Need Advice

[loveneeded]

My whole life I was never really popular with girls, and guys in the matter. Didn't have many friends, had a few, but not the type you would hang out with outside of school.

 

Never popular with girls either, didn't have many girlfriends. Had a few that I thought was "true love", but looking back I know in my heart that it wasn't true love.

 

It was in 1996 when I finally got the chance to feel what love was like, being able to have someone to talk to everyday, someone to laugh with, talk to during troubled times, someone that you could trust and be able to share anything with her.

 

For a period of 5 or so months we talked almost everyday, wrote letters, and everyone thought that we was the best couple. We never fought, we got along great and never hated each other.

 

Of course, at the time I was only 15 & 16 so you know can't do much in the way of going places on dates etc...

 

It has since been 4 years since I've had anyone in my life, been 4 years since I've been in love, 4 years since I had someone special. Since then, I lost touch with many friends - including my best friend who turned to crack, and nowdays I feel like I do nothing but work. Having a job as a TV News Photographer really takes a lot of time from life.

 

Even now days I'm pretty much lonely. Don't have any friends outside my job, nobody to hang with, nobody to go to the movies with on a Friday night or just go to their house to shoot the breeze. Nobody to talk to.

 

I don't know what to do anymore, I have nobody to share my life with, nobody to do things with.

 

Any advice? I think the reason I have never been able to find someone is cause I have a weight problem, at 19 I weigh 260, though I am now on a diet and have gone from 288 to 260.

 

I need advice

[Ajay]

Loveneeded, that's for sure. And it's not just you needin' it. There's a whole world of lonely people out there looking for love. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some are rich, poor, too fat, too thin, healthy, sick, young, old, confident, insecure, rich and not so rich, they are all lonely. There are people with hopes of being in love, finding the right one, living happily ever after; fears of never finding the right one; it's universal, and it's seems to be getting worse all the time. I think we all come to a point in our lives where we acknowledge and accept that we need love in our lives. To love somone, to be loved by someone, it is so good.

 

I was never really popular in school either. I didn't have too many friends because I chose not to. I was too busy studying and riding my horse. I had moved a lot as a child and never considered school friends to be part of my life down the road.

 

Until recently, I thought there was no such thing as "true love". What is it really but what we make of it? I know of a many times when I thought it was love and now look back and know it wasn't.

 

I have kept myself very distant from love for many years now and miss the talking everyday, having someone be there for me during rough times, someone to do fun things with and laugh.

 

I pretty much lost touch with all my friends -- including one to heroin.

 

I retired from my job and felt completely lost. No family, no love, no job. I felt like I was just going to spin off. You are lucky you have a job that takes a lot of your time so you won't dwell on your lonely feelings too much.

 

When you find yourself feeling particularly lonely, walk to a park or go somewhere where you'll be around other people. Smile and say hi. Sometimes they'll just turn away like you don't exist, but you may be surprised at the number of positive responses you will get from others (total strangers) at the park, supermarket, bank, etc. if you smile and say hi when it feels right.

 

If you feel you need to talk to someone, this forum is a great place to come to. Just let us know how you're feeling or if you want advice. You'll get all kinds of responses.

 

Even though you feel you have nobody to do things with, you do -- yourself. Only you can make you happy, and it is possible to be happy even when you have times when you feel lonely and sad. You have to get out and do things for yorself.

 

I like doing things by myself that way I get to drive and no one complains about it, I get to park where I want, shop where I want, see the movies I want, and leave when I want. I have fun with me.

 

As far as your "weight problem" goes, you know for health reasons you should work on that okay? But believe me there are plenty of people who do not find individuals over 200 pounds to be un-datable. Some people (myself included) are not attracted to stick people and like some meat on them bones. Don't worry about what other people think, what do you think? How do you feel? If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself NOT anyone else.

 

It sounds like you're on the right tract with the diet and all, losing weight will help you feel better about yourself. Getting out and about, walking, bike riding, are not only great ways to improve your health, they're great ways to meet other people who are doing the same thing. My advice is to focus on yourself for awhile. Don't worry about finding "true love". You are young, so get healthy, and live a long, happy, love-filled life.

 

The adage is true -- it will find you when you least expect it. Best wishes to you. Ajay

[Tony T]

Continue on the diet. You're doing great and it's extremely important not only to your appearance but to your general health. It is a hard, cold, cruel fact that the opposite sex views physical appearance as pretty important. When you get down to fighting weight you will feel more energy, lighter, and the compliments you get will boost your esteem to new levels.

 

There are many ways to meet ladies. You have a very excellent one already. While videoing spot news (fires, accidents, etc.) may not be conducive to meeting nice ladies, there are a lot of stories where many available females will be around...and they would all LOVE a personal tour of the station. Once you've lost your weight, you'll have your pick. Being a television news photographer, to many young ladies, is especially glamourous.

 

If you're shy, there are also many on and off line matching and dating services. Use the Internet search engines to find them. If your town is big enough to have one or more television stations, it's big enough to have some great ladies that would love to be with you. Ask your assignment editor if you can do a story about some of the local dating services and how they work....hint, hint.

 

Your negative thinking is your biggest problem. If you keep thinking there are no ladies out there for you or that your weight is an obstacle, your own thoughts will create that reality for you. Stay positive, work on yourself...my Gosh....you are in the absolutely PERFECT situation for meeting some of the most wonderful, intelligent ladies in your area.

 

If the station is working you more than eight hours a day, that's too much. But if they insist, you might even ask them if you can take an intern around. For company, find a young female journalism student at a local college and have her join you on some of your weekend assignments.

 

When I was a TV Newsman, I used to meet hundreds of ladies at parades, in the formation areas. Because I was with the television station, there was no hesitation whatsoever on their part to give me their number because they trusted me. Of course, I looked pretty harmless too.

 

I could write for hours on the ways you can find ladies. You are in the best possible sitation to meet all the girls you can possibly handle in a lifetime. Take advantage of it!!!

[Tony T]

You ask: "Can it be done or do i just keep sticking it out?"

 

I think these are both the same.

 

Nowhere is it written that any man anywhere in the world has ONLY the capacity for loving ONLY one woman at a time. From now until you die, you will ALWAYS be able to have in like or in love feelings for as many women as you choose simultaneously. You act as if falling for this woman at work is somehow against your will. Love is a decision and you made the decision to have and grow feelings for her, even though she is married.

 

Frankly, I think there is a far more deep-rooted psychological reason why you chose this married woman, who is unavailable to you, to fall for. You would have to go to an excellent psychotherapist to feret out the reason. It really doesn't make a whole lot of difference, though. You have control of your emotions and YOU can put a halt to this.

 

Because of man's capacity to fall in love with more than one person simultaneously and because of man's capacity to have a sexual involvement with many women during the same general time span, the concept of committment was developed as a device for saving feelings, relationships, legal costs, and, in many cases, lives.

 

Assuming you have made a committment to your lady and assuming you have the ethics, morals and all else required to live up to that committment, you simply do not act on your feelings, your urges, etc., for other women. On the other hand, if you have to make such a strong effort NOT to be in love with this married woman at work, I suggest you make no effort at all...not act on it...and let it run its course.

 

Even if you didn't have a girlfriend, getting involved with a woman at work who is married could be very dangerous to your work status and to you personally. Mixed with the fact that you are in a committed relationship, I think you can understand why you must move on.

 

Still, at some point and when you can afford it, you should seek the counsel of a very wise therapist who can help you pinpoint why, of all people, you would fall for a married woman at work. There is a reason and I wish you were here so I could talk to you. Maybe she reminds you, subconsciously, of a girl you used to care about. Maybe she has some qualities of a woman you loved when you were young, such as an aunt or neighbor, who abandoned you in some way. Can't say right now.

 

For now, back off, remain committed to your relationship. Remember, you will always be attracted to certain women...just don't act on it and, for heaven's sake, don't tell your girlfriend. You have a great relationship at home and you would do irreversible damage to your life by going any farther with this deal at work.

 

It may be reassuring for you to know I have truly loved as many as 14 women at the same time, most of whom were my friends. Some of the love was lots more than friendship but they didn't know that and I would have never told them. But I know I am in total control of my emotions and, frankly, I enjoyed being in love with them, but I didn't act on it. I think the capacity to love women, and all of my friends in general, was one of God's greatest gifts to me.

 

The big thing here I guess is having those feelings and NOT acting on them. You just don't want to go any further than you have at this moment. Now put your feelings in reverse as far as possible, especially if this woman's husband likes weapons. If you find it difficult, avoid this woman to whatever extent you can.