When partner actually does leave you for OW

[BeagleGal]

My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago now and its been thus far, the worse experience of my life. We were together 2 years, lived together for one and I really did feel this was it for me. I had finally found someone to settle down with and I couldnt be happier.

 

I noticed shortly before we broke up, he started acting funny/distant. I did ask what was going on, if anyone else was involved. He said no to that and said that his "issues" weren't about me or us, he loved me, loved our relationship but it was the other added responsibilities in his life, i.e., raising his son fulltime (with my help), new job, etc. I believed him and didn't think that there was anything I needed to be concerned about in regards to another woman as I believed he would be honest with me.

 

Boy, was I dead wrong. When we broke up after his trip to Jamaica (which I found out he took the OW with him), I find out the day I moved out of the house from a coworker of mine that I deserved to know the truth and why he really left. When she compared him to Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton, I couldnt believe it. She said he told someone at work (we all work for same company) that he was seeing someone and that person told my coworker. I repeatedly asked my ex if anyone was involved and he every single time he said no.

 

Later that month (this just happened in Apr) I find out not only had he been cheating on me for months but that this OW also got pregnant and they are now getting married end of July. Talk about serious deceitful behavior. I couldnt believe it. Again, it was the same coworker who told me as she knows that my ex will never come clean to me, never be upfront. I can't explain the devastation I felt and the humiliation at work with ppl pitying me because of what my ex had done. Everyone at work knew he had cheated when they put two and two together as it wasn't long ago that my ex and I had split. All they could just do is shake their heads and couldn't believe how badly he f**ked up.

 

A mutual friend of ours helped me move out as he felt horrible b/c of what my ex had done to me. And this friend has been a huge help since all this **** when down. He confirmed what I already had figured out: that my ex had been cheating on me, did get himself involved in a bit of a pickle with OW and said I am better off, that he would have done this to me eventually b/c he's a cheat.

 

Anyways, after finding all that out, it all made sense his distant behavior just before we broke up and his rush to get me out of the house when he did (he gave me an Apr 1 deadline so 2 weeks after we broke up).

 

I know who the OW is, I know where she works - so basically I have access to her. I've chosen not to confront her as its him I'd like to confront as he's the one who betrayed me, however, because she knew he was cheating, I do feel anger towards her for playing a part.

 

As time goes on, knowing that their "shotgun" wedding is coming up, I just feel such anxiety and hurt. I've decided to be out of town for the day of their wedding as I dont want to be here when it happens.

 

My ex started texting me about a month ago (yeah, didn't take him long, did it) and when I asked him for the truth about this whole thing, the only thing he could say was "Truth is life was much less complicated than b4"

 

Augh...

Edited June 28, 2010 by BeagleGal

[NoIDidn't]

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but one day you will feel that you dodged a bullet. The pain and anxiety it causes right now are normal.

 

He will call and text more often after that marriage and after the baby is born, when his life goes back to being hectic again. And you can tell him "Truth is, things are a lot less complicated for me right now".

 

The people at work don't quite know what to say. Some will wrongly think that his cheating was a reflection on you. You have one person that's considering your feelings in this. Be grateful for that. Because when he repeats his pattern on the pregnant-OW-turned-fiance, it will be him that is pitied and looked down on. And he will repeat it.

 

You dodged a bullet. I know it hurts right now, but it gets better. Take care of you right now. Ignore his texts and other contact attempts. He will start to say things like "My son misses you" to get you to be his new OW.

 

Always remember what a jerk he was when he rushed you out of your home, because he is going to pull out the stops to make you his OW in the coming months if you keep taking his calls/texts.

[Woman In Blue]

LOL...alot of guys that leave for the OW secretly start up contact with their ex-girlfriends or STBxwife after they move out. Of course, the LIAR won't admit it to his OW-turned-girlfriend. Oh no, he'd never do that. But they do it - ALOT.

 

These guys don't leave for the right reasons, and they're stuck in a limbo of sorts after they make their move. If they did it the RIGHT way - leaving because the relationship was no longer viable and splitting up was the right thing to do - then they might become better emotionally adjusted before moving onto the next relationship. But most of them have to have a reason for leaving their wives, and that reason is usually an OW whose given them an ultimatum of some kind or another.

 

So they go from one woman right to the next one - without taking the necessary steps of HEALING and learning to move on. Thus, the eventual contact to the woman they left.

 

If I were you, you owe absolutely NOTHING to the pregnant OW, just as she obnoxiously disrespected YOU. So anything you decide to do with your jerk of an ex is your own business. But if I were you, I'd keep copies of EVERYTHING (and take lots of pictures if you can) then wrap everything up in a lovely gift box and deliver it to his new "woman."

 

I'm funny like that.

[BeagleGal]

NoIDidnt: Logically, I know you're right, I did dodge a bullet and I think when I'm over it and him, I will thank my lucky stars that it ended when it did. Emotionally, its harder to get over such a cruel betrayal. I've not heard from him in 10 days now nor have I initiated contact and I am proud of myself for it. But to be honest, I was feeling that "pull" back to him and was actually thinking this weekend of an excuse to send him a quick text, thankfully, I stopped myself.

 

Several people at work have been quite supportive, including my boss and other coworkers - those who knew us best. My boss even let me and my dog spend the night at his and his fiancee's place as he knew I had no home. So I'm very grateful for his help and the help of others as well.

 

I've been trying to keep myself busy and learning how to put the focus on me. This is the first time in years that I've been single so its quite an adjustment but I think I'm not doing too bad.

 

When I was in a really ****ty place a couple of months back, I was almost considering maybe being the OW if it came about b/c I had been missing him and just really low on self esteem. Now, no way. He's hurt me enough, this time away from him has really opened my eyes to the kind of man he is and I won't allow him to devalue or demote me like that.

 

So I am maintaining NC but man, is it really freakin' hard but yes I do remind myself of the jackass he was with me at the end.

 

Woman In Blue: My ex obviously proved himself to be more than just a liar and I was very surprised at how quick he started contacting me again. And looking back, he never really stopped contacting me since we split. He'd send a message here and there and I wouldnt respond. I only broke NC when I found out about the pregnant OW as I thought that it was too huge to ignore. And it was only in mid-late May he started texting semi-regularly and I did respond back to some of his messages... so I did open a window of communication just by simply responding back to him. Stupid.

 

Up until our breakup, things were solid between us, or so I thought. It wasnt until a couple of weeks before we broke up that he started acting wierd. And then it was just a full on turning against me behavior that I didnt see coming and didnt understand as I wasnt the bad guy. And I do believe the OW was really starting to put pressure on him, especially after she found out she was pregnant. So I can see why he had to push me out but still that's no excuse to treat me the way he did. I didnt deserve any of what he gave me.

 

You know what, I've done just that. He no longer emails me but I do have his emails from just before we split to after we split and reading them now or if OW read them, she'll see how misleading he was not only to me but in a sense about her as well as he was trying to reassure me that things will be alright with us, that "living apart" is the best thing for us but we'd still go on dates and I'd still see his son lots, that no one else was involved, just bull****... unbelievable. I also have all his texts as well. And I thought about sending them to her. I started a blog shortly after I moved out about the breakup and everything since then and I thought about letting her in on it so she can read about what a deceitful AHole he is but then again, why should I? She clearly knew what she was getting into when she got involved with him, knew he was cheating and I think her way of getting him to commit was deciding to keep the baby and lock it down officially by getting married.

Edited June 28, 2010 by BeagleGal

[Fight4Me]

I just want to say that you are doing amazingly well. Yes, you have your down days, obviously, but all things considered, you are well on the road to recovery.

 

I know it's fun to fantasize about sending emails or other stuff to the OW, but all it will do is help them believe that you are bitter over "their love.":sick: He'll feed her a line like, "I had to tell her those things so she wouldn't go crazy like she's prone to do. I had to be sure you and the baby would be safe.":rolleyes: Silence and distance as you live your life well is truly the best revenge.

 

I also agree that the turd nugget will resurface eventually, so I would block his emails, ignore all calls and texts from him. One good idea I read somewhere was to have his ring/text tone manually set to complete silence, no vibrate so you won't even be tempted to answer at the time. Don't allow his stench to set you back, even for a moment.

 

You deserve so much better, and the great thing is you seem to know it, too.

[Jilly Bean]

WOW. He's really quite a scumbag, isn't he?

 

Like the others said, you are SO much better off. Do not think for a second he won't do to her, what he did to you. Only she will be left with a kid, and by then, you will be involved with someone wonderful and faithful.

 

Karma will get them both, hon.

 

Hang in there...

[sadintexas]

If people really don't want to get pregnant, they don't. I'm not saying all OW or women in general are like this because I know that's not the case...but in this case I wouldn't be surprised at all if she got pregnant to get her man.

 

Trust me, he's not a man you want anyway, but it serves them right both as cheaters and liars to now be bound together for life. He's probably met his match Think of it as a bit of karmic retribution.

 

He's been removed from your path in life so you can find someone who will truly love and respect you. You wouldn't have gotten this from this man. I know it's hard to feel this way now, but one day you will be grateful that you didn't marry this man.

[MizFit]

My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago now and its been thus far, the worse experience of my life. We were together 2 years, lived together for one and I really did feel this was it for me. I had finally found someone to settle down with and I couldnt be happier.

 

I noticed shortly before we broke up, he started acting funny/distant. I did ask what was going on, if anyone else was involved. He said no to that and said that his "issues" weren't about me or us, he loved me, loved our relationship but it was the other added responsibilities in his life, i.e., raising his son fulltime (with my help), new job, etc. I believed him and didn't think that there was anything I needed to be concerned about in regards to another woman as I believed he would be honest with me.

 

Boy, was I dead wrong. When we broke up after his trip to Jamaica (which I found out he took the OW with him), I find out the day I moved out of the house from a coworker of mine that I deserved to know the truth and why he really left. When she compared him to Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton, I couldnt believe it. She said he told someone at work (we all work for same company) that he was seeing someone and that person told my coworker. I repeatedly asked my ex if anyone was involved and he every single time he said no.

 

Later that month (this just happened in Apr) I find out not only had he been cheating on me for months but that this OW also got pregnant and they are now getting married end of July. Talk about serious deceitful behavior. I couldnt believe it. Again, it was the same coworker who told me as she knows that my ex will never come clean to me, never be upfront. I can't explain the devastation I felt and the humiliation at work with ppl pitying me because of what my ex had done. Everyone at work knew he had cheated when they put two and two together as it wasn't long ago that my ex and I had split. All they could just do is shake their heads and couldn't believe how badly he f**ked up.

 

A mutual friend of ours helped me move out as he felt horrible b/c of what my ex had done to me. And this friend has been a huge help since all this **** when down. He confirmed what I already had figured out: that my ex had been cheating on me, did get himself involved in a bit of a pickle with OW and said I am better off, that he would have done this to me eventually b/c he's a cheat.

 

Anyways, after finding all that out, it all made sense his distant behavior just before we broke up and his rush to get me out of the house when he did (he gave me an Apr 1 deadline so 2 weeks after we broke up).

 

I know who the OW is, I know where she works - so basically I have access to her. I've chosen not to confront her as its him I'd like to confront as he's the one who betrayed me, however, because she knew he was cheating, I do feel anger towards her for playing a part.

 

As time goes on, knowing that their "shotgun" wedding is coming up, I just feel such anxiety and hurt. I've decided to be out of town for the day of their wedding as I dont want to be here when it happens.

 

I was a BS in a similar situation...we all worked together and they ended up getting married (she wasn't pregnant). First of all the people you work with aren't thinking what you think they are...more will be silently behind you than you could ever imagine. They will react as you react. I was never quiet about it...I never went out and gossiped about it, but I did speak about M (my ex) and K (his then w) coming to get my son...if they ended up in my area for a meeting I went right to them and spoke. I took the upperhand by always controlling the situation.

 

The other thing...I agree with the other poster about contacting the OW. I don't agree on the why, but I agree you shouldn't do it. I normally am a supporter of the BS contacting, but with a pregnancy and a wedding I'm not convinced you should. I don't think it will get you what you might be looking for.

 

My ex started texting me about a month ago (yeah, didn't take him long, did it) and when I asked him for the truth about this whole thing, the only thing he could say was "Truth is life was much less complicated than b4"

 

Augh...

 

I agree...I think you're doing really well. I know full well what the dark moments are like...just keep telling yourself how strong you are and take care of yourself through all of this.

 

Oh yes...get out of town. I took my son camping with 3 nieces...I didn't have a minute to think of what was going on elsewhere in the world!

[BeagleGal]

Fight4me: Aw thank you, I have to admit, I am proud and surprised at my progress as well. Its been quite the ordeal but I'm eating again, starting to put back the weight I lost when I first spiralled down, went back to working out.. so little things here and there that are helping me recover from this mess.

 

Yeah, I really now do not have any interest in emailing her or doing anything like that as like you said, I dont want her or them thinking I'm jealous of "their love" or life together. I dont want either of them thinking I'm some pscyho jaded ex who wants to ruin **** for them.

 

That's actually a really good idea re the silent tone for his number! I am definitely going to set that up!

 

Thanks again.. put a smile on my face...

 

Jelly Bean: Augh, you dont have to tell me - if anyone told me a year ago or even 6 months ago that this man who used to love me up and be so sweet towards me, would in the end treat me like this - I never would have believed it.

 

I know, I keep reminding myself that he's not changed, he'll continue this behavior and you know what, good on them. They deserve whatever is coming to them.

 

Thanks for words of encouragement, JB!

 

sadintexas: You know what, I have to agree with you on that. I also think that if people dont want to get pregnant, they would be more responsible/cautious. But, he's one to go in raw whether or not he knows the girl well or not and I know this from experience with him. When he and I first started dating/became intimate, almost immediately he didnt use protection and I had to talk to him about it. Unfortunately, talk came a bit too late as I actually ended up pregnant too early on in the relationship, just like OW did. When I told him, he said he had no problem bringing a child into a healthy, loving relationship. And because he's so f'n charming, I almost fell for it, I thought this man is solid, why not have a baby with him? Thankfully, I snapped out of that and well, went for the other less ideal option but I dont regret it. So in this case, because he's just irresponsible to begin with and well, its obvious she is too, it could have been a planned one to some degree. OR it was an accident but b/c she's so swept off her feet like I was with him, is gullible and believes the bull**** he feeds her, clearly has issues with self esteem and with trust it seems or else she wouldnt feel the need to make these life changing decisions so soon with someone she really doesnt know that well. Like I said, she knew what she was getting into when she became involved with him knowing he was being deceitful to me and this is her way of getting him to commit to her.

 

Yeah I think he's met his match in her too and yes, serves them both right. I dont want to be with a man like that. I know I can and will do better when the time comes.

 

I know, I know that the day will come when I thank the Lord above that I hadnt invested more of myself, my time, my everything into him. I cant wait for that day to come...

 

Thanks sadintexas... words I needed to hear...

[BeagleGal]

Mizfit: Yeah for a long time, I did keep quiet about the whole situation as I wanted as little people as possible to know about it. But the more it came out and the more people were talking, I almost felt like I had to defend myself. My ex was going around making it sound like our breakup was mutual. Which clearly, it wasn't. And I kept quiet for a long time before I found all this bull**** out was b/c he wanted me to, so I was kind of protecting his ass. Then when I was told about the preg/wedding, I said forget it, not protecting him anymore. So when ppl came up to me and were like.. I heard what happened and I'm so sorry ... I was like dont feel sorry for me, feel sorry for her b/c he's not change and this is what he's done to me.

 

Yeah, no I'm not going to contact OW. What would be the point? Even if she did believe what I had to tell her or was affected by it or what have you, there is no point. She's still pregnant, she's still getting married to him, he's going to cheat on her if he hasnt already... I mean, there is no point. Let her find out on her own what he is capable of if she hasnt realized it fully already. Then she will live my disappointment, my pain and my hell b/c of him.

 

So hopefully come July 31st when the wedding is suppose to happen, I am not around and am enjoying somewhere else...

 

Thanks Mizfit...

[Fieldsofgold]

Just as little reinforcement for your resolve, here's what happened to me:

 

H had affair(s), left me and our infant child, married OW just as soon as the D was final. I was young, naive, and devastated. He then proceded to do all the things for her that he never would do for me - fixing up their house, etc. I assumed he loved her more than he had ever loved me.

 

Fast forward 4 years: he showed up at my door one day, wanted to talk. Wanted to leave his OW-now-W and come back to me. Just for the devilment of it, I asked, "What about your wife?" he assured me he'd get rid of her. I enjoyed throwing his butt out that time.

 

He stayed married to OW/W and got involved with another OW. He left OW/W #1 to marry OW #2. The night OW/W #2 went to the hospital to have his baby, he tried to come over and have sex with me!!!!! Once again I had the privilege of kicking his butt to the curb. He got involved with another OW while married and rearing a child with OW/W #2. He left OW/W #2 to marry OW #3.

 

I saw them at a fair a couple of years ago, and judging by the way she watched him like a hawk, my guess is, nothing has changed. They may have been married 10 years now, but judging from her behavior, I'm pretty sure it hasn't been happy years.

 

I am glad my H left me when I was young and I didn't have to go through years of hell like some of his women. I came to realize that when he left me to marry his first OW, that was the best thing that could have happened to me - a real blessing in disguise.

 

(This is why I always say it ain't over til the fat lady sings. Just because he is marrying her, just because they are having a baby, just because he says his life is less difficult now - doesn't mean a thing, long term.)

 

I think it will be just a matter of time before you realize how you have been spared! Keep your chin up!

[Jilly Bean]

Beagle - listen closely to Fields Story (which, btw, is almost unreal. But, you have to give this guy credit for being so easily typecast. EGADS! What a guy - pfft.).

 

I have no doubt he will be just like Fields ex-H, and will one day be at your door. Of course, by then, you will be SO over it.

 

As a sidebar, I had this conversation with another LS'er who recently went through a bad breakup. I had a horrendous one recently, and the beauty of such a thing, is that when someone does you SO wrong, it is impossible to keep a torch lit, and think fondly on this person. Yes, I ached profusely for a few months, but now, honestly - I can't remember anything about being with him. And we lived together! lol. It's like what he did was so overwhelmingly WRONG, that my heart and mind won't allow me to think of him and our relationship with any happy memories. It's a lovely thing, actually.

 

And I'm quite sure in time, you will feel the SAME way, Beagle.

 

Karma gets everyone, hon. He will twist in the wind for what he did to you. Be sure of it.

[BeagleGal]

Fieldsofgold: Before I reply to your message, I misquoted what my ex said (not like it matters), what he said was "Truth is life was much less complicated b4".

 

Wow. I can't believe that someone has gone through something somewhat similar to me. I can't believe your ex had gone thru woman, after woman and procreating too! Sheesh! I'm so glad that now you are doing so much better and can see him for the stupid, cheating loser he is. Men like that really do need another woman in place before they leave their current one. How pathetic. I really do hope I too can say that him leaving me for OW is a blessing in disguise as well. Its hard at times to see him and the situation for what it is when you are so emotionally involved in it. But when I have someone like you and others who have been so wonderful and encouraging, it opens my eyes just a little bit more and it does give me hope that this is something I will put behind me and not look back. Its now day 11 of NC and I can't helpt but feel proud of myself for not breaking down and giving in to my urge to contact his sorry ass.

 

Jilly Bean: I think I spelled your name wrong previousy, sorry!

The day he has the nerve to show up at my door and I can throw his pathetic self out of it, is almost too good to imagine!

Your story as well gives me hope that I will move forward and not look back at him and if I do, feel nothing about him. Today my urge to contact him was less strong than yesterday... its almost like he's a drug and I got to have my fix, that's the only way really I can explain my need to have his attention.

 

I've had to talk to a couple of coworkers and tell them that I no longer need or want to hear anymore things about him. Dont want to hear about his wedding, his new baby, nothing. I know what I needed to know to put the puzzle together and that's it. There's no point or necessity in prolonging the pain by hearing about his new life - which actually, Jilly Bean, he "pfft" at as well, when I made mention of it.

 

Well, he reaps what he sows - same with her - and whatever karma brings their way, they deserve.

[Ellin]

Unfortunately, talk came a bit too late as I actually ended up pregnant too early on in the relationship, just like OW did. When I told him, he said he had no problem bringing a child into a healthy, loving relationship. And because he's so f'n charming, I almost fell for it, I thought this man is solid, why not have a baby with him? Thankfully, I snapped out of that and well, went for the other less ideal option but I dont regret it. So in this case, because he's just irresponsible to begin with and well, its obvious she is too, it could have been a planned one to some degree. OR it was an accident but b/c she's so swept off her feet like I was with him, is gullible and believes the bull**** he feeds her, clearly has issues with self esteem and with trust it seems or else she wouldnt feel the need to make these life changing decisions so soon with someone she really doesnt know that well. Like I said, she knew what she was getting into when she became involved with him knowing he was being deceitful to me and this is her way of getting him to commit to her.

 

Hi, just wondering what was his attitude to having children. Did he really want to be a father? Could it be the case that this was missing in your R with him (from his point of view)?

[scatterd]

Wow what a piece of work this guy is.I know how bad it hurts right now but this woman got what she deserves.She will not be able to ever trust him and he will do the same thing to her.He lost the good girl that men call keepers for a person that has to trap him.She knows he is a cheater and gos in face first if thats not cutting off your nose to spite your face then what is.Consider your self the winner here In time you will feel better and she will endure this pain. just do as you are doing you will find someone better thats capable of loving only you.Hold your chin up and stay true to yourself happiness is around the corner and think of it this way you know what you don't want now.Big hugs

[Woman In Blue]

Surely his dear wife-to-be won't be THAT surprised when she eventually finds out her Prince Charming isn't exactly a knight in shining armor?

 

She knew exactly what he was the minute he began cheating on you - with HER. I find it quite comical when OW-turned-wives are so shocked and surprised when their "men" cheat on them. It ain't rocket science.

[GreenEyedLady]

You know I just don't get it.

 

You dated a guy for three years. You were NOT married to him.

 

You found out he was dating someone else at the same time, got her pregnant and they are now getting married.

 

Why would you even give him the time of day? I think you're blowing this way out of proportion. You were not his W. You were a live-in girlfriend. Who cares what he thinks now or what he wants? He treated you badly and I don't know why you would even continue entertaining his advances at all.

 

GEL

[BeagleGal]

Ellin: While I was with him, he made it clear to me that he didn't want anymore kids. For a little while we discussed it as things got more serious about maybe having one together but in the end he said he didnt want anymore, didnt want to be tied down to raising another one. And if we did have one, that I'd be the main parent doing most of the raising and he'll just be around to visit it or play with it. He told me even early on in the relationship that when his son was born (my ex is 31) that he didnt really want it then cuz he was too young, didnt want that kind of responsibility at that age but did the right thing, stayed with the boy's mom, they got married and according to a friend of his who helped me move into my new apt, told me he thinks that my ex took off on his son's mom, leaving her alone with the baby to raise.

 

And after his son moved in with us, my ex was annoyed that he couldnt do the things he used to before, like go to the gym, go out with his friends for drinks, had to always rush to pick him up from daycare. Even with my help looking after the boy when he had work functions to go to or if he did want to go out with his friends every so often, it still was an inconvenience having his son full-time for him.

 

The day of our breakup before it actually happened, when we decided that we needed to talk to resolve whatever was going on, he said that he wanted to talk to me about "my dog, and how he may want to have more children". I said "WHAT? You want more kids??" He says "maybe, I dont know". Looking back now, I knew he had already found out OW was pregnant. But then, I had no clue where that comment came from.

 

So no that wasn't missing from our relationship. He loves his freedom, loves to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants and not have to answer to anyone. I know he doenst want to be a father again but obviously ther was some sort of pressure from OW to do the right thing and now he's trapped. Good enough for him.

Edited June 30, 2010 by BeagleGal

[BeagleGal]

GEL: Whether or not I was married to him, he was still in a committed relationship with me. We weren't just dating, we lived together, we raised his son together. There were talks of marriage and moving the relationship further. So yes, I wasn't his wife and thank God it didnt reach that point b/c he turned out to be quite the piece of work. BUT, nevertheless, it was an exclusive relationship and he betrayed me.

 

Well, its day 13 of no contact on both our ends so there is no entertaining of any advances from him!

[BeagleGal]

Woman In Blue: I totally agree. If it hasn't hit her yet what kind of a man he is, it'll hit her soon enough. And yes, I also find it comical when OW's-turned-wives or whatever, are shocked that these guys end up treating them just as badly as they did the previous woman. Its stupid and ignorant to a point on their part.

 

But see, like what you said that she knew exactly what he was the minute he started cheating on me with her - I believe because of that, she chose to "lock him down" by going through with the pregnancy and also getting married b/c she knows exactly what he is capable of and has evidence of his shady behavior. So to be the "exception" or to make sure this kind of thing doesnt happen to her, I guess she thought by making such life changing decisions like she has will keep him from straying or from leaving.

[2sure]

Honey. He is a man unable to own up to what he has done. When he broke up with you he could not be honest about his own actions so he became defensive and found fault with you and the relationship. It was the only way he could deal with the conversation. So, dont ever ever wonder what you did wrong because you didnt.

 

He manipulated you. And at some point you will realize that although the OW knew he was a cheater...its possible he manipulated her as well and the resulting pregnancy is just another action he fell into and doesnt know how to deal with. Complicated now? Just freaking wait. I feel bad for every relationship this man touches because he seems not to take any ownership to his actions.

 

Who knows, maybe they will live happily ever after maybe they wont.

While you are still suffering the crisis that has been inflicted on you, while you are waiting for time to make you miss your old life less and for time to make you comfortable with what has happened....

 

You hold your head up. Way Up. YOU are the class act here. YOU are demonstrating strength with grace...an impossible feat for most. But you got it. It will not go unnoticed and will be admired by your co workers, your ex, and eventually OW.

 

It happened, you are owning it, rolling with it...hold your head up there and the rest will follow.

[BeagleGal]

You're telling me. And I agree. She got what she deserves and I dont feel an ounce of sympathy for her. I feel bad for the unborn child who had no choice in the matter. And for my ex's son who was thrown into a new home with a new woman b/c his father is a stupid idiot.

Yeah like i said she felt the need to trap him due to the fact that she knows he's as cheater and good enough for the both of them I say.

Thanks so much, scattered, for your kind words. Day 13 now of NC!!

 

Wow what a piece of work this guy is.I know how bad it hurts right now but this woman got what she deserves.She will not be able to ever trust him and he will do the same thing to her.He lost the good girl that men call keepers for a person that has to trap him.She knows he is a cheater and gos in face first if thats not cutting off your nose to spite your face then what is.Consider your self the winner here In time you will feel better and she will endure this pain. just do as you are doing you will find someone better thats capable of loving only you.Hold your chin up and stay true to yourself happiness is around the corner and think of it this way you know what you don't want now.Big hugs

[BeagleGal]

2sure: Yeah it took me awhile to stop blaming myself for the demise of the relationship and for all that's happened. And then as time went on I realized I didnt do anything wrong. I didnt go out and cheat, I didnt betray his trust or manipulate him. He did all that and willfully on his own.

 

As angry as I am as well at the OW and dont feel much sympathy for her, I do believe like you that he manipulated her as well. Who knows what he told her when they first met about his relationship with me, I'm sure he fed her a bunch of **** and she fell for it... yadda, yadda, yadda... same old.

 

Yeah he's not capable of being in a long term relationship. Not capable of thinking of the consequences of his own actions and how his actions affect other people. He's selfish and his head is so far up his ass.

 

Thanks, 2sure. I find each day that goes by with NC, it gets a little bit easier. I remind myself constantly that I'm better off and he is not worth my energy, not worth the precious brain cells I waste on him.

 

Thanks again, 2sure...

 

Honey. He is a man unable to own up to what he has done. When he broke up with you he could not be honest about his own actions so he became defensive and found fault with you and the relationship. It was the only way he could deal with the conversation. So, dont ever ever wonder what you did wrong because you didnt.

 

He manipulated you. And at some point you will realize that although the OW knew he was a cheater...its possible he manipulated her as well and the resulting pregnancy is just another action he fell into and doesnt know how to deal with. Complicated now? Just freaking wait. I feel bad for every relationship this man touches because he seems not to take any ownership to his actions.

 

Who knows, maybe they will live happily ever after maybe they wont.

While you are still suffering the crisis that has been inflicted on you, while you are waiting for time to make you miss your old life less and for time to make you comfortable with what has happened....

 

You hold your head up. Way Up. YOU are the class act here. YOU are demonstrating strength with grace...an impossible feat for most. But you got it. It will not go unnoticed and will be admired by your co workers, your ex, and eventually OW.

 

It happened, you are owning it, rolling with it...hold your head up there and the rest will follow.

[Jilly Bean]

You know I just don't get it.

 

You dated a guy for three years. You were NOT married to him.

 

You found out he was dating someone else at the same time, got her pregnant and they are now getting married.

 

Why would you even give him the time of day? I think you're blowing this way out of proportion. You were not his W. You were a live-in girlfriend. Who cares what he thinks now or what he wants? He treated you badly and I don't know why you would even continue entertaining his advances at all.

 

GEL

 

And I don't get this!

 

She was living with the guy, and in a serious committed relationship. He wasn't "dating" Beagle, and then "dated" someone else.

 

Are you saying because they weren't legally married, she's not entitled to feel wronged and betrayed?

 

Pretty harsh commentary, IMO. I think she's just as justified in her feelings as if she were married to the guy. Betrayal to a commitment and promise counts, whether or not paper was involved.

[BeagleGal]

Thank you, Jilly Bean!

 

I didnt get GEL's commentary either.

Like I said when I replied to GEL's comment - my ex and I weren't just dating, we were in an exclusive/committed relationship. I have EVERY RIGHT to feel wronged and betrayed no matter if we weren't married. Just like married couples, we had our own home, we had our own family - we just weren't legally married. So what? He still ****ed up, he still lied and cheated and he didn't "date" OW, he ****ed around with her while with me and he's gotten himself in a pickle.

 

Anyways, thanks again, Jilly Bean! You're awesome!

 

And I don't get this!

 

She was living with the guy, and in a serious committed relationship. He wasn't "dating" Beagle, and then "dated" someone else.

 

Are you saying because they weren't legally married, she's not entitled to feel wronged and betrayed?

 

Pretty harsh commentary, IMO. I think she's just as justified in her feelings as if she were married to the guy. Betrayal to a commitment and promise counts, whether or not paper was involved.