delusional nobody

[CailinPig]

I feel I'm not worth much and I lack direction. I'm kinda a nobody these days. Basically I'm 25, live at home (this is normal in ireland), I teach but here in Ireland we get three months off in the summer. So I'm off, but I literally LITERALLY have nothing to do every day.

My friends all have normal jobs and work all the time. I do meet up with them, I do go out at the weekends, we do all stay in contact through text and all. But I am so unbelievably lonely. I feel like I am nobody. I went through a hard time after a break up about 2 years ago and although I was seeing a man half a year ago, I still feel the impact of being alone.

Everytime a guy doesn't want me, I always go back to any ex I have and use them or have them use me. Just for a bit, I don't go into a relationship with them.

I am educated, I have a good job in a nice place (during the academic year), I have loads of friends who are great and we're always in contact, I'm good looking to a lot of guys, I have great family but what I feel I don't have is myself. or a man for that matter.

I've lost myself. I've lost the meaning of everything. I wake up on a lot of days with nothing to do. I wonder what the point of life is. I'm not saying I want to kill myself. I just don't really want to get up in the mornings, knowing there is nothing to do and I have no partner in life to share things with. I'm horribly sad and empty. I have been this way for a long time. I'm pretty sure it's not depression. If it is, it's extremely mild depression. Rather I have a terribly neative attitude to anything.

The only thing in life that brings me happiness and worth is having a man I like who likes me. What the hell do I do?

[bolase]

Yep have felt this way before, a few years ago when i was living in another city and the relationship i had moved there for didn't work out, I just couldn't seem to make friends and felt really negative and without any skills that were useful to the world. I also felt like this from time to time last year after a bad break up. Even though I was single for most of my teens (I'm a 25 year old female too) so I know independence well, enjoy my own company most of the time etc, I feel extremely lonely sometimes, and like I have no clear direction..

 

EVEN now when i am about to graduate, have a little bit of work and am job hunting, have a new boyfriend and still some good friends in this town (most are outside so I dont see them much but they are awesome), I feel useless sometimes when I compare myself to others...but then deep down I know I am pretty special and you are too. Its weird, I'm sure most of the people I know here (and in your case too) wouldnt recognise it when i am feeling a bit low.

 

Thing is, there is this myth in society that happy is the norm due to marketing, advertising showing us delieriously happy people enjoying products etc... Happy isn't the norm, somewhere in between happiness and unhappiness is, its called hte struggle - not that you should have too much unhappiness and of course you should be having highs often too. Just don't beat yourself up or think youre unusual for feeling 'in between.

 

What helps is making plans. Apply for a new course, for a job overseas, some volunteer work abroad, or otherwise AN ADRENALINE RUSH! Even something like a few days biking through thr country, by yourself, pack up some stuff and a good book - or bring your mum or a friend, it doesnt matter. You have to plan to move in some direction. Then when you do that you'll start to think about other hobbies, and projects, or dance classes you want to learn..

 

When I can't do stuff with my boyfriend or dont want us to see too much of each other, i take myself off somewhere out in the wilds and take photos (im a photographer). you might write or draw in the same situation. Doesnt have to be a major hobby, its just time with yourself NOT worrying

 

Good luck and feel free to PM me

x

[mixwell]

I feel the same way right now myself.. I do work full time but I don't hang out with my friends that often just due to me living in a different location, I am single and often hang out with my ex g/f after not talking to her for 5 years but I literally feel like I have no life other than working and coming home.. I don't do hardly anythings on the weekend (except this weekend with my ex yesterday and today) but as soon as I get home I get that lonely feeling.. I am 27 and independent but I am missing that other person I feel..

 

I do get kinda lonely and somewhat depressed about the way my life is going at the moment also and it just sucks.. I wish I could find that someone to be there with me to fill that void I get at times but I don't know.. I really don't know what you or any of us others can do other than work on improving ourselves and maybe being a little more assertive on fulfilling our desire to find that person ?

 

I'm lost also right next to you.

[brokendream]

I actually feel the same way you do right now. I live in Ireland too, 27 and living with my parents cause I lost my job. As you know yourself it's not easy to get a job at the moment the way the economy is! I'm doing a 4 year degree at night and when that finished up in May I felt exactly as you do now. Waking up every morning wondering what to do with myself. Applying for jobs that way below my level of education and experience but hearing no reply. It's worse now that I've finished with my bf cause I feel like I've nothing to look forward to anymore.

 

I don't think it's depression you are suffering from. You are just bored and lost and need to find yourself....without a man. Try and find something to fill your days with and get into a routine. I'm trying to do that myself as well as taking long walks. Working on yourslef right now would be a good idea. Decide what you really want from your life and set about making that happen. There are some good life coaching websites such as total focus that have a few workbook that you can download and work on yourself. It will give you a better idea of what you want out of life.

[CailinPig]

bolase, mixwell and broken dream, wow thank you so much for your replies! I checked this site to see did i get any response and i didnt for awhile so i thought i never would. in a way, it's good to know other people feel the same as me.

 

Bolase - wow im jelaous of u cos u have a boyfriend. ya see, maybe my sadness stretches a little more than yours. yesterday, i went for a walk down by the river with 2 of my friends. it was a walk that i had done before a few years previously when i was in college and me and my friend spent our bus fare on ice cream on a hot day and then had to walk an hour home dwon by the river. i compare those 2 days. the first day, i was so happy to hang out with my friend, eat ice cream and walk by the river, because i had my boyfriend in my life, and i was happy. the second day, it was gorgeous outside, but my heart was as heavy as lead, cos i kept thinking about my ex, about how empty my life is without someone in it. so even when i do fun things i feel sad.

 

mixwell - it's good to know men feel the same as women!! you're lucky, in a sense, that you have ur ex around to hang out with, but then in another way, that could get kinda tricky for ye down the line, so be careful of that.

 

brokendream - an irish person, yay! so maybe you understand the sheer complete boringness of living here! haha! Yeah, people say you need to find yourself before u get a boyfriend. but i believe it's through a boyfriend, i find myself. For example, when I have a boyfriend that I care about, I'm happy and therefore my brain can focus on being nice and kind to other people. when i don't have one, i obsess over it and think about it all the time. more particularly, i wanna be with my ex but he has someone for the past 4 months and it's broken my heart and my parents don't know about it, cos I'm a private person, so I'm upset but I keep taking it out on them, I'm antisocial with them and feel like they're prying into my life when they're just having a chat with me.

 

I wanna be happy. And I don't mean deliriously happy. I wanna just be content. So what if I lose my job and have to look for another? so what if I have an argument with my friend? so what if I lose money? the only 2 things I can't deal with in life are - love life problems and family problems. jobs and money and things mean nothing without a person i love.

[Engadget]

I've lost pretty much everything in my life over the last 6 months besides my family, so I'm pretty despondent as well.

[CailinPig]

Hey Engadget, tell me about it. Life can be hard. I feel sad that up until I was about 19, everything was perfect! I never felt a moment of depression. I may have felt sadness, hurt, things like that. But life always got better really quick when i was young.

 

so whats gone wrong with you?

[melissa123]

Hey Cailinpig

 

Im really glad I found this thread as I feel 100% exactally the same way!! I swear what you wrote is word for word how I feel right now!!

 

Im 22. Ive just finished a degree but can't find a job anywhere! I have had to move home as I have no money coming in. Im lonely and bored all day as my friends are either working or studying. And the worst part is that im single and absolutly hate it

 

One thing that really stood out for me is when you commented on someone saying 'you have to find yourself first and be happy with yourself before you have a bf'.

 

I 100% agree that without a man in your life your sad and tend to snap at people (un-intentionaly). I found when I had a bf I was so much happier and it just cleared my head so much. I was so much happier and nicer to people. When im misrable and single (like now) you just kinda feel down with life and have no energy and seem to take it out on others round u.

 

Im so glad you wrote that as I was so tired of hearing that I have to find my own happiness first as I just can't find it!!

 

I don't really have many words of wisdom for you as im in the exact place, but know that you are by no means alone. There is a guy out there for you who probably feels just as lonely and prays everynight to find a girl. I hope so much that you can find each other

 

Feel free to PM if you ever wanna chat! Im here with u

[CailinPig]

yay melissa123!!! Twins!! Hee hee!! Life is crazy isn't it? I remember reading an article in Cosmo years ago (yeah cosmo!!) called The Quarter Life Crisis. It was really interesting. Basically, it's the pount in your life when maybe you've finished college and you're either in a new job or looking for a new job, also you're with a guy for quite a while and you're not sure abut him, or you're single and looking - and nothing seems to come together. It kinda feels like all the stuff you planned for is now here and you feel empty.

I think it's cos when I was in school I was happy. All my friends were there, we all figured out what we were gonna do later on in uni. Then uni comes along, and that can be a little hard. But what's harder is afterwards. You're sitting there thinking 'is this it???' So I'm qualified, I have a job, so I'm sorted right? Ummm....... nope, never been more unhappy!

And it's worse not having a job, for you. But the only positive of that is, at least you've something to aim for and look forward to!

Getting to the men thing - holy crap, give me one please!! See, I had my first boyfriend at 19 and before then, I didn't know what it was to share a life with anyone. Now that I do, I realise what I'm missing and it gets me really down. I miss my ex, and I really want a relationship.

Where you from, Melissa? And how the hell do we get out of this predicament?!

[melissa123]

Omg I had my first bf at 19 aswell!!

Before that I didn't want a bf at all! I never felt lonely and I kind of resisted having a man in my life. I did kinda feel sad cause no one wanted me but I never felt lonely.

But now some 3 to 4 years later a man in my life is ALL I want!!!

Im soo horribly fussy which I guess is half the reason im single. Im going through this strange phase where I seem to attract guys Im just not interested in. Then I met this guy a few months ago that I pretty much fell in love with at first site but hes not intereseted in me!!!! I just can't get it right!!

 

I am surely having that crisis in cosmo! I don't know what to do with myself! Ive worked so hard and was happy with my steady life but now its all come to an end and im stuck! Where do I go now...??? I keep thinking it would be so much easier if there were someone in my life to help me. I HATE being on my own!

 

Did you say you were from Ireland? Im sooo jealous. I met an Irish guy today and I was just drawn to him because of his accent!! lol

I would only dream of having an Irish guy so your lucky you can have your pick!

 

Have you had many bfnds in your past? Ive had only two, one very serious the other mid serious. Im still carrying round so much hurt from them They both left me and reeeally hurt me, so as much as I want someone in my life im also really scared of experiencing that hurt again

 

What are we guna do with ourselves!!?

[CailinPig]

Hey Melissa!!

Wow maybe we're relationship twins! If that's the case, you better go out and get yourself someone, so my life can mirror that!! haha!

I'm pretty much the same as yourself. I fancied guys but was really shy, but was perfectly happy by myself. Then I got with a Russian guy when I was 19 and we were together 3 years - so he's my serious guy. Only other guy I had was Irish, and we lasted about 4 months before I broke it off with him.

But I realy want the Russian guy back!!! And he wanted me up til March, but now he has someone and doesn't want me, and I'm devastated

Come on over to Ireland and take all the Irish men if ya like, I don't want them! hahaha! Where you living?

Well I've no idea what we're gonna do with ourselves. I'm going for a night out tonight and I'm gonna dress really girlfriendy ie: im gonna dress like a lady, instead of wearing low cut tops or whatever!!! Thats th plan. This time tomorrow I'll be on loveshack telling you about how I've met my new boyfriend and we're in love, hahaha!

[TrueLoveBeliever]

CailinPig,

I feel the same way and am glad to have come across your thread. I'm 23, I live in a two bedroom apt by myself and am probably the loneliest guy on the island (i'm in Hawaii). I am in the military. I had a fiancée I had been with for a little over a year. I got stationed in Hawaii and moved my fiancée here as well. After a month here, she left me for another guy back home and it devastated me. I was blindsided, no warning signs or anything.. (the more you blindly trust someone the more they can hurt you...) I was brand new to the island and did not know anyone... literately!! I was able to distract myself for a few months by considering myself single and not looking. I "threw all of myself " into my job. That was what seemed to be the most logical advice. I did have time to focus on my job, got promoted, got acquainted with my new co-workers. The military is very family oriented so any positives were a reminder that I had no one here... none of that support. (For example, I was the only person promoted that day who did not have their wife and kids there.) As a single guy with no kids I am content with my standard of living right now... however I know I would be more successful financially if I had someone there who actually cared, and supplied a little motivation and support.. I want to be able to throw my time, energy, and ambitions at a relationship. A relationship with someone will always make you want to be that much better in every aspect of life.

I don't want to come off feeling sorry for myself, those are just the facts of my current situation.