My brother beat-up my dad!

[Vhayne]

Now that I have your attention, I'll get to the title portion in a bit, but I must first tell some backstory. This will probably be very long, so be warned. But I could really use some advice, or at the least some support on the issues at hand.

 

How do I begin such a long, deep, and twisted story?

 

I'm the youngest of 3 children. My brother (oldest) is 46, sister (middle) is 43, and I'm 32.

 

My brother and I never have really gotten along well. We had times when we bonded, but they eventually never lasted very long. He's always been much older than me, from a different generation, and mindset. His ideals he received from our granddad, which also opposed the ideals of our own dad. My ideals I feel I developed on my own, but there's no denying I have alot of similarites when it comes to our dad.

 

These difference have been going on since before I was even born. My brother, very much like his graddad, was a bully, hellion, and all around pain in the ass of a teenager. Constantly getting into trouble with the police, crashing cars, getting into fights, drugs (pot), alcohol, etc. It got so bad, that the insurance companies gave my dad an ultimatum..."We will no longer provide insurance to you if your son lives in your home."

 

My dad who worked on a military base as a civilian would have lost his job (as insurance was a requirement just to get onto the base) had he not made my brother go live with his grandparents.

 

Let's talk about my dad at this time of life... He was a very upstanding, and popular guy in those days. His job was highly technical (only person in the country that could do what he could at the time), and he made lots of money (probably from the fact he worked ALOT). He wasn't really home enough to raise his son properly.

 

The problems my brother was bringing the family was devastating to my dad's reputation and career. Despite everything my dad could do, he just could not stop my brother from causing sheer terror throughout the county, always beating up my sister, and being an all around *******.

 

We've always been a "pro-spanking" kind of family. But what happened 30 years ago goes way too far. One day my parents are outside working in the yard on one of my dad's days off. It's very hot, not good for the temper. My dad hears screaming coming from inside the house. He runs inside to find my brother beating the hell out of my sister. My dad just looses it, and tears into my brother. He beats him really, really bad. He just lost it. And has regretted it since that day.

 

 

Now let's fast forward a bit. Lots has happened.

 

Dad quits job at base to start own business, failing miserably. Family never recovers finacially. My mom never forgives him.

 

Brother becomes an alcoholic, starts his own construction business which doesn't amount to much for many years, then eventually takes off and he's going wonderful financially.

 

Eventually parents get a divorce about 7 years ago after my dad gets let go from the best job he's had since the base, for something stupid as hell as returning from lunch late (when it's obvious he was fired due to his age).

 

Dad loses his mind, lives in a camper for 2 years, has a stroke, nearly-dying, and further loses his mind.

 

Then the secret comes out....My brother is actually my half-brother.

 

It turns out that my mom and dad dated for a bit for a while, and they never liked each other very much. So they went their seperate ways. Later my mom get knocked up by some guy that's already married, and her parents want her to get married (in that day, single mothers were looked down upon), so they called my dad and asked him to marry her and help her raise this other guy's kid. My dad accepts, and marries my mom, both of them swearing to never let the secret out.

 

Now, let's talk about that for a moment. My dad, decides to help out this woman who he didn't really even like much, raise her kid as his own, and push aside his desires for what he wanted. He loved my brother like a son, he tried to raise him as his own, but my mom and her dad wouldn't allow it. Hence why my brother turned out like my granddad and not like my dad.

 

Ok, present day stuff now.

 

My brother and dad never get along. Just 2 different people with different beliefs and ideals. When my brother starts drinking (struggling alcoholic) he'll call up my dad and cuss him out, threatening his life, etc. My dad keeps saying he just wants it to end, and for there to be peace.

 

Well, about a month ago, my brother gets drunk and drives (!) to my dad's house to "end the fight and make amends". Apparently it goes ok for a while, and he talks my dad into driving him to a bar to get another beer. I still don't know why my dad did it (as he never drinks), maybe it was because he didn't want to rock the boat, now that he was finally getting his son back. But he drove him to the bar. There at the bar, my brother gets a shot of tequila and immediately becomes angry.

 

Dad says, ok time to go. So he gets up, goes outside and heads for the car. Brother lagging behind, says, "You're not leaving me here old man", and drop kicks him in the back. My dad gets up, crawls in the car (the man can barely walk and uses a cane normally btw), shuts and locks the door. My brother breaks his window, punches him in the face and starts choking him, saying, "I'm going to kill you."

 

My dad begs him to stop, thankfully he does. Then my dad makes mistake number 2. He lets my brother get in the car so he can drive him home. Then halfway home, while my dad is driving, my brother just starts wailing on him, beating the man half to death. Then chokes him again, this time causing my dad to actually blackout. This sends the car across the center-lane of the road and into a guardrail, destroying the entire left side of the car.

 

Luckily this causes my brother to stop choking my dad long enough to grab the wheel and help stop the car. My brother calls my mom who drives out there to pick them both up and take them home.

 

 

I find out about this the next day. You can only imagine the anger I felt. I wanted to kill my brother.

 

I immediately drive to my dad's house to see if he's ok. When I get there, I find that my brother's 22yo son and my sister's 23yo daughter is there. I was furious, but I came to realize they were there just to comfort my dad. Actually, I think they where there to try and talk my dad out of pressing charges against my brother.

 

I then take him to the doctor to get him checked out, and had to explain the whole thing to the doc. Of course they were pressuring my dad to press charges, but he refused. Thankfully my dad was seemingly ok, just bruised badly all over with some cuts and scrapes in various places.

 

You see, this easily became a complicated situation. My brother owns and runs a huge construction corporation, and thereby employs his son (who just bought a house), my sister (who just went through a divorce, loosing her house), and my sister's daughter (who just bought a house). Basically he's the "hero" to the "family". He helped my mom recently get a house, gives half the family well-paying jobs and considers himself to be the "leader" of this family.

 

To put him in jail would ruin the lives of the entire family. I wanted to beat the living hell out of him myself, but what good would that do exactly? I have a wife and 3 kids I have to worry about. I could easily be put in jail myself for something like that. So the decision was my dad's.

 

And he just wanted my brother to get professional help. I'm thinking, "Yeah, whatever, like the AA has done SO much for him so far after all these years." The man has emotional problems, and the alcohol just intensifies them, and causes him to act on them. He's already had 4 DUI's, lost his license, and still drives (apprently even drunk).

 

So jailtime, and even a rehab were out of the question because he would lose the company, thereby ruining the lives of the whole family.

 

"Supposedly" my brother regretted everything that happened that night. He initially sent a check of a thousand dollars to pay for my dad's 2 pairs of broken eyeglasses, and lost cellphone. Then he told my dad to find another car or see if he could get his fixed.

 

See my dad is broke, and has been for years. He's retired and drawing SS. He got lucky on finding his car and only paid 800 for it. I suppose my brother was thinking he could pay 800 and that would pay for the car. I said, "no way in hell". I told my dad to start looking for another car. I told him to look in the 4-5k range as that's about what he would need to get another "decent" car.

 

Well, the entire family comes down on me saying I'm trying to push my dad to "gouge", or take advantage of my brother! WTF? He should be thankful his ass isn't in jail or dead, not worrying about how much it's going to cost to fix the situation!

 

I need to stop for a minute and explain the relationship between my brother and me before continuing.

 

My brother is like my granddad (who is dead), and I am like my dad. To put it bluntly, he's a "redneck", and I'm a "computer nerd". I've always tried to not let that come between us, as I have alot of "redneck" in me as well, however my brother refuses to see it. All my life he's bullied me into behaving and living the way HE thinks I should. "You gotta work hard all your life if you're gonna be somebody". He's tried to get me to work with him many times in his contruction company. I did a few times, and hated every minute of it. I instead wanted to go down my own road and make my own choices. I struggled alot at times, but I didn't want to be under his control.

 

Eventually I got married, got a great job, and had kids. I worked this job for 7 years, working my way up and doing great. Income wasn't bad, but of course, it was nowhere near what my brother was making. It did however allow my wife to quit her job and stay home with the kids. She eventually started up her own company from home, which grew into many things until the miracle happened...

 

Her company grew to a point that she needed my help to run it. She was making as much in 1 month, as I would in 6. So of course, I quit my job, and started helping her. Together we have doubled the income she was making before! Huge success and blessing.

 

Oh, but when I quit my job, to stay at home and work with my wife, my brother just couldn't take it. He called me, trying to tell me what a huge mistake I was making (just like my entire life), and I didn't want to hear it. I went off on him pretty bad. Then I realized my entire family was behind him on this (although not all of them would tell this to my face), and I was hurt and extremely pissed off.

 

So I wrote them a letter. It was a letter about how I felt. It wasn't very harsh or insulting to anyone. Oh but my mother and brother took it extremely personal. That caused a family silence (between me and the rest of the family) for over 3 months. Then one night my wife and I were watching a religious movie and I felt a strong conviction. I had to apologize for the letter and the way I felt about everyone. I had to start with my brother.

 

So after the movie (midnight), I drove to his house during a freaking tornado warning, knocked on his door and profusely apologized, nearly crying myself in the process. I left, and called my mom and did the same thing.

 

Since that night, I had tried to call my brother, invited him to birthday parties for my kids, etc. Still never heard from him. He refused to talk to me still.

 

 

A few months after the night I apologized and he does this to my dad. I took it personal. And I'm still extremely angry at him for 2 major issues. 1, he nearly killed my dad out of anger. And 2, because he refused to talk to me, and accept my apology.

 

Now of course, the whole family seems like everything is fine. They all get together and have a good time, while my dad is still suffering, and I'm ignored and not wanted. It's basically me and my dad versus the rest of the family. It's just not right.

 

I want it to end. I want my dad to eventually forgive my brother, so I can begin to forgive my brother. But once he's forgiven for what he did to my dad, then there's still that issue my brother has with me. And because he has this issue, it causes major issues with me having anything to do with the rest of the family. Example: 4th of July is coming up. Birthday parties, Christmas, hell, just a family cook-out. I miss those things.

[sally4sara]

Whether you all stand against him and lose financially for pissing him off, or the company eventually goes under or he dies in an auto accident due to his drinking a reckless behavior -

 

They are a fools for as long as they depend on him in this way. Never become financially beholden or tied to a human train wreck. Do you think if you all gloss this over to hold onto jobs he won't realize he can do anything and treat you all anyway he wants? It WILL escalate.

Edited June 28, 2010 by sally4sara

[Vhayne]

Whether you all stand against him and lose financially for pissing him off, or the company eventually goes under or he dies in an auto accident due to his drinking a reckless behavior -

 

They are a fools for as long as they depend on him in this way. Never become financially beholden or tied to a human train wreck. Do you think if you all gloss this over to hold onto jobs he won't realize he can do anything and treat you all anyway he wants? It WILL escalate.

 

 

That's exactly what I told them. I tried to tell my sister and neice that he NEEDS help more than you NEED a job. Yes it'll be hard for you to lose your job, but you should have seen this coming the second you signed up. I mean all it would take is for him to get pulled over by a cop, just ONCE! Then he'd probably be in jail....again.

 

But see, the more I push this issue, the more I lose what little bit of family I have. They see me as the bad guy for doing something like this, because of my issues with my brother. It's like everyone worships him. Ever see the new Battlestar Galactica's Admiral Adama? He's exactly like my brother. Except my brother has the alcoholic and emotional stuff. So not only is he an unrelenting hard-ass, but he's also a ticking timebomb.

 

Basically I want to just tell them all they can go to hell. Live my own life with my wonderful wife and kids and leave them to their world of idiocy. But every time I do that, I eventually miss them, and want to see them.