smiles489 Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 (edited) I have been in a friends with benefits relationship with a male friend for a year and half now. It started after i got out of a bad relationship and justed wanted some casual fun. He wanted the same. As its progressed over the last year and a half we've been through things. He got me pregnant last August(I miscarried). He has been in a relationship with a woman for just a little while shorter than we have been friends with benefits. He says hes in love with her. He has said that they rarely have sex, that she just is not that into sex. Starting in January of this year he has asked me several times if I love him, I have always said no, though i have recently finally admitted to myself that i do love him. I always ask him why he askes that question and his answer is always that he just needs to know. Now normaly we dont really hang out, we just meet up for a few hours of "fun" but on the rare time that we do hang out we have fun, laugh, talk...but for a good week or so after this happens he gets distant, I dont understand it! He said to me once that he thinks he loves me. Once last month when i went to hang out with him at his house we actually cuddled in bed(his idea, i always try to keep it just sexual stuff)he talked about actually hanging out and doing things but we never did. I guess I just dont get him. Does he have feelings for me that is more than FWB, is he just afraid to admitt that? He's really confusing me. I really need some imput! Edited June 28, 2010 by smiles489 Addition Link to post Share on other sites
Author smiles489 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Share Posted June 29, 2010 He has his gf, that's part of why I'm confused about the way he acts and some of the things he says. I'm afraid to tell him how I feel; it might very well end what we have going now. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 okay chop off my arm and call me betty but I am totally clueless that FWB included one of them already being in a committed relationship. Sorry that part sent a red flag....So I cannot type objectively when one of you is behaving in disregard for the dynamics of a committed relations.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author smiles489 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Share Posted June 29, 2010 I am definitely not proud of continuing to be sexual with him after he got into a relationship. Its something that Im definitely ashamed of. Which again complicates matters even further. Link to post Share on other sites
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 I think you should stop 'seeing' him until he knows what he wants. Right now it's like he has a girlfriend who he hangs out with, and you who he sleeps with. It's not fair for either you or his girlfriend. I know you don't want to disturb the sort-of-happy status quo you have at the moment, but you need to ask yourself what you want in the long run. You have feelings for him. Are you happy to be just FWB forever? Link to post Share on other sites
cavedweller Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 smiles, The guy is a real slick talker..He has built himself a harem..He is poking you both..Is that the type of relationship you want to be in? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Well, you know, if he was in love with you, he wouldn't be dating that other girl. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Starting in January of this year he has asked me several times if I love him, I have always said no, though i have recently finally admitted to myself that i do love him. I always ask him why he askes that question and his answer is always that he just needs to know. He enjoys the validation and ego stroke that you provide for him. Isn't it interesting that he never tells you that he loves you? Does he have feelings for me that is more than FWB, is he just afraid to admitt that? While he might enjoy your personality and spending time with you, he isn't interested in you enough to pursue a relationship. He's obviously not scared to date other people; he is afraid to admit to you that he doesn't like you enough to date you, because (sensibly) you would stop providing him sex and attention. Hence the so called 'mixed signals'. You are, and will remain only a convenient hook up for him as long as you allow it. Link to post Share on other sites
Disintegration Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Well, you know, if he was in love with you, he wouldn't be dating that other girl. My thoughts exactly. He can't possibly love her either if he is having sex with you as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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