Broken heart needs help

[Naaman]

My girlfriend of 2.5 years just broke up with me because she has feelings for someone else. But she says she does not know if she made the right dission or not. She also says she still loves me and does not want to loose me in her life. We were talking about marrige and the such for the last two months. I know that before this happend she loved me a lot. She just said she could not get this other guy off her mind and needed to explore her feelings. To make matters worse I am in the Navy and leave to go to school next week for seven months. I love her very much and don't want to loose her. She means the world to me. What should I do?

[Christie]

I'm sorry man, but she's gone...she just wants to be your friend and she doesn't want to lose that intimacy.

 

Face it, if she really loved you, she wouldn't have fallen for that other guy.

 

She only loves you as a friend now...

 

Sorry again.

My girlfriend of 2.5 years just broke up with me because she has feelings for someone else. But she says she does not know if she made the right dission or not. She also says she still loves me and does not want to loose me in her life. We were talking about marrige and the such for the last two months. I know that before this happend she loved me a lot. She just said she could not get this other guy off her mind and needed to explore her feelings. To make matters worse I am in the Navy and leave to go to school next week for seven months. I love her very much and don't want to loose her. She means the world to me. What should I do?

[Dani]

awwww! *hugs*

 

I can understand why you would be so distraught about this. The only way tho, that you are ever going to get answers is if you talk to her.

 

She says that she has to explore her feelings towards this other guy. In other words she needs time away from the relationship that you two once had. And it sounds like you had a good one. You need to talk to her. If you are leaving, then this should motivate you to do so. You don't want to be out somewhere at sea, and regretting that you left before you got a chance to talk to her, and maybe straighten out how you feel. Maybe she does just want to be friends with you...and even tho that hurts, ( and i know that feeling) its something that you will come to accpet. And maybe things will change....and one day you two will be able to continue pursueing a relationship. But you really won't feel better until you talk to her. She said that she dosen't know if she made the right decision. Obviously she is feeling doubt, regret or sadness as well. Talk to her. Tell her that you are leaving, and you don't want to leave things as they are. Don't push..but talk to her. What have you go to loose? You don't feel better until you do!

 

She seems so imporant to you..keep her in your life. Whether that be..just as a "friend" or something more.

 

*hugs* again to you!

 

Dani G

[Steve]

It's hard. I can still remember what it felt like for me: hard and confusing as hell. It makes no sense that someone who has loved you and who you have loved would suddenly have second thoughts. 2 1/2 years is a really long time to get to know someone-- you practically grow up with them; and you wish to grow old with them.

 

I really relate to your situation. I was in a similar one myself. At the time, I came onto boards such as these to get over the pain and confusion that I felt-- and it helped so much to know that people cared and went through the same thing. I really had trouble accepting the loss. But the pain does go away; so does the confusion. I mean, there were a million questions that I had to ask her (my ex)-- deep down inside though, I already knew the answers to a lot of them. But even today some of those questions are unanswered, like the "why's" (over time they just didn't matter). I can't promise you that this will be painless, or that it will be easy. But I can promise that this will teach you so much about love-- the part that people don't like to talk about; the part where you have to just set your love free. You see, a deep part of loving someone is letting them go on their own path...letting them make their own decisions no matter how much it hurts.

 

She could stay with you-- you could beg her, or make her feel guilty. But whether she loves you or not-- that is something only she can decide. It ultimately is a decision that she feels will make both of you happiest. If she chooses to be with you-- this means she feels that she will be most happy to marry you and live with you-- it means that she feels you are definitely the one. If she chooses to leave you-- this means she feels that she cannot be happy with you yet or maybe can never be totally happy with you, in which case you could never be totally happy with her-- it means you two were not meant to be. Regardless, love is a decision that both people make by themselves. Relationships, then, are bonds by choice.

 

So, I know this sounds harsh, but there really is nothing you can do at this point but wait, and reflect; be prepared to let her go. I know this is hard-- it was a second by second struggle for me. But take it step by step; second by second and it'll get easier. The colors in life with come back and in time you'll be happy again-- either because she has come back to you, or because she is happy and you have found love again.

 

"If you love something then set it free. If it comes back to you it was meant to be."

 

Good Luck,

 

-Steve