I hate my family

[lovingagain]

I am a grown woman 45 years, divorced with two kids. My father died last February leaving nothing, not even any money for his funeral. BOth my parents have never supported me financially in any way despite being desperate for money when the kids were born, they never lent me a penny and once even insisted we pay for money for the gas to come and help us out when we asked for help with the kids. Something I will not forget Now father has died and mother is asking me for money for the funeral. I have just got divorced and am struggling myself, there is no way, without putting myself in great financial difficulties could I afford to just give her the money, she has credit cards so can use those but the stress and anger at her asking me at a time when she knows I am pushed, really made me depressed. She did not even ask me herself but asked a relative to ask me, thereby making herself look like the poor widow. She also got my ex husband (who she is friendly with since the split) to call me to tell me my dad had just died, despite knowing that we are not on speaking terms. So despite the fact that we are far from close, she is clinging to my ex husband and calling him with her problems and he is helping out, despite him not giving me a penny as yet for maintenance. I am so angry, I do not want to talk to her again ever. By the way my father did not die suddenly - he knew he was dying for two years and they both could have prepared. They have had money but spend it as soon as they get it, even making a large purchase two months before he died. I wish I could just blot the whole family out. To get these problems on top of my own, just makes me want to have a nervous breakdown. Help.

[2sure]

Taking your post at face value...Your family sucks. It happens.

Your parents were not good financial planners and never were. Thats not an unforgivable sin, and you would do well to get yourself over that. BUT:

At the same time, you are under no obligation to kick in for funeral expenses. You dont have the money. Maybe you would if you could, maybe you wouldnt. But it doesnt matter - because - you dont have the money. Thats as far as you need go with it, and an excellent reason to offer to your family.

 

Your Mom asking someone who OWES you money to GET money fromn you...is insane. You have to just forget that even happened and not participate in that kind of nonsense. If you must, tell your mother and your ex:

 

It will be a real struggle but I suppose I could consider using some of the children's child support money toward dad's funeral expenses. So (insert Ex's name here) let Mom know when you are paying me.

[quankanne]

whoa – that's a pretty big load to carry, LA, so first off, please accept my condolences. Even if you and your dad didn't have as close a relationship as you liked, I know how it hurts to lose a parent.

 

this is going to sound cold-hearted and possibly even mean, but you do not owe your family anything more than you are capable of sharing. At this point, you cannot provide financially, so do not worry yourself when they come to you for money, but simply tell them "Sorry, I'm strapped." If there is some other way you are able to help, and you're willing to offer that help, by all means, do so. Otherwise, sometimes you've got to cut loose a toxic relative (even a parent) if it means retaining your sanity.

 

am sorry things are so crappy between you and your ex, but maybe look at that one act of him letting you know about your dad as his "good deed" despite all the other garbage you've had to put up with from him, you know? I don't imagine it was any easier for him to be the one to tell you than it was for you to have to hear it from him, *could* that be his act of kindness toward you?

 

hugs,

q

[lovingagain]

Thank you both for your replies. It was kind of you to reply and make me feel better without being judgmental.

[princehole]

I called my sister we are both in our 40s and told her something in confidence and as soon as we hung up she calls our mother and tells her what i said,well my mom comes over on mothers day and tells my husband what my sister told her that i said.why does people who are supposed to love you want to screw up your life,I am so mad i cant even make my self call either one of them to tell them to stay out of my life!

[robinmarkk]

Our family is a best part of life. Family supports us in every situation of life. Your family never supported you financially. You are 45 years old and you have also two kids. In that situation if family is not with you than it is to difficult for leave life. Never feel nervous in life because you have two kids. Now you think only for them and their life. They are your responsibilities. I think you just find out right life partner for your rest of life.