Boyfriend hanging out with other girls since I gained weight!

[Miss Digital]

I think the title says it all. And I'm not sure if I should be jealous or what is going on. Tonight my bf is going out with this girl that he was introduced to by a coworker. This the second time in 2 weeks! About 2 1/2 weeks ago she called him out of the blue and asked him to be her escort to a party. He agreed and then night of party she decided she didn't want to go the party but still wanted to meet up with him for a drink anyway. So he went...and for the past week and a half all he's been talking about is how amazing her apartment and lifestyle is. Now they are going out to dinner tonight while I am at night school. The weird thing is that she doesn't even know that he has a girlfriend..he actually admitted to me that he didn't tell her!! And if that isn't bad enough, tomorrow night he's going out with a girl that he had went on a date with before meeting me.

 

What is going on here? To get back to the weight issue...I feel that this all started when I started gaining weight due to the birth control pills I started taking. I can't be sure if I should just get over it or if I need to talk to him about it.

[doniker]

apparently your boyfriend and you don't have a commitment. Do you allow each other to date other people?

 

If so, what are you complaining about?

[Miss Digital]

Hmmm... I was under the impression that we were committed to each other for the past 4 months. So then, you think I should consider these outings with other girls to be dates?

[ILoveToToot]

apparently you cant just be under the impression in a relationship, you have to know and talk it out. i would let this guy go or set some serious boundaries. and no, its never about someone's weight for goodness sakes. if they say it is, they are using that as a symbol for whatever they are really mad about.

[Errol]

"under the impression" didn't you two discuss it? A commitment to exclusivity isn't made until, well---until you make one!

 

Sounds like this guy has it made! He has one woman in reserve and yet he can go on dates -- as long as he doesn't call it a date the girl in reserve (you) doesn't seem to know the difference! He accepted an invitation from another girl. They went out. That's a date.

 

If a guy asked you to go with him to a party, then cancelled the party but wanted to go out for drinks with you anyway -- don't you think your bf would consider it a date?! Wouldn't you?!

 

Oh, and he was supposed to meet her for a drink -- I guess the drink was at her apartment since he has been there! And now he's dating someone he dated in the past.

 

Yep, this guy has it made!

[Miss Digital]

Okay, I should rephrase that...we have had the "us" discussion and decided that we are in a relationship..in fact it was HIS idea to be in a committed relationship. I don't want to be naive about what is going on, but I also don't want to come off as some crazy, jealous girlfriend who won't allow him to have and hang out with female friends, ya know?

[Errol]

Ok. then back to your original post. Yes, you should talk to him about. You should talk to him about anything in your relationship that makes you uncomfortable or causes you concern. You don't have accuse him of anything - but you should talk to him.

 

If he were concerned about something that you were doing - wouldn't you want him to talk to you?

[pinkroses]

he has not told this girl he's having dinner with that he has a girlfriend, sends a red flag to me. If he was only casually meeting up with female friends, and he was committed to you, he'd make sure up front this other girl knew he was involved, and that it was just a friendly outing. The second red flag is that the girl chose not to go to the party and asked him to hang out with her for a drink instead. Do you honestly think nothing is going on if he has seen her apartment and knows all about her lifestyle??

 

I hate to say it but it sounds like he is making dates and just passing them off as seeing female friends, all the while he knows when you are at night school and otherwise occupied. You need to find out if he's cheating and then decide what to do. Don't make this about your weight, that should have nothing to do with it.