Deciding to just not do anything best

[HelplessMidwest]

I do appreciate the advice everyone has given me on here. And a lot of people here only see me as the bad person. I dont get that because dont people think that Life has to move on. Yes I do agree with everyone that it was a little too soon to tell someone my feelings. And it may seem that I'm stabbing my friend in the back, but I dont agree with That at all..

 

My thoughts are simple on this matter, My best friend is NOT gonna agree with it at all, EVER... Probably, but he IS not here, WILL NOT probably EVER be here again. And he's already looking for a GF! He's obviously not thinking about his EX. AND before the FLamers Post. I dont mean to sound egotistical or like MY Time to Swoop.

 

Stabbing him in the back in my opinion would have been trying to hit on her and tell her how i felt before they were ever broken up and being the culprit of their demise. Or Being Two-Faced with him, about our friendship. Our friendship is genuine, trust me, I've been unable to sleep well at night, i have butterflies in my stomach all day long just thinking about the whole situation. I also think of the sin that it is to lust after another mans wife. Trust me people its not like this is someone i just met and decided to drop an emotional bomb on, we've been friends long enough that i can talk to her about this i think if I could only muster the courage needed.

 

 

For her, she knows that I'm there if she ever needs anything.

The only think I am constantly thinking about is her, and what if this is my only chance to ever tell her how i feel about her. What if I never tell her. Sorry folks for sounding like a jerk, I've just always been honest with people except for telling the women i've cared about how i truly felt until it was to late. The advice Given has NOT went in one ear and out my ar$e, and im glad all the ladies in here see me as an arshole and a self centered egomaniac.

 

Its just depression i think, I hate the idea of trying to go to a bar and pick up bar trollips (use your imagination on that one)

and I see this person that I've cared about, slipping away from me. Ofcourse I was better friends with her husband than I am with her, so the situation IS gonna change, If i ever go over there to see her again, I just dont think I'll be able to contain myself, so I've just decided to try and stop thinking about her. But I do know that I will probably only be able to handle a few months before i have feelings raging again.

 

 

LOL, well as I'm posting this my BestFriend Emails me telling me how he's dating HIS Best-Friend from home where he lives now's EX WIFE, whom they got in a fight over a few years ago, now talk about IRONIC. Also, he said his buddy set it UP, even after swearing up and down that THEY had cheated together some time back. now isnt that strange. oh well i guess some guys are lucky and get all the breaks, while the rest of us feel sorry for ourselves and miss out on everything.

 

 

Oh well guess life goes on and I'll maybe find someone, someday. Guess being lonely is easier than being together with someone all the time. i just dont understand relationships anymore, and why thinks are either Right or Wrong no gray area.

[moimeme]

You don't have to go to bars. Join a walking or hiking club. Take classes. Take up a hobby. There are a zillion places to meet people who are not 'trollops'.

[HelplessMidwest]

I get embarrased to easy even bringing up relationships with friends, they always say why you embaressed, and its easy for them to tell My ears and face get beat red and i start perspiring. Makes it a little difficult, when you just think somone is special or and interesting person. I guess i just need a change of scenery. Maybe i should move. My Best friend keeps telling me that he could hook me up with some people, and a place to stay if i need to, but i dont think i could move away from My family either.

Damn im so confused. I hate trying to find happiness in this day and age of moral degrade.

 

 

Yes I have the nerve to talk about morals after everything i've posted, but i dont believe morally i've done anything quite wrong, if i had I would have lost both friends already, where as it stands, atleast I'm still talking to both of them. And wish they would get back together so i could cancel out my crush once and for all.

[Iamhappy]

Putting aside your unhealthy obsession with your best friend's wife. May I ask you exactly how much socialization you've engaged in the last couple of years? I recall reading somewhere that you've been alone the past 2 years.

 

Just an observation, but just the way you've been obsessing about this woman, the way you talk and the way you engage others in this forum....

 

Are you alone a lot? Do you isolate yourself? Do you have a lot of friends?

 

Do you, um, have your own life?

 

You just seem so pre-occupied with other people's lives.

[jmargel]

The way I look at it, is wanting to date her you shouldnt have anything to feel guilty about. You didn't cause those two to break up. You aren't bound by any contract where as you aren't allowed to see her, etc. Yes, you will lose your best friend when he finds out about this. But since he's not moving back, it'll be just a matter of time before your communication with him starts to fade anyway, as in most friendships.

 

Now with her, you need to stop being so self-centered. I'm not talking about going out with her, but about you keep wanting to tell her YOUR feelings. Just stop & think what SHE wants. Its obvious that she probably isn't ready for anything with you yet. Not saying she won't ever will, but with just anybody in general, she's probably not ready for anything serious yet. When you talk to her ask her questions, find out what she's feeling. Talking to her about 'YOUR' feelings is going to turn her off completely. Try being her friend first before her lover.

 

With my girlfriend, we were friends for a year before becoming a couple. Yes it was very hard, because I had deep feelings for her but she had a bf at the time who was mistreating her. Occasionally I was bring up the subject of 'us' but for the most part I was there for her in every other way. I told her all I wanted to see her was to be happy in life.

 

Now that she is with me, its a feeling like no other. I am truly blessed to have her with me. And the reason why we are so close is because we are also best friends.

 

This doesnt happen over night, and you can't rush these things. Start focusing on her needs if you truly do care about her.

[HelplessMidwest]

Yes i have a life and other friends and go out a lot. I just dont look to go INTroducing myself to knew people quite that often and make new friends. Guess social interaction being what it is I dont like the younger crowd of people that tend to be around as of late.

 

Alone meaning NO Girlfriend, only a couple of aquaintenencs and sex with a few past girlfriends that i've had but nothing on the scale of a relationship mainly old friends being great old lovers. But i'm feeling like i'm ready to make a committment, and i think that's whats driving me to think i have to do this right now right now all the time but i've pretty much settled down to the fact that most of the advice that i've been given has been Great Advice. There fore I am gonna leave it alone, let time go by and be there for her whenever she wants me to be there not try and force her into an awkward moment of having to crush my ego aswell by being flatered BUT! I want it to be the right time, and i think i will know when that time is and its not gonna be tomorrow or the next day or even next month. When she's ready to open up about things. Guess I just hit a bump in the road and pulled over and it's taken me 2 years to find the damn NEW Tire, the spare tires just ran out of air over time!

 

The way I engage others in this forum isnt meant to be mean, but it is meant to be direct and to the point that when im defending myself, and responding to personal attacks im gonna be a little personal. The only thing that has ever gotten me is how bitter somepeople have been to me thinking that Im evil and such a bad person for this. When I dont think so! You dont know me in real life as oposed to what i've typed here, judging me because im at a time of crisis in my life or atleast a little bit of self=thought isnt a way to judge people at all. And also judging me for this one act, which isnt exactly WRONG isnt that well of an argument either. Guess i thought that this forum would be understanding to my original post because thats what the forum title implies and this whole website has a lot of dating, coping, cheating, and other posts. I think that a lot of people have their own personal demons to cope with and that ridiculing someone loses your case when trying to express yourself. But we are also all guilty of being hypocritical about things from time to time.

[jmargel]

Yea I would agree some people on here have been qutie harsh to you. When 'Brandy' (my gf) was just a friend a year ago, alot of my friends told me to not bother with her. Just because she has a bf, that means she's trouble. Thing is they never understood her situation, and everyone was quick to judge her. If I were to have followed their advice I'd be very lonely, she would be miserable and we would never have gotten to experience the magic we've been during these last 4 months we've been a couple.

 

It comes down to making yourself happy. If she makes you happy then pursue it. But do it slowly. During the months I was just 'friends' with Brandy I noticed I was starting to be more self-centered not realizing what she was going through. I wanted things 'my' way. I quickly stopped that and my attitude slowly changed to wanting her to be happy with whoever she chooses. Things just natually progressed over time. During that time I dated others, but my heart was with her. She felt the same way but the guy she was with, she was with for 8 years. I wanted her to be sure of her decision & didn't want to rush her into it.

 

In these situations you have to hope for the best but expect the worst. Everyone is different, and in most relationships it usually takes one person a little more time to develop feelings to the extent that the other has. Be her friend, try going out with her every weekend and just doing fun things. Let her find out who 'you' are as a person. Right now you don't love her, you are infatuated by her. To me 'love' is such a deep commitment, its where you can't imagine yourself living life without them. Post on here as much as you like, everyone has different opinions.