difficult situation and weird guy

[angielove]

Here is the situation so far:

 

I used to work with Ryan. About 4 months ago, he started chasing me: leaving notes on my car, flirting with me, constantly asking me out etc etc. I thought he was nice and funny, but was not attracted to him at all so I kept saying I was busy. One day, after feeling rejected by another guy, I finally agreed to go on a date with him. It was good fun but I just did not feel anything for him. He took me on a few more dates after that and we ended up having sex. Then I started to like him. Now we see each other about 3 times a week and I think about him ALL the time. He is leaving for Europe in 5 weeks and plans on staying there for two years (something we both knew before we started dating).

 

A few weeks ago we were talking and his exact words to me were "I was thinking about going to Europe just for a few months... check things out, and then come back here (to Australia), what do you think?" I was shocked and said that he should do whatever he wanted to do. I didn't quite understand why he was saying that to me. But then last night we had a conversation that went like this:

 

Me: Do you like me?

Ryan: Yeah but not as much as you like me.

Me: What the hell does that mean?!?!

Ryan: I can just tell by the way you treat me.

Me: Why don't you like me??!?!?! *upset*

Ryan: I do, just not that much. I'm going overseas for two years and I don't want to be attached to anything when I leave.

Me: What?! But you told me you were only going for a few months now.

Ryan: No, I never said that.

Me: *disbelief* Yes you did! *proceeded to describe exactly when and where and how he said it*

Ryan: I don't remember that.

Me: *giving up* I'll be so sad when you leave. Will you be sad?

Ryan: Maybe for a day or two.

Me: *VERY upset*

Ryan: Look, I don't know what you want me to say. I can't explain why I don't like you as much as you like me. I don't want to talk about this anymore. God! You are so much work. *turns light off and goes to sleep*

 

I am SO CONFUSED. It seems the more I like him, the less he likes me. And I KNOW that is definitely what he said. Why won't he admit to it? Can anyone take a guess at what he is really feeling?!? Why is he doing this to me?!

 

Sorry about the long post! x

[LoveLace]

Maybe he's trying to make it easier on himself that he has to leave you, IOW, convincing himself that he doesn't care so that leaving you isn't as hard.

 

OR, he's a HUGE jerk, and sex is all he really wanted along, now that he got it, his ego is giant and therefore not as into you anymore.

 

I wouldn't wait until he leaves to say goodbye, I'd tell him right NOW, look if you want to treat me this way, good riddens!!! Don't keep hangin round with someone who says they "might" be sad for a "day or two" and claims that you like him "too much"...from now on, he really doesn't deserve any attention from you what so ever, cut him off NOW. Insensitive jerk and if it was okay to use worse words than "jerk" on this forum, I can think of several. Sorry because that sounds pretty harsh, but if your "too much work" for him then obviously he's totally wrong for you..

[WTRanger]

With him leaving, even if the two of you left on the best note possible, the chances of it succeeding that far away are insanely small.

 

His exact words according to your quote are "I was thinking about going to Europe just for a few months... check things out, and then come back here (to Australia), what do you think?"

 

Where does it say I AM going to go for a few months? He say he was THINKING of going, which is him testing the waters. No where does he say 100% what his intentions were. You are making that connection in your head. Don't play the game where you tell him he is free to go for 2 years or make his own decisions, but what you are really telling him is for him to only go for a short time or not at all.

 

You act as if he should owe you something because you finally decided to go on a pity date with him, gave him pity sex, then all of a sudden you realized you fell for him. You knew he was leaving. What you did is like buying a damaged TV set, then bitching to the store where you bought it that it doesn't work properly.

 

I hate to say you brought this upon yourself, but you knew everything before you started into this. It's not like he told you he was leaving just now. Let him go for 2 years, and move on with your life. Why should he be sad for more than a day? He's going to get on with his life and so should you. Are you going to spend the next 2 years moping around? He's not, and you shouldn't either.

[angielove]

Thanks LoveLace, you are a sweetheart! And WTRanger... harsh but fair!

 

Since that night, neither of us has contacted the other so I'm pretty sure it's all over anyway. I totally understood that nothing could happen because he was moving overseas, but I guess I got a little carried away (as you do when you fall for someone)! I'm not as upset as I thought I'd be - there will certainly not be any "moping around" Would have liked some closure though lol! But ah well... such is life.