Am I doing the right thing?.......

[sacg]

Not sure if this is the right thread section, but it definitely aint for second chances or coping...I think. :-)

 

It’s been two years since the ex and I split, horribly. Read my previous if you want details. But generally, it was a tough thing to go through. She treated me awfully, and I, cause of her “problems” and my issues, allowed myself to defend her, and in turn forgive these actions when I shouldn’t. I wasn’t the best bloke, granted, but I loved her, still do. But the way she went about things and lied for almost 18 months whilst keeping me involved in some way or another, (although she will completely deny this), totally destroyed me. I'm relatively good looking, was very successful and confident. She, or I let her, take all that away over night, for almost 2 years. In fact, its only now I’m starting to get some of my old character back, not even started on a new life properly. But not once did I hate her, resent her or cuss her. I just couldn’t get angry about it, It killed me being without her, and knowing what she was doing/done, but I could not hate her for it. Not sure if that’s pathetic or a sign of true love and forgiveness. *** knows.

 

Anyway, fast forward to now. I feel deep down that this woman means a lot to me still. I’m not even sure if its romantic anymore, but for some reason I’m drawn to her time and time again. I really connected with her and I miss her company as much as anything. She's always said she wanted me in her life as she "cares" about me a hell of a lot.....as a person, and that we did and will ALWAYS have a connection. I can’t fault her for being truthful...well now anyway. She’s making things very clear we couldn’t be together again. And I think I’ve finally moved past that point, I think I know that!

 

Anyway, I think I want this friendship with her, but im not sure if im doing it for the right reasons or if im setting myself up again. I can sit here now and feel, nah, it’ll be fine, I couldn’t be "with" her again anyway, but I truly feel I want her there in some capacity. Its above friendship but below romance. But the niggling thing is she means so much to me after all that happened and im prepared to be there?? Its just doesn’t seem right to be there for her at all. Or should want to! Or is that just being stubborn and bitter?

 

Is this normal, am I a gent, do I need to man up, could we be close in friendship, should i run away, and say *** her, am I doing the right thing?

[HopelessinDTW]

Well, from what you're saying I think you still have some feelings for her...which is natural because you were very close when you were together. It's tough to let go of a strong bond...for some it may take a longer time than expected. you can be friends with her, but always remember that things will not be like they were and so you need to set some sort of boundary between the two of you so that you don't get hurt. It's tough, but you have to do this. It seems like you're still in a limbo, and you know deep inside that she doesn't have the feelings that she once had for you.

[U2RockZz]

no person is worth of loos yourself

Edited June 29, 2010 by U2RockZz

[spriggig]

This is what you came here to hear:

 

You're hanging around the grave of this relationship hoping for a resurrection that will never come. It's time to face that, let go and move on.

 

But, in order to do that you might just need to feel hurt again and perhaps angry. Think about your past together and focus on the thoughts that will make you feel anger. Anger is what you are missing, you need that to move on and you can do it without seeing or talking to her.

 

You don't need to expose her to your anger to move on. You don't need to see her or talk to her to find "closure". It's all in your mind and your mind is under your complete control.

Edited June 30, 2010 by spriggig