raresunshinygirl Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 I recently met an amazing guy thru Match of all places. I live in Az and he lives in Ok so it is random that they matched us. We had our first date in Vegas and had an instant attraction and chemistry. He is just a great guy and I think that there could be potential for the future (and he feels the same)... he is coming out for the July 4th weekend and I am planning on visiting him after that and so forth. BTW, I should note that he is retiring at 48 in about a year and wants to move...so there is maybe a chance for the future .. but this is the problem...: I am recently divorced (as of about 2 mos ago). I was separated for almost 2 years from the ex prior however. In the divorce, the ex had to take me off 3 huge loans that were on 2 houses that he kept in the divorce and I got to keep one of the pieces of land that we jointly owned together. However, I have found out recently that he has not been making payments on the mortages/helocs as he was (is) trying to refinance the loans. The divorce agreement was that if he could not get me off the loans, then I get another piece of land that we jointly owned (free and clear) in both our names. Now the big house is going up for foreclosure in about 2 mos and the other house's mortgage that I am on is going to be bad debt and I am not sure what will happen there with the bank. So long story short, there is the very real chance that the bank will go after my land (unless I can figure a way to save it somehow) and I may have to declare bankruptcy as these loans total about 600k between the 3. I have always had great credit so this is just crushing to me as well as I feel like I look like an idiot but my ex didn't give me a chance to not be on the loans.. he needed my credit. So my question is this: when do I tell the new guy about this? Should I tell him? My gf seems to think I should hold off as we are just starting dating and it is too early but I kinda think that I should tell him now and find out if he is going to run or not. Like I said, I just feel like a loser.. I own a business that is struggling and I work my butt off but I feel like I will be a liability to anyone who wants to date me at this point. Any thoughts from anyone would be great.. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 You've been on one date. I don't think you need to reveal all sorts of divorce and finance information at this point. Or at any point until you have reason to trust this man and are comfortable sharing your troubles. What you should be doing is finding a good lawyer to help you through these financial issues, so that you come out in the strongest financial situation possible. This will affect your whole life, not just the impressions of some guy you've been one date with. Link to post Share on other sites
bananalaffytaffy Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 I wouldn't date someone with all your financial problems. Sorry. I'm sure you are a really great person, and you sound far more responsible than your ex. If I were in your shoes, I'd work on getting my life back together before dating. If it looks like it's going to go somewhere with this guy, I'd tell him as soon as you decide that so both of you can decide whether to continue to get emotionally invested. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiritofnow Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 (edited) I wouldn't date someone with all your financial problems. Sorry. I'm sure you are a really great person, and you sound far more responsible than your ex. Is there really any need to disclose that?! Seems kinda mean to say that to someone who is obviously afraid of that kind of situation! OP, just give the relationship time. You do not have to disclose any of those matter just yet. Take your time and see where things go...if things look like they are getting more serious then there will be an appropriate time to speak openly about your situation. For now just enjoy the journey of the relationship and see it as a distraction from these other things you have going on. I admire your willingness and need to be honest, and I think that is a very positive attribute, and says more about you as a person than the fact that you have found yourself in this financial situation. Best wishes. Edited June 27, 2010 by Spiritofnow Link to post Share on other sites
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