Beaten by thugs

[GFORCE]

Separated from my wife who is in Dallas( 6 hr away on the weekend for a wedding). My car broke down on saturday and i called her to tell her about it but she wouldnt step out of the wedding to take my call but would only text. She said when she gets back to our town that it will not be practical to share cars till i get my car fixed cause of her school schedule. Evenetually she said she doesnt mind sharing.

That night i was walking to the gas station to get groceries and got accosted by two teens and beaten badly to where i was vomiting blood.

My wife is still in Dallas after the wedding and she knows about this incident with the thugs and has sent her concern via text.

She returns tomorrow night to our city and to our house.

Im devastated at the coldness of the situation. What do you all think?

 

Im no conecerened about reunion. I just want to know what makes a human so cold to another, yet has all the time for her friends?

[What_Next]

GFORCE that is absolutely terrible. You know I ask myself that very same question every single day. My wife is NOT the person I married. I accept that, heck I have to. Some of the things she has done over the past 2 months has shocked me to my core. I like you wonder how a person could become so very cold and emotionless.

 

Sure I've done my fair shre, in fact more than her, but still there is NO WAY on this earth I could ever be as cold as she has been. I honestly do not believe I'll ever truely get over it and even if (and that is a MASSIVE if) reconcile it'll always be with me. I don't think I will ever be able to give of myself totally to any one person again.

 

Like yours my partner has shown virtually no concern whatsoever to me but will at the drop of a hat show compassion for almost anyone else.

 

I obviously don't have any answer for you, but I can at least empathize.

[GFORCE]

My brother i believe VERY STRONGLY, that God( yes i do believe in him) punishes the wicked.

How you treat others will come back to you ten fold.

Your wife and my wife belive that their friends will care for them. I think at times, what if my wife got paralized. Would those friends she rushes to their weddings and events and calls them 40 times a day and texts them 90 times a day take care of her? Would they bring her home from hospital on a wheelchair and bathe her, love her, spoon feed her, change diapers etc?

I would i know do this for her.

 

We live separate. I dont know where she lives but she knows where i live.

 

She was rear ended 2 weeks ago and the car i got her totaled. Insurance are paying back titlemax what was owed on the loan and giving ehr back 1200$. Dont know what type of car she will get then for that amount.

 

But to me the accident happening was maybe God telling her i can take things from you and show you im God and that may compel us to share a car( when i get mine fixed).

 

People need to learn that treating your spouse as the enemy doesnt help you, for what you do to your spouse also affects you.

[sally4sara]

Separated from my wife who is in Dallas( 6 hr away on the weekend for a wedding). My car broke down on saturday and i called her to tell her about it but she wouldnt step out of the wedding to take my call but would only text. She said when she gets back to our town that it will not be practical to share cars till i get my car fixed cause of her school schedule. Evenetually she said she doesnt mind sharing.

That night i was walking to the gas station to get groceries and got accosted by two teens and beaten badly to where i was vomiting blood.

My wife is still in Dallas after the wedding and she knows about this incident with the thugs and has sent her concern via text.

She returns tomorrow night to our city and to our house.

Im devastated at the coldness of the situation. What do you all think?

 

Im no conecerened about reunion. I just want to know what makes a human so cold to another, yet has all the time for her friends?

 

You two separated. When married people separate, they don't often become the kind of close friend you turn to in a time of need.

It stinks that you got mugged and beaten, but it wasn't caused by her and she isn't the best candidate for supportive friendship now.

She is being "cold" because the separate life you two now have requires you both to be separate. When I moved to the city I live in now and a guy tried to mug me, I didn't call my ex about it. When something great happens, I don't call him then either.

[Woggle]

I truly believe that many women are just heartless when it comes to men. They almost delight in seeing us in pain.

[Gunny376]

My brother i believe VERY STRONGLY, that God( yes i do believe in him) punishes the wicked.

How you treat others will come back to you ten fold.

Your wife and my wife belive that their friends will care for them. I think at times, what if my wife got paralized. Would those friends she rushes to their weddings and events and calls them 40 times a day and texts them 90 times a day take care of her? Would they bring her home from hospital on a wheelchair and bathe her, love her, spoon feed her, change diapers etc?

I would i know do this for her.

 

We live separate. I dont know where she lives but she knows where i live.

 

She was rear ended 2 weeks ago and the car i got her totaled. Insurance are paying back titlemax what was owed on the loan and giving ehr back 1200$. Dont know what type of car she will get then for that amount.

 

But to me the accident happening was maybe God telling her i can take things from you and show you im God and that may compel us to share a car( when i get mine fixed).

 

People need to learn that treating your spouse as the enemy doesnt help you, for what you do to your spouse also affects you.

 

 

My XHEX was going to leave me a Gunney Sergeant for a Lance Corporal. (Two steps above a Private in the Marines) Of course he didn't have to worry about providing for a household, nor two or three children, paying for groceries, rent, etc.

 

She eventually left me and found the "love of her life" ~ Yea right!

[U2RockZz]

why are you even calling her ...she is neither a lady nor a human being....get real....if you don't have kids...don't speak to her ever again, if you have one then handle it through mediators....she is inhuman..but she is not your problem anymore...how is that

[just_some_guy]

You two separated. When married people separate, they don't often become the kind of close friend you turn to in a time of need.

It stinks that you got mugged and beaten, but it wasn't caused by her and she isn't the best candidate for supportive friendship now.

She is being "cold" because the separate life you two now have requires you both to be separate. When I moved to the city I live in now and a guy tried to mug me, I didn't call my ex about it. When something great happens, I don't call him then either.

 

x2.

 

I do not dislike my wife, but I can not be in a marriage relationship with her. Separation is just that, separation. We are on different paths. She does not want to let go and every small action on my part seems to be constantly judged and scrutinized and whether she is happy or falls apart into a deep depression seems to hang on the tiniest thing I say or do. It is just too much pressure being the "everything" to someone who is so seemingly fragile.

 

It is not possible to have a relationship in this circumstance.

 

Curiously, her utterly letting go would have been the best possible chance towards a reconciliation. Dependence, fear and control are not good food for a relationship.

[GFORCE]

Well now i guess she has had a change fo heart when driving back to our little town. She will come straight from dallas tonight and stay at my house as she helps me nurse back to health and so we can share the car.

 

Then she said the words every man dreads " we need to talk."

What do you think it means, in light of the fact that shes coming to stay at my house for a week?

[Ronni_W]

Guessing: Maybe she wants to tell you in person to not continue to think of her as your go-to person when you're confronted with some type of personal problem or crisis?

 

Anyway. No point worrying about it -- you'll find out soon enough, and the rest will just be guessing and assuming about what it may be that she is going to say to you.

[GFORCE]

Ronnie me and her moved to a new town recently before we separated. If my car is spoilt( and i asked her this) why would it be unreasonable to share cars?

If we can share bills>? Im sorry to me separation or divorce do not give one a license to be cruel and inhuman.

If she had car problems id be there because thats the right thing to do and not expect any payment back.

Initially she was opposed to sharing the car but now is okay with it. And she has just come from a wedding.

And not only share the car but stay at my hse n help me around after my attack. That means there could be a human side to her or guilt or something.

Its the " we need to talk" that bothers most males.

 

But once again, I know alot fo people move and do 180 etc. I am too. But if my spouse is in trouble believe me ill be the first to go and hlp because decency demans as much, and KARMA is a B ........

I dont have to do good to only those who do good to me , cause in that case what sets me apart from even criminals who treat their fellow crooks well?

[Ronni_W]

I agree with you. I helped my ex through a number of his personal crises -- was the taxi driver, grocery shopper, laundry person, nurse, etc. -- all of that years after we were officially divorced.

 

For me, though, it is that you don't seem to be considering what SHE may need to heal, recover and move on. That is, just because she may not have the inner resources, or the desire, or the inspiration/motivation to share her car and nurse you back to good health does not automatically make her "inhumane" and "cold" and whatever. Maybe it just is how she needs to do it, to be able to cope with her own feelings about her marriage ending, and get on with her own life.

 

You seem to believe that she still owes you the same levels of care and concern...and that is just not accurate. What you would do for her under the same set of circumstances is irrelevant -- you have your own inner resources, desires, ways of coping, etc. And when/if you should ever hit some limit that would make it difficult for you to be or do whatever her personal problem would 'dictate' that you do, it would not make you "inhumane" or "cold" to acknowledge your limit/inability and to act accordingly.

[GFORCE]

Ronni you are right. My wife has never stayed at my hse before since we separated. I got a new place and she did too.

Just the fact that she is inviting herself over to my hse to come stay a week as we share the car means alot.

means alot in terms of humaness.

Besides she is just returning back from a wedding of our common friends that i couldnt attend.

. And she has been very cordial on the phone with me since sunday.

She has been staying with her girlfriend whos is separated wverytime she is in Dallas. Her gf is dating another man now. My wife was at her hse 2 weeks ago for 3 weeks on vacation. But my sife swears she doesnt go on dates etc.

 

But my point is why the kindess??????????

You see its wierd that that im feeling wird that she is willing to show kindness. Its not like she doesnt have a place of her own or is getting kicked out.

 

Could it be the Dallas affair( if theer wa sone) has petered?

[Ronni_W]

But my point is why the kindess??????????

Oh, I get it. You want to be pissed off and call her "inhumane" when she does NOT demonstrate kindness. AND you want to assign some sinister, self-serving or possibly "inhumane" ulterior motives to her actions, when she does.

 

So basically. She's inhumane. I get it.

[wrencn]

I think he's saying why the flip flop. I have no idea. I think it is unfortunate how she behaved at first, maybe the guilt got to her, maybe she has a side-piece. Ask her.

[GFORCE]

Wow Ronnie. Im not saying of that. Im just asking why the flip flop?

At first she didnt want to share cars and was cold. Then next day she wants to share cars and even invites herself to my hse for a week( something she HAS NEVER EVER DONE).

Thats all im questioning.

 

Wow.

[Darth Vader]

Guessing: Maybe she wants to tell you in person to not continue to think of her as your go-to person when you're confronted with some type of personal problem or crisis?

 

Anyway. No point worrying about it -- you'll find out soon enough, and the rest will just be guessing and assuming about what it may be that she is going to say to you.

 

 

Either she's slept with someone, or that she loves you but is not in love with you!

 

 

Are you ok?

 

YES, my friend, God does punish the wicked, in his time, not ours!

Edited June 29, 2010 by Darth Vader

[Green]

What you've been through is pretty bad I hope the police get those guys. I hope your friends and family are at least there for you. Stay strong

[HopelessinDTW]

When women decide to let go of someone in their lives, they don't let go slowly. They act cold and cruel to make sure they have no emotion so that they don't feel guilt in killing a relationship. My wife is doing the same thing to me via holding back the kids from me, and manipulating me. It's like you're dealing with a whole different person, completely different rules. I'm really sorry for what happened to you, but expect the worst from her. Compassion and feelings go out the window when women decide to leave and be with someone else.

[What_Next]

HopelessinDTW is quite right about that. My wife did precisely that. In fact she still is. Check out my thread for examples of that. It is VERY hard when they do it.

 

It was devistating on me. It still is. It was only last night that my wife finally uttered the words "I just don't love you in that way right now". It's not that she WON'T, but she doesn't right now. It actually helped a lot and already her behavior is changed.

 

It's VERY hard and won't get any easier, but if she is ready to talk, then in all likelihood you had better listen.

[silic0ntoad]

I wouldn't listen. I'd serve her papers. Get my legal sh*t all sorted out, serve her, and find someone that would care for me in the manner I deserved to be cared for.

 

Anything less is unfair to yourself.

 

Man up, stop calling the hoe (I bet she DOES have a side piece) and get sh*t done.

 

 

Serve her.