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[ashamed123]

I am 18 years old and I've had a crush on my boyfriend my whole life, since we were very little and we have now being going out for a year.

 

About 3 months into the relationship I cheated on him when I was extrememly drunk during freshers week at uni - I'd just moved 50 miles away from him into my own flat away from home. I was completely wasted, which is in no way an excuse.

 

My friend asked me to walk her home so I did, then I made the mistake of going back to the club alone where I continued to drink and met new people. A random guy walked me back to his flat near mine where he said he was having a party. Along the way I told him about my boyfriend and talked non stop about him and about how much I love him. Then when we got there I met his friends and we had more drinks.

 

One of this guy's other friends asked to walk me home so I said yes then on the way claimed he was lost and didn't know how to get back to his flat so I stupidly said hee could sleep in my sleeping bag on my floor.

 

When we got to my room he was trying to chat me up but I was having none of it then he called me a tease. Somehow we started kissing and I let it happen. Then he was touching me places I didn't want to be touched but I didn't exactly stop it.

 

We ended up on the bed and I thought I defenitely did not want to go any further so all I could say in an attempt to stop the situation was "I don't have any condoms" which I repeated several times. I don't know what happened next because I was so drunk but I remember thinking "this isn't my boyfriend". That's the last thing I remember. No idea if we had sex and I hope we didn't but either way I did something so terrible and decieved the person I love more than anything else in the world.

 

He once told me if I ever cheated on me not to tell him because it would braek his heart. I don't want to tell him, I don't want to spoil what we have we have such a perfect and loving relationship. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but it's been months since this incident happened and I can't get over it I'm racked with guilt all the time. Many nights I can hardly sleep.

 

What should I do? Pleaseplease help.

[sally4sara]

I am 18 years old and I've had a crush on my boyfriend my whole life, since we were very little and we have now being going out for a year.

 

About 3 months into the relationship I cheated on him when I was extrememly drunk during freshers week at uni - I'd just moved 50 miles away from him into my own flat away from home. I was completely wasted, which is in no way an excuse.

 

My friend asked me to walk her home so I did, then I made the mistake of going back to the club alone where I continued to drink and met new people. A random guy walked me back to his flat near mine where he said he was having a party. Along the way I told him about my boyfriend and talked non stop about him and about how much I love him. Then when we got there I met his friends and we had more drinks.

 

One of this guy's other friends asked to walk me home so I said yes then on the way claimed he was lost and didn't know how to get back to his flat so I stupidly said hee could sleep in my sleeping bag on my floor.

 

When we got to my room he was trying to chat me up but I was having none of it then he called me a tease. Somehow we started kissing and I let it happen. Then he was touching me places I didn't want to be touched but I didn't exactly stop it.

 

We ended up on the bed and I thought I defenitely did not want to go any further so all I could say in an attempt to stop the situation was "I don't have any condoms" which I repeated several times. I don't know what happened next because I was so drunk but I remember thinking "this isn't my boyfriend". That's the last thing I remember. No idea if we had sex and I hope we didn't but either way I did something so terrible and decieved the person I love more than anything else in the world.

 

He once told me if I ever cheated on me not to tell him because it would braek his heart. I don't want to tell him, I don't want to spoil what we have we have such a perfect and loving relationship. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but it's been months since this incident happened and I can't get over it I'm racked with guilt all the time. Many nights I can hardly sleep.

 

What should I do? Pleaseplease help.

 

Dear, what you are describing is rape. I know its not clear cut rape because you didn't holler "STOP" or "NO". He too was intoxicated and probably experiencing a lack of control, but the fact that you voiced a lack of interest and he started in making you feel bad about it before pressing the issue again indicates he was less impaired than you. He still had enough wits about him to form strategy in shaming you for turning him down.

 

You have a responsibility in this, so its making it hard for you to not completely blame yourself. You should not have been getting so wasted alone with people you did not know well. And you should learn to be more careful about trusting a stranger to walk you home. But this doesn't make it okay that he coerced you till you gave in. You made some dumb errors in judgment, but that doesn't mean you deserved what happened.

 

BECAUSE

 

He knew you were drunk as hell. He was not the person you conversed with the most, yet he offered to walk you home the moment he saw a chance to get you alone. He made up an excuse to stay and get in your home. And then he began to shame you when you didn't respond the way he wanted. Then he continued to push the issue. You didn't get to really choose to cheat, you just relented to his coercion.

[LSNoob]

WHAT???? why is your name ashamed??? you did NOTHING wrong. Sally is completely right about this. You should tell your bf, and your bf shouldn't even be angry at you at all. He should be more supportive, but yea you did make some stupid mistakes and specially with the alcohol involved, walking with random strangers. That's very dangerous you know, so you need to cut that out and be a bit more careful.

 

Wish you the best of luck.

[bigsby2010]

Well I don't know the part about he shouldn't be angry at all. Cheating is cheating. Yes, inhibitions were clearly lowered but I mean it could have been avoided. Not trying to be negative here, I can see both sides to the story. I just don't think its fair to say that he doesn't have a right to be pissed.

[LSNoob]

Yep, absolutely. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. Me personally if that happened to my girl, I would try to be more supportive.

[ComputerJock]

For God's sake get a STD check immediately, you may have caught something from this guy. And tell your boyfriend, you may be pregnant. Your boyfriend should have the oppertunity to find out what kind of a girl you really are. and make the decision to stay with you or dump you as you seem to want to spread your legs for another man and use the I WAS TOO DRUNK TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON excuse, a very lame excuse.

[sally4sara]

For God's sake get a STD check immediately, you may have caught something from this guy. And tell your boyfriend, you may be pregnant. Your boyfriend should have the oppertunity to find out what kind of a girl you really are. and make the decision to stay with you or dump you as you seem to want to spread your legs for another man and use the I WAS TOO DRUNK TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON excuse, a very lame excuse.

 

Where did the OP say this was something she wanted to happen? She wasn't too drunk to know what happened; she was too drunk to come to her own aid after being too naive and trusting. Her failing was not being responsible with alcohol. Seeing as she is under age (18) and not suppose to be drinking, she is still learning how to employ moderation in regards to consuming alcohol.

 

Lets just hope that if this ever happens to your daughter, she has someone a bit more understanding than you to turn to.

[lkjh]

Im sorry but I have trouble with saying rape in all scenarios. Clearly she loves her bf but if a girl goes to a bar alone, gets picked up by a random guy and goes to his flat to hang out with his friends, lets another guy take her home and sleep in her room, he makes a move and she doesn't say no than I have trouble saying she was rapped. Im not saying she wasn't just where do we draw the line between rape and regret?

 

She was obviously sober enough to walk all around the city and make decisions about letting a guy sleep on her floor

 

 

OP, you did something stupid and you are lucky that something worse didn't happen. You are a young woman and you can not go around with random guys you don't know and do stuff like this,otherwise one day something worse can happen

 

 

Just flat out dump your bf if you cant be honest with him

[lkjh]

Im sorry but now of days girls put themselves in very stupid situations and when the regret the outcome everyone screams rape. Because of this I now have trouble believing women when they say that they were rapped. I even have friends that have claimed that and I later found out that they were lying, they just wanted to clear their names. 2 to be exact

 

We need to teach young girls that with the freedoms they now have there are also responsibilities. The world can be a very dangerous place and you should be cautious

[sally4sara]

Im sorry but now of days girls put themselves in very stupid situations and when the regret the outcome everyone screams rape. Because of this I now have trouble believing women when they say that they were rapped. I even have friends that have claimed that and I later found out that they were lying, they just wanted to clear their names. 2 to be exact

 

We need to teach young girls that with the freedoms they now have there are also responsibilities. The world can be a very dangerous place and you should be cautious

 

I agree with you, but it doesn't mean this was not coercion. And it doesn't make it okay to push the issue with drunk folks just because they put themselves in a bad spot. I'm thinking of the times I've dealt with drunk people. They don't always get out words let alone the right ones when they are smashed. She had to have expressed a lack of interest for him to start calling her a tease.

 

OP what is your living situation. Did you have a living room or other room the guy could have slept in when he began claiming not to know his way home and you offered to let him crash at your place? Did you intend that and he just came in your room uninvited? Or do you live in an efficiency at school?

[wezol]

I'm sorry but she shouldn't of been going back to that guys place for an after party to begin with, it MAYBE would of been different had she KNOWN the guy or people at the party, but she didn't.

 

One other thing, there is only ONE reason why a guy would ask a girl he just met if he could walk her home, unless hes gay and one of the girls.

[Dexter Morgan]

He once told me if I ever cheated on me not to tell him because it would braek his heart. I don't want to tell him, I don't want to spoil what we have we have such a perfect and loving relationship.

 

a perfect and loving relationship..........and you cheated on him.

 

he deserves better.

 

 

I want to spend the rest of my life with him but it's been months since this incident happened and I can't get over it I'm racked with guilt all the time. Many nights I can hardly sleep.

 

What should I do? Pleaseplease help.

 

you should break up with him. he doesn't deserve this and its not fair to him to make plans to be with someone not knowing they are MORE than capable of being unfaithful.

 

If you are unfaithul in these early stages when you claim its the oh so perfect loving relationship, then you'll definitely cheat later on in life when things calm down a bit.

 

not saying sparks can't fly in long term relationships, but they DO calm down. So if its this good now, as you say, you are gonna have a hard time staying away from some hot guy in the future.