up because of this kid. It's not in my nature to do the meek and mild so I stopped the guard and told him what had happened and then the women have the nerve to glare at me for the rest of the journey as if I am the one at fault!

[Shakz]

People ought to have to have a license to have children just like a driver's license. You have to be a certain age, then you have to study a manual and take a written test, then take a practical exam. You should have to renew it every few years. Then, if your kid's misbehave in public, you get a ticket.

[norajane]

When I was growing up, I never acted like this, wouldn't have dreamt of it. Why do some parents let their children act like wild hooligans in public?

 

Because they don't know how to be parents, and don't understand that children actually need and welcome boundaries, and they know little about effective discipline/teaching techniques.

 

I think parents are just so wrapped up in their precious children and how awesome and miraculous they are when they are born, that they indulge them in everything and don't get it that they are creating monsters. Suddenly trying to reign them in after they've spent their whole lives giving in to their bad behavior doesn't work. Kids have already learned by that point that the parents won't enforce any rules.

[DaisyLeigh]

People ought to have to have a license to have children just like a driver's license. You have to be a certain age, then you have to study a manual and take a written test, then take a practical exam. You should have to renew it every few years. Then, if your kid's misbehave in public, you get a ticket.

 

Yeah, good luck legislating that one.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I have to deal with that on a damn near daily basis. People letting their kids lose their sh*t in the store, and they just continue to shop and sip their lattes. Some take them to the bathroom to spank them (as if spanking a kid who was losing their sh*t was really going to 'quiet' them).

 

When my D was little, it was simply just understood that you were not allowed to act that way. I didn't have to threaten or spank. I just set iron-clad boundaries, and made it clear through my body language and the way I spoke that tantrums in public are NOT ALLOWED. Never had a problem with it. If she even started to whimper or cry over something like that, I would tell her that because she did something not allowed, that we were leaving.

 

Boundaries, consequences, swift resolution. A lot of parents don't understand what boundaries are, or how to make them strong - nor do they understand enforcing consequences in meaningful ways. When the child knows not to do something, and they have a crystal clear understanding of why and what will happen, they won't.

 

I see a lot of parents trying to 'reason' with a child and clearly looking like Jr. or Junioress are trampling over them. Um, no. Young children are not high enough on that Maslow's scale to 'reason'.

[DaisyLeigh]

What about parents who have children who have disabilities like Autism, and who are doing their utmost to deal with the child, or trying their best to get the child the hell out of there?

 

My middle son has Autism. He doesn't have tantrums often, but on the rare occasion that he does, in the store, we try to calm him. If he is obviously not going to calm down, we get the hell out of Dodge.

 

Once, in the process of getting him out of the store, some old ****er decided to make a snide remark about how our son was too old to be acting like that. Really rude. Again, we were on our way OUT of the store, not ambling along and ignoring him. DH was pissed, but I told him to take the kids out to the car and I would be along in a few minutes.

 

I went up to the man and told him that my son has a developmental disorder called Autism. That he sometimes cannot help his reactions to things and will have a meltdown. The old man started to say something and I told him that it is not helpful to make remarks when we were OBVIOUSLY trying to deal with the situation and in fact, were LEAVING the store as fast as we can. I also told him that perhaps he should educate himself about Autism and perhaps he should use some manners, if he had any, and not make a bad situation worse.

 

I am sorry that my son sometimes disturbs others. I am sorry that he is not perfectly quiet and still at all times. I am sorry that he is loud when he does have the rare meltdown. But, please, we are doing our best and it is not helpful to hear snide remarks about our parenting or how bad our kid is. For cripes sake, would a LITTLE compassion be too much to ask?

 

Now, those parents who do NOTHING while Junior wreaks havoc, piss me off. It makes it worse on decent parents, who are trying to raise their children to be decent human beings.

[Shakz]

Yeah, good luck legislating that one.

 

Just being facetious. As I'm sure this thread will bear out (if it goes any farther) we've found it nearly impossible to establish a reliable criteria for defining bad parenting, much less good parenting.

[DaisyLeigh]

I have to deal with that on a damn near daily basis. People letting their kids lose their sh*t in the store, and they just continue to shop and sip their lattes. Some take them to the bathroom to spank them (as if spanking a kid who was losing their sh*t was really going to 'quiet' them).

 

When my D was little, it was simply just understood that you were not allowed to act that way. I didn't have to threaten or spank. I just set iron-clad boundaries, and made it clear through my body language and the way I spoke that tantrums in public are NOT ALLOWED. Never had a problem with it. If she even started to whimper or cry over something like that, I would tell her that because she did something not allowed, that we were leaving.

 

Boundaries, consequences, swift resolution. A lot of parents don't understand what boundaries are, or how to make them strong - nor do they understand enforcing consequences in meaningful ways. When the child knows not to do something, and they have a crystal clear understanding of why and what will happen, they won't.

 

I see a lot of parents trying to 'reason' with a child and clearly looking like Jr. or Junioress are trampling over them. Um, no. Young children are not high enough on that Maslow's scale to 'reason'.

 

 

I agree with you. However, these days, if you even dare to discipline with more than, "now Honey", people are quick to call CPS on you. Not that I cane if some idiot calls them on me, because I am doing nothing wrong. But, maybe that is why. Aside from absolute laziness.

[DaisyLeigh]

Just being facetious. As I'm sure this thread will bear out (if it goes any farther) we've found it nearly impossible to establish a reliable criteria for defining bad parenting, much less good parenting.

 

I was being facetious too. :bunny:

[Shakz]

I was being facetious too. :bunny:

 

Touche, DaisyLeigh.

[norajane]

I agree with you. However, these days, if you even dare to discipline with more than, "now Honey", people are quick to call CPS on you. Not that I cane if some idiot calls them on me, because I am doing nothing wrong. But, maybe that is why. Aside from absolute laziness.

 

Discipline doesn't require physical punishment or yelling at them. Discipline is about teaching boundaries and consequences and backing them up consistently with actions. My dad could silence me with a look, and not because I was afraid of physical punishment because they didn't do that.

 

It's stuff like consistently not giving in to a tantrum in a store because you won't buy them whatever. If they know a tantrum won't get them what they want, and will just lead to leaving the store and going home, they won't bother and will listen to "no, you can't have that." Kids really do understand the concept of "indoor voice" and "outdoor voice". They do understand no dessert or flat out leaving if they act up in a restaurant. They do understand no tv if you do x,y,z, or time-outs (in a room without tv, video games, toys, etc.).

[Shakz]

Discipline doesn't require physical punishment or yelling at them. Discipline is about teaching boundaries and consequences and backing them up consistently with actions. My dad could silence me with a look, and not because I was afraid of physical punishment because they didn't do that.

 

It's stuff like consistently not giving in to a tantrum in a store because you won't buy them whatever. If they know a tantrum won't get them what they want, and will just lead to leaving the store and going home, they won't bother and will listen to "no, you can't have that." Kids really do understand the concept of "indoor voice" and "outdoor voice". They do understand no dessert or flat out leaving if they act up in a restaurant. They do understand no tv if you do x,y,z, or time-outs (in a room without tv, video games, toys, etc.).

 

A very important word.

[DaisyLeigh]

Discipline doesn't require physical punishment or yelling at them. Discipline is about teaching boundaries and consequences and backing them up consistently with actions. My dad could silence me with a look, and not because I was afraid of physical punishment because they didn't do that.

 

It's stuff like consistently not giving in to a tantrum in a store because you won't buy them whatever. If they know a tantrum won't get them what they want, and will just lead to leaving the store and going home, they won't bother and will listen to "no, you can't have that." Kids really do understand the concept of "indoor voice" and "outdoor voice". They do understand no dessert or flat out leaving if they act up in a restaurant. They do understand no tv if you do x,y,z, or time-outs (in a room without tv, video games, toys, etc.).

 

I understand that and you understand that, but there are folks who think you are abusing your child even if you take things away from them, or put them in a time out.

 

You simply cannot win.

[LucreziaBorgia]

What about parents who have children who have disabilities like Autism, and who are doing their utmost to deal with the child, or trying their best to get the child the hell out of there?

 

My middle son has Autism. He doesn't have tantrums often, but on the rare occasion that he does, in the store, we try to calm him.

 

 

Thats a different kettle of fish altogether. Kids in the autism spectrum think on entirely different levels and things like boundaries and punishments have to be handled differently. I have seen parents with children with developmental delays and children in the autism spectrum and they have an entirely different method of setting boundaries and calming their children. I fully understand that sometimes a child who is in a full blown panic can't process their environment in a way that would allow them to calm down.

 

In that case, it is the parents of other children who don't recognize autism or even believe in it - and in turn feel the need to pass judgement on the behavior of autistic kids that piss me off.

 

I've even heard people say "well, a good spanking would knock that "autism" right out"

[bananalaffytaffy]

The child in question here was definitely not autistic or developmentally challenged or anything else. He was, however, misbehaving horribly, while his parents did nothing to control him. It was obvious that they were not bothered by his behavior, and didn't care that they were being inconsiderate of other patrons.

[LucreziaBorgia]

The child in question here was definitely not autistic or developmentally challenged or anything else. He was, however, misbehaving horribly, while his parents did nothing to control him. It was obvious that they were not bothered by his behavior, and didn't care that they were being inconsiderate of other patrons.

 

Yeah, I hear you - I really dislike garden variety crappy behavior enabling.

[Feelin Frisky]

 

.....Why do some parents let their children act like wild hooligans in public?

 

Because such parents are socially illiterate and therefore default to neglect of social considerations. This is true throughout the entire spectrum of society, often true of the more well off to whom other people's existence and rights are distant necesssary evils if anything. There's also the new phenomenon of seeing ADD or ADHD everywhere for those with a pacifistic nature and thus mass chalking it all off to something god or nature has set in stone. Gettting hit in the back of the legs with a belt seems to have gotten some serious attention in the past.

[fooled once]

I really hate it when parents do not control their children in public. My H and I decided to have breakfast at Panera Bread (casual dining type place, but typically pretty quiet). Everything was fine until this kid started jumping up and down in his seat, screaming, and throwing food on the floor. The parents continued their conversation like they didn't even notice! We finally got up and moved, but could still hear the little brat, and could still see him when he got bored and started running all over the entire restaurant yelling! Yet the parents did nothing! The entire place was clearly annoyed. One old man even tried to trip the little fart as be ran by.

 

When I was growing up, I never acted like this, wouldn't have dreamt of it. Why do some parents let their children act like wild hooligans in public?

 

because parents today are too busy trying to be their kids friend. They don't want to upset their poor little kid and make them cry. Seriously -- this is the problem today. Parents spoil, coddle and allow these kids to do whatever they want because they want them to LIKE them.

 

I wish someone would create ADULT only airlines, restaurants, hotels, etc. The total lack of discipline on this last generation has screwed this world. It is a rare event when a child is disciplined, told to behave, etc.

 

Parent refuse to act on what they say. I have seen so many parents tell their kid to quiet down or else... no dessert, no toy, would go home, etc. They threaten their kid 2-10 times, and then GIVE IN instead of owning what they said.

 

Too many parents today think these kids need to be reasoned with, that these kids deserve a say so in whether they will behave, follow directions, etc. It is so scary to know that these self involved, coddled, spoiled, self centered people will one day be running this world. YIKES.

 

And if each generation gets worse with parenting, can you image the NEXT generation!!!

[threebyfate]

Why do parents let children misbehave in public?

Because as parents they are the epitome of EPIC FAIL!

[VenusMars]

The child in question here was definitely not autistic or developmentally challenged or anything else. He was, however, misbehaving horribly, while his parents did nothing to control him. It was obvious that they were not bothered by his behavior, and didn't care that they were being inconsiderate of other patrons.

 

I have to reply to this and say that it is not really possible for you to know whether the child had autism or not. It takes professionals many months of evaluation and psychological assesment to work out if a child is on the autistic spectrum. There are some parents who just dont parent their kids, and do bring up little terrors. But for some of us, we are good parents with other very well behaved children. To those of us who have an autistic child who is appearing to behave like a spoilt brat due to a sensory overload, it is very difficult and upsetting when people give us looks or even comments about 'controlling our children'.

Since it is not possible for the average person to discern whether a child is autistic or not, I always think its best to air on the side of caution rather than giving out dirty looks or comments to families who may well be at their witts end just trying to get through the day

[DaisyLeigh]

I have to reply to this and say that it is not really possible for you to know whether the child had autism or not. It takes professionals many months of evaluation and psychological assesment to work out if a child is on the autistic spectrum. There are some parents who just dont parent their kids, and do bring up little terrors. But for some of us, we are good parents with other very well behaved children. To those of us who have an autistic child who is appearing to behave like a spoilt brat due to a sensory overload, it is very difficult and upsetting when people give us looks or even comments about 'controlling our children'.

Since it is not possible for the average person to discern whether a child is autistic or not, I always think its best to air on the side of caution rather than giving out dirty looks or comments to families who may well be at their witts end just trying to get through the day

 

I agree with you.

 

However, even with our Autistic child, we try to parent him the best way we can. We have never just done NOTHING while he ran wild.

 

But I do agree and have been there. Nice to know someone else understands, isn't it?

[threebyfate]

While I understand that autistic children can be difficult, it wouldn't take one parent much to take the child outside so it doesn't spoil the meal for the rest of the restaurant. As well, a child who's jumping up and down and running wild in a restaurant is a danger to themselves.

 

As the parent of a newborn, we have no plans to take little Bump to a restaurant until he's able to behave. And even then, it will be to a family restaurant full of other children and when he cries, one of us, most likely myself will take him outside until he settles down.

 

As a doting aunt, when babysitting for family or friends when the kids ever acted up, we left if I was the only adult or I would take the kid(s) outside.

 

I've yet to figure out why everyone else should have to "put up" with bad behaviours from children.

[bananalaffytaffy]

I have to reply to this and say that it is not really possible for you to know whether the child had autism or not. It takes professionals many months of evaluation and psychological assesment to work out if a child is on the autistic spectrum. There are some parents who just dont parent their kids, and do bring up little terrors. But for some of us, we are good parents with other very well behaved children. To those of us who have an autistic child who is appearing to behave like a spoilt brat due to a sensory overload, it is very difficult and upsetting when people give us looks or even comments about 'controlling our children'.

Since it is not possible for the average person to discern whether a child is autistic or not, I always think its best to air on the side of caution rather than giving out dirty looks or comments to families who may well be at their witts end just trying to get through the day

I do not care if the child was autistic or not. The point is, the parents were doing NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to control this child! They didn't even notice when the child was running around the ENTIRE restaurant screaming it's head off! A parent of an autistic child does NOT ignore their child in public!