Which would be more understadable?

[samsungxoxo]

Yes I know there is no excuse for cheating... big surprise. That phrase has been written many times esp. those that were cheated on (off course, it's their own stories and they'll vent out all the time).

 

Ok what about this case:

In the marriage/long term relationship both of them have cheated. However the reasons for it varied.

While A cheated due to circumstances, situations, lack of sex, emotional need or whatever reason (the end result being selfishness) B cheated later on in anger towards A's betrayal. B has been withholding resentment for months or even years until he/she couldn't take it away and in order to heal they sought revenge.

 

Yes cheating is wrong but what about B's case. At some point he/she was a sane, normal human with moral/values or integrity until someone ultimately destroyed them from both the inside and outside.

[TaraMaiden]

Bullschyt.

 

Life is a series of choices.

The fact that not everybody who is cheated on ,then cheats in revenge, goes to show that other options exist.

Don't put the blame on the shoulders of others for your choices (I'm talking 'you' generically, not 'you' specifically).

If A person chooses to cheat for whatever reason, then that's a choice.

If B person chooses to cheat in retaliation - that too is a choice.

[samsungxoxo]

Life is a series of choices.

The fact that not everybody who is cheated on ,then cheats in revenge, goes to show that other options exist.

Don't put the blame on the shoulders of others for your choices (I'm talking 'you' generically, not 'you' specifically).

If A person chooses to cheat for whatever reason, then that's a choice.

If B person chooses to cheat in retaliation - that too is a choice.

Yes but not everyone will react the same towards a betrayal. Some people can be nice, sweet, raised in a good environment, quiet and laid-back but when hurt deeply, they can snap all of the sudden without warnings.

Emotions esp. anger can at times get the best out of you. It's a powerful feeling.

[Woggle]

B is more understandable but this is all the more reason why a person should leave after betrayal. Once a relationship gets to that point it is as good as dead.

[anne1707]

But it is still a choice. I was as good as given the option of using my H's prior infidelity years earlier as an excuse for mine (by my H) but I refused to accept that option. I had made the mistake (putting it very mildly) and I had to take reponsibility for that.

[samsungxoxo]

B is more understandable but this is all the more reason why a person should leave after betrayal. Once a relationship gets to that point it is as good as dead.

I know but I guess certain people want the other to feel as bad as they did once.. going for the ''eye for an eye'' thing.

Never been cheated on (nor cheat) but can't tell what would go on my head if the one man I want to someday in the not so far future marry ever does that.. my first reaction would be to ruin him and stop at nothing to see him miserable for a long time until the intense hatred is gone within me.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes but not everyone will react the same towards a betrayal. Some people can be nice, sweet, raised in a good environment, quiet and laid-back but when hurt deeply, they can snap all of the sudden without warnings.

Emotions esp. anger can at times get the best out of you. It's a powerful feeling.

 

Ok just look at your last statement.

 

"Emotions, esp. anger can at times get the best out of you".

 

(I would question 'best'....)

 

So the fact that a person is emotional and angry, is the fundamental reasoning behind their retaliation.

It's the emotion of being angry that triggers the choice.

You see, it really doesn't matter what their reasoning is.

They have still chosen to react to the stimulus in that way.

 

 

As Anne rightly says, no matter what the provocation, what you end up doing and how you respond to it, is your choice.

[TaraMaiden]

I know but I guess certain people want the other to feel as bad as they did once.. going for the ''eye for an eye'' thing.

Never been cheated on (nor cheat) but can't tell what would go on my head if the one man I want to someday in the not so far future marry ever does that.. my first reaction would be to ruin him and stop at nothing to see him miserable for a long time until the intense hatred is gone within me.

 

That's your assumption.

"My first reaction would be...."

Actually, you have no way of knowing what your first reaction Would be.....

[samsungxoxo]

Actually, you have no way of knowing what your first reaction Would be.....

No I don't know how exactly I would react but purely disgust and hate would be my first two words in describing him.

I don't quite understand how those people that manage to work it out after their SO cheated are allow remain calm and not have constant thoughts at getting back at them. The previous cheater was only thinking about themselves and their own needs.

[aerogurl87]

I'm under the impression that once a person is cheated on, if they can't ever forgive the other person they should just leave the relationship. With my ex and I, after I cheated he broke up with me which I expected. What I didn't expect was for him to beg for me back 3 days later (I went NC) and try to stick around for 5 months, where he put us both through hell. But my ex was a weird one, he believed you could only cheat physically because to him his emotional affairs (which were many) wasn't really cheating but an ego boost. Eventually he left me for someone else though, so in my eyes him and I are even and I got over it although he still harbours some resentment. Some people are weird, but to each it's own.

[samsungxoxo]

Eventually he left me for someone else though, so in my eyes him and I are even and I got over it although he still harbours some resentment. Some people are weird, but to each it's own.

Some people just aren't good in forgiving. It takes a strong (gold-hearted) person to forgive without ever proceeding to hurt someone who wronged them first. Very... very... very few people are capable of that. It would have to be the sweetest and nice person ever.

Sometimes I would like to think I'm a nice woman but can be a total biotch if pushed further.. just like a man can turn into a jerk if hurt deeply.

Once that sweet part within you has been shattered to pieces, that person gets nothing but bitterness... then whatever good left in you (before they wronged you) has been reduced greatly.

[Diezel]

And this is the reason why you quit the relationship as SOON as something like this happens... to avoid these hypothetical dilemmas.

 

I would NEVER be B, and I'd never let anyone else become B.

[aerogurl87]

Some people just aren't good in forgiving. It takes a strong (gold-hearted) person to forgive without ever proceeding to hurt someone who wronged them first. Very... very... very few people are capable of that. It would have to be the sweetest and nice person ever.

Sometimes I would like to think I'm a nice woman but can be a total biotch if pushed further.. just like a man can turn into a jerk if hurt deeply.

Once that sweet part within you has been shattered to pieces, that person gets nothing but bitterness... then whatever good left in you (before they wronged you) has been reduced greatly.

 

True, but he'd never had my trust, completely anyway, to begin with. One week after he told me he "loved" me I found out from my friend that he was cybering with girls all over the web and was cheating on me emotionally with a girl he called his "friend". At the time I didn't care too much because as far as I was concerned we had an open relationship in my mind. But nope, according to him I broke his trust and all that when I cheated. But he turned out worse than I was with his emotional cheating and all the lies I put up with. That's why I wanted him out of my life after I cheated, I didn't want him back, and I didn't ask for him back. But I still forgave him everytime he hurt me, didn't say a word about how many times my heart was shattered, because I loved him unconditonally.

[runninghardandlong]

I've been cheated on many, many times. I never reacted as in the person B scenario. I usually was very civil about it, understanding what happened. I guess I always ended up putting the blame on myself, it being my fault that they cheated. Probably not a good thing. One of them I even went back to after the new guy screwed her over. I guess just some of us like to walk on people, and others like to be walked on.