Failed Marriage

[HopelessinDTW]

Windsurf: I agree with you, it is intentional to hurt me for all the years she claims I hurt her. She said she doesn't love me anymore, yet a few months ago she asked that we have another child?? My gut feeling is that she's almost going through a "mid-life" crisis. We have two kids, two fulltime jobs, house, bills, etc. etc....I think it all hit her pretty bad this year, and she's thought that this marriage isn't fun anymore. So once she found someone that made her feel like a school girl in love again, she decided to jump ship, and dump my ass off on the street. But, all marriages go through tough times and reasonable people work together to fix them. in her twisted mind, she decided it was easier to be with someone else rather than try to work things out with the husband she committed her vows to. I know that she's living in seom dream world right now with this OM, but in time she'll come to the realization that all relationships have problems....then the "honeymoon" will be over....

 

The lawyers are taking care of things at this point. I'm going to get every penny I deserve. All the crap she's pulling is also not going to help her in custody of the kids. But, the mother allways has the upper hand, so I'm not expecting much in favor of me.

[U2RockZz]

Not to hijack this thread, but I didn't think PI's hacked people's e-mail accounts. I'd like to know if they have that ability because I think my wife is dumping my kids off on me and having guys over at our house. I dont really want strange men in my house while it's still considered "mine".

 

 

not all PIs might do that...moreover you can't produce that as a evidence , ......but can be served as a circumstantial evidence....as i said my father is a criminal lawyer he has hackers working for him..talk with your lawyer on this...let's see what he has to say about it...if there is any threat to you,kids or money....you can have a strong case against her....

[U2RockZz]

"The lawyers are taking care of things at this point. I'm going to get every penny I deserve. All the crap she's pulling is also not going to help her in custody of the kids. But, the mother allways has the upper hand, so I'm not expecting much in favor of me. "

 

 

way to go.....she really doesn't deserve any favors much less second chance.....get your money,every thing you can......let the lawyers handle the show for you.....

[HopelessinDTW]

Yea, that's the plan. My lawyer told me they would supeona the e-mails, but what happens if she deletes them?? Willl they still be recoverable? The whole damn thing makes me sick to my stomach! I'm living in a hotel room for the past 5 weeks, while she lives at home. The a**hole OM that she f**ked was here all last week, hanging out with her and the kids and my in-laws. The worst part is he was watching MY TV . As everyone says...what goes around comes around. Eventually she will realize what she has done, realize that the grass is not greener on the other side. All relationships have problems..it's a matter of do you want to run away from it or not. As I said, i think she is going thrugh some sort of "mid-life" crisis...i guess she couldn;t handle the stress of a job, kids, etc. and decided that it was ME that was root of all her problems. In reality, I was only a part of the problem (i'm not totally innocent)...but her resolution was to get rid of me, rather than solve the problems she is having regardless of me....that's what's pissing me off!! I got blamed for everything that I did and did not have responsibility of!

[U2RockZz]

if some body hacks it.....then they should have copied them also....even if she deletes it, you can get them back,but it's not something we can do...police and professional hackers do that........does she have a RO against you....why are you staying in a hotel....

 

let her tell whatever she wants tell....she is not your problem anymore.

 

what is that anger management issue....does she have any claim(incident) on that.......be careful....be tough...get those mails if you can ASAP

[HopelessinDTW]

I'm staying away from the house so that the kids can have some level of normalcy in their life. When I first moved out, she told me she felt uncomfortable with me staying the house. I moved out so we could have time to ourselves since at that time there was no talk of divorce. So I left her be, and did whatever I could to be accomidating. A couple of weeks ago she served me the papers...but I still let her stay at the house so as to not disturb the kids.

 

I don't have a RO, nor have I been required to go to anger management class, or have the cops called on me. We have heated arguements, and we end up swearing at each other. She thinks that's an anger management issue..when in fact she does the same thing.

[imagine]

Go home and keep a tape recorder running. Leaving house implies desertion.

 

Fight.

[HopelessinDTW]

I spoke with my lawyer about that...it is not desertion...since I have been going to the house as I please. I just don't live there continuously. No need for a tape recorder, i know what she's up to. She thinks I'm an idiot...she thought she could get away with making me look like the bad guy. You know I picked up the kids from daycare today, and the director told me that my son told her that he doesn't like mommy because she says bad things and lies about daddy...he's 5 y.o.! So, my intuition about her manipulating and lying to the kids is correct. She has become...or maybe always was...a habitual lier and has zero morality. She's now using the kids...and she had the nerve to tell me a week ago that "I'm doing much better with the kids"....f**ck you!!! As if she's the Mom of the Year, and I needed her to tell me I'm doing fine with the kids...damn I'm so pissed.

[Windsurf66]

Windsurf: I agree with you, it is intentional to hurt me for all the years she claims I hurt her. She said she doesn't love me anymore, yet a few months ago she asked that we have another child?? My gut feeling is that she's almost going through a "mid-life" crisis. We have two kids, two fulltime jobs, house, bills, etc. etc....I think it all hit her pretty bad this year, and she's thought that this marriage isn't fun anymore. So once she found someone that made her feel like a school girl in love again, she decided to jump ship, and dump my ass off on the street. But, all marriages go through tough times and reasonable people work together to fix them. in her twisted mind, she decided it was easier to be with someone else rather than try to work things out with the husband she committed her vows to. I know that she's living in seom dream world right now with this OM, but in time she'll come to the realization that all relationships have problems....then the "honeymoon" will be over....

 

The lawyers are taking care of things at this point. I'm going to get every penny I deserve. All the crap she's pulling is also not going to help her in custody of the kids. But, the mother allways has the upper hand, so I'm not expecting much in favor of me.

 

Yup, mid-life crisis. Perhaps she wanted another child with you, to get more child support from you since that OM does not earn much? I really don't see why she wants another child if she has checked out of the marriage for some time.

[HopelessinDTW]

Yup, mid-life crisis. Perhaps she wanted another child with you, to get more child support from you since that OM does not earn much? I really don't see why she wants another child if she has checked out of the marriage for some time.

 

No she wanted another child probably because she felt like that would make her happy. In reality, that would have just added more stress to the life we already had...but she didn't see it that way. Eventually she agreed, adn then told me how about we get a cat! yes, that's what she said. I was thinking to myself, wtf is she thinking?? The OM does not earn much, plus he's already divorced...so I'm pretty sure sure he's low on cash. But, they just hooked up in early May through Facebook, so he wasn't in the picture when we had the "child" discussion. Like I said I think she found it easier to get rid of me, rather than work to fix our relationship. And this OM, told her exactly what she wanted to hear and to some degree manipulated her into dumping me.

[imagine]

My friend, the point of the recorder is to ensure that she does not claim that a fight happened when it did not.

 

I understand that you and her are still married and both of you need to respect the vows of marriage. Your wife IS trying to vilify you, this is normal for a wayward. You need to stand up for your marriage and inform the children precisely what is going on.

 

Make a decision, do you want her or not?

[HopelessinDTW]

My friend, the point of the recorder is to ensure that she does not claim that a fight happened when it did not.

 

I understand that you and her are still married and both of you need to respect the vows of marriage. Your wife IS trying to vilify you, this is normal for a wayward. You need to stand up for your marriage and inform the children precisely what is going on.

 

Make a decision, do you want her or not?

 

The marriage is over. I wouldn't take her back even if my life depended on it. She's a pathological lier, and has zero morals (this is smoeone who told me how strong a faith she had in God, and how deeply she felt about God's powers). We both have had arguements. The last one was on our neighbor's driveway, with the OM standing at the sidewalk. So no problem, I have witnesses that can stand for me and say the truth. Her nature is to blame everyone, and everything except her. So no suprise that she's trying to push my buttons, but I'm being strong...and know what she's up to. It's simply not going to work anymore.

[U2RockZz]

My friend, the point of the recorder is to ensure that she does not claim that a fight happened when it did not.

 

I understand that you and her are still married and both of you need to respect the vows of marriage. Your wife IS trying to vilify you, this is normal for a wayward. You need to stand up for your marriage and inform the children precisely what is going on.

 

Make a decision, do you want her or not?

 

 

i respect saving R and all, but it has to come from both ways, i guess.... this lady can't even wait to move in her boyfriend to his house ....manipulating kids and blaming everyone except her...she is crazy as hell...why would anybody wants waste his/her time on somebody who cheated on them,used them....

Edited June 30, 2010 by U2RockZz

[Doing it Since '78]

Sounds like your wife is in full blown mid life crisis: Check these sites out, they are very helpful:

 

 

Men with Wives in midlife crisis

http://www.pathpartners.com/forum/index.php?board=3.0

 

Women in mid life crisis:

http://womeninmlc.lefora.com/

 

 

A few words, of encouragement: DETACH, DETACH, DETACH

[HopelessinDTW]

Sounds like your wife is in full blown mid life crisis: Check these sites out, they are very helpful:

 

 

Men with Wives in midlife crisis

http://www.pathpartners.com/forum/index.php?board=3.0

 

Women in mid life crisis:

http://womeninmlc.lefora.com/

 

 

A few words, of encouragement: DETACH, DETACH, DETACH

 

'78: You're right on the money.. I have checked one of those sites, and many of the stories are virtual carbon-copy of what i am going through. They were helpful in that I realize that I am not alone, and that it happens more often than i thought.

 

My wife definately needs help...she even told me she needs a lot of therapy before she served me the papers. But, while she's getting therapy she's also in this relationship!! Knowing her, she's probably lying to her therapist, and telling him things to justify her behavior...like she's done with all her friends and family.

 

For me, this has been a very painful experiance. But after 5 weeks of it, i starting to come around, and begining to function a little more normally. LS has definately helped, plus my friends and family. What are people's experiance with the type of relationship my wife is having. I mean within a month they are already talking marriage, moving in, sharing kids, etc. As in my original post, they had a crush on each other in high school, and just met up in facebook. Their notes to each other are almost like they are already married (very loving, they call each other Honey, etc.)

[imagine]

 

The marriage is over.

 

Her nature is to blame everyone, and everything except her.

 

 

These are the two things that I wanted to hear.

 

Ladies are unable to properly rationalize themselves and give over to an affair. This seems like an alien has taken over their thinking. A guy is usually more cautious.

 

The second part was that of her original nature. You have concluded that she will be no loss.

 

I believe that the affair will eventually die out and that she may try to approach you to restore the marriage. Just as marriage is permanent, so is divorce (especially after the marriage that she is planning).

[HopelessinDTW]

These are the two things that I wanted to hear.

 

Ladies are unable to properly rationalize themselves and give over to an affair. This seems like an alien has taken over their thinking. A guy is usually more cautious.

 

The second part was that of her original nature. You have concluded that she will be no loss.

 

I believe that the affair will eventually die out and that she may try to approach you to restore the marriage. Just as marriage is permanent, so is divorce (especially after the marriage that she is planning).

 

imagine: I guess time will tell...she stuck with me for almost 9 years. I wasn't perfect, but I provided her a 3200 sq ft house, nice cars, took care of the kids the second then poped out of her alien body, never left her side when she needed me. I didn't hang out with any friends from work or otherwise while the kids where in diapers so that I could help as much as possible (we have no family close to us). She felt that the relationship between us died...in my mind I was trying everything possible to help make her life easier. She complained that we didn't have any time to ourselves...she said I needed to help her more...I offered, she refused the help. I am not perfect, I tried to better myself...she f**cked up and found an outlet by getting with the OM. she thinks all her troubles will go away once I go away...This is the fundemental trait of the alien women...they thing their husband is the source of ALL problems...get rid of husband = get rid of problems = get new man = happiness

[Doing it Since '78]

imagine: I guess time will tell...she stuck with me for almost 9 years. I wasn't perfect, but I provided her a 3200 sq ft house, nice cars, took care of the kids the second then poped out of her alien body, never left her side when she needed me. I didn't hang out with any friends from work or otherwise while the kids where in diapers so that I could help as much as possible (we have no family close to us). She felt that the relationship between us died...in my mind I was trying everything possible to help make her life easier. She complained that we didn't have any time to ourselves...she said I needed to help her more...I offered, she refused the help. I am not perfect, I tried to better myself...she f**cked up and found an outlet by getting with the OM. she thinks all her troubles will go away once I go away...This is the fundemental trait of the alien women...they thing their husband is the source of ALL problems...get rid of husband = get rid of problems = get new man = happiness

 

Bro,

 

Move back in your house-AT ONCE. If she wants to be with the POSOM (piece o'shet other man), let her but not at your expense, and definetly at the behest of your babies. This is your house, not hers to run into the ground with the broke scumbag of a boyfriend-

[HopelessinDTW]

Bro,

 

Move back in your house-AT ONCE. If she wants to be with the POSOM (piece o'shet other man), let her but not at your expense, and definetly at the behest of your babies. This is your house, not hers to run into the ground with the broke scumbag of a boyfriend-

 

 

If I knew what I know now, that's exactly what would have happened. But, at the time she asked me to move out I was under the false impression that we were going to work things out. I did what she asked me to do, and then some. Yes, it was stupid...but that's how I felt at the time. If I move in and she moves out, the kids are going to get even more confused and torn then they already are. I'm letting her stay for the sake of the kids. She has taken all my pictures off the wall, moved my clothes to another room. She's acting as though it is her house now. I'm letting her live in her demented fantasy world for now..when we start negitiating...she'll get what she deserves!!

 

the OM is back to his redneck state (1000 mi away). I know he's looking to move up here with his kids...sooner than later. I'm sure he's thinking...wow a nice house, two good salaries...$$$. They both told each other through e-mail how much they like spending money...fine...you'll see how expensive living with a piece of s**t like my STBX is going to be...

[Doing it Since '78]

If I knew what I know now, that's exactly what would have happened. But, at the time she asked me to move out I was under the false impression that we were going to work things out. I did what she asked me to do, and then some. Yes, it was stupid...but that's how I felt at the time. If I move in and she moves out, the kids are going to get even more confused and torn then they already are. I'm letting her stay for the sake of the kids. She has taken all my pictures off the wall, moved my clothes to another room. She's acting as though it is her house now. I'm letting her live in her demented fantasy world for now..when we start negitiating...she'll get what she deserves!!

 

the OM is back to his redneck state (1000 mi away). I know he's looking to move up here with his kids...sooner than later. I'm sure he's thinking...wow a nice house, two good salaries...$$$. They both told each other through e-mail how much they like spending money...fine...you'll see how expensive living with a piece of s**t like my STBX is going to be...

 

Nah champ, your living in the fantasy world! That house without you in it is HELL for your kids, see it for what it is. As long as your name is on the house, and there is no legal documentation stating you cant move back in, DO IT!

 

If she doesn't like it, ehh who really gives a shet what she likes and dislikes at this point. Gte on the offensive here, stop appeasing her, or you will lose! This is a war now dude!

 

Get back in your house, why are you leaving anyway? She is busting off with the chump, not you! Don't let her manipulate you into thinking otherwise! IT IS YOUR HOUSE TOO BRO!!!!!

[HopelessinDTW]

Nah champ, your living in the fantasy world! That house without you in it is HELL for your kids, see it for what it is. As long as your name is on the house, and there is no legal documentation stating you cant move back in, DO IT!

 

If she doesn't like it, ehh who really gives a shet what she likes and dislikes at this point. Gte on the offensive here, stop appeasing her, or you will lose! This is a war now dude!

 

Get back in your house, why are you leaving anyway? She is busting off with the chump, not you! Don't let her manipulate you into thinking otherwise! IT IS YOUR HOUSE TOO BRO!!!!!

 

'78: I've been thinking of getting back in the house, but the lawyers have already drawn up the papers to say she can have the house during the separation. So how can I get back in?? See she lulled me into thinking it was all my fault...then I find out about the OM, and now I think it's too late to come back? Plus I have already secured an apartment to move into...yes stupid! i wish I was on this forum when this s**t all started...

[Doing it Since '78]

'78: I've been thinking of getting back in the house, but the lawyers have already drawn up the papers to say she can have the house during the separation. So how can I get back in?? See she lulled me into thinking it was all my fault...then I find out about the OM, and now I think it's too late to come back? Plus I have already secured an apartment to move into...yes stupid! i wish I was on this forum when this s**t all started...

 

The bolded area is key:

 

Papers have been drawn up but not signed, change your mind about-She changed her mind about your marriage correct? Drawn up papers are just that-drawn up papers-nothing filed or signed by the court, and you pretty much have just wasted a few bucks for the legal footwork

 

Did you already pay a deposit? If not renig on the deal, or offer it to her. If you do not move back into your HOME the OM will, as if they have not already had the discussion on it-One big happy family, only not including you and more than likely not including your children

 

DO NOT ALLOW HER TO MAKE DECISIONS REGARDING YOUR FAMILY IN HER STATE!!!!!!!

 

What you do now, will be how it is! For the duration. You think it's rough now, it will only get worse-Her in your bed humping POSOM while your kids are crying themselves to slepp- If that's what she wants, she can have it but not on your dime or doing

 

Break your wives and the POSOM spirit, he more than likely got shetted on in his divorce, probably for being a scumbag, so why should it be any different for your wife? Is she not behaving like a lowlife????

Edited June 30, 2010 by Doing it Since '78

[HopelessinDTW]

The bolded area is key:

 

Papers have been drawn up but not signed, change your mind about-She changed her mind about your marriage correct? Drawn up papers are just that-drawn up papers-nothing filed or signed by the court, and you pretty much have just wasted a few bucks for the legal footwork

 

Did you already pay a deposit? If not renig on the deal, or offer it to her. If you do not move back into your HOME the OM will, as if they have not already had the discussion on it-One big happy family, only not including you and more than likely not including your children

 

DO NOT ALLOW HER TO MAKE DECISIONS REGARDING YOUR FAMILY IN HER STATE!!!!!!!

 

If the OM where to move into the house, then the court would definately give me custody of the kids. My feeling is he will find an apartment to move into until the divorce is final. I haven't payed the deposit yet...but I'm still not sure kicking her out of the house will solve any problems...it may only help my psychologically in securing the house. In fact, it may make things worse?? I'm confused...I agree with you on an emotional level, but I might have gone too far down the road to reverse my actions?? S*******T!!!!

 

She won't kick the kids out...her dream is to have my kids and his kid to live together as a one big happy family...while I wallow in my sorrow, and have the kids 50% of the time. Plus if she ultimately gets the house, she's not going to be able to afford it...she doesn't realize that now.

 

I guess my question is what do I have to gain by moving in and kicking her out???

[Doing it Since '78]

If the OM where to move into the house, then the court would definately give me custody of the kids. My feeling is he will find an apartment to move into until the divorce is final. I haven't payed the deposit yet...but I'm still not sure kicking her out of the house will solve any problems...it may only help my psychologically in securing the house. In fact, it may make things worse?? I'm confused...I agree with you on an emotional level, but I might have gone too far down the road to reverse my actions?? S*******T!!!!

 

She won't kick the kids out...her dream is to have my kids and his kid to live together as a one big happy family...while I wallow in my sorrow, and have the kids 50% of the time. Plus if she ultimately gets the house, she's not going to be able to afford it...she doesn't realize that now.

 

I guess my question is what do I have to gain by moving in and kicking her out???

 

Sorry bud, seek more legal advice-But honestly unless teh POSOM is a convicted child predator, raging lunatic, drunk, blah, blah-the court will not give you custody just because your wife is whoring around-not gonna happen

 

Who said anything about kicking her out? She wants POSOM that bad she will leave on her own-capishe? If not she will have to just be angry, and pout. She is behaving like a spoiled teenager who so far has been getting her way, turn up the heat, and watch her sweat. Drag your nuts across your carpet, and ignore her antics-Don't continue to allow her disrespect, either towards you, your family or your home

 

She can't afford you say? But guess who can bro-YOU! The court will make you pay for her fun with POSOM, if you allow it. You have left the home, and she keeps it with your kids, why POSOM lays up and plays daddy in to your ready made home, all on YOUR dime-That is a reality, and please understand that she and scumbag POSOM have already discussed this, thoroughly

 

You have never gone to far to get your mind right-feck that! She is not behaving in a rational lucid mind frame- However you are-Do her like it needs to be done. You want to be a whore? Guess what I will treat you like one-Further more, set clear and concise boundaries with her, and if POSOM has something fly to say about, get a Restrating order against him first, follow all proper channels, and then if needed crack his head open pshyically if needed, but only after he violates, and the legal system has not done anything to assist you-

 

YOU ARE THE MAN DUDE! DON'T FORGET IT! YOUR BABIES NEED YOU TO FIGHT FOR THEM!-NOW

 

Are you a silver back or a spider monkey? Handle your business accordingly-SIlver Backs do what they want in the jungle, spider monkeys do what they can

Edited June 30, 2010 by Doing it Since '78

[HopelessinDTW]

Sorry bud' date=' seek more legal advice-But honestly unless teh POSOM is a convicted child predator, raging lunatic, drunk, blah, blah-the court will not give you custody just because your wife is whoring around-[b']not gonna happen[/b]

 

Who said anything about kicking her out? She wants POSOM that bad she will leave on her own-capishe? If not she will have to just be angry, and pout. She is behaving like a spoiled teenager who so far has been getting her way, turn up the heat, and watch her sweat. Drag your nuts across your carpet, and ignore her antics-Don't continue to allow her disrespect, either towards you, your family or your home

 

She can't afford you say? But guess who can bro-YOU! The court will make you pay for her fun with POSOM, if you allow it. You have left the home, and she keeps it with your kids, why POSOM lays up and plays daddy in to your ready made home, all on YOUR dime-That is a reality, and please understand that she and scumbag POSOM have already discussed this, thoroughly

 

You have never gone to far to get your mind right-feck that! She is not behaving in a rational lucid mind frame- However you are-Do her like it needs to be done. You want to be a whore? Guess what I will treat you like one-Further more, set clear and concise boundaries with her, and if POSOM has something fly to say about, get a Restrating order against him first, follow all proper channels, and then if needed crack his head open pshyically if needed, but only after he violates, and the legal system has not done anything to assist you-

 

YOU ARE THE MAN DUDE! DON'T FORGET IT! YOUR BABIES NEED YOU TO FIGHT FOR THEM!-NOW

 

Are you a silver back or a spider monkey? Handle your business accordingly-SIlver Backs do what they want in the jungle, spider monkeys do what they can

 

 

you're making me think!!!