Too much togetherness?

[Lisa]

I have a question I hope someone can answer. I have met someone I really like (about 3 weeks ago). He happens to live 3 houses down the street from me. He has told me that he wanted to meet me for the past year; he has watched me come and go, knows when I go to work, go to the gym, have company, go out at night, etc., so he has been "watching" me (not stalking, just aware of what I do because he was interested). Anyway, he took the initiative one day and introduced himself to me when I was outside with my puppy and the dog trainer. Seems like a really nice guy; he's already taken me to the shore for a 3 day mini vacation at his condo, we've been out 4 times, and spent virtually every day since we met in each other's company. Needless to say, yes, there has been sex ( which was phenomenal, but that's neither here not there in my question).

 

Here it is: Can there be such a thing as too much togetherness, too soon? Will it spoil the relationship? I have no problems with the everyday thing, and apparently he does not either, both of us go back and forth, call each other, with the same frequency. But is this a good idea?

 

This dating stuff is relatively new to me after 20 years of marriage, but I seem to remember there are certain "rules" that govern this kind of thing. Shouldn't I be playing "hard to get" to continue his interest? Should I not be so readily available? Is this a stupid question?

 

Help?

[Tony T]

If you were younger, I would advise you to cool this a little bit. But both of you are older and mature. If the desire to spend time together is mutual, then there should be no problem.

 

You should be forewarned that the initial parts of a relationship set the stage for the days, and perhaps years, to come. I would advise putting a bit of space in this...for two reasons. Later on, when the newness wears off of this, you will want to have more space and one of you will become suspicious or unsettled. Second, it is pretty easy to burn out on somebody if you are with them very often and get to know everything about them.

 

There is an element of truth in the "hard to get" theory and I am a big proponent of that. However, as you get older and have worn down a bit, it is not so necessary. But for the record I think at any age unpredictability can keep a spark in a relationship. The challenge thing is good too, perhaps not too much, but don't make yourself totally available to him and don't accept every single one of his invitations to do something. But make good, kind excuses so he knows he's not the only thing you have to tend to.

 

Carry on as you are, but just leave a day here and there when you don't speak or get together. I don't think you need to disuss his with him, just start doing it. Let him get used to the fact that you have a life beyond him. Don't neglect your friends, family or other things you like to do.

 

The relationship will grow in a healthy way. I think it's great that you found this man...and he was just a few doors away.

[Lucky]

Togetherness has worked for me in my case....of course we have only been together for 9 months, but it has been every single day of those 9 months. We were worried about to much togetherness as well, but we communicated our fears about this issue and any others that propted up along the way. We believe that comunication and trust to be the foundation of a great relationship. So my advice for you is to be aware of what you are feeling and thinking and discuss it openly with your beau to get his perspective, and that if togetherness feels good to you DO IT. Life is to short to spend it worrying over every little thing if you found something in your life that makes you feel good why would you want to throw it away?

If you were younger, I would advise you to cool this a little bit. But both of you are older and mature. If the desire to spend time together is mutual, then there should be no problem. You should be forewarned that the initial parts of a relationship set the stage for the days, and perhaps years, to come. I would advise putting a bit of space in this...for two reasons. Later on, when the newness wears off of this, you will want to have more space and one of you will become suspicious or unsettled. Second, it is pretty easy to burn out on somebody if you are with them very often and get to know everything about them. There is an element of truth in the "hard to get" theory and I am a big proponent of that. However, as you get older and have worn down a bit, it is not so necessary. But for the record I think at any age unpredictability can keep a spark in a relationship. The challenge thing is good too, perhaps not too much, but don't make yourself totally available to him and don't accept every single one of his invitations to do something. But make good, kind excuses so he knows he's not the only thing you have to tend to. Carry on as you are, but just leave a day here and there when you don't speak or get together. I don't think you need to disuss his with him, just start doing it. Let him get used to the fact that you have a life beyond him. Don't neglect your friends, family or other things you like to do. The relationship will grow in a healthy way. I think it's great that you found this man...and he was just a few doors away.