Why do parents let children misbehave in public?

[Clep]

I didn't even finish reading this thread because it's so full of-

 

I already know I shouldn't bother finishing that sentence.

 

I have been in public and seen lots of kids misbehave. When people get all pissy about it, they always sound like they think they are King or Queen of the world or something and that if ANYONE makes THEM uncomfortable in public, then they are obviously the most horrible person on earth. Because, you know, the world revolves around all of you and if you're not being made comfortable in a public place, which is about more than just you, that's why it's a PUBLIC PLACE, then you're so pissed off and everything is just awful.

 

I've seen people get pissy about the stupidest things for this reason. It's not just kids misbehaving. I've seen people get pissy because someone turned their hearing aid on and it made a high-pitched noise that was annoying. (Because, you know, it's so much worse to listen to a high-pitched noise than it is to actually be hard of hearing.) Or people getting pissy because someone was talking too loud or whatever.

 

First of all, no matter how annoyed you may get by a child misbehaving in public, the parents are feeling worse about it then you are at that moment, even if they appear to be ignoring the child. They know everyone is staring at them and judging them and the child is probably driving them at least as insane as it's driving you. Secondly, every person who claims that they never threw fits like that in public as a child is a liar. I promise you that you did it at least once. You ALL did it at least once. You just don't remember it because kids don't realize how destructive they are being, but if you ask your mothers and fathers, I promise you that THEY all remember vividly at least one time of you doing that. And it was torture for them and everyone around you judged you guys. Thirdly, children are mischevious by nature. They're still learning to grow up and how to act appropriately. Even though I know you all threw fits in public when you were a kid, you don't do that now. Why? Because you grew up and learned to be mature. Kids don't know how to be mature yet. They are NOT little adults. They are children and they all have their moments of misbehaving. Even among the BEST parents.

 

I've seen kids misbehave lots of times in public. I've had kids misbehave while I was giving speeches and things. One threw a full on fit while I was giving a speech. I've seen people with hearing AIDs. And people talking loud or whatever. And never once have I flipped out over it.

 

Honestly, you CAN ignore it, just like you can ignore all the loud voices in a room full of people talking to talk to the one person you want to focus on. You guys just choose not to and to be all upset about it and judge other people for no reason. As if what a child acts like is a representation of what they are going to be as an adult. None of you guys are anything like you were as a child now (or at least I hope you aren't.)

 

I do understand being upset if the kid is touching you or screaming right in your face. (I've had this happen to me as well and I actually didn't even freak out in these instances either.) Because they are invading your personal space, but most of you are NOT talking about situations like that. You're talking about someone across the room, who you are not even bothering to help or understand, who you are picking on while the person is having a bad day. Way to go, all of you.

 

And for those of you who are so worried about things like ADD and think that everyone is making it up (which I don't think they make those things up.) Well, maybe they wouldn't be making that crap up if people would just view it as NORMAL when kids ran around and misbehaved sometimes. There would be no need for parents if kids behaved perfectly from the moment they were born.

 

I did throw a fit in public....once. My mother handled it quite appropriately by removing me from the store and letting me gently know the expectations.

 

I don't think this thread is about whether children will act out, it is about how parents handle that kind of situation. This isn't about if children are mischievous or the nature of children. This is about the type of guidance they receive to aid them in becoming the best version of themselves.

 

If a child is acting out and the parents are ignoring it, they are sending a clear message to their child that being courteous of others around them is not of value. They send a message that the child is the only person that matters which aids in brining up an intolerant and selfish person. That is the person you are describing in your post.

 

The value systems children learn up to the age of twelve is what they take with them through life. It isn't like they can't be changed later on in life, but that takes a realization on the part of the growing teenager/adult which takes a certain amount of life lessons to learn. I think the rate of our civilization going downhill is a reflection of children that never really grew up.

 

Me being uncomfortable in a public place isn't about just me, it is about my children and others around me. The nice thing about it is I get to use the poor behavior of others to teach my own child. When he sees children behaving that way he mentions how sad their choices are, and also mentions that the parent is not doing anything about it. It confuses him to see a parent not parenting. I have an opportunity to create empathy, tolerance and patience in him. That truly is a gift.

 

When I see a child screaming, kicking, throwing and demanding due to their parent's refusal to buy them gum, it is apparent that kind of response via the child is not due to a bad day. It is due to permissive parenting.

 

The idea you suggest about people possibly making up ADD because people berate them when their children act up is distorted thinking imo. I am no more responsible for anyone else than they are for me.

 

I am not sure I could possibly help someone in that situation aside from giving them a parenting book. If I was to offer to care for the child they have ruined to give them a break, it wouldn't change their skills or perceptions. This type of behavior doesn't need a band aid, it needs surgery.

[sb129]

I didn't even finish reading this thread because it's so full of-

 

I already know I shouldn't bother finishing that sentence.

 

I have been in public and seen lots of kids misbehave. When people get all pissy about it, they always sound like they think they are King or Queen of the world or something and that if ANYONE makes THEM uncomfortable in public, then they are obviously the most horrible person on earth. Because, you know, the world revolves around all of you and if you're not being made comfortable in a public place, which is about more than just you, that's why it's a PUBLIC PLACE, then you're so pissed off and everything is just awful.

 

I've seen people get pissy about the stupidest things for this reason. It's not just kids misbehaving. I've seen people get pissy because someone turned their hearing aid on and it made a high-pitched noise that was annoying. (Because, you know, it's so much worse to listen to a high-pitched noise than it is to actually be hard of hearing.) Or people getting pissy because someone was talking too loud or whatever.

 

First of all, no matter how annoyed you may get by a child misbehaving in public, the parents are feeling worse about it then you are at that moment, even if they appear to be ignoring the child. They know everyone is staring at them and judging them and the child is probably driving them at least as insane as it's driving you. Secondly, every person who claims that they never threw fits like that in public as a child is a liar. I promise you that you did it at least once. You ALL did it at least once. You just don't remember it because kids don't realize how destructive they are being, but if you ask your mothers and fathers, I promise you that THEY all remember vividly at least one time of you doing that. And it was torture for them and everyone around you judged you guys. Thirdly, children are mischevious by nature. They're still learning to grow up and how to act appropriately. Even though I know you all threw fits in public when you were a kid, you don't do that now. Why? Because you grew up and learned to be mature. Kids don't know how to be mature yet. They are NOT little adults. They are children and they all have their moments of misbehaving. Even among the BEST parents.

 

I've seen kids misbehave lots of times in public. I've had kids misbehave while I was giving speeches and things. One threw a full on fit while I was giving a speech. I've seen people with hearing AIDs. And people talking loud or whatever. And never once have I flipped out over it.

 

Honestly, you CAN ignore it, just like you can ignore all the loud voices in a room full of people talking to talk to the one person you want to focus on. You guys just choose not to and to be all upset about it and judge other people for no reason. As if what a child acts like is a representation of what they are going to be as an adult. None of you guys are anything like you were as a child now (or at least I hope you aren't.)

 

I do understand being upset if the kid is touching you or screaming right in your face. (I've had this happen to me as well and I actually didn't even freak out in these instances either.) Because they are invading your personal space, but most of you are NOT talking about situations like that. You're talking about someone across the room, who you are not even bothering to help or understand, who you are picking on while the person is having a bad day. Way to go, all of you.

 

And for those of you who are so worried about things like ADD and think that everyone is making it up (which I don't think they make those things up.) Well, maybe they wouldn't be making that crap up if people would just view it as NORMAL when kids ran around and misbehaved sometimes. There would be no need for parents if kids behaved perfectly from the moment they were born.

 

 

WHOA! Flipping out much?

 

I have NO problem with the children. Acting up to a point is normal.

 

Parents who expect you to be cool with it when their kids are running riot in places that are inappropriate for children are an entirely different kettle of fish. Its THEM I get p*ssy with.

 

Thank you! People choose not to have children can't stand the entitled attitude that most (not all) parents have.

 

I can understand that completely, I am a new (ish) parent, and I can remember what it was like before I was one. Not everyone thinks your child is the most interesting conversation topic in the world!

 

Clep- great posts, extremely insightful and interesting to read, thank you. Agree with you wholeheartedly.

 

TBF- yes, thanks for clarifying, i agree, the disorders mentioned do "exist" but certainly not in the numbers many parents would have us believe.

[SweetD]

A tantrum never happened again as I quietly shared with her she has a choice, to stay with me, or go to the sitter. This extended everywhere we went.

 

It really bothers me to have to listen to a child screaming with their parent ignoring that. The behaviors of a child should not determine the quality of my outing.

 

I was the one who spoke of ignoring my daughters fake cries in the grocery store. I understand your point, but understand there is no ONE "blanket" parenting method which works all the time. My daughter has indeed thrown a full on temper tantrum in the store, in which case, other disciplinary methods were enforced. Like you, I removed her, talked to her, and said there would be no more store with mommy if that happened again. The point of me stating that I used the ignoring method was to show that it does have its purpose in particular situations, at least for me. Removing her from the store and threatening her w/a babysitter is unnecessary if she is merely whimpering b/c she couldn't get a toy. So, I ignore and move along and the behavior usually subsides within minutes. If a full on tantrum ensues, of course, bring in the big guns, but it is not always necessary at first whimper. Additionally, people need to understand that baby's, toddlers, and wild children are a fact of life. Unpleasant yes, but so are grumpy old people, slow drivers and people who act like they know everything about everything.

Edited July 21, 2010 by SweetD

[donnamaybe]

My sweety and I were recently on our way back home on a 2 1/2 hour drive. We stopped midway for lunch. Coming out of the bathroom, I was met with a child approximately the age of 8 or 9 THROWING A BALL AROUND IN THE RESTAURANT - while the parents looked on, of course. I had to dodge this kid who almost trampled on me running to catch her ball which she had just thrown with her parents' permission - let me repeat - IN A RESTAURANT!

 

Call me "pissy" all you want, but that is just plain, good ol' fashioned shi__y parenting.

[Clep]

I was the one who spoke of ignoring my daughters fake cries in the grocery store. I understand your point, but understand there is no ONE "blanket" parenting method which works all the time. My daughter has indeed thrown a full on temper tantrum in the store, in which case, other disciplinary methods were enforced. Like you, I removed her, talked to her, and said there would be no more store with mommy if that happened again. The point of me stating that I used the ignoring method was to show that it does have its purpose in particular situations, at least for me. Removing her from the store and threatening her w/a babysitter may be useful if she has thrown herself on the ground screaming, but if she is merely whimpering b/c she couldn't get a toy, I ignore and move along. Additionally, people need to understand that baby's, toddlers, and wild children are a fact of life. Unpleasant yes, but so are grumpy old people, slow drivers and people who act like they know everything about everything.

 

I was not speaking of your post nor ignoring quiet whimpering. I agree completely, I would not make a big deal out of it. But I would not ignore that either. I would use it as a learning tool.

 

I am speaking of a temper tantrum, loud and disruptive. I see it on a regular basis most places I go. I am saying that whatever discipline method a parent chooses, it would be considerate of others if that method doesn't interfere with another.

 

There are so many preventative methods that can be used with children if one is so inclined to take the time to think them up, and consistently apply them. For this reason I don't need to understand that wild children are a fact of life. I also say that facts of life are things that cannot be changed, such as the weather. Behavior does not fall under that category in my eyes.

 

We are not on a thread about grumpy old people or slow drivers or how you perceive other people feel about themselves. I do find it interesting though when people bring up things such as that diverting the attention from the real thread here.....the alarming number of children in the world lacking healthy direction.

[Enchanted Girl]

WHOA! Flipping out much?

 

I am mad about how far people take this and how judgmental they are. People complaining about any subject occasionally doesn't bother me, but the amount of times I have heard,"That person is obviously a horrible parent because their child is misbehaving" as if they can judge that person as a whole and their parenting skills as a whole after seeing a child misbehave one time for five minutes really irritates me. People take it way too far in most cases and act really superior about it. To the point of being super stuck-up. It's the equivalent, in my opinion, of looking down on poor people because they are not as rich as you. You're not fitting into the norms and manners of society (like a children only misbehaving in private, so you an look good to everyone else), so you're a failure as a parent supposedly.

 

Also, just because a child doesn't misbehave in public, doesn't mean the parent is a super awesome parent, but this is what is assumed. They know how to punish their kids supposedly and make them model children to the public eye, so they must be doing everything right, which is wrong to assume.

 

I'm not even a parent of a child, but I do take it very seriously how hard of work it actually is to raise a child. And I've seen a lot of people who were completely exhausted by their children being criticized for being awful parents, even though they put their whole selves into raising their child. To me, this is like kicking a dog when it's down. The mother is usually already desperate feeling when a child is throwing a fit like that. People make it worse when they openly judge her or say mean things to her. No one ever goes up to these women and says,"Let me kindly give you friendly advice and show you how to calm your kid down" and even that is inappropriate at certain times. Instead, they usually stare at her with judgment in her eyes or tell her to shut her kid up as if she derives all her pleasure from purposefully making her child misbehave in order to make everyone around her miserable.

[donnamaybe]

No one ever goes up to these women and says,"Let me kindly give you friendly advice and show you how to calm your kid down" and even that is inappropriate at certain times.

 

Oh, yeah. Like the time when I was living in military housing in Germany and saw the neighbor's 5 year old dropping his pants right beneath my kitchen window and squatting down to take a dump, eh? I told him to go home and do that! I then thought, "Well, I'm betting mom would like to know so she can appropriately deal with her son." BIG mistake. I imagined how I would feel if someone had to deliver that kind of news, so I approached her as kindly and with as much understanding as possible (i.e. "we're both moms, so we're in this together" kind of thing). The bee-yotch nearly bit my head off and told me to leave her son alone.

 

THOSE are the parents THIS thread is about.

[Enchanted Girl]

Oh, yeah. Like the time when I was living in military housing in Germany and saw the neighbor's 5 year old dropping his pants right beneath my kitchen window and squatting down to take a dump, eh? I told him to go home and do that! I then thought, "Well, I'm betting mom would like to know so she can appropriately deal with her son." BIG mistake. I imagined how I would feel if someone had to deliver that kind of news, so I approached her as kindly and with as much understanding as possible (i.e. "we're both moms, so we're in this together" kind of thing). The bee-yotch nearly bit my head off and told me to leave her son alone.

 

THOSE are the parents THIS thread is about.

 

I know there are people who exist like that out there. There are ALWAYS people who exist like whatever horrible stereotype out there.

 

It's just that most of the time when people complain, they actually aren't complaining about people like that.

[LovieDove24]

Clep I believe we agree on most levels here. I am a firm believer in setting boundaries and discipling my child. It is similarly distressing to me to see parents who make no attempt to do so with their child. My only digression is that it simply cannot be as black and white as you make it. Parenting is a learn as you go process. Sometimes the parents who let their child scream in a grocery store are the same who have a polite little eater when they go out to restaurants. And sometimes, people are just plain ol' havin a bad day...ya just never know.

 

And I certainly share your frustration of wanting all parents to give their children guidance and boundaries. It is what children THRIVE on, they NEED discipline and consequences to grow into healthy adults (and to make for more pleasant atmospheres). However, the fact remains that there are parents who don't believe/follow/enact these same philosophies and therefore their children will probably misbehave. It sounds like you think you can change these types of people and their parenting skills (or at least that you really want to) but the fact remains that you cannot. We are only in control of ourselves. What does this mean? Be the best parent YOU can be, and accept your public surroundings for what they are. (The only alternative would be to start attending or shopping at adult only events...which no doubtably will be hard to find).

[LovieDove24]

I am mad about how far people take this and how judgmental they are. People complaining about any subject occasionally doesn't bother me, but the amount of times I have heard,"That person is obviously a horrible parent because their child is misbehaving" as if they can judge that person as a whole and their parenting skills as a whole after seeing a child misbehave one time for five minutes really irritates me. People take it way too far in most cases and act really superior about it. To the point of being super stuck-up. It's the equivalent, in my opinion, of looking down on poor people because they are not as rich as you. You're not fitting into the norms and manners of society (like a children only misbehaving in private, so you an look good to everyone else), so you're a failure as a parent supposedly.

 

Also, just because a child doesn't misbehave in public, doesn't mean the parent is a super awesome parent, but this is what is assumed. They know how to punish their kids supposedly and make them model children to the public eye, so they must be doing everything right, which is wrong to assume.

 

I'm not even a parent of a child, but I do take it very seriously how hard of work it actually is to raise a child. And I've seen a lot of people who were completely exhausted by their children being criticized for being awful parents, even though they put their whole selves into raising their child. To me, this is like kicking a dog when it's down. The mother is usually already desperate feeling when a child is throwing a fit like that. People make it worse when they openly judge her or say mean things to her. No one ever goes up to these women and says,"Let me kindly give you friendly advice and show you how to calm your kid down" and even that is inappropriate at certain times. Instead, they usually stare at her with judgment in her eyes or tell her to shut her kid up as if she derives all her pleasure from purposefully making her child misbehave in order to make everyone around her miserable.

 

You spoke to my defensive side completely It is exhausting, thankless work and you are SO right that children of even the BEST parents misbehave...in public, private, when no one is looking, etc!!! After all, children are humans, we all have our indiscretions...kids just have different ways of showing it.

[donnamaybe]

I know there are people who exist like that out there. There are ALWAYS people who exist like whatever horrible stereotype out there.

 

It's just that most of the time when people complain, they actually aren't complaining about people like that.

 

Actually, from the descriptions I've read, those are the people who've been complained about in this particular thread. I seriously doubt that any of the parents in this thread haven't had episodes with their children. It's how they DEAL with them - or not at all - that counts. You can't raise kids with a "crap shoot" mentality and think it'll work.

[txsilkysmoothe]

My 12 yo daughter and I were at the apartment complex swiming pool yesterday. She, one of her friends, and I were the only ones there. Along comes "A" - a 10-12 yo boy, his younger brother, and their grandma.

 

"A" broke into an apartment about a month ago. His mother can't control him at all.

 

While at the pool, He untied the girls bikini top and got a mouth full of pool water and spit it in her face. His grandma simply said, "A" don't do that, it's disgusting."

 

My lounger was about 10 feet from the edge of the pool. The younger brother used his hand to splash water out of the pool in my direction and it hit me and my phone. I said "hey." I don't think he meant to do it. Grandma was oblivious and was now talking to her adult granddaughter who had joined her. "A" started splashing water in my direction and encouraged his brother to do the same. I attempted to be patient and hoped Grandma saw what was happening. She didn't, so I approached her. I said, "Excuse me, do you think it is necessary that the boys splash water all the way over there where I am sitting?" She replied "no, it sure isn't." Adult granddaughter quipped, "it's a swimming pool, you're going to get wet." I replied, "that's true sometimes, but there are three other sides of the pool they can splash water out of and not bother anybody. Yet the only place they chose to splash water is in my direction. Do you think it might be intentional?" "A" heard his sister's defense and started repeating, "it's a swimming pool, you're going to get wet," over and over again. I exchanged some more words with granddaughter; got my daughter and left.

 

These things drive my crazy. "A" will end up in jail before 15. Before this incident, his mother had been there speaking with grandma about a fight he had been in earlier that day. She was going to have to take him to stay with someone else for the night to "keep him safe."

 

I only need to look at my daughter and she knows she is behaving in a manner I don't permit and had better stop. I would never allow her to speak disrespectfully to an adult even if the adult was in the wrong.

Edited July 21, 2010 by txsilkysmoothe

[donnamaybe]

TX, you're a better woman than I. I would've had to grab a bucket, filled it with pool water, and dumped it over the head of that snotty little girl.

 

After all, "It's a swimming pool. You're going to get wet."

[Clep]

Clep I believe we agree on most levels here. I am a firm believer in setting boundaries and discipling my child. It is similarly distressing to me to see parents who make no attempt to do so with their child. My only digression is that it simply cannot be as black and white as you make it. Parenting is a learn as you go process. Sometimes the parents who let their child scream in a grocery store are the same who have a polite little eater when they go out to restaurants. And sometimes, people are just plain ol' havin a bad day...ya just never know.

 

And I certainly share your frustration of wanting all parents to give their children guidance and boundaries. It is what children THRIVE on, they NEED discipline and consequences to grow into healthy adults (and to make for more pleasant atmospheres). However, the fact remains that there are parents who don't believe/follow/enact these same philosophies and therefore their children will probably misbehave. It sounds like you think you can change these types of people and their parenting skills (or at least that you really want to) but the fact remains that you cannot. We are only in control of ourselves. What does this mean? Be the best parent YOU can be, and accept your public surroundings for what they are. (The only alternative would be to start attending or shopping at adult only events...which no doubtably will be hard to find).

 

I am not one that really finds discipline to be the key here. I use many more preventative methods as opposed to discipline. I don't take my child hungry or tired anywhere. I bring him things to do, I have him help me shop, I provide him a purpose before we hit the store. I give constant positive reinforcement for positive choices. At home I use myself as a model of how we as humans "feel" frustrated and angry, then verbalize what I can do about it instead.

 

In an ideal world everyone would find a way to use methods that bring he desired results. I don't think that a consistent out of control child is that result.

 

I don't want to control others, or what they do with their lives. It would be pleasant to see them do that themselves. If they can't or won't for whatever reason that may be, I use it to my advantage as a learning tool for my own child. I think that is accepting my surroundings for what they are and going with that.

 

I do think it would be wise however for parents to realize that others don't see their children through the rose colored glasses they do.

[Clep]

Also, just because a child doesn't misbehave in public, doesn't mean the parent is a super awesome parent, but this is what is assumed. They know how to punish their kids supposedly and make them model children to the public eye, so they must be doing everything right, which is wrong to assume.

 

 

I agree with this completely. I was raised by an abusive father. My mother was caring, gentle and provided me wonderful boundaries. I only ever acted out with her once and she handled it so well. I NEVER acted out with my father as that meant abuse. Most of the time he would put his hand on the back of my neck and act like the protective father in other's eyes. What they didn't know was that if I acted out even a little, he would squeeze my neck!!!! As I walked through the store with tears streaming down my face I was quiet and compliant. He made out regularly to others that he was consoling me for whatever reason I was crying.

 

Had he never done that though, I would not have taken twenty years of parenting courses and put so much into my parenting. Had I not done that and had that passion, I might have children that act out in public and at home all the time. That was a good but painful lesson.

[sb129]

It's just that most of the time when people complain, they actually aren't complaining about people like that.

 

The OP of this thread was complaining about "those" parents. Not all parents.

I am a parent and I experience maternal guilt and self doubt daily.

 

I think parents who worry about whether they are doing a good job generally care enough to actually do a reasonable job. There are alot out there who aren't as conscientious.

 

You spoke to my defensive side completely It is exhausting, thankless work and you are SO right that children of even the BEST parents misbehave...in public, private, when no one is looking, etc!!! After all, children are humans, we all have our indiscretions...kids just have different ways of showing it.

 

They do.

I agree with not taking kids places when they are hungry or tired- you are asking for it then! I just got back from a mission to the doctor and the post office and its pouring with rain. I pushed my daughters limits, as she was due for a sleep, but it was the only drs appt I could get...

 

She was fine, and it was a short trip home, but if she had lost the plot, it wouldn't have been her fault as she was tired.

 

Sad story- friend of a friend is a police officer and a few years back stopped a van which had about 7-8 kids in it being driven by a woman who was mother to some of them. None of the kids were restrained.

 

Officer asked mother "what would you do if you had an accident and some of you children were killed"

Answer- "Oh I would probably just have some more"....

 

True story.

[GorillaTheater]

Sad story- friend of a friend is a police officer and a few years back stopped a van which had about 7-8 kids in it being driven by a woman who was mother to some of them. None of the kids were restrained.

 

Officer asked mother "what would you do if you had an accident and some of you children were killed"

Answer- "Oh I would probably just have some more"....

 

True story.

 

You know, despite my libertarian leanings I think I could justify the state requiring a parenting license (which could be yanked for cause) as easily as I could justify marriage, occupational or drivers' licenses. Probably even more so.

[Enchanted Girl]

You know, despite my libertarian leanings I think I could justify the state requiring a parenting license (which could be yanked for cause) as easily as I could justify marriage, occupational or drivers' licenses. Probably even more so.

 

Yea, because there's a magical handbook out there with all the requirements in it that will tell all parents how to be great parents in every situation. All those parents who aren't reading that handbook and following it are just STUBBORNLY not doing so.

 

It's just like when you go to the DMV and read all those laws about driving that always apply and are always true. We should make a DPC (Department of Parenting Children) and hand out tiny booklets to people as well. There's only been hundreds of books written on parenting out there, lots with differing opinions, I'm sure we could minimalize it to something small and then make a multiple choice test that people can pass or fail. It will have question like "Would you punch your kid in the mouth if they misbehaved?" And if the person answered,"No" we would know that they'd be a great parent because, you know, abusive parents don't lie to other people about their behavior or anything.

 

We can give them temporary licenses for practicing on children and ship children to their houses to practice on because that wouldn't be at all emotionally traumatizing to a child to be yanked from place to place. Then we could have a child who could misbehave on cue work at the DPC and we could mark them down for yelling too loudly or calling the child stupid or hitting them. This would be their "parenting test" like a driver's test. This would work great.

Edited July 21, 2010 by Enchanted Girl

[GorillaTheater]

Yea, because there's a magical handbook out there with all the requirements in it that will tell all parents how to be great parents in every situation. All those parents who aren't reading that handbook and following it are just STUBBORNLY not doing so.

 

It's just like when you go to the DMV and read all those laws about driving that always apply and are always true. We should make a DPC (Department of Parenting Children) and hand out tiny booklets to people as well. There's only been hundreds of books written on parenting out there, lots with differing opinions, I'm sure we could minimalize it to something small and then make a multiple choice test that people can pass or fail. It will have question like "Would you punch your kid in the mouth if they misbehaved?" And if the person answered,"No" we would know that they'd be a great parent because, you know, abusive parents don't lie to other people about their behavior or anything.

 

We can give them temporary licenses for practicing on children and ship children to their houses to practice on because that wouldn't be at all emotionally traumatizing to a child to be yanked from place to place. Then we could have a child who could misbehave on cue work at the DPC and we could mark them down for yelling too loudly or calling the child stupid or hitting them. This would work great.

 

Okay, point made.

 

But the fact remains that are some people, like the stellar mom in sb129's story, who probably shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

[Enchanted Girl]

Okay, point made.

 

But the fact remains that are some people, like the stellar mom in sb129's story, who probably shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

 

That's why we have CPS though. People who neglect their kids like that (neglect is a type of abuse) are accountable if caught as well.

 

I will say, unfortunately, not everyone is caught though, but it's the best option I've heard of for children.

[sb129]

Yea, because there's a magical handbook out there with all the requirements in it that will tell all parents how to be great parents in every situation. All those parents who aren't reading that handbook and following it are just STUBBORNLY not doing so.

.

 

Actually, some of its just ignorance. And some of it is people who do not give a sh*t about their kids, and who openly admit they have them to get more money off the government.

 

Where I live there are booklets galore and parenting classes/ support groups in every suburb. There is amazing home support when you have a new baby and you get free healthcare, dental and free vaccinations for your kids until they are 18.

Yet the people that really need to utilise these services, don't.

 

We have one of the highest rates of child abuse in the world, and for a country with only 4.2m people, thats really saying something.

Domestic and child abuse is horrifyingly prevalent here, and there have been a couple of cases of child murder in the last couple of years that would make you feel physically sick.

read here and here and tell me if you still think that many parents aren't truly bad, they are just "misguided".

[Enchanted Girl]

Actually, some of its just ignorance. And some of it is people who do not give a sh*t about their kids, and who openly admit they have them to get more money off the government.

 

Where I live there are booklets galore and parenting classes/ support groups in every suburb. There is amazing home support when you have a new baby and you get free healthcare, dental and free vaccinations for your kids until they are 18.

Yet the people that really need to utilise these services, don't.

 

We have one of the highest rates of child abuse in the world, and for a country with only 4.2m people, thats really saying something.

Domestic and child abuse is horrifyingly prevalent here, and there have been a couple of cases of child murder in the last couple of years that would make you feel physically sick.

read here and here and tell me if you still think that many parents aren't truly bad, they are just "misguided".

 

Well, I don't have to read those things to know that there is child abuse out there. That's why I talked about the child protective services thing. It's meant to protect those children.

 

What country do you live in? Or, at the very least, if you don't want to answer that . . . . do they have something similar to child protective services there?

[sb129]

Having a CPS in some cases is a bit like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

[sb129]

If you had read the articles you would have seen that I live in New Zealand, and of course we have a Children and Young Families Service. (CYFS)

 

But its clearly not working in all cases.

 

Smacking your kids is illegal here- but kids still die. And in one of the cases that I highlighted, nobody was brought to justice. So nobody WAS held accountable.

 

I sincerely think that there are many many parents in this country who should not have been allowed to have children.

[sb129]

And for the record, I am a parent.

 

Its hard work. I am constantly trying to do the best I can for my daughter.

 

IMO, the best is not hurting her, caring for her as best we can, providing her with love, food, shelter, safety and education, and teaching her to grow up so that she can be a functioning member of society.

 

That includes reinforcing to her that it is NOT ok to throw balls and run around inside a restaurant.

Thats what this thread is about. It isn't OK to run around or throw balls in a restaurant.

 

A 2 year old tantrum isn't the same as wilful bad behaviour that is ignored.