wierdmunky Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 My parents have decided to send my not so little brother (17) away to a boarding school in Missouri. I'm so frustrated. I love him. I'm more than 10 years older than him and have taken care of him since he was little, and seeing it all come down to this bothers me so much. He's kicked out of school, has been in trouble with the police. I feel like part of the problem is being "cool/bad" these days involves all of that in MOST minds of teenagers, and you can always see it in their attitudes even if they all don't do it. He's not violent, most people who know him (even his school admin) says he is sweet. I want to tell him that I completely understand where he is at, and that he should at least grad high school. I felt the same way at his age, and can honestly relate. He shuts down when you start to tell him "what to do". I even talked to my neighbor about it since my dad had mentioned to them about him sneaking out and she asked me about him. She sympathetically said,"well who isn't 'messed up' when their that age." I wrote him a letter since we can never connect face to face on any deeper subject without it getting "weird" and at that point he will just leave. It's helped open the communication lines a little bit, but he is still going to be sent away for 2 years over this weekend, and will be spending 4th of july there. My main worry is that we won't be able to see him until he has been there 1 full year. I plan to write him anyway. I don't know how he is going to react, and I hope they don't abuse him in any way. He is just so young, and I don't want him to be bitter at me. I don't if he'll be okay, and just worry that things won't be the same. My sister keeps reminding me that it can't get worse than this. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 Well, unless it's some horrible place like you see in movies - and I doubt most of them are like that - it's probably the one thing that will help him, in the long run. Time to focus on what's important in life. Time to be forced to accomplish things, and then enjoy the heightened self esteem that comes with accomplishment. Time to learn how to set goals, and achieve them, without the external BS that goes on in most high schools these days. I'm sorry, but I'm a big proponent of tough love. I daresay if you can start sending him regular letters, telling him about your life, showing him what adulthood will be like through your eyes, comforting him that he's important to you, giving him an insight into the family back home (in case they don't write)...you'll do him a lot of good as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Kentucky Jelly Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 Maybe it will be good for him. Its obvious whatever they have been doing up to this point has not worked. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 The bonds that siblings create can be most healing during times like these. I am on the opposing end of tough love as love is neither tough nor "for your own good". Rarely has that shown lasting positive effects. I can say as a sister to a sibling that was totally out of hand for my parents, going to a military place did re-group his priorities and he did come out of it far better then when he went in. Oddly I knew that if he had the strength to create such ruckus he also had the strength to endure the reform school. You sound like a loving sibling to be concerned. How have you addressed this with your parents? Since you havent resided at home for awhile things may have gone a wee bit south with the attitude and behavior. Maybe Your parents are trying to save him from going down the wrong path;..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wierdmunky Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Well, I don't know much about the school itself. One thing I don't like about it, is that one boy from our old church was sent there and came back in a catatonic state of depression for a long time. He's ok now, but my mom had also said he had gone back to his old ways. I don't want that to happen to my brother. Is it really worth that? My dad was also frustrated about how one (of the 2 people) person he was communicating with was responding to him. He kept changing his commitments, and gave the impression of being really wishy-washy. The deal was they were supposed to meet in Missourri on Saturday with him. My parents are flying in from California. The guy who made the plan all of sudden had said he wasn't going to "be there" that day. How can you be so nonchalant on an issue like sending away a minor for 2 years all the way across the country? Link to post Share on other sites
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