1 Year

[cdt76]

It's funny how the mind works. Last week, I was as low as I've been in a long, long time and I couldn't figure out why. Nothing had happened. No woman drama, no kid problems, though I did almost run into her boyfriend when I came to work on Wednesday last week. So, I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Why did I feel this way when nothing really happened to bring it on? I thought maybe I was just overworked, tired, out of energy, something. I took a couple of days of work and made it a long weekend. Then this morning while typing on someone elses post, it hit me....last Thursday was the day she left me, one year ago.

 

Now that I realize consciously why I was feeling so low, the information doesn't really change much. I mean, yeah, it's been a year, lots has changed in me but it doesn't really give me hope that things are going to get better or that I will figure out where the purpose in my life is. I simply no the reason why I was so low.

 

The mind is a strange thing. It has the power to change so many things....accept itself.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Its like you can sense the 'anniversary.'

 

I remember experiencing that once. I felt really odd for one particular day and i'm not a calendar watcher. I rarely ever know the date on any given day. But this one day, I remember feeling very strange. By the time I was home I checked my calendar and saw the date was our monthly anniversary. It was probably only coincidental but its still strange.

[cdt76]

I know my mind is a powerful tool. It worked me over pretty good right after the breakup and every now and then pulls out the rug from under me but this time, I just couldn't figure out what was going on. It is strange how it works and how you think you have control but there are so many levels of subconsciousness that I actually think we are not in control at all. We only perceive a small portion of what is going on in our world and brain. I wish I could find that switch to remove the past year and revert back to what I was before ever meeting her.

[Nikki Sahagin]

That will happen slowly. Love does change the brain chemistry. Its a powerful rush that makes our life's before and after them seem empty. But there are other ways to replace the rush and feel alive and happy. The mind may have many levels, but we are in control of some of it at least and the part that you aren't, well if you slowly deal with the surface level thoughts and emotions, the unconscious aspects will fall away. Its said that dealing and facing our unconscious fears and desires etc, cause them to be brought to light and thus lose our power over us.