Is my GF cheating on me with a co-worker? HELP PLEASE!!

[SoleMate]

Women are conniving.

Men overgeneralize based on one example.

 

WHY lie to me or just not say anything if it's innocent?

It's not innocent. Please re-read my post to understand how I know that.

 

How far will she have to go for you to face the reality that she is sneaking around on you? And how will you feel about yourself when you're snooping around...or when you watch her face fall as she realizes that you have turned up at her work and will be spoiling one of her fun times?

 

Ouch. Please at least wear some knee and elbow pads for the fall you're going to be taking.

[christian]

I know.. when I did tell her last august not to have 1 on 1 lunches anymore, she told me it was a part of the job and she had to.. bs of course.. but she said no..

 

I think she will be upset, but what can she really say that I did wrong?

 

I'm showing up to surprise her and to take her to dinner and it's planned and one of her seniors (kinda upper) is giving the ok for her to leave earlier.

 

so I'm sure some of her male co-workers will see me and I know she won't be too happy about that, but I'll take the mood swing from her..

 

she tells me how much she loves me and that I'm the love of her life, yet she never wears the ring I bought her. I think because she doesn't want guys to see it. it's not a diamond ring just a love/promise type ring.

 

yah, she tells me NEVER to call her on the office phone (other guys at her job get calls from the office phone and it's ok)

 

she acts as though she wants no possible way of anyone knowing that she has a boyfriend.. no ring, no calls from work phone (cell is ok)..

 

your right though, it would put a big damper on her flirtatious activities.. which so many people say is inocent.. I think flirting when you have a boyfriend or are married is total bull and should not be done at all..

 

there will be no denying not having a boyfriend when I show up..

 

and how would me showing up make me look like a jerk to anyone.. I come dressed nice to NY, with a flower (she hates a lot of flowers - so just one), ready to take her to dinner at a place that I have reservations, and I get her out of work 2 or 3 hours earlier then she would have gotten out.

 

if she acts all pissed off when I show up, she is going to look like an ass in front of all her co-workers.

[christian]

I think the only thing that would REALLY flip me off when I see her would be if I saw flowers on her desk or a card from someone else..

 

she hates when I buy her flowers and doesn't give a crap when i get her a card..

 

so not only would I know that she was cheating on me if I saw that, but because I get yelled at when i get her something, it would make me very pissed.. I'll have to mentally prepare for that just incase it happens.. this way I don't lose my cool..

 

the only person I could see pursuing her at this time that I know of is the guy I mentioned who emailed her recently and first question was about me.. she thinks he is hot and he likes her alot.. sooo..

 

last night she said something like he said (using his kind of verbage)

 

and it was the first time since last sept that I heard her say that.. I let it go.. cause she would get all pissed off if i asked her if she has heard from him.

 

he's the type of guy that would minipulate her into going out.. by saying something like... let's go out for a cocktail and catch up.. what's the matter your BF won't let you go? boy he's really got a chain around you!

 

she is a very independant woman and would go just to show him that he's wrong.. and there you have it!! the dick gets his way!!

 

once they are together.. it's good conversation mixed with him asking questions about me and giving advice to her when she doesn't ask for it.. like planting seeds in her mind that there is someone better for her and he is there if things don't work out and she can talk to him anytime etc.. a real loser, since he knows she has a BF and is still a minipulative basterd..

 

anyway.. if I don't see anything on her desk area, I will be very happy because she doesn't know I'm coming and won't have time to hide anything if there is..

 

she did tell me last night that she is looking for another job that is close by only like 20 minutes away and it's in the same field and pays more and it would be a 9 to 5 job.. that took me by surprise!!

 

maybe she is coming around?? I don't know yet..

[wideawake]

Hopefully the guy that is letting you in won't tip her off about you coming around.

 

Tough call.

 

I do think her reaction will tell the story though, if she's happy to see you it's one thing, if she's upset it's another.

 

BUT - if she's just surprised and confused, don't get freaked out, I could totally see that happening as well.

 

No matter what, don't lose your cool AT ALL in front of her in her workplace. If you end up upset in the least, don't show it, just ask her if she's ready to leave with a smile and than speak to her once you are outside in private.

 

You never know man, something might set you off (flowers on her desk) and than you find out her dad sent them or some crap like that.

 

Just be cool and a gentleman no matter what happens and you'll be fine. Don't speak to her about anything in public though...

[SoleMate]

there will be no denying not having a boyfriend when I show up..

A conniving woman would just explain it off later as "a guy who keeps trying to date me, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings".

 

Trust me on this - if you are her man, when she sees you, her eyes will light up and she will give you a big hug and office-approved smooch. Then she'll happily go off with you in a way that makes it clear to all onlookers that you are together. Tasteful, but together.

 

I'm just afraid that you won't get that kind of warm reception.

 

Don't worry about flowers - my mom and sister send me flowers all the time. But I would worry about not wearing the ring and not taking calls from you, and also drinking with this hot guy who's after her, 1:1. I feel kind of sad for you - she keeps you in the shadows. You deserve someone who will be proud to tell the world that you are an item!

[wideawake]

Originally posted by SoleMate

I feel kind of sad for you - she keeps you in the shadows. You deserve someone who will be proud to tell the world that you are an item!

 

You obviously have had some experience in these types of things before, you're insights seem to be very well grounded in past experience.

 

Anyway, I couldn't agree with the above statement more.

[christian]

I know what her reation will be totally already.. she will say "what are you doing here?" will definately not hug me and sure as hell not kiss me.. but she wouldn't do that even if it was just another female in the room.

 

she is very afraid of marriage and I think her wearing the ring signifies marriage to her.. not to mention that it kinda says she is taken.

 

her folks were divorced at a young age and she has no contact with her father since she was like 7 years old.

 

flowers would only come from another guy and if they did I would flip.. but I'd keep it all inside..

 

she hates when I get her flowers.. doesn't like when I get her cards, won't wear my ring, will accept calls on her cell only, but if she is out to lunch and forgets to turn her phone off, she will hang up on me and not even pick up.

 

she doesn't like pictures and won't even take any of me.. the last few rolls of film we had over two years are of our dog and her and cats.. she is soo independant that she wants nothing that shows attachment, but she will tell me how much she loves me, we have been livibng together for over a year and she says I'm the love of her life..

 

confusing sometimes..

 

ok.. I did something that I want your opinion on.. I wrote an email to this jerk who is pursuing her.. I created a free email account with his name at excite and also combined his company name in the email so that if the company has email spam filtering it will still go through.

 

I will cut and paste a part of the email below.. i don't know if it will do any good, but I know he will know it came from me.

 

************************

 

The following websites have been tailored to your current situations/problems.

 

A friend or relative of yours has provided us with your email so that we may help you.

 

This is not spam!

 

Please look at the following free websites that we have listed for your convenience and read the

story that we have provided from Humor Haus (this is a good one!)

 

Excellent sites, but look out if your on the flip side of the coin!

http://www.dontbecheated.com

 

http://www.pimall.com/nais/n.spouse.html

 

http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/experts/msdemeanor

 

This one is perfect for the type of people you wish to attract at the present time.

http://www.adultfriendfinder.com

 

Here is a good site if you want to settle down fast!

http://www.asianeuro.com

 

Now for the short story from Humor Haus:

 

There once was a man named Dick. He had a bad habit in pursuing married/attached women. To Dick it was the competition and taboo nature that made it exciting. Not to mention the potential of getting a piece of ass. Dick was having a lot of fun flirting with numerous women and manipulating them by going out for drinks and talking to them about their spouses. If the woman didn't want to go out he would say "What's the matter, your hubby/boyfriend won't let you? Wow he won't let you catch up with a friend. Looks like he's got you hog tied!" The result would be what Dick wanted. The women fell for it and would go, not telling their spouses.

 

As time went on one husband found out about Dick. He had a company send him an email such as this one in hopes that Dick would stop his childish and unmoral behavior and maybe find an unattached girl of his own.

 

 

This story has two endings:

 

The good ending is:

 

Dick found his Jane and lived happily ever after!!

 

The bad ending is:

 

 

Dick didn't heed the gentleman's warning and the husband then went to his job and snapped his neck.

 

Moral of the story - It's not cool to be a Dick, don't piss off any husbands and if you are patient,

 

you will find the love of your life!!!

 

 

 

If you would like to be removed from any future mailings, please type "remove" in the subject field and send.

[SoleMate]

I wouldn't send the email. If you have something you need to say to this guy, either call him, or meet him face to face. Just be sure your girlfriend will back you up. BTW - the email talks about married women and husbands. I understood that you are not married. You may consider your bond equally sacred to a marriage, but chances are that your gf and Mr. X do not.

 

Doesn't any part of you feel angry at the way she is treating you? Isn't there any part of you that says, "I deserve better than this."? Or, "I shouldn't be in a 'relationship' with someone who barely acknowledges my existence and treats me like a nosy neighbor instead of a cherished partner." Sure, her WORDS say that she loves you. Words are cheap. Look for the ACTIONS first and foremost. She should always pick up your calls when she sees it's your number. Whose calls would be more important than yours?

 

Poor guy, I don't think you're getting what I'm saying.

[christian]

I know.. your right..

 

problem is.. this.. she knows that if she tells me about this guy emailing her and or calling her that I will be upset.. well she is right.. therefore she just doesn't say anything which makes it look more suspicious.

 

If I mentioned the email, she would just say "he's a friend and was just checking to see how I'm doing"

 

that would be it and she would say I'm over reacting..

 

she has a serious problem with flirting behind my back and if she does go out with this guy for drinks or whatever - he will have the wrong idea, just like he did before.. she leads people on.. and since she thinks he is hot.. it's nice for her.

 

If I ever had an opportunity to say something to his face, I would in a second.. I wouldn't be a jerk about it either.

 

I don't know his number and what client he is on.. I suspect that he might be working with her now or working at a client in NY and that's why he is emailing her to get together maybe.. not sure.

 

I already sent the email.. I mentioned married, husband in the email so that incase he sends her a copy of the email saying look what I got.. she wouldn't think it was from me.

 

If I ever find out with concrete evidence that he is going out with her and not just emailing or calling, then I will track him down and find out the number somehow and call him.. I wouldn't threaten him, I would talk to him and tell him he needs to stop NOW.. etc..

[christian]

you see, I do have a tendency to let my mind wonder.. soo she may not be doing anything at all.. besides holding the truth back from my by not saying anything about his emails etc.. and she would think nothing is wrong with that because she is protecting my feelings..

 

when she takes a car/cab home from work on tues and weds it cost over a hundred dollars and I've noticed it's only on tues and wed the last two weeks.. but the thing is when I look at the receipt it says from her client bld (the address) to home, so it's lagit.. no from some street address etc..

 

so she really is at the client bldg for the entire time.. unless she leaves there to meet him then comes back to the bldg to get a car to come home.. I doubt it though..

[wideawake]

Originally posted by christian

I know what her reation will be totally already.. she will say "what are you doing here?" will definately not hug me and sure as hell not kiss me.. but she wouldn't do that even if it was just another female in the room.

 

she is very afraid of marriage and I think her wearing the ring signifies marriage to her.. not to mention that it kinda says she is taken.

 

she hates when I get her flowers.. doesn't like when I get her cards, won't wear my ring, will accept calls on her cell only, but if she is out to lunch and forgets to turn her phone off, she will hang up on me and not even pick up.

 

she doesn't like pictures and won't even take any of me.. the last few rolls of film we had over two years are of our dog and her and cats.. she is soo independant that she wants nothing that shows attachment, but she will tell me how much she loves me, we have been livibng together for over a year and she says I'm the love of her life..

 

Wow...now I'm depressed.

 

I'll just say what's on my mind.

 

WHY WOULD YOU PUT UP WITH THAT CRAP?

 

I know that I NEED mutual affection in a relationship, hey I think we all do man. A girl that won't even give her boy a hug? That doesn't like pics of you? That won't take your friggin' calls???? Come on man...you have to know better than this...

 

I mean seriously, who cares if she's screwing around behind you back now or not, how much pleasure, love and satisfaction can you really get out of this relationship?

 

Dude, I don't want to be a dick, but I'm appaled by what I just read. Sounds to me like she's keeping you around becuase your a nice guy (read: sap) and also doing everything she wants to keep her options open so that when somebody better comes along she can jump ship.

 

Listen, it's not like I haven't had problems like this as well, but I finally realized that I was sick and tired of feeling bad about myself and having anxiety all the time becuase I didn't know what my X girl was doing, where she was, who she was with, and yeah my X also liked other men's attention and flirted a lot. She even friggin' accepted drinks from others guys when I was out with her!!!!

 

I broke up with her. Ok, I'm a big softie so I also gave her another chance. Two days after giving her the second chance she went out with a bunch of people from work that I hated, got drunk and than came home and lied to my face about it. That was it for me, done, finish, period, end of story.

 

You want my advise. You live in Jersey right? Jeez....tons pretty and cool girls down there. I'd lay the law down with this one, and if things don't change 180 quickly....move on bro.

 

You deserve better than having a girl that is leaving you emotionally cripled and doing things that are just down right cruel and hurtful. Now me...I'm older and wiser, I wouldn't even give this one a second chance. I'd kick her ass to the curb with a smile on my face and than take about a month or so just to get your head on straight again.

 

Than, when you're cool with yourself again, time to meet some new fantastic woman that will love you with all their heart and make sure you damn well know it.

 

Never settle for this kind of half-ass relationship...you'll hate yourself at some point.

 

Take care man, hope some of this sinks in.

[christian]

thanks man.. really, I appreciate your honesty and perspective on this.. she told me about taking thins other job and working a 9 to 5 job within the next month or month and a half..

 

I think I want to wait and see how she is then..

 

it's like she is very repectful to me when we are out together or when company is over but behind my back she has needed the attention from other guys..

 

it's the strangest feeling in the world, because when she is with me, I feel she wouldn't do anything to hurt me and I feel the love from her.. and she hugs me everynight when we fall asleep etc..

 

but when we are apart.. it's like she can't tell a guy to back off.. because he is a so called friend.. weird!!

 

I've stuck it out so far, I think if it doesn't get better in another month or so, I will have to break up.. God, I hate saying that.. she means the world to me.. (teary eyed) * sigh * but I know that if she doesn't come around when she gets the new job, that it is just going to be worse for me..

 

I know there are a lot of beautiful women out there and some prettier then her too.. but she has my heart and loyalty.. it hurts a lot that she doesn't show it as much.. her friends say she has always been like that..

 

she sent me an email last week that said she loved me and she was sorry that she was so busy all the time and doesn't show it as much..

 

the little things like that is what I want and keep me VERY happy.. she just hardly ever does stuff like that and who the hell wouldn't have the time to get your mate a birthday or christmas card.. my God that killed me..

 

anyway.. please keep in touch, it helps to talk about this stuff and I feel better just talking to people on this site..

[wideawake]

I'm not going anywhere man, I like this site as well.

 

And I'm glad to hear that you appreciated the honestly and advise, I really was worried that I'd upset you with some of the things I mentioned...obviously you're a solid guy that can take some objective advise.

 

Hopefully your girl will land that 9 to 5 job and be closer to home, I guess it does make sense at this point to see how things go. I know you lover her man, I loved my x as well, with all of my heart, I just couldn't stand not loving myself anymore.

 

Hey man, here's something I did back when I was with that one girl (it didn't really work obviously...but I still think it was a good idea, and she did seem to take heed for at least a little while).

 

Anyway, I wrote her this really long letter just stating exactly what was on my mind. What my fears where, why I didn't feel that she was contributing to the relationship as much as I, why I hated the fact that she couldn't seperate guys that hit on her from normal friends, why I felt she had the need to seek this kind of attention, and much more. I basically wrapped everything up that had been on my mind and then sent it to her.

 

She read it and we spoke about it for a long time and for a while (I honestly can not remember how long, this is going back for me...) things were better. But yeah, in my case she back-slid and went even farther down into her problems and neglecting me. (this girl also had issues wth alcohol, which it doesn't sound like yours does, thankfully!)

 

So who knows, maybe something like that, if for no other reason than just to help you put down on paper EXACTLY what is bothering you, why you're hurting, what is she doing to contribute to these feelings, I wouldn't even suggest nor mention a solution. Just talk about you, and what's going on in your heart.

 

Just a thought, perhaps this forum serves that exact same purpose. I do rememeber that just writing that document (it must have been 10 single spaced pages when I was done...) really was a liberating thing for me at the time. I was finally able to look at my own relationship objectivly (it seemed anyway, I kind of doubt any of us has the capacity to be truely objective when we're in love...) and understand why I was unhappy.

 

Peace bro,

 

WA

[christian]

cool.. glad to hear that your not leaving.. I know somethings that I have done aren't right and even if someone was bold and said "Christian, your being a stupid ass!" I wouldn't take offense at all..

 

I know I'm not always right.. almost broke up with her last year over the same guy.. maybe subconciously I'm letting those same feelings surface from back then and seeing him emailing now brings up new feelings - which the end result is that I wish he was here in front of me so I can kindly ask him to back off.

 

I'm surprised he's being such an ass.. my family (folks) have been teaching the martial arts for over 40 years and started me when I was 5.. I'm currently a 4th degree black belt in two styles and have trained in numerous other styles..

 

I'm far from cocky though.. I know there are people better and I know there are people not as good and I would never hurt anyone unless they tried to hurt me or my family.. even if someone grabbed my GF ass when we went out, I'd just grab his wrist and put him in a wrist lock and have him apologise then have him thrown out of where-ever we were. Never happened..

 

anyway, I just wanted you to know a little about me.. I'm kind of ashamed for letting this get to me as much as it has.. I train my students in a 50/50 balance.. 50% technique and 50% intellectually.. that way that don't get cocky and it's nothing at all about competition and trophies etc.. just as an art!

 

can't believe it..

 

I know this sound funny, but I know of one thing that would work 100% and I'm positive about it.. she would think and change her tune immediately..

 

the only thing would be if I had a hot girl come over and pretend she was an old friend and she flirted with me..

 

I swear to God it would work..

 

I did try the letter thing 2 times.. not pointing the finger totally at her but letting her know my feelings and my perspective on things and the things that she does that hurts me..

 

she listened, we talked and I guess the end result is time has passed since then, if I try to talk about relationship issues that aren't of a positive nature she gets mad and she slipped back into not telling me about this guy..

 

I'm sharp and remember word for word things said.. how cetain people talk and how her personality changes when she is around certain people..

 

I wish I knew a hot girl (could be a stranger) that would pretend to be an old friend and just flirt with me.. innocent flirting no sexual stuff or anything like that at all.. just google eyes, lauching at anything I say, etc..

[wideawake]

Dude, how do you grow up in Jersey and not know a hundred hot chicks?

 

Maybe it's just my impression as I've only been there a few times, but my god!!! I was blown away when I had been down there. Though, it was at the shore, so I guess that's not exactly the 'real world' per say.

 

I think the whole fact that she puts up walls when you want to talk about the relationship is a very bad sign...I mean how do you make things better if you're not willing to even talk about what's messed up? I have a fantastic girl/relationship right now, but things are not perfect. We have to sit down now and than and talk about things. Sometimes she want's to bring up issues, sometimes I do. But we're both really good at being able to relax, open up to each other, and let the other person know what's going on that they are not happy about. Though, if she was going to be pissed at me, or even worse start to hide things from me when I had issues, I don't know what I would do next.

 

As far as the hot girl deal...I don't know, that's more bs, ya know? And I know you already know that, and yeah, I totally agree that you're right and that kind of situation probably would put her back on track. For a couple days maybe. Maybe a week. But after that what? Do you have some other chick stop by? Do you go on a twice a month schedule to keep her consistantly respecting you? f*** it! Who wants to have to bs your lover all the time just so she gives you the respect you deserve all the time. The respect you would be given naturally from a girl that had her head on straight, ya know?

 

Dude...there are so many jerk-off guys in this world....and so many nice girls looking for decent guys to just love them and not chase every skirt in town. Now here you are being a really good person and your girl is giving you so much anxiety and disrespect. So many great woman would swap places with her in a heart-beat.

 

I know you want to stick it out...but you certainly have a bunch of other options.

 

I don't know jack about marital arts or anything, but I always did think it was more about finding respect for yourself and keeping yourself in shape than being tough and kicking ass....nice to see you reflect those values and don't try to use it as a leverage point with others.

 

I thought it was interesting (because I could relate 100%) that you mentioned that perhaps subconciously you're still upset about things that happened with her and this guy a year ago. I know I have had some issues with letting things go in the past and having some obsevive behavior becuase of those types of things. I certainly did in the failed relationship. At the end all I could think about was what the heck she was doing, etc...

 

Finding some peace of mind again was by far the best thing I gained by breaking off that relationship. Not having those types of things on your mind REALLY frees you up and let's you concentrate on the important things in life (whatever those may be for you, for me, dogs, my friends, hunting, etc..).

 

Talk to ya man,

 

WA

[christian]

I have to admit.. I am afraid at what I will find on Friday..

 

When I walk into the room and see where she sits.. I'm afraid I might find some kind of token from someone that is pursuing her..

 

anything from a card to flowers etc..

 

I just don't know..

 

if I don't it will bring some trust her way.. as she has no clue that I'm coming..

 

I know this guy didn't tell her, because I could tell if she knew.. she'd be very pissed that I contacted him to surprise her and wouldn't be able to hide it.

 

kinda scared, cause I can't even bring her a flower.. she got pissed off last year when I went to her job as a surprise and brought her a flower..

 

sooo.. have to try to take her to dinner.. she might just want to go home since she will be able to leave early.. or if she had other plans to go to this drinking thing with that guy and tell me she was working late.. she'll be extra pissed cause he will be expecting her and she won't be able to contact him because I'm there and she sure as hell wouldn't be taking me if she was planning to go.

[christian]

I was posting another reply as you sent the last one..

 

good point.. it would be bs.. about the pretend girl thing..

 

not sure why I don't know any hot girls.. If I was doing what my GF is doing I would know a crap load.. haa ha it's true..

 

your right there are tons of jerkoffs out there.. this guy is a smooth talker pretending to be a friend and super inquisitive about her personal life, prying for info and he has alterior motives of course.. but she just says he's a friend.

 

anyway.. I'm going to be a trooper for now.. your right though if it continues like this, it's going to kill me.. emotionally it's so damn destructive already..

 

I'm always wondering if she is really at work when it gets late etc.. it sucks..

 

I shouldn't have to think twice and little things like if she was having an affair and was smart, she would wear her ring all the time and I wouldn't be as non-trusting..

[wideawake]

Originally posted by christian

kinda scared, cause I can't even bring her a flower.. she got pissed off last year when I went to her job as a surprise and brought her a flower..

 

f*** that...I'd bring a big ass boquet of something (not roses....but that's just my opinion as I'm not very fond of them)

 

I don't know...EVERY girl I've EVER known (even the crazy ass screw heads and the other one I've been mentioning) LOVED getting flowers, even at work. Crap man, I had a long term girlfriend that had this huge profile corp job and she would just gush when I would send flowers to work. Plus, I remember going to see her downtown at her office bldg one time and she intorduced me to all these people she worked with and you could just tell that she was PROUD to have people meet me. That's a solid chick. (she ended up moving out west to do the start-up thing back in the mid 90s....damn, I wonder what ever happened to her?). But that's what you should expect from a normal healthy relationship, you show affection and the other person responds positivily...it's a simple deal.

 

Bring a framed 8 x 10 pic of you two as well (man..you must have some pics of you guys right?)

 

Make it one of those tacky ass heart shaped frames with big silver metallic lettering that says something like "I love you the most!" or some crap like that.

 

LOL! Sorry, I'm just making some jokes up above...tough to do on these forums...humor takes a back seat I guess.

 

I'm kind of nervous for you as well bro, just keep your cool no matter what. Unless she's a total crotch and makes like your just 'some guy' and doesn't really acknowledge you. Than throw stuff around her office and call her a tramp loudly enough to shake the windows (sorry...I need to go home, getting a little punchy..)

 

Hey man...I've worked and played at some fairly high levels of the american corp machine myself...I'll tell you one thing, nobody, not even the highest paid executives would EVER look down on someone for having their SO visit them and show affection. Sorry, not even iin the big 5 accounting firms in NYC does that kind of crap go down. She's just full of crap if she's telling you it not cool to show affection because of work in any way...I've never heard of anything that inane.

 

Looking forward to hearing about Friday bud, hope you're very pleasently surprised!

[wideawake]

Originally posted by christian

I was posting another reply as you sent the last one..

 

good point.. it would be bs.. about the pretend girl thing..

 

not sure why I don't know any hot girls.. If I was doing what my GF is doing I would know a crap load.. haa ha it's true..

 

your right there are tons of jerkoffs out there.. this guy is a smooth talker pretending to be a friend and super inquisitive about her personal life, prying for info and he has alterior motives of course.. but she just says he's a friend.

 

anyway.. I'm going to be a trooper for now.. your right though if it continues like this, it's going to kill me.. emotionally it's so damn destructive already..

 

I'm always wondering if she is really at work when it gets late etc.. it sucks..

 

I shouldn't have to think twice and little things like if she was having an affair and was smart, she would wear her ring all the time and I wouldn't be as non-trusting..

 

 

A) You and I both know that there are hundreds of ass munches just like the guy you describe up above. Always have been...always will be. Men like us can choose to be better, and we do, and (hopefully) we're better people becuase of it. So the point here is that you can't worry about him, if it wasn't him, it would be some other player. She's the prob, not him.

 

B) The whole ring thing! I forgot about that...just messed up. I don't get that one at all.

 

Eh...enough for now, I need to go work out.

 

Peace

[christian]

thanks dude..

 

you know what.. screw it.. I will go there with a bunch of flowers and a small vase so she has to leave them there at work..

 

last year she got mad and said she couldn't have the flowers there and it was embarrassing.. it was when she worked with that dick I was talking about (same guy) it's like she didn't want him to see them or wanted him to think things were on rocky ground with us so he would flirt more..

 

sooo.. if I'm going to get introuble, I mind as well get flowers and a balloon too..

 

we have no pictures of us.. she will not take any with me.. even at her best friends wedding last year.. her friend said to us.. here he is going to take a pic of you two.. and she said no.. but she took pics with everyone else..

 

that's one of my issues too.. if she has a 9 to 5 job and doesn't have a pic of me on her desk, I will go out of my way to try and get one and put it in a frame and bring it to her at her job so everyone see's and she has to put it on her desk..

 

it looks like she doesn't want anyone at her job no matter where she is know about me or see anything that came from me.. apparently they all know about me.

 

your right normal women LOVE when guys bring them flowers or give them a card.. this woman doesn't I don't know why..

 

but if another guy did at her job, now there ya go.. she'd be all happy and crap and accept them because I'd never know cause I don't come to her job..

 

so friday is her test.. how honest is she really being..

[christian]

now I think I did it..

 

boy sometimes I don't think.. i set up an email account with his name and send my GF an email saying "hey, feel like catching up sometime next week and any plans for v day?

 

I want to see what her reply will be.. and I don't care if she eventually finds out that he didn't send it..

[christian]

my God.. I don't know what the hell I'm thinking sometimes..

 

here is what her reply was and embarrassing enough my GF is right..

 

******************

"Sure, I'd love to hang out on V-day, since my boyfriend doesn't know when to cut the bull****, I don't think I want to be spending it with him. It'll give him some time to get a grip and stop acting like an ass, especially when I don't have time to be dealing with his insecurity issues.

He should probably fess up and apologize immediately, if he doesn't want to have major problems. Talk to you soon and look forward to seeing you this weekend!"

************************

 

I fessed up.. man.. I really do need to get a grip.. I think I've been f'd too many times in the past by prior GF's that anything my GF does now that might even look like it's not right, I wig out about it..

 

too bad I didn't have $$ to see a shrink.. I'm sure it would help just to talk about things..

[SoleMate]

Wait...I don't get it. Did she realize you sent the email, and was she in fact intentionally replying to you?

 

I didn't like the email idea, for just this reason. But I sure don't like the way she talks to you either. Using that old saw about "insecurity issues". A caring partner would take steps to ease your very justifiable insecurity.

 

Christian, deep down, do you believe that you deserve to be loved by someone who is faithful to you? I am wondering if you have so little confidence that you have convinced yourself that this kind of one-sided deal is the best you can get. You know, often the quality of our relationships just reflects the work each of us has done getting our head straight. I am wondering if you have a bit more work to do in this area. And I am quite sure that this girl is not helping you in this effort.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Using that old saw about "insecurity issues". A caring partner would take steps to ease your very justifiable insecurity.

 

 

You know, often the quality of our relationships just reflects the work each of us has done getting our head straight.

 

Red Shoes, when you finally write that book I want to buy the first copy!!

[SoleMate]

Bless your heart, dear. Maybe I will write a book. But I must confess, it would be like the shoemaker writing about how to keep people well shod while her own children bloody the snow with their wounded feet. Like others here, I find that my wisdom has come a bit late in my life (I'm 41).