I know it was wrong but it wasnt all me!

[wheels]

when I was 12 I went to live with my stepmother and dad. My stepsister was six. to make a long story short we were more than brother and sister. most of the time she would sneek into my room and of course I wos not going to tell her no. there was never any penetration. it was always oral all the time. We got caught when I was 16 and I went to juvenile detention for it, she was the "victim". after about three years of being apart the entire family got together like it was just another christmas. nothing was ever said by anyone until now. I was wrestling my little brother (15 and far from little) and said something to the effect that I was going to thump him. my "sister" sister was in the room and said she would like that. Now I am confused? I thought whaT had happened was to be such an awful thing and here she is coming on to me. she is 22 now.

She lives a few hours away so its not like we see each other a lot. only two or three times a year.

[dyermaker]

It actually WAS your fault, and she is the victim. I understand that you've been abused yourself (whether subconsciously or explicitly) and it caused you to act out--but don't act like a friggin six year old was begging for it, that makes me sick.

 

The reason she's coming onto you now is because when you abused her, you messed with her emotional wiring--without therapy, she'll never be the same. Don't you dare victimize her twice.

[Iamhappy]

I am in complete agreement with dyermaker. Furthermore, I'd like to add that I think there's more than a good possibility that you yourself are not "normal."

 

For the life of me, I can't figure out how you'd think she was coming on to you while you were wrestling with your little brother.

 

What you did to her was awful and no matter how you try to downplay it, she was a victim. Your victim.

 

It's a shame that what happened was swept under the rug. Silence is more indicative of shame than it is of acquiescence. The fact that none of you have ever discussed it out in the open didn't make what happened right nor did it make it any less horrible for your sister.

 

Your thinking is obviously a bit screwed up. I suggest you seek the help of a competent therapist to deal with your issues.

[wheels]

I am happily married and kids of my own now. I did have a few years of therapy. I know what I did was wrong and I paid the price. My point in this is at 22 why does she say the things she does? this is not the first incident. She is not a victim 16 years later.

More questions... How did I know to do what we did? I did not have cable or anything. How did she know what to do? They moved from a long distance away and I dodnt think I was the first.

[Reckless]

Someone who was the victim of sexual abuse at the age of six is going to have a very hard time dealing with it. Her head is not and may not for a very long time be sorted out with regard to her experience and her reaction to you is probably never going to be amicable.

 

You seem to imply that she should be over it already but with sexual matters the affect sometimes lasts a lifetime - I should think she harbours a lot of anger and confusing feelings of repulsion/attraction to you and is a long way from having dealt with what has happened to her. That is her personal journey but believe it or not, where she is isn't solely dependent on the number of years that have past. I know people that experience anxiety, rage and feelings of worthlessness guilt and pain as if incidents were yesterday instead of perhaps decades ago. So a 'isn't she over it yet?!' attitude is misplaced to put it mildly.

 

As for your comment, that they moved from a long distance away and I don't think I was the first I have to say that, if your sister was indeed, before six years of age, introduced to sexual behaviour then she is a very unfortunate and hurt individual and you sound sourly lacking in compassion for such a horrific idea.

 

I think that possibly however you are looking for something to justify your own behaviour at such a young age. You ask How did I know to do what we did?/b] I'm not expert but I do know that children (and you yourself at 12 were little more than a child) are capable of sexual behaviour in the sense that their natural curiosity leads them to experiment with various sensations. We are all essentially sexual beings in that very early on children are aware of how sexually pleasant certain types of stimulation can be - this is usually just part of discovering their own bodies and totally innocent and it's that 'innocence' that sets the limits on what they will or will not do. It rests with caring adults to protect that innocence and not take advantage of a switch that wasn't meant to be flicked until maturity. The switch, however, is ever present.

 

I have no idea how you lost your 'innocence' or why you at 12 pushed those boundaries beyond what was common, decent or legal but I'd hazard that (cable or not) without parental and moral boundaries in place, more horrors than we ever dreamed of are possible.

 

Again, I'm far from an expert and would be interested in other peoples comments.

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by wheels

My point in this is at 22 why does she say the things she does? this is not the first incident. She is not a victim 16 years later.

 

 

 

Why does she say these things, you ask? Simple, you have scarred her for life. She will ALWAYS be a victim, whether it's 16, 20 or 30 years later.

 

Every time she looks at you, the one burning question from her to you is ......"Why?"

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by wheels

why does she say the things she does?

 

When you victimized her, at an incredibly young age, you damaged her brain, and the way in which she'll have relationships for the rest of her life, barring some sort of therapy--and even then, to some extent.

 

How did she know what to do? They moved from a long distance away and I dodnt think I was the first.

 

Were you her 'first'?--I doubt it. Does that forgive you?--Hell no.

[Errol]

Originally posted by wheels

I know it was wrong but it wasnt all me.

Yes it was. Take responsibility for your actions. At 12 you made a choice. At 6 she did not. She may have been acting on things that had happened to her before -- but there is absolutly no excuse or justification for what you did. You made a very bad choice. Whatever circumstances led you to that choice are issues that you need to work on. You still seem unsure of what is right and what is wrong. You say you are married and have children - would you not be outraged if someone molested your children? You should be. What you wrote about your sister coming on to you -- could that be a misinterpretation? If it is true then she needs some intensive therapy and help to deal with the abuses of her past.

 

You should be telling her that what you did to her was wrong and that you are ashamed, and you should insist--and help pay for if necessary--that she get into therapy right away.

[eagle_nate]

Hey Bud,

Don't listen to these arm-chair wannabe psychologists. I agree you need to take responsibility and you did make a mistake but that doesn't make it irreparable. you have a responsibility to make right what you did. It was a horrible mistake, but do you know that????

If not, go and get some help because there is no cure for pedophilia...you have an attraction to young children. Maybe it's not there right now but you owe it to yourself to seek help NOW.

 

And you need to address this issue with your family, don't sweep it under the carpet man whatever you do.

 

Sounds like this girl needs some help. I'm not suggesting you give it to her, but i am saying this is an opportunity for you to make amends. Go see someone kid, you can get this off your conscience. And don't listen to these hateful morons. They're abuse victims who come on here to make themselves feel better when they should be right with you at the therapists office.

You screwed up but that doesn't mean you're a horrible person!

Let us love the sinner and hate the sin.

Nate

[moimeme]

Whoa! He's not a pedophile. He isn't interested in other young girls. Incest is one of THE most popular fantasies of all the taboos. Go sometime and check out some erotic fiction sites; incest tales usually rank around #2 in number. More people than you can imagine have fooled around with same-or-similar age relatives. Again, people live lives of pretense and hypocrisy and act as though these things were unheard of when the truth is that society has a seamy underbelly which it seeks to conceal under false righteousness.

 

That this girl came to his room at six means a high probability that she had already been sexualized by some form of abuse by someone else; otherwise kids don't usually get interested in messing with their siblings until puberty or so. This would explain, in part, why she's still coming on to him (and I believe she did).

 

You might want to have a talk with her about her whole situation. Perhaps she'd be willing to talk to you about what else has happened to her in her past.

 

As for everyone condeming you, you were twelve for gawsdakes. It's more than ridiculous to think a twelve-year-old is going to be able to make responsible decisions in such bizarre circumstances. The adult you knows it was wrong and you've sought to deal with it. Congratulations on that. Now the next step is possibly to help your step-sister deal with her issues.

[dyermaker]

Umm, he's not a pedophile.

 

He victimized his sister.

 

No one called him a terrible person, but what he did was wrong, and blaming her is the least productive thing he could do at this point.

 

It's more than ridiculous to think a twelve-year-old is going to be able to make responsible decisions in such bizarre circumstances. The adult you knows it was wrong and you've sought to deal with it.

 

I wholeheartedly disagree. It's not like it just happened once, it was ongoing abuse that lasted until he was sixteen-years old. Also, the adult in him is still blaming other people. Twelve years old, c'mon.