Failed Marriage

[Doing it Since '78]

you're making me think!!!

 

Don't Think Bro: Act, NOW

 

Remember this is her journey through the miserable world of OZ- not yours and mos def not your babies-

 

Feck her feelings, and handle your buisness accordingly- I wouldn't tell you a bunch of shet I didnt do myself-Look my post up if you want, but it is MAN UP time.

 

This might possibly be the most difficult thing in your life that you have ever dealt with, but my dude-you will survive, don't succomb to her lunacy, put your foot down, exercise some tough love, and do it now-

 

Don't wait for her to get tired of making you her pet, reverse the game on her and kick her square in the ass with a swift size 12 steel toed boot of reality, that comes from her contionusly poking the hornets nest with a fly swatter

 

Keep posting, eat healthy, get your exercise game tight and right, don't drink too much, stay focused and get your mind right-YOU CAN DO THIS CHAMP

 

Peace BRO!

[HopelessinDTW]

Ok, I left a message with my lawyer to see what can be done. I guess I really don;t see the OM moving into the house during the divorce process. I already have a agreement with her that there will be no overnight guests. During the negotionations I'm going to push for getting the house, or at least selling it. So my feeling was she can live it up for now...then take it up the a** later. Why f**k with the kids, so that I can take over the house?? If she f**ks with the kids, the oldest tells me or the daycare people anyways!! Both lawyers know she is having an affair, and that it started before the divorce papers were filed. I see no advantage in getting full custody of the kids...they need a mother..although a more sane one...

[Doing it Since '78]

Ok, I left a message with my lawyer to see what can be done. I guess I really don;t see the OM moving into the house during the divorce process. I already have a agreement with her that there will be no overnight guests. During the negotionations I'm going to push for getting the house, or at least selling it. So my feeling was she can live it up for now...then take it up the a** later. Why f**k with the kids, so that I can take over the house?? If she f**ks with the kids, the oldest tells me or the daycare people anyways!! Both lawyers know she is having an affair, and that it started before the divorce papers were filed. I see no advantage in getting full custody of the kids...they need a mother..although a more sane one...

 

Ok gotta ask you a few questions then:

 

WHere do you think POSOM will stay when in town? At the local Motel 6, or in your comfy king size, pissing on your toilet seat, and dragging his balls across your living room carpet? In your wifes mind he is now king dick, so everyone should treat him as such.

 

Your agreement with her is only as good as they person is who signed it. That agreement is not enforcable by any legal action. The court already knows that she is having an affair, so no "I gotcha" moment there. Trust me dude, the POSOM will spend the night at your crib, if he hasn't already done so.

 

Understand this bro-DO NOT BELEIVE ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT YOUR ESTRANGED WIFES MOUTH-SHE IS A CONFIRMED LIAR.

 

Your wife is sick, she will con, lie, steal, double deal and sacrifice all for her fantasy POSOM-

 

Answer me this as well, are you still paying bills at the house? If so, you know the court of law thinks? If you have been doing it, why stop now? You will lose all leverage in any form of negotions if you remain away from the home?

 

Who said anything about taking her kids away from her? ANd further more, please revaluate what you consider a "good mom"-A good mom does not have someone other than the man her children have been around for years to disturb the life that they are accustomed to just so she can have some strange-trust that . She is already f#cking with your kids heads

 

And lastly, having your oldest child act as a recorder for your wifes indiscretions is no place for her to be in. It is your job as Mufassa to protect Simba, not the other way around

[HopelessinDTW]

Ok gotta ask you a few questions then:

 

WHere do you think POSOM will stay when in town? At the local Motel 6, or in your comfy king size, pissing on your toilet seat, and dragging his balls across your living room carpet? In your wifes mind he is now king dick, so everyone should treat him as such.

 

Your agreement with her is only as good as they person is who signed it. That agreement is not enforcable by any legal action. The court already knows that she is having an affair, so no "I gotcha" moment there. Trust me dude, the POSOM will spend the night at your crib, if he hasn't already done so.

 

Understand this bro-DO NOT BELEIVE ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT YOUR ESTRANGED WIFES MOUTH-SHE IS A CONFIRMED LIAR.

 

Your wife is sick, she will con, lie, steal, double deal and sacrifice all for her fantasy POSOM-

 

Answer me this as well, are you still paying bills at the house? If so, you know the court of law thinks? If you have been doing it, why stop now? You will lose all leverage in any form of negotions if you remain away from the home?

 

Who said anything about taking her kids away from her? ANd further more, please revaluate what you consider a "good mom"-A good mom does not have someone other than the man her children have been around for years to disturb the life that they are accustomed to just so she can have some strange-trust that . She is already f#cking with your kids heads

 

And lastly, having your oldest child act as a recorder for your wifes indiscretions is no place for her to be in. It is your job as Mufassa to protect Simba, not the other way around

 

Well, I can come and go to the house as I wish. If he were to stay there I would know immediately. Since I still own the house...I will call the cops and have a restraining order on him for tresspassing. I pay half the bills, my wife pays the other half. We pay and own the house 50/50. I know she's not a good mom..but I don't want to damage the kids anymore by booting her out...they will act up.

[Doing it Since '78]

Well, I can come and go to the house as I wish. If he were to stay there I would know immediately. Since I still own the house...I will call the cops and have a restraining order on him for tresspassing. I pay half the bills, my wife pays the other half. We pay and own the house 50/50. I know she's not a good mom..but I don't want to damage the kids anymore by booting her out...they will act up.

 

Well buddy, do what you feel is best.

[HopelessinDTW]

Well buddy' date=' do what you feel is best.[/quote']

Trust me...my wish is that they both burn in hell when the time comes...but I am not an aggressive person. I'm trying to be the adult in all this, and trying to bring some logic and reason. The court of law might le her get away with this, but the ultimate Judge will judge us all!

[Doing it Since '78]

Trust me...my wish is that they both burn in hell when the time comes...but I am not an aggressive person. I'm trying to be the adult in all this, and trying to bring some logic and reason. The court of law might le her get away with this, but the ultimate Judge will judge us all!

 

I am not disagreeing that their is a nice warm spot in hell for both of those cocksuckers, however your complacency in all of this may come back to bite you in the ass later on, be fair warned

 

While she is deep in the fog, is the best time to attack, right now she is consumed with her POSOM, once the fog lifts a little bro, and she starts coming back to reality, you may regret not being agressive from jump street.

 

You will see anger and resentmet like never before-Her attitude will be mad at you, as if to say "why didn't you stop me from doing this to myself"

 

Thinking logically-Why should you spend your money to allow her to stay in a home, where she can continue an adulterous relationship? Shouldn't you at least enjoy the home that you own 50 percent of as well, until the ink is dry? Since you come and go as you please, walk back into your home, take a mean shet in the toilet with your copy of TV Guide, watch your favorite show, and get a good nights rest in your bed, and don't leave-YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!!

 

If she want's to leave you and your children for her POSOM-let her do it! Right now in her fog, logic and reason have no place in her pea brain-please understand that fully. She is at critical mass in MLC, no turning back now-This will have to end with her imploding, too late to stop it now. You just have to watch, and keep yourself and your kids out of her sickness

 

Good Luck my man, you will need it. You are in for a long road, the best advice I can give at this point is to make sure you travel that bumpy road in a humvee, and not a mini-cooper

Edited June 30, 2010 by Doing it Since '78

[HopelessinDTW]

I am not disagreeing that their is a nice warm spot in hell for both of those cocksuckers, however your complacency in all of this may come back to bite you in the ass later on, be fair warned

 

While she is deep in the fog, is the best time to attack, right now she is consumed with her POSOM, once the fog lifts a little bro, and she starts coming back to reality, you may regret not being agressive from jump street.

 

You will see anger and resentmet like never before-Her attitude will be mad at you, as if to say "why didn't you stop me from doing this to myself"

 

Thinking logically-Why should you spend your money to allow her to stay in a home, where she can continue an adulterous relationship? Shouldn't you at least enjoy the home that you own 50 percent of as well, until the ink is dry? Since you come and go as you please, walk back into your home, take a mean shet in the toilet with your copy of TV Guide, watch your favorite show, and get a good nights rest in your bed, and don't leave-YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!!

 

If she want's to leave you and your children for her POSOM-let her do it! Right now in her fog, logic and reason have no place in her pea brain-please understand that fully. She is at critical mass in MLC, no turning back now-This will have to end with her imploding, too late to stop it now. You just have to watch, and keep yourself and your kids out of her sickness

 

Good Luck my man, you will need it. You are in for a long road, the best advice I can give at this point is to make sure you travel that bumpy road in a humvee, and not a mini-cooper

 

 

That's the thing...she doesn;t want to leave for the POSOM. She wants the POSOM to come to her, and he will!! Why would she ever give up that house, now that she is completely intrenched in it? I know I screwed up!!! We'll I just need to be more aggressive from this point on.

[Doing it Since '78]

That's the thing...she doesn;t want to leave for the POSOM. She wants the POSOM to come to her, and he will!! Why would she ever give up that house, now that she is completely intrenched in it? I know I screwed up!!! We'll I just need to be more aggressive from this point on.

 

Your missing the point cuzzo-

 

POSOM can not come to her if you are living there-The screw up is not that big. There is nothing written down that states that you can not come back to your home. Once she is granted the home and it is legally binding-YOU will become the tresspasser, and she will file a RO/criminal charges against you for popping up-Real Talk

 

My point is, move back in teh house and put the full court press on her and she has two choices-either leave her home and her children for the POSOM-or stay, abide by your rules of conduct, show respect and remain civil until the final divorce hearing

 

My stbxw chose to leave, me my home and our kids. But feck it, it is what it is. Her MLC and her POSOM had her so consumed that she walked away from a 2 and 3 year old, a 3000 sq. foot crib, and a rental property-while she and deadbeat POSOM have taken up residence at her new 1 bedroom apartment-in the heart of the ghetto.

 

It does happen. I have now become mom and dad, while maintaining a full time job, and paying for a mortgage that I can't afford-without her help. I was awared child support, but have still not received a dime-Is this how I wanted it no. At some point did I want her to really fight me for the children to show that she gave a rats ass about anything but herself-yes, has she done it yet-HELL EFFING NO!

 

Either way it forces her to make a decision for her, not you-See she is making decisions now that are affecting your life and that is total and utter bullshet!!!!

 

Stop giving her all of this power-she does not deserve it

[EnigmaXOXO]

Hopeless, I’m with ’78 on this one.

 

There is absolutely no reason why you should feel obliged to leave your own home just because your wife requested it. NOT unless you already signed on the dotted line agreeing to it.

 

Courts typically prefer that the children remain in their primary residence no matter which parent chooses to stay or relocate… unless it can be proven that one or the other is unfit.

 

I understand you’re not wanting to upset your children further, but if there is some way you can manage to reoccupy your home and reclaim your position as an equal “parent” without reacting your wife’s continued attempts to unravel you… then I would certainly do it. Of course, it will take amazing control and heaps of intestinal fortitude on your part to keep your anger and emotions from besting you… but not so much more difficult than what you’re already dealing with now.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide, but most of all, focus on YOUR future well-being and that of your children rather than worrying so much about how things will end up between your wife and POSUM.

[LisaUk]

I agree with 78 as well, sorry I haven't read all your thread but from the first page and the last I would move back in. Besides her doing this to you, you need to teach your children about respect for marriage, b/c lets face it, she isn't going to!

 

The message your children are getting now is that it is ok for Mommy to have a bouyfriend and for Daddy to be out of our house, everyone around them, even the (disgusting) in laws are acting like this is normal and acceptable behaviour, which is it most definately NOT.

 

Move in, tell your stbxw if she wants to trash your family and break it up then she can leave and you will raise your children in your home. Tell her you will not tolerate fighting in the home, it is not fair on your children and if she does start screaming and yelling call the cops on her.

 

DO NOT beat yourself up for what has happened, you did the best you could do in your marriage at the time and you loved her, there is no excuse for cheating, EVER! If she was unhappy then she should have respected what you once had and told you and tried everything possible to resolve things before leaving. Not find someone to run to. It's about time she learnt the hard way, so show her you are no doormat and take back control of your life and your childrens.

[HopelessinDTW]

I agree with 78 as well, sorry I haven't read all your thread but from the first page and the last I would move back in. Besides her doing this to you, you need to teach your children about respect for marriage, b/c lets face it, she isn't going to!

 

The message your children are getting now is that it is ok for Mommy to have a bouyfriend and for Daddy to be out of our house, everyone around them, even the (disgusting) in laws are acting like this is normal and acceptable behaviour, which is it most definately NOT.

 

Move in, tell your stbxw if she wants to trash your family and break it up then she can leave and you will raise your children in your home. Tell her you will not tolerate fighting in the home, it is not fair on your children and if she does start screaming and yelling call the cops on her.

 

DO NOT beat yourself up for what has happened, you did the best you could do in your marriage at the time and you loved her, there is no excuse for cheating, EVER! If she was unhappy then she should have respected what you once had and told you and tried everything possible to resolve things before leaving. Not find someone to run to. It's about time she learnt the hard way, so show her you are no doormat and take back control of your life and your childrens.

 

I spoke with my attorney about this, and he said that the ship might have sailed on me moving into the house. I will get her to pay for all the expenses of me living in a different residence. Fortunately, the kids are yound enough (i hope) that they don't absorb all the details (they are 5 and 3). When I spend time with the kids, they are awesome. We have a great time, and my son keeps on telling me he misses me. He's also acting out, and the therapist told me it's because of separation anxiety..plus he's only 5. All I can do now is to be there for my kids, and to be with them as often as possible. I will have them for a whole week next week, and take them on vacation...just the three of us. Communication between me and the STBX is minimal to none. Once I busted her f**cking her new OM, she decided she would only speak through the lawyers.

 

I know my kids will be ok. They will realize in time that their mother was the one who f**cked up, and that i didn't abondon them or leave them. I've told my son that mommy and daddy are not happy together so we have to be apart so that we don't fight. he sort of gets it, and realizes that I am not running away from them.

[HopelessinDTW]

Guess what...my stbx took my son (5 y.o.) to a child therapist without my consent or knowledge. I found out from my daycare provider. I told my lawyer about this, and I have scheduled a meeting with the therapist to tell him what's really going on. My stbx is clearly trying to build some kind of BS against me, unfortunately my son speaks the truth, and once the therapist finds out my side of the story...he will start asking some real questions...With regard to the house, I will get it back...we haven't signed anything that give her the right to stay there. I have some tricks of my own that I'm going to play...

[HopelessinDTW]

Maybe your poor son is taking your absence hard. I hope she doesn't say anything about abandonment when it comes to you leaving the house. I have a feeling she would, it's not like she's going to admit seeing this other guy and wanting you out of her life. She will make it look as bad as possible on your end. When you get your kids for the weekend you should be sure to ask them how they are doing with you being away from the house and all that (but of course approach it in a delicate manner )

 

BTW, why does your atty believe that you shouldn't go back to the house?

 

 

yes, he is taking it hard. In fact the therapist did say he's having separtion anxiety. I know that my son wants to be with me more often, he does want me to be back in the house with mommy like it was before. But if I come back, then he's going to wonder where mommy is, and why mommy now has to stay away. I just feel like that's going to do more damage than it's worth. I mean I might feel better that I'm back home, but what about the kids...it's bound to hurt them more than they are now. My lawyer has already drawn up papers to have the kids and wife stay at the house. I guess I can change all that and put in there that I want to stay a month, and her stay away and then we do a switch. I just think this going to mess up the kids, and my lawyer felt that it would not look good if I pushed for this. the bottom line is, she is not going to have the house eventually..I will fight tooth and nail so that she doesn't.

[LisaUk]

Hi,

 

I would think you still have legal rights to your house, here in the UK you would but your US law is slightly different in some areas and I have only studied English law. I can see why your lawyer said it would look bad to move in and push her out then alternate, but if you intend on fighting for custody of your children based on her unreasonable and immoral behaviour and how it has affected your son, personally, I see no reason why you should not move back in permantely and her leave permanatnely.

 

Of course, I could be wrong here, not qualified in US law and I would never suggest that your lawyer has it wrong. However, I would be looking for a lot more discussion and answers to your situation with your lawyer. Your son is being affected emotionally here. Also, in the UK your wife would most certainly be awared the house in a divorce settlement b/c the court will always put the residence of the children as a priority. It may well be different there? These are all things that you MUST discuss with your lawyer.

 

My advice to you would be to seek full custody of your children, move back in and have her move out. She broke up your family, let her find somewhere to live.

[scatterd]

Im so sorry for what you are going through it is sad how some people think of marriage. Devorice should not be an opption.The time it should is with abuse and unfaithfullness.You took your marriage and vows serious the way it should be and she has alot to learn about marriage it takes work and when raising familys and making a living its stressfull.She will find out that this guy will have a whole new set of problems and this will not last because shes not fixed.You are doing the right thing when it comes down to your chidren let the wife find out the hard way while you continue to better your self and your childrens future let them know you will always be there for them.In time you will meet another woman and be happy again.Your wife will regret this but you have no control over her only your self.In time your pain will ease for now just keep doing the best you can.Be kind show her what she lost by making your life better let her see you are fine but do ask for respect.I learned the hard way and she will too but you and your children future is what you are working for now.You are a good man and father and you did your best continue to.Big hugs and good luck

[2.50 a gallon]

This is war! It appears that you have lost the first battle, but there are more to come. Now that you are aware of the truth you can begin to fight back.

 

Prepare to fight for custody. Your kids come first.

 

Journal everything. Get youself a voice activated recorder and keep it in your pocket at all times. Do not dismiss her trying to play a game with the police and get you arrested and you are on the way to losing custody of the kids. Cover Your A$$. She is already lieing, do you think it is going to stop? Consider every word out of her mouth to be a lie.

 

Also keep the recorder in your pocket when you interact with the kids, journal their conversations.

 

She has already shown her hand and began to use the kids as a weapon. You too can do this in a more subtle way. On the surface, appear to support her. Tell them she is their mom and you both love them. Never say anything bad about her to them.

 

In the mean time you find a reason, to put in your custody agreement that she is not allowed to bring the kids into contact with the OM. Do you follow? He is not to be trusted in the presence of your children.

 

Forget her she is trash. As a rule of thumb, cheaters cheat down. Betrayed spouses, almost always come out ahead. Someday in the future you will find someone so much better. Keep that thought in the back of your mind as you move on in life. It will happen. In the meantime fight for your kids.

[HopelessinDTW]

just got back from vacation with the kids. I had them all to myself for 5 days...it was great!! My son, 5 yrs old, was very revealing. Every night I would ask him if he wanted to speak with his mom...his answer every time was NO. I could not believe it!! I had to force him to just say hi, so she wouldn't think I was keeping her from talkgin with them. Then my son told me that mom told him that He shouldn't tell me about her hitting him to get him to sleep at night otherwise "daddy will tell her lawyer and the police"!! I was dumbfounded!! This coming out of my own son's mouth!! He also told me he didn't like his gradparents (wifes parents are staying with her in the house with the kids) because they "yell at me". Needless to say, Iwill be telling my lawyer all this, and the child therapist that is seeing my son. BTW, my wife was taking him to a child therapist without my knowledge. I'm going to ask my lawyer what my options are,,,this is starting to get out of hand

[Butterflair]

Fight for full custody. You just saw with your own eyes that your son wants to be with you not his mom. A 5 yr old cannot advocate for himself, he needs you to do that for him. His needs should be put first. He should not be hit to go to bed nor yelled at. Poor guy. Get your kids and get your house back!!!

[2.50 a gallon]

Keep a VAR in pants pocket at all times, and document

 

What did your lawyer say about this developoment?

[YellowShark]

Wow. Just wow. I just read the thread.

 

I hate, and I mean HATE when adults - like your wife - use children as pawns in the breakup. That for me is the sickest, most malevolent thing an adult can do to a child. No wonder they are acting out, they do not have the life experience to deal with the sh*tstorm your cheating, lying, selfish wife has brought down upon them.

 

And not only is she hurting HER OWN KIDS psychologically! ...she is railroading you.

 

My advice is screw the marriage, it is done.. because do you want to be married to a lying, cheating mother who has no regard for the well-being of her own children? Is that who you married?

 

Think about it.

[HopelessinDTW]

Wow. Just wow. I just read the thread.

 

I hate, and I mean HATE when adults - like your wife - use children as pawns in the breakup. That for me is the sickest, most malevolent thing an adult can do to a child. No wonder they are acting out, they do not have the life experience to deal with the sh*tstorm your cheating, lying, selfish wife has brought down upon them.

 

And not only is she hurting HER OWN KIDS psychologically! ...she is railroading you.

 

My advice is screw the marriage, it is done.. because do you want to be married to a lying, cheating mother who has no regard for the well-being of her own children? Is that who you married?

 

Think about it.

 

Yes, the marriage is over. We are headed to divorce...I am ok with it. But as you have said, the manipulation of the kids is what's really bothering me. I am going to seek full custody, but my lawyer is telling me that's going to be very tough since she has to be a REALLY bad mother in order for me get that (i.e. drug/alcohol problems, physical abuse of kids, etc.). Well, my feeling is she's bad enough, and I'll spend whatever it takes to get as much custody as I can. Since she got caught with her pants down (literally), she's been using the kids to get back at me by denying time with them, and telling the child therapist how bad I am. Well if she does this kind of sh*t one more time, my lawyer and her lawyer will have her face a judge to open up another a** in her. I also spoke with the child therapist and told him MY side of the story...she apparently left out the fact that she's been f**cking OM, and has exposed the children to him. He wasn't too happy about that. Ok..well another week of fun coming up. She is going to FL for a week, and is assuming that she will take the kids. My guess is the OM will be there with her. BUT, the kids will not be going since she forgot to include her trip in the temporary parental time agreement...oops. She'll get that news this week!

 

I never thought a person who I was married to over 9 years, and known for 12 would lie, habitually, and have ZERO morals. On top of it all, use the kids to make me feel like s**t. UNBELIEVABLE!!

[wrencn]

 

I never thought a person who I was married to over 9 years, and known for 12 would lie, habitually, and have ZERO morals.

 

It is mind blowing. I don't know if I will ever understand it either. I wish you the best.

[HopelessinDTW]

I have moved to an apartment about 3 mi away from my house. I actually feel a sense of normalcy by having my own place. I've been living in a hotel room for the past 1 1/2 months since my wife asked me to move out so that "she could have her space"...yes i know that was mistake....My place has excercise equipment and a swimming pool. So when the kids come over, they can have some fun. My wife is still pulling her jabs by occasionally not letting me talk/see the kids. Her lawyer is furious, and is very close to putting her in front of a judge. we have temp visitation orders in place, and if she continues the slip ups...the she'll be in real trouble....i'm laying low and letting her screw up. I also considering getting full custody..my lawyer is going to look into what my chances are. Even if they are low, I might go for it. I definately want him to get all the e-mails between her and the OM. This will be key to the case. I also want the e-mails so one day when the kids are old enough, I can show them what their mother did to me. How she manipulated me.

[HopelessinDTW]

Update:

The lawyers have put together a parenting order in, and we both have signed it. Now she cannot keep me from the kids without getting in trouble. I had the kids all weekend, and we had a great time. She called once and left a message to speak with the kids, I didn;t call back since she's not supposed to interfere with my time with the kids. She's also planning on taking the kids to FL next week...unfortunately she forgot to mention this in the parenting order...so I will have the lawyers stop her from taking them. My son will be pissed at me for doing this, but I am sure that the OM will be there at some point to join her. So there's no way in hell the kids are going to get mixed up in all this. She's also now trying to be nice to me by telling me what the kids are up to with her, and keeping me informed of their doctor's appts....what a fake! I am having no communications with her at all...I feel sick when I have to go over there to see her when I drop off/pick-up the kids!

 

I'm still very much concerned about the OM, and the plans she has with him moving in once the divorce is over. I mean will the kids just gravitate to him if I am not a part of the family.