I Give UP!!

[trippi1432]

Glad to help crack you up, I know you need it at times anyway. I'm glad you're doing better now, just don't scare us anymore! You know you got friends here, even if we don't reply right away, or are away for months at a time (me). Don't forget there's always hope, so don't do anything crazy or stupid. There's gonna be another man for you sooner or later.

 

Oh BTW, I don't actually suggest that you do any of that sleeping around stuff just to get back at hubby. Anyway, you said Hex, I mean ex, quit his job? WHY? In this economy, at this hour?

 

My ex likes to gamble....and he typically loses....this was one the lost out really bad on when the company got sold....easy come, easy go. Of course he has decided to keep me posted of job hunts.....:rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Darth Vader]

My ex likes to gamble....and he typically loses....this was one the lost out really bad on when the company got sold....easy come, easy go. Of course he has decided to keep me posted of job hunts.....:rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

 

Oh God, one of those! You realize he did you a BIG favor in cheating, right? Shoot, he sounds like one of those addicts, like he can't stop! He would've dragged you down, I think you know that. Not that it doesn't hurt, but hey, financial ruin doesn't sound like too much fun, huh? Just turn the phone off, seriously, and make sure he come in the house to bug you. Hopefully he'll get bored and wander off!:lmao: LOL!

[trippi1432]

Oh God, one of those! You realize he did you a BIG favor in cheating, right? Shoot, he sounds like one of those addicts, like he can't stop! He would've dragged you down, I think you know that. Not that it doesn't hurt, but hey, financial ruin doesn't sound like too much fun, huh? Just turn the phone off, seriously, and make sure he come in the house to bug you. Hopefully he'll get bored and wander off!:lmao: LOL!

 

Eh....financial ruin left when he did.....the only thing that drags me down is the fact that he couldn't be the man he should have been and the man I saw him as for his family.....Been NC and LC for almost 10 months now...yes, his not having a job right now worries me because he is calling more than normal and he is being too "nice".....from experience of 15 years...when his is being reasonable and nice...I typically get screwed over. Just keeping my guard up.

[Darth Vader]

Eh....financial ruin left when he did.....the only thing that drags me down is the fact that he couldn't be the man he should have been and the man I saw him as for his family.....Been NC and LC for almost 10 months now...yes, his not having a job right now worries me because he is calling more than normal and he is being too "nice".....from experience of 15 years...when his is being reasonable and nice...I typically get screwed over. Just keeping my guard up.

 

 

He's gonna want you to take him back, DON'T! He's not worth it! You're worth NOT taking him back, I dunno if that makes any sense, anyway, keep your guard up.

 

Whatever you do, lock the door, and hope he doesn't have Blasters!:lmao:

[Gunny376]

When the party's over....are you judged on whether you can make your own music to dance to or do you always have to have a DJ? The ability to stand on your own two feet, despite what you do for a living, is more respectable than easy street.....that breeds a man of integrity, character and respect. That is why she loves your friend Mitch...not for what he can give her...but for what he does "give" her....reality.

 

Yea that's Mitch! He's cool, calm, laid-back, relacked. He and I work really work really well together. We communicate well together, he helps me get my job done ~ I do the same for him.

[Gunny376]

There comes a time in life where sometimes you just can't help but give in and not want to function anymore....it's not just when you are going through a divorce...that is traumatic enough, like the death of a loved one. Depression is anger turned inward, self blame, self loathing, the inability to be happy and those people who are closest to you can cut you like a knife with the simplest of actions or words.

 

Today, I'm done.....I no longer care about anything anymore. I am tired of being a doormat for WAS's, my children, work and life in general. Evidently, it's me....it comes down to me, who I am, my behavior, my reactions....etc. So many years of hurt, disloyalty of friends and family, hatefulness (both my own and others). I can take pills all day, it won't stop the pain I feel. I can go to a hundred counseling sessions, it won't stop the pain I feel, make me feel better or change my behavior. I can try to learn coping skills and boundaries, it won't stop the pain I feel.

 

After 15 years of having to deal with my ex's behavior and my reactions to it, I don't know how to change that other than just be completely apathetic to it. Same with my children, the children who only love me when they want something from me, then bash me, disrespect me when I give in or help them or tell the adult ones to stand on their own two feet. Friends....all they want to do is bit*h about work....I haven't even gone back to work yet and I am already hating the thought of it. I'm tired of lashing out at people when I feel hurt and I am tired of being lashed out at by people who feel hurt as well. It's tiresome, it's depressing, it's the reason that I know I will never be happy in this life.

 

I just sit here and think, what is the point of my continuing in this world? What am I here for ...why do I bother....if I were gone, no one would notice or even care....so what is the point of still being here? What is the point of still living when everything makes you feel so totally miserable inside. What is the point when you spend more time crying and can't even get to the "Fake it til you Make it" stage. My biggest regret is that I failed to finish myself off back in April....why I am still here is a cruel joke at my expense.

 

Everyday is worse than the next....I'm not allowed to feel any self-worth...that is arrogance, I'm not allowed to stand up for myself, that is selfishness and ego, I'm not allowed to do things that make me happy, that is impulsive. I can't seem to do anything right, so why bother doing anything at all...why bother to continue living only to continue feeling miserable? Why try at all? I'm done, there is nothing to live for anymore...I would rather choose to not be here at all over continuing the struggle of trying to be happy when it's impossible.

 

 

I've been through a lot of what your going through, experienced a lot of what your going through.

 

I've been there and back ~ done and gone back there again and come back.

 

You've just got to get to the point to where? "You know what? You can just kiss my ass! Not on the left nor on the right ~ but right smack in the middle!

 

I've been through Hell, have had people I don't even know try and take my head off. Tried to kill me. I've gone through divorce, separation, having an adulterous wife. Had some Joker try to take my head off with an RPG.

 

Had more than my share of "JHC" moments!

 

Had tonsillitis. appendices, in-grown toe nail, along with arthritis. Got shot in the @zz! 90% death in my left ear from a hand gernade. Trench foot where half your foot is rotting off.

 

And yea nothing ot all that was half as bad as going through what I and you are going through.

 

Its time to catch the bus to Mexico ~ Marggertivile.

 

Its time to live your life for yourelf.

 

My 29 year old daughter has told me that "her Daddy" has done more for her than I have.

 

I improvrised myself for the sake of my children.

 

I got everything that I need to get through life? But what I have you couldn't give away at a yard sale. But Yea? I'm a retireed Unitied States Marine ~ Bennies and Wennies and some Oddles of Noodles? I'm good to go!

 

The best thing I ever did was twenty years in the Corps! The best thing you ever did was to do what you did and to become the person that you've become.

 

No trippi1432 you didn't do twenty something in the Marines ~ but it was the civilian equivalent of such.

 

It was Hard Corps, your Corps, my Corps ~ our Corps!

 

Earing an MBA?

 

You know how to PM and e-mail me ~ do so!

 

Meanwhile?

 

Quit beating yourself up!

[trippi1432]

Thanks Gunny....day one back at work....decisions/decisions......Where do I catch that bus to Mexico?

[hopesndreams]

You don't need a bus to Mexico. What you need is the ability to not listen to anymore of his crap and allowing his use of you for emotional support. Let him get that off his small panty you know what.

[Darth Vader]

You don't need a bus to Mexico. What you need is the ability to not listen to anymore of his crap and allowing his use of you for emotional support. Let him get that off his small panty you know what.

 

 

Indifference is the stage she needs to get to in order to blow him off.

 

Now her hubby's wearing panties?:lmao: That might explain the first pair that wound up in your son's clothes!

[hopesndreams]

Indifference is the stage she needs to get to in order to blow him off.

 

Now her hubby's wearing panties?:lmao: That might explain the first pair that wound up in your son's clothes!

 

The less Trip hears from the ex the sooner she will get to the indifference stage.

 

You can get to the indifference stage by hanging up the phone.

[trippi1432]

The less Trip hears from the ex the sooner she will get to the indifference stage.

 

You can get to the indifference stage by hanging up the phone.

 

I get it, and with the ex...it's not so much that I want him back in my life....I know he and I could never make it work. I mean the calls are basically limited to our son, but there's times when he will start going into his "plans"...I'm doing this, I'm doing that (he's looking for a job right now). So, it's not really hurtful things.

 

In reality, I've passed the indifference stage with him....he's happy...good for him. I don't know what stage I'm in right now to be honest....depression is anger turned inward.....probably more self-loathing than anything else. This is the "stage" that I HAVE to push past.....it's the hardest one.

[Corporate]

 

In reality, I've passed the indifference stage with him....he's happy...good for him. I don't know what stage I'm in right now to be honest....depression is anger turned inward.....probably more self-loathing than anything else. This is the "stage" that I HAVE to push past.....it's the hardest one.

 

If depression is the problem, you should make some changes to yourself. Change your daily routine. Do something new every day. Change your hair style. Do things that will lift you up, whether it's playing loud music in your car or getting a tan.

[trippi1432]

I get it, and with the ex...it's not so much that I want him back in my life....I know he and I could never make it work. I mean the calls are basically limited to our son, but there's times when he will start going into his "plans"...I'm doing this, I'm doing that (he's looking for a job right now). So, it's not really hurtful things.

 

In reality, I've passed the indifference stage with him....he's happy...good for him. I don't know what stage I'm in right now to be honest....depression is anger turned inward.....probably more self-loathing than anything else. This is the "stage" that I HAVE to push past.....it's the hardest one.

 

To add to that....Today though.....I'm doing things for me.....things that make me feel better. Just some days are better than others....I know I need to work towards more good days. It's a trauma thing truly and yes, I need to stop dwelling and rehashing.....that's where the mental mindf*ck happens. So, in short....I'm trying....I working to get to that mental state again....it's the roller coaster for many reasons...not out of love for him, but still hearing all the hateful and spiteful things he said in my mind as well as my own. And yes, the ultimate slap in the face when he pulled the GF out 2 weeks after asking if we could work on it again back in September of last year.

[Corporate]

To add to that....Today though.....I'm doing things for me.....things that make me feel better. Just some days are better than others....I know I need to work towards more good days. It's a trauma thing truly and yes, I need to stop dwelling and rehashing.....that's where the mental mindf*ck happens. So, in short....I'm trying....I working to get to that mental state again....it's the roller coaster for many reasons...not out of love for him, but still hearing all the hateful and spiteful things he said in my mind as well as my own. And yes, the ultimate slap in the face when he pulled the GF out 2 weeks after asking if we could work on it again back in September of last year.

 

Well, he was obviously cheating on you.

 

This is how you get out of depression:

 

1) Do things that makes you happy. New hair cut, new pair of pants, a new plant/flower in your living room, new routine (like jogging), etc.

 

2) Don't dwell on the past or any negative events. Easier said than done, but it's very important. Just block it out. Instead of thinking about what your ex did or said to you, think of things/events that makes you happy and look forward to. What do you look forward to for the rest of this year? It could be buying that new sofa or it could be this dinner event with your sister or it could be as simple as the next delicious meal. Think about those happy events/things that is going to happen instead of the nagativity.

 

Do the above two, you will be happier very soon.