Would You Continue To Ignore.....

[turnera]

I'm not sure you understand what I said. I did not attempt to contact HIM. These are all times that he has tried to contact me & I have ignored him.

I am not doing anything wrong here. When HE contacts me & I ignore him........how is that doing something wrong?

REPLYING IS CONTACTING.

 

INITIATING IS THE FIRST CONTACT.

 

BUT REPLYING IS CONTACTING.

 

Semantics.

[ladydesigner]

This is exactly how I look at my affair. (only I really have no regrets & I don't look at that as a horrible thing)

Glad things are going better for you as well.

All we can do is move forward & not dwell on the past. God forbid we all crawl under a rock when something like this happens. You pick yourself up by your big girl panties & move on!

Moving on is the BEST thing to do!!...........Otherwise you die & what's the fun in that

 

 

Boy I hear ya. Yeah my reason for my regrets would also be selfish (I won't go into details as the flaming gets a bit out of control over here) otherwise I would have no regrets about my A either.

 

Yeah I'm about moving on and having fun in life. Hell even my H's infidelities won't hold me back:laugh:

[confusedinkansas]

Ok gang........I have the answer......

I think he believes he's being funny!

 

He's like a big @ss june bug in the potato salad at a 4th of July picnic:sick:

[JustJoe]

Sorry, I had to go punch down my pizza dough. Lady, you have ALWAYS been square with me, and I appreciate that a whole bunch. We ALL have reasons, good and bad , for what we've done. Your H was an a**hole, and a cheater in his own right, so I think you are doing pretty well to be keeping your M together. Maybe sometime in the future you can tell him about your affair, also, but it would have to be when you both are in a better place..........Sam, I KNOW that you've been married a Looooog time and I haven't, but what has that to do with honesty? CIK, Yes , your A is in the past, but by answering the OM's message you have brought it to the present , again, and that's the main reason I felt you should have ignored it. Ok, now I have to go put the stuff on the Pizza. Anchovies, bananna peppers, and olives........yum!!!

[Dexter Morgan]

:lmao: :lmao:

 

Oh Dex I was wondering where you were hiding. I so miss your off the cuff comments.

 

 

 

Samantha - one thing you probably don't realize about Dex. He makes sure he remembers where everyone's old posts are so that no matter how much time has passed.......he can point out ALL of our flaws & bring back into conversations OLD comments. Whether they are relevant now or not.

It cracks me up.

 

You're right - at one point in the past 2 years I did "Wonder" what would happen if we did manage to run into one & other in a public place.....AGAIN...Because it had happened!!!!! -

 

Seriously - You're damned if you do & damned if you don't on this site. It is quite entertaining at times.

 

Anyway - Dex - You can "Think" all you want about my husband & say all kinds of mean things like you're known to do. Makes no difference to me. You don't know him - you only go on ASSUMPTIONS. On how you THINK people should react & behave in situations. Well, it isn't always as cut & dry in real life as you'd like to make it.

As for the X...couldn't care less if I hurt his feelings which is why I ignore his attempts to contact Go figure.

 

I couldn't ask for a better life right now so what point would there be to continue to bring up the past? NONE!!

..................Oh, ulness you're Dex.

 

you bring up the past on your own, you don't need me for that:)

 

you are living in the past and a majority of your posts make it obvious you are not over the OM

[Dexter Morgan]

I don't regret my affair. That is true.

 

I rest my case

 

The reason is that if it wasn't for that & all of the OTHER THINGS THAT WENT ON IN MY MARRIAGE AT THAT TIME...........well, we wouldn't be as strong together as we are now. It's as simple as that.

 

in other words, if you had it all to do again, you would.

[confusedinkansas]

 

in other words, if you had it all to do again, you would.

 

Just because I don't regret my affair doesn't mean that I would do it all over again. Cuz I wouldn't. No one on this planet deserves the heartache that comes from that.

Am I a better person because of it - Yep! Would I ever go down that path again? Never in a million years. There's too much at stake.

As I have mentioned several times, there were other factors going on in our marriage leading up to the affair, during the affair & a few years after the affair was over. So - our issues were not ALL ABOUT the affair. Both of us made many many mistakes during those years. But we're still together. And, for me & my husband too that's all that matters.

 

 

:)Ok - a posting for those that thought I should tell my husband of the other man's recent activity.

Because I received another email from the other man late yesterday afternoon I decided I'd go ahead & mention this to my husband.

 

His resonse was this: He rolled his eyes! & then said "Doesn't he have a girlfriend?" - Me: "From what I understand he does" Him: "Well that's just stupid then" I asked what I should do. He said, just keep ignoring him. (Yes, I did tell him that I sent the one line email earlier in the week) - He didn't say I should or shouldn't have sent it. (because what's done is done, no point in arguing it now) BTW: The conversation lasted a whole 3 minutes & was over.

Edited July 9, 2010 by confusedinkansas

[JustJoe]

I kind of figured from your description of him, that this would be his reaction. I am glad that you told him, though, because it says a lot about you and your integrity and commitment to the marriage. Bravo! Now don't you wish that the FAP was as intuitive as your H and would just go away?

[turnera]

Thank you for telling him. That's all I wanted, so he is on the same level of information.

[confusedinkansas]

I kind of figured from your description of him, that this would be his reaction. I am glad that you told him, though, because it says a lot about you and your integrity and commitment to the marriage. Bravo! Now don't you wish that the FAP was as intuitive as your H and would just go away?

 

I figured he'd say what he said. And, Yep - I feel better about telling him. At least someone is on my side now.

 

Anyway, He's a laid back very non-confrontational, soft spoken kind of soul. He always has been like that. For the 33 years I've known him. (not always with me, but ALWAYS with others)

If it was something where someone would be harmed physically, he'd step in. If it was a life & death situation, he'd step in. But emotional stuff like this...He just figures the guy is an idiot! Which is true!! He also knows that I'm never "going there" again. I say Kudos to him for his level of trust.

(During counseling while we were separated, these topics were discussed as well as all the other crap in our marriage came out - I was truthful then, as I am now. Never again!!!) Not sure of some things in life, but this one thing.......I can say I am 100% sure of.

Edited July 9, 2010 by confusedinkansas

[Hazyhead]

:)Ok - a posting for those that thought I should tell my husband of the other man's recent activity.

Because I received another email from the other man late yesterday afternoon I decided I'd go ahead & mention this to my husband.

 

His resonse was this: He rolled his eyes! & then said "Doesn't he have a girlfriend?" - Me: "From what I understand he does" Him: "Well that's just stupid then" I asked what I should do. He said, just keep ignoring him. (Yes, I did tell him that I sent the one line email earlier in the week) - He didn't say I should or shouldn't have sent it. (because what's done is done, no point in arguing it now) BTW: The conversation lasted a whole 3 minutes & was over.

 

How cool is your husband?!?

 

seriously CiK, that's fab. Screw the other man; as long as you guys are ok... it matters not! Delete! Delete! Delete!

[Owl]

I figured he'd say what he said. And, Yep - I feel better about telling him. At least someone is on my side now.

 

Which is all any of us wanted for you to begin with.

 

Working WITH your H, rather than around/behind/without.

 

Glad to hear how the conversation went...I wish you the best.

[Dexter Morgan]

I figured he'd say what he said. And, Yep - I feel better about telling him. At least someone is on my side now.

 

Anyway, He's a laid back very non-confrontational, soft spoken kind of soul. He always has been like that. For the 33 years I've known him. (not always with me, but ALWAYS with others)

If it was something where someone would be harmed physically, he'd step in. If it was a life & death situation, he'd step in. But emotional stuff like this...He just figures the guy is an idiot! Which is true!!

 

you mean the idiot that you had sex with, don't regret having sex with, doesn't deserve any cruelty whatsoever, and that you don't want to put in his place?

 

that idiot?

[Dexter Morgan]

sorry all, i gotta put a different spin on this just knowing myself.

 

yes, kudos for her telling her H (even though she hasn't told him the complete truth about her affair with OM)

 

but his reaction tells me that he simply doesn't care, and I'm not talking about not caring about the OM's contact....I'm talking about not caring in general.

 

If a SO of mine told me this, sure, i'd take it as a sign that she is being honest and doesn't want to hide anything.

 

But I wouldn't be all laissez-faire about it. I'd be a little miffed that the guy is still trying to contact her. I can understand that it doesn't bother him, but to have a completely, "oh well" attitude about it tells me something else.

 

If I had an "oh well" attitude about it, to me it would only be because I'm not all that concerned about the relationship in the first place. If I was madly in love with someone, there would be at least a smidgen of healthy jealousy there......but "oh well"? That would mean I could really care less.....about anything.

[confusedinkansas]

If I had an "oh well" attitude about it, to me it would only be because I'm not all that concerned about the relationship in the first place. If I was madly in love with someone, there would be at least a smidgen of healthy jealousy there......but "oh well"? That would mean I could really care less.....about anything.

 

It's funny Dex how you have to put the "Debbie Downer" spin on everything.

 

It's just a difference in personalities types. Plain & Simple!

Some go into a jealous rage, some crawl under a rock, others may need to be medicated, others blow it off like it's just an insignificant bug on the windshield. Which this is.

 

There is no deep dark hidden meaning that he didn't react in a way that YOU would expect someone to.

[Samantha0905]

I'm just glad it worked out for you CIK regardless of how you handled it.

 

I'm sure it doesn't make your husband happy to hear the XAP is still trying to contact you, but perhaps he feels y'all are doing better and just isn't going to let the guy rattle him.

[Dexter Morgan]

It's funny Dex how you have to put the "Debbie Downer" spin on everything.

 

It's just a difference in personalities types. Plain & Simple!

Some go into a jealous rage, some crawl under a rock, others may need to be medicated, others blow it off like it's just an insignificant bug on the windshield. Which this is.

 

that being said, then you just keep the complete truth from your husband and keep dwelling on and bringing up the other man while refusing to nip it in the butt.

[Dexter Morgan]

There is no deep dark hidden meaning that he didn't react in a way that YOU would expect someone to.

 

of course there isn't a deep dark hidden meaning. he just doesn't care.

 

if he took stock in your marriage or you, he would care, at least just a little. But he doesn't.

[Samantha0905]

of course there isn't a deep dark hidden meaning. he just doesn't care.

 

if he took stock in your marriage or you, he would care, at least just a little. But he doesn't.

 

Nonsense. He obviously loves her very much. He's willing to forgive her and work on the marriage.

[turnera]

Dexter, that is called a Disrespectful Judgment in other forums - assuming what another person is thinking or feeling. You have no idea what her husband thinks; best not to go there. If their marriage is working, it's working. And now she's being honest and has learned she CAN be honest, so will likely (hopefully) continue to be honest. About all they can ask for.

[confusedinkansas]

Dexter, that is called a Disrespectful Judgment in other forums - assuming what another person is thinking or feeling. You have no idea what her husband thinks; best not to go there. If their marriage is working, it's working. And now she's being honest and has learned she CAN be honest, so will likely (hopefully) continue to be honest. About all they can ask for.

 

Yes, it was very disrespectful! Thanks Dex, I had no idea though that you were a mind reader or that you were in my kitchen when this discussion went down.

 

dwelling on and bringing up the other man while refusing to nip it in the butt.

There is no "Dwelling On" or "keep bringing up"....I have chosen to come to a forum where folks such as myself help each other out. Give examples on how they've handled situations etc. The only times I've posted about him in years would be because he has contacted me or after we bumped into each other at a public restaurant.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter, that is called a Disrespectful Judgment in other forums - assuming what another person is thinking or feeling. You have no idea what her husband thinks; best not to go there. If their marriage is working, it's working. And now she's being honest and has learned she CAN be honest, so will likely (hopefully) continue to be honest. About all they can ask for.

 

well I don't think you realize this, or missed it, but she hasn't told her husband the complete truth.

 

last i knew he didn't know anything physical went on and she let him believe it was simply an emotional affair.

[Dexter Morgan]

Yes, it was very disrespectful! Thanks Dex, I had no idea though that you were a mind reader or that you were in my kitchen when this discussion went down.

 

still keeping the complete truth from him about your affair? maybe this is why he truly doesn't care? and that is no mind reading. you said it yourself.

 

 

There is no "Dwelling On" or "keep bringing up"

 

yes, there is. your posts indicate as much.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Dexter Morgan

[confusedinkansas]

last i knew he didn't know anything physical went on and she let him believe it was simply an emotional affair.

 

And see here, I thought you were the knower of all in LS.........Apparently not because.............

 

He is very well aware that it was more than an emotional affair. Check under you CIK file, the entire story is there somewhere!!!

[Dexter Morgan]

And see here, I thought you were the knower of all in LS.........Apparently not because.............

 

He is very well aware that it was more than an emotional affair. Check under you CIK file, the entire story is there somewhere!!!

 

then you tell us, what doesn't your husband know? others have called you out on not telling your husband the complete truth too.

 

and your CIK file is too long;)

 

or was it that he doesn't know that you would have left for the OM if OM wanted you permanent?

Edited July 12, 2010 by Dexter Morgan