How Women Sabotage Relationships (Men's perspective)

[trippi1432]

Am I the only one who finds it strange that one shouldn't ask this question of someone who is perfectly willing to be sexually intimate with you?

 

Too soon ask "where is this going"

 

You know, this is a great point and I recall seeing this brought up over on the dating forum. In my opinion, and this was from a very large survey that this perspective came up, if this question sabotages a relationship then it appears that the only person that was in a relationship was the woman if sexual intimacy has occurred.

 

It almost sounds as if a woman asking that question is setting herself up to be a notch in the bedpost in a way. Looking out at many online sites concerning relationships, I am surprised that there are so many that rate this as one of the top 5 ways for a woman to sabotage a relationship.

[marsbars]

Too soon ask "where is this going"

 

From the view of a man, being narrow and possibly shallow, women are natural planners. Agenda, agenda, agenda. Men tend to float through life following the currents. Some more than others. In my experience with my STBX we both took the floating route for the first couple of years. Then it was like she suddenly got an oar, then a sail and finally an outboard motor. I find planning to far in advance is only a let down when the plan fails. Am I saying this is a bad trait, to be looking forward to the future of the relationship? No, not by a chance. But I think that in a stable healthy relationship both partners need to be at least in the same chapter of the book. Not on to the next installment of the series. I think that if a woman stresses to much over "where is this going" she can't enjoy the relationship. Not all men are afraid of commitment. I knew exactly what I wanted but I wasn't in a hurry either. But eventually she was in the big thing in life and marriage.

[trippi1432]

Too soon ask "where is this going"

 

From the view of a man, being narrow and possibly shallow, women are natural planners. Agenda, agenda, agenda. Men tend to float through life following the currents. Some more than others. In my experience with my STBX we both took the floating route for the first couple of years. Then it was like she suddenly got an oar, then a sail and finally an outboard motor. I find planning to far in advance is only a let down when the plan fails. Am I saying this is a bad trait, to be looking forward to the future of the relationship? No, not by a chance. But I think that in a stable healthy relationship both partners need to be at least in the same chapter of the book. Not on to the next installment of the series. I think that if a woman stresses to much over "where is this going" she can't enjoy the relationship. Not all men are afraid of commitment. I knew exactly what I wanted but I wasn't in a hurry either. But eventually she was in the big thing in life and marriage.

 

I agree, same chapter of the book...I get that. After a couple of years together though, exclusively, a woman is going to set those sails...just the nature of a woman.

 

Not sure if it relates to "agenda", but I think women probably want to know where they stand in the relationship....if the man is playing the field or won't make a commitment, why should a woman wait around when better things can be out there waiting for her.

 

Now, on the other hand, you meet him at a party...have too much to drink....go to his place and wake up the next morning with this question being asked by either party.....RUN!!!!! LOL!!! (I say that for men and women!!)

[threebyfate]

1. Giving up their passions (Agree)
   
2. Too soon ask "where is this going" (Disagree. It's never too soon and if it's too soon, you've got the wrong man.)
   
3. Think they can, and try to change him (Agree)
   
4. Put down his friends (Agree to a degree. If you don't like his friends, dump him.)
   
5. Become clingy (Agree)
   
6. Become too compliant (100% agree)
   
7. Live only for the future (Disagree)
   
8. Insist their man meet all the criteria of their "perfect man" list (Agree. Dump him if he doesn't meet your criteria. You can't change someone.)
   
9. Sleep with him too soon (Agree)
   
10. Over romanticize the relationship (Agree)
    
11. Do too much for him (Agree)
    
12. Expect too much, then give up to soon (Disagree. If he doesn't meet your bar, dump him.)
    

[trippi1432]

Guess I should weigh in on the list as well.....from the female perspective on how the men were thinking according to this list.

 

Twelve Things Women Do To Sabotage Relationships

(According to Men)

 

 

1. Giving up their passions (Totally agree, neither party should give up their passions )
   
2. Too soon ask "where is this going" (Disagree to a point...in this day and age, it's better to find out if there is any commitment....if this question is a problem, dump him so you can find the right man)
   
3. Think they can, and try to change him (Agree, people adapt to each other....that is a fact, but a complete change...no. If either change, it's because they made the changes themselves and felt it was for their own good)
   
4. Put down his friends (Depends on the friends, if it is a bad influence that causes problems in the relationship....kick him to the curb and let the bad influence have him if you are that unimportant - I equate this to my experience of living with an alcoholic and too many drinking buddies)
   
5. Become clingy (I can see how this can be a turnoff to men, both men and women need their own time as well apart....being too clingy looks like desperation....especially if a man hasn't answered the question of where this is going....:laugh:)
   
6. Become too compliant (Agree, whoops, is that compliant. ....I can see where a man would want a woman to be able to speak her mind, if he doesn't want you to or gets abusive if you do...curb time)
   
7. Live only for the future (I think that once married, the couple should be looking at the security of their future together. Just starting out...you have to know if you are even going to get to a marriage or even a commitment before looking to the future - I think men confuse this sometimes from a woman's perspective)
   
   
8. Insist their man meet all the criteria of their "perfect man" list (There is no such thing as the perfect man or the perfect woman, so this is a misunderstanding on the part of the male perspective here. Every woman has some things in mind as to the qualities they are looking for, heck I know women who have 3 page lists....women know that no one is going to meet all of those qualities unless they are still in Cinderella syndrome. If men think that this thinking sabotages a relationship, it may be that the woman saw more of a man's qualities on the "other list" that men don't know about. )
   
9. Sleep with him too soon (Recalling that this is coming from the male perspective....I find this one interesting since men equate this pretty high on their list for commitment in most cases, but if a man thinks that a woman sabotages the relationship by doing this after a few dates or months....curb time...he's not that into you or never was into you to begin with - men rarely turn down sex)
   
10. Over romanticize the relationship (Agree completely here, this means that the man fell out of lust and couldn't hit the love stage.....the woman is still wanting to be pursued.....again.....ladies...he's not that into you.)
    
11. Do too much for him (I agree here.....this should be 50/50, do for each other. If a woman is doing too much, a man will walk all over you)
    
    
12. Expect too much, then give up to soon (This one is funny, from the male perspective....a woman shouldn't expect too much...ok....can understand that....goes both ways, but eventually both will give up because someone's expectations weren't met.)
    

 

Ok....right or wrong...just how I see this list from the other side. :o

[norajane]

From the view of a man, being narrow and possibly shallow, women are natural planners. Agenda, agenda, agenda. Men tend to float through life following the currents.

I must disagree with this characterization of men. They ARE planners. They plan their careers, their financial investments and retirement investments that look far into the future, physical training and nutrition regimens, political campaigns, and wars.

 

I do not buy that men are not planners.

 

However, some of them choose to close their eyes, put their hands over their ears, and la-la-la their way through relationships. In the absence of any interest in guidance from her male partner, why wouldn't a woman want to find out if he intends to jump ship or float on the current indefinitely, and where that current might be taking them? Currents go somewhere.

[trippi1432]

I must disagree with this characterization of men. They ARE planners. They plan their careers, their financial investments and retirement investments that look far into the future, physical training and nutrition regimens, political campaigns, and wars.

 

I do not buy that men are not planners.

 

However, some of them choose to close their eyes, put their hands over their ears, and la-la-la their way through relationships. In the absence of any interest in guidance from her male partner, why wouldn't a woman want to find out if he intends to jump ship or float on the current indefinitely, and where that current might be taking them? Currents go somewhere.

 

Excellent point NoraJane!!

[Green]

I came across some reading on the book Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted by Audrey Valeriani. I thought it was very eye-opening and will make an interesting discussion.

 

Twelve Things Women Do To Sabotage Relationships

(According to Men)

 

 

1. Giving up their passions
   
2. Too soon ask "where is this going"
   
3. Think they can, and try to change him
   
4. Put down his friends
   
5. Become clingy
   
6. Become too compliant
   
7. Live only for the future
   
8. Insist their man meet all the criteria of their "perfect man" list
   
9. Sleep with him too soon
   
10. Over romanticize the relationship
    
11. Do too much for him
    
12. Expect too much, then give up to soon
    

Opening discussions now.....:o:o

 

Pffft.. I would toss out that whole list and replace it with my own:

 

1. F**k other guys.

 

 

 

The ENTIRE LIST DOES SUCK I mean "over romanticize the relationship" wtf does that even mean... and "Do too much for him" I don't think that can ever hurt.

 

The number ONE thing a girl can do to F**K up is yes 1.) CHEAT which inlcudes emotional affairs. 2.) Have very little or no SEX with you 3.) Being pissed off at you most or all the time.

 

I think that about sums it up... SO my advice to you is simple... DON'T cheat or make a guy paranoid... that includes hanging out with GUYS who are not your bf that you claim are just FRIENDS. Enjoy sex and make sure your having it regularly... and finaly be happy.... atleast over half the time.

[trippi1432]

The ENTIRE LIST DOES SUCK I mean "over romanticize the relationship" wtf does that even mean... and "Do too much for him" I don't think that can ever hurt.

 

The number ONE thing a girl can do to F**K up is yes 1.) CHEAT which inlcudes emotional affairs. 2.) Have very little or no SEX with you 3.) Being pissed off at you most or all the time.

 

I think that about sums it up... SO my advice to you is simple... DON'T cheat or make a guy paranoid... that includes hanging out with GUYS who are not your bf that you claim are just FRIENDS. Enjoy sex and make sure your having it regularly... and finaly be happy.... atleast over half the time.

 

You know what Green, I'm shocked that do not cheat didn't make the list actually....When I saw Tanbark's post, I didn't even realize he was referring to cheating.

 

Good list of your own there btw.

[tojaz]

Well, I'm going to put this out there that there is no list of how a relationship is sabotaged because there is only one way to sabotage a relationship..... to give up and stop loving!

 

My idea of a relationship is a place where there is safety and security for both. A place where you don't have to worry about being "good enough" "measuring up" or having to tip toe around some list. A place where a discussion could be open and honest, and nothing was taboo.

 

What is acceptable, what is too much, or not enough is to be decided by each couple, each situation, each relationship. Not regurgitated from some book.

 

Well I guess for me there are two ways to sabotage, because anyone who is going to cast me out because i don't fit some mold or for one too many checkmarks on a list...... is going to find themselves on the outside looking in, then again, that wouldn't be love to me anyway. Love has no rules!

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

Well, I'm going to put this out there that there is no list of how a relationship is sabotaged because there is only one way to sabotage a relationship..... to give up and stop loving!

 

Agreed! This is true and that is on the list as item 12.

 

My idea of a relationship is a place where there is safety and security for both. A place where you don't have to worry about being "good enough" "measuring up" or having to tip toe around some list. A place where a discussion could be open and honest, and nothing was taboo.

 

What is acceptable, what is too much, or not enough is to be decided by each couple, each situation, each relationship. Not regurgitated from some book.

 

Well I guess for me there are two ways to sabotage, because anyone who is going to cast me out because i don't fit some mold or for one too many checkmarks on a list...... is going to find themselves on the outside looking in, then again, that wouldn't be love to me anyway. Love has no rules!

 

TOJAZ

 

"Insist their man meet all the criteria of their "perfect man" list (There is no such thing as the perfect man or the perfect woman, so this is a misunderstanding on the part of the male perspective here. Every woman has some things in mind as to the qualities they are looking for, heck I know women who have 3 page lists....women know that no one is going to meet all of those qualities unless they are still in Cinderella syndrome. If men think that this thinking sabotages a relationship, it may be that the woman saw more of a man's qualities on the "other list" that men don't know about. )"

 

At any rate....the point is in debunking the list. It's discussion points and unfortunately, the relationship advice that men and women are getting these days on the Internet, in books....etc.

[whiterook]

This should be titled: How INSECURE Women Sabotage Relationships. Simple as that. Confident and happy women don't do this stuff to men, only the desperate and insecure ones.

[trippi1432]

Ok....a lot of good discussion, but I'm going to put this out here from the same book.....AND....you will be surprised that this is exactly a lot of the advice that people give on this forum to each other....and this is from a book.....and was advice that a man gave for women and overcoming relationship issues.

 

 

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from the heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

 

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. (Amen, I told my STBXH this when he tried to go there!!)

 

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

 

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

If he didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

 

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. (I think this depends on the man and his integrity - my STBXH did this all the time to me)

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

 

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.

(In today's society, that goes both ways for men and for women - equal playing field in the relationship)

 

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord!! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

 

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

 

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...no supplementary.

 

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.

 

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others."

 

Valeriani, A. (2008). Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted. Far Hills, NJ: New Horizon Press.

Personally, I wish I had known this 2 marriages ago...sigh.

[tanbark813]

When I saw Tanbark's post, I didn't even realize he was referring to cheating.

 

 

Well, yeah. I don't care who she f**ked before me. Who she f**ks while with me, however, makes quite the difference.

[tojaz]

He does this, kick him to the curb, she says that, its a red flag. Its these perceptions and allowing others to define your relationship is what breeds walk away spouses.

 

I came across some reading on the book Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted by Audrey Valeriani. I thought it was very eye-opening and will make an interesting discussion.

 

Twelve Things Women Do To Sabotage Relationships

(According to Men)

 

 

1. Giving up their passions
   
2. Too soon ask "where is this going"
   
3. Think they can, and try to change him
   
4. Put down his friends
   
5. Become clingy
   
6. Become too compliant
   
7. Live only for the future
   
8. Insist their man meet all the criteria of their "perfect man" list
   
9. Sleep with him too soon
   
10. Over romanticize the relationship
    
11. Do too much for him
    
12. Expect too much, then give up to soon
    

Opening discussions now.....:o:o

 

Too much gray area, who decides what is appropriate?

 

1. Depends on the passion wouldn't it. What if that passion is solo travel, extreme sports, exotic dancing! Something that is detrimental to a relationship and is sacraficed for something they value more? One of my passions was racing and I gave it up as it was too dangerous now that i was sharing my life with someone and didn't want them to worry.

 

2. In what world is it unaceptable to ask the status of your own relationship??? I think the bigger factor is people panicing when they don't like the answer.

 

3. This was never a relationship to begin with, but in love with the possibility, not the person.

 

4. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but having a mate dislike some of my friends is not a deal breaker.

 

5. Who determines clingy? What one thinks is too much may not be enough for another. only way to find out is to communicate.

 

6.What is too compliant?Losing yourself for the sake of a relationship is never healthy but wouldn't be required in a true relationship anyway.

 

7. That one is just dumb, if you dont see a future then there is no relationship.

 

8. See my previous post regarding lists. People are not erector sets to be built on or tailor made. People are off the rack and as is.

 

9. What is too soon? What is too long? If a guy is just in it for the sex, it doesn't matter if its the first date, 3rd date, or months. If thats all he wanted then time frame makes no difference. there is no box on a calendar that turns a player into a devoted husband.

 

10. Well, i'm a guy and i'll take all the romance I can get! Take a tip toe through the break up stories and see howm any people walk because of too much romance.

 

11. ??? Once again, what is wrong with wanting to do for your partner. If that was the only reason for the relationship, then it was never a relationship to start.

 

12. Expectations! i have only 3 Honesty, Respect, Fidelity without that, there is no relationship.

 

12B. GIVING UP TO SOON!- move to number one, delete the rest, and let the relationship be defined by those that are living it.

 

Former soul mate related a tale to me where she had been asked if she could forgive me if I had an affair (I didn't) She told her friend yes and he went on to explain to her that this meant that she really didn't love me that much. She let someone else define our relationship for her. A pattern that repeated itself throughout the D process, quoting self help books, divorced friends, and LISTS on the intenet that "opened her eyes to what an emotional abuser and manipulator I was.This was far from the only catalyst for the D, but it hurt the most.

 

So, Tojaz's list on how to sabatoge a relationship...

 

1. Give up

 

 

 

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

 

Well, yeah. I don't care who she f**ked before me. Who she f**ks while with me, however, makes quite the difference.

 

I agree....that one goes both ways as well!! :o

 

It's not good when you still have women you thought were friends telling you they slept with your husband 5 years after the two of you are divorced but were married at that time.

[trippi1432]

He does this, kick him to the curb, she says that, its a red flag. Its these perceptions and allowing others to define your relationship is what breeds walk away spouses.

 

 

 

 

Former soul mate related a tale to me where she had been asked if she could forgive me if I had an affair (I didn't) She told her friend yes and he went on to explain to her that this meant that she really didn't love me that much. She let someone else define our relationship for her. A pattern that repeated itself throughout the D process, quoting self help books, divorced friends, and LISTS on the intenet that "opened her eyes to what an emotional abuser and manipulator I was.This was far from the only catalyst for the D, but it hurt the most.

 

So, Tojaz's list on how to sabatoge a relationship...

 

1. Give up

 

Tojaz - I can understand your side, you know that....but in the above it sounds like the advice of a bad friend and yes, she let someone else define your relationship.

 

But in looking at this thread...in seeing the opinions as well as your own....it's understandable how each person has different perceptions to the advice being offered online, in books, in counseling....etc.

 

My ex wanted to buy a book to fix our marriage.....I'd say that he and I both gave up.l

[sally4sara]

You know what Green, I'm shocked that do not cheat didn't make the list actually....When I saw Tanbark's post, I didn't even realize he was referring to cheating.

 

Good list of your own there btw.

 

Yeah I thought of that, but then I realized that is a no brainer for either gender to sabotage a relationship. This is a list of specifically what a woman can do to sabotage a relationship by a person who thinks women will like a man who does the things listed.

[trippi1432]

Yeah I thought of that, but then I realized that is a no brainer for either gender to sabotage a relationship. This is a list of specifically what a woman can do to sabotage a relationship by a person who thinks women will like a man who does the things listed.

 

True - cheating would be a no-brainer.

 

But yes, this list for women on how men perceive them to sabotage the relationship. Seriously, this can pertain to dating, long-term relationships and marriage. I thought my STBXH was going through a mid-life crisis when he walked, but I can see a few things on this list that he would say I did to sabotage the relationship. However, I can see a lot of things he did to sabotage it as well. I only take what I own, what is mine...he can own what is his.

[trippi1432]

"Insist their man meet all the criteria of their "perfect man" list (There is no such thing as the perfect man or the perfect woman, so this is a misunderstanding on the part of the male perspective here. Every woman has some things in mind as to the qualities they are looking for, heck I know women who have 3 page lists....women know that no one is going to meet all of those qualities unless they are still in Cinderella syndrome. If men think that this thinking sabotages a relationship, it may be that the woman saw more of a man's qualities on the "other list" that men don't know about. )"

 

At any rate....the point is in debunking the list. It's discussion points and unfortunately, the relationship advice that men and women are getting these days on the Internet, in books....etc.

 

For that matter Tojaz, I've shared my list of qualities with you before on other forums....what qualities a woman should want as well as what qualities could throw red flags if they weren't met.

[Gunny376]

I need, want and desire a woman to two things and two things only.

 

Sex

 

And Companionship

 

The latter is more important than the former.

 

Sex is a great way to start the day ~ and to end the day?

 

But what are you going to do the other 30 to 45 minutes of the day with each other?

 

Men are pumped with testosterone, which drive the sex drive in both men and women ~ thing is? Women have about 1/10th of it what men have?

 

Thus "Why Women Don't Get Enough Love and Men Don't Get Enough Sex!" The title of a book by the way.

 

Relationships are what women do!

 

They bond with their mothers and fathers, their siblings, their children their husbands, boy friends, their aunts and uncles, their nephews, and nieces........................

 

They even bond with puppies and kittens~ as in Awwwww~ They're so cute and lovable.

 

When I was 22? I didn't understand this things ~ now I do?

 

I understand that when a woman says "I rather you didn't?" You DAMN better not ~ or you going to pay Hell for it later!

 

My radar goes into hyper-alert when I here a woman say "What-ever" I know I'm in some serious trouble then!

[trippi1432]

I need, want and desire a woman to two things and two things only.

 

Sex

 

And Companionship

 

The latter is more important than the former.

 

Sex is a great way to start the day ~ and to end the day?

 

But what are you going to do the other 30 to 45 minutes of the day with each other?

 

Men are pumped with testosterone, which drive the sex drive in both men and women ~ thing is? Women have about 1/10th of it what men have?

 

Thus "Why Women Don't Get Enough Love and Men Don't Get Enough Sex!" The title of a book by the way.

 

Relationships are what women do!

 

They bond with their mothers and fathers, their siblings, their children their husbands, boy friends, their aunts and uncles, their nephews, and nieces........................

 

They even bond with puppies and kittens~ as in Awwwww~ They're so cute and lovable.

 

When I was 22? I didn't understand this things ~ now I do?

 

I understand that when a woman says "I rather you didn't?" You DAMN better not ~ or you going to pay Hell for it later!

 

My radar goes into hyper-alert when I here a woman say "What-ever" I know I'm in some serious trouble then!

 

Gunny - you are hilarious.....but there ya go...my two things I wish a man would respect underlined above. :laugh: Just that alone would get a man the two things you stated you need, want and desire in a woman.

[tojaz]

For that matter Tojaz, I've shared my list of qualities with you before on other forums....what qualities a woman should want as well as what qualities could throw red flags if they weren't met.

 

Well, i refuse to look at relationships like buying a house. The purpose of books like this are for those too scared to death to be hurt again, so they take a list of rules with them as an excuse to withdraw from the relationship at the first sign of trouble. What happens there though, is that nobody measures up because there is no relationships that are 100% safe or 100% guaranteed. Every relationship will have its bumps and its redflags. I dont think it even becomes a relationship until you have learned to deal with these NOT AVOID THEM ALTOGETHER. That to me is a waste as are books like this.

 

If you dig deep enough for red flags, you are always going to be able to find one, those that follow these lists are out looking for ways to sabotage their next relationship, not strengthen it.

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

Well, i refuse to look at relationships like buying a house. The purpose of books like this are for those too scared to death to be hurt again, so they take a list of rules with them as an excuse to withdraw from the relationship at the first sign of trouble. What happens there though, is that nobody measures up because there is no relationships that are 100% safe or 100% guaranteed. Every relationship will have its bumps and its redflags. I dont think it even becomes a relationship until you have learned to deal with these NOT AVOID THEM ALTOGETHER. That to me is a waste as are books like this.

 

If you dig deep enough for red flags, you are always going to be able to find one, those that follow these lists are out looking for ways to sabotage their next relationship, not strengthen it.

 

TOJAZ

 

Tojaz - My apologies, but I think that you are not truly seeing the context of this thread.....the thread began as why men dump women. It is not about women looking for red flags to dump men or to dump a relationship. Personally, I think the list is interesting and on some scale could be right from a male perspective....much of which shows the insecurity of men today or relationship phobia. I'm not saying all men, but a majority of perhaps the younger generation. However, it could be the reason why I've noticed many men in their 40's who have never been married and have no kids.

 

As to the qualities I personally look for....I think mine are very fair...probably not as strict as they should be, but they are mostly the qualities that I learned that I no longer need in my life thanks to my ex. That's not to say that I have any or all of the qualities that a man is looking for either. I don't refer to that as buying a house, I refer to that as finding the RIGHT PERSON that I feel I could have any type of relationship with.

 

It's interesting that we recommend reading books such as Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, His Needs, Her Needs, and The Five Love Languages. These are books to help us in our relationships....other books as well are recommended for building self-esteem, moving forward in our lives once we have been abandoned.....etc, etc. Yes, in the midst of the relationship, if they are used as a weapon to end the relationship....that is pure BS!! But after a relationship ends or in it's beginnings.....it's the lessons we learned from bettering ourselves from the experience as well as the education that we try to take to the next relationship, instead of the baggage.

 

Believe me, 15 years of dealing with bumps and red flags....I do know how to deal with them, I just have less patience these days due to the experience.

[tojaz]

Twelve Things Women Do To Sabotage Relationships

(According to Men)

 

 

1. Giving up their passions
   
2. Too soon ask "where is this going"
   
3. Think they can, and try to change him
   
4. Put down his friends
   
5. Become clingy
   
6. Become too compliant
   
7. Live only for the future
   
8. Insist their man meet all the criteria of their "perfect man" list
   
9. Sleep with him too soon
   
10. Over romanticize the relationship
    
11. Do too much for him
    
12. Expect too much, then give up to soon
    

Opening discussions now.....:o:o

 

Tojaz - My apologies, but I think that you are not truly seeing the context of this thread.....the thread began as why men dump women.

 

No I understand the context Trippi, it just makes little sense to look at it that way. Whats the point of the list? Is the message to be warry of the list rather then following your instincts and your own desires in order to keep a man/woman then? How many good relationships might end due to being over cautious? What if the man has the same list? There are far to many scenarios where a list becomes to constrictive.

 

#2 Man... "we've been going out for awhile but she seems to be holding back, maybe shes not that into me.

 

Woman... "Wow a great guy, I really want to know where his head is at because i think this could be going somewhere, but if I ask the list says I'll sabotage my relationship so i'll wait for him to bring it up.

 

#10 Man... " I seem to be doing all the work here, I love spending time with her but she doesn't really seem to return that"

 

Woman... " I'd like to add some romance of my own, but I don't want to go overboard! i would hate to mess this up."

 

Seems to me constantly evaluating and reevaluating every step of the relationship would just become a roadblock to any kind of closeness and communication. Thats why they call it "FALLING" in love and not carefully planning an orchestrated course with designated stops and goals to love.

 

TOJAZ