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Ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 days ago, and texts me this...

Thorgs

By Thorgs,
in Second Chances

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PixieStix

PixieStix

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D***, I hate when people bring up the ex when I'm out trying to have a good time and put her behind me.

 

Eh, who did that? :eek:

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Thorgs

Thorgs

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Coworker in my program came up to me to tell me the guidance counselor emailed her to remind her to tell her what the students (ex's daughter) parents said when she called them. This should be ****ing good. Why the hell would she mail my coworker that, they aren't even friends. Will update later with what she tells me. **** this job.

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Trimmer

Trimmer

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Maybe it's not about being friends, but is a professional sharing of information because the ball is now in the guidance counselor's court to help this girl, and she's collecting information that will assist in that task. Your coworker's putting it back in front of you is just adding to the painful and unnecessary drama in your life, and your looking on and gleefully awaiting to hear more isn't helping you.

 

At work, do your job. The student/daughter is an unfortunate overlap, but you should be working to distance yourself from that, not picking at the scab. Let her get help from the counselor, step away from it, and treat it as you would any other student with a problem - if she's getting help from the counselor, then you owe it to forward any information that could help the counselor to help the student, but beyond that, it's not helping anyone for staff members to be trading information in the hallways.

 

Mostly, I'm just concerned that you are not taking this situation as a great opportunity to step away and disconnect - which you badly need - but rather, through the gossip offered by this coworker, you are staying attached to the agony and drama. And I'm also concerned, as I mentioned earlier, that there seems to be a real risk that the drama of the situation may spill over into your professional sphere - pretty soon, are you and the counselor and the coworker all going to be called in to the principal/head of school to explain why this whole situation has spiraled out of control?

 

Protect yourself personally and emotionally; protect your job and your career - treat this with the utmost professionalism at work...

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Thorgs

Thorgs

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Oh my God, you'll get a kick out of this. Well, it turns out it was a miscommunication and my co-worker was talking about another girl but wouldn't say who the kid was because other kids were in the room. I assumed she was talking about the daughter because I rarely work with this other girl. Thank the Lord. Personally I am done with hearing anything about the ex or her daughters. I don't talk to the daughter anymore. Just smile and say hi and that's it and that's all there ever will be from now on.

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PixieStix

PixieStix

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Oh my God, you'll get a kick out of this. Well, it turns out it was a miscommunication and my co-worker was talking about another girl but wouldn't say who the kid was because other kids were in the room. I assumed she was talking about the daughter because I rarely work with this other girl. Thank the Lord. Personally I am done with hearing anything about the ex or her daughters. I don't talk to the daughter anymore. Just smile and say hi and that's it and that's all there ever will be from now on.

 

LMAO, paranoid are we? J/K :laugh:

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Sunny-side-up

Sunny-side-up

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Hey Thorg, followed your link from my thread... WOAH!!! what a total nightmare.

 

Well, I'm pretty good at the NC thing... 10mths and counting LOL!

 

Anyway, heres some things I did and have done to help with the NC if it matters or helps? (You sound like a really nice guy, one that will be taken full advantage of by some types of girls)

 

1. I threw myself into any activity I possibly could.. (so, you don't have friends... most people don't when they walk out of relationships) I did stuff on my own...

I grew stuff, I walked, I cycled, I decorated and I drank a little... I stress a little drink...

2. I joined groups... dating sites and other networking sites that I could meet other people. I started dancing, boxing, running, painting, some language classes... Anything I could do to be around and meet others. I made sure that every single day was engaged with some sort of commitment or activity.

3. I deleted his number, e-mail, facebook and threw away anything that reminded him of me... By the time I was finished it was like he never existed. (apart from in my heart)

 

Yes, the weekends are rubbish sometimes but after a while things do change.

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Thorgs

Thorgs

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Hey Thorg, followed your link from my thread... WOAH!!! what a total nightmare.

 

Well, I'm pretty good at the NC thing... 10mths and counting LOL!

 

Anyway, heres some things I did and have done to help with the NC if it matters or helps? (You sound like a really nice guy, one that will be taken full advantage of by some types of girls)

 

1. I threw myself into any activity I possibly could.. (so, you don't have friends... most people don't when they walk out of relationships) I did stuff on my own...

I grew stuff, I walked, I cycled, I decorated and I drank a little... I stress a little drink...

2. I joined groups... dating sites and other networking sites that I could meet other people. I started dancing, boxing, running, painting, some language classes... Anything I could do to be around and meet others. I made sure that every single day was engaged with some sort of commitment or activity.

3. I deleted his number, e-mail, facebook and threw away anything that reminded him of me... By the time I was finished it was like he never existed. (apart from in my heart)

 

Yes, the weekends are rubbish sometimes but after a while things do change.

Thanks Sunny. I'm trying to get more engaged. I picked up a gun this weekend so now maybe my co-worker and boss can go to the shooting range. I really need to start going to the gym and eating right too. Maybe I can turn those into hobbies.

As for the social life...the people I know are either way younger than me or way older than me. So to find guys n' gals my age to hang out with would be the best...but now I just have to meet some and make a good impression. Easier said than done :)

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Sunny-side-up

Sunny-side-up

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Thanks Sunny. I'm trying to get more engaged. I picked up a gun this weekend so now maybe my co-worker and boss can go to the shooting range. I really need to start going to the gym and eating right too. Maybe I can turn those into hobbies.

As for the social life...the people I know are either way younger than me or way older than me. So to find guys n' gals my age to hang out with would be the best...but now I just have to meet some and make a good impression. Easier said than done :)

 

Thorgs.. all my friends are like 10yrs older, it really doesn't matter.:p

Try a dating site with friends only perhaps?

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PixieStix

PixieStix

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Thanks Sunny. I'm trying to get more engaged. I picked up a gun this weekend so now maybe my co-worker and boss can go to the shooting range. I really need to start going to the gym and eating right too. Maybe I can turn those into hobbies.

As for the social life...the people I know are either way younger than me or way older than me. So to find guys n' gals my age to hang out with would be the best...but now I just have to meet some and make a good impression. Easier said than done :)

 

Lord I need to slow down when I read these I thought it said you were trying to get engaged! :eek: And hey old people need friends too! :p:laugh:

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PixieStix

PixieStix

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I've been out of work the past few days with a stomach bug, but despite that, my heart is feeling tons better. :)

 

 

YAY!! Glad to hear it! :cool:

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Von

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I was just reading through this thread out of boredom, and it seems like you've had quite the up and down journey so far. But I just wanted to say a few things regarding your situation and the reality of it. Just know I'm not trying to be harsh or cruel, just trying to be honest, for your sake. By not sticking to no contact, you've made things much harder on yourself. I know hard it can be so I understand, but it needs to stop. Contacting the ex (letters, text, etc.) is a quick fix that does nothing but bring you down farther in the end. She knows what kind of vulnerable state your in (particularly from sending the letter - big mistake), so she's trying to remain your "buddy", evident in the pics she sends you, and inviting you out to lunch with her friends. By accepting this your making it clear to her that it was OK that she broke up with you, because you will still be there for her when she misses you. By complying with her she has her cake and is eating it too; she knows she still has you in her life -therefore easing the guilt of the breakup and making it easier to move on - but she doesn't have to deal with the relationship factor. I understand wanting to be in her life, but is that the signal you want to send? Your pretty much saying "you can tear my heart out but still keep me as a back-up plan". Besides the fact that you deserve better, girls are NOT attracted to that mentality. It drives any hope of a second chance farther away.

 

And you know you deserve more than being a back-up plan. The truth is, if you genuinely loved this girl, your not going to move on in a month or two. You'll have your moments where you may think you are, but overall it can - and likely will - be a LONG process. So when you put yourself in a position to see her and kiss her, or let her send you photos because she's interested, you deceive yourself. You make yourself think that you CAN be friends with her, and just her being in your life will make you happy, and you can live with that. However subconsciously (maybe even consciously too) your thinking; "the interest is still there, if I remain in good standing with her I may get her back." And when that doesn't happen or she shows less interest, your heart sinks like a rock. That's just the truth of the situation, because breakups are no walk in the park.

 

You need to implement NC and stick with it. If you feel the need to, tell her that you won't be speaking with her for several months, or more. She may be hurt but she needs to know that SHE decided you weren't worth it, not vice versa, and the only proper way for you to heal and move on is to go NO CONTACT. When she broke up with you, she no longer has the right to your friendship. You can give it to her if you want, but that's a foolish mistake.

 

You should probably figure out where your relationship with her kids lies too. I'm sure you love them and they love you, but to me that seems like it could be a major hurdle in moving on. They were certainly a big part of your relationship so I'd think that seeing them all of the time is guaranteed to bring up memories, and it also likely means you can't go NC. I'm not saying cut them out of your life, but just tread carefully.

 

The bottom line is you deserve to be happy with someone who will fight for you through thick and thin, not someone who will break up with a good guy like yourself (with LAME excuses I might add) and proceed to run to both an ex-husband and a new guy. For your own sake NC is critical. You saw what happened when you ignored it - the rollercoaster of emotions, the higher you climb the farther you fall. There's a reason NC is the most common advice here, and that's because it works. If there is a second chance on your horizon, it will in all likelihood be from NC - as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. It gives each party serious time to square their thoughts and feelings away, something that can't be done in weeks, and often times months.

 

Best of luck.

 

Well I read through all 16 pages. Crazy story. Reminded of me when I got dumped a year ago, especially not following NC like I was advised to do. This post I qouted pretty much sums up the best advice for you.

 

But that's not why I'm posting. I'm gunna dig into you thorgs, because you sound like I was a year ago, but I had a trigger that made me change my whole outlook on women forever. I was reading and posting to this forum and such, suffering.... Then joined a dating site, and saw an ad for this guy called David deangelo. His programs changed my life. His emails are genius. Go look into it.

 

Anyways, you didn't really follow NC very well at all. But I know why. You were insecure, emotional, and had low self control. Maybe that's changing now I don't know, but coming from someone that used to behave just like you did, that's what it is. You couldn't help yourself, you had to mail her letters, had to txt back and forth, had get info from the daughter, had to be on FB. Ya a person with alot of self control and strong boundaries wouldn't do that. In plain words, you were being a wuss, and your emotions had complete control of you. A real man wouldn't act the way you did at all. The good thing is you learned from this experience, and so next time if you get dumped, you know to walk away. Don't break NC for ANY reason. EVER. No letters, no txt, no anything. You just disappear and go find a different girl. Simple as that.

 

Now go subscribe to D.D.'s email letters, and maybe get a copy of his "deep inner game" program, or "on being a man". With that knowledge, you can prevent yourself from ever getting in a relationship with some crazy girl like your ex.

 

Good luck bud.

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Thorgs

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Well I read through all 16 pages. Crazy story. Reminded of me when I got dumped a year ago, especially not following NC like I was advised to do. This post I qouted pretty much sums up the best advice for you.

 

But that's not why I'm posting. I'm gunna dig into you thorgs, because you sound like I was a year ago, but I had a trigger that made me change my whole outlook on women forever. I was reading and posting to this forum and such, suffering.... Then joined a dating site, and saw an ad for this guy called David deangelo. His programs changed my life. His emails are genius. Go look into it.

 

Anyways, you didn't really follow NC very well at all. But I know why. You were insecure, emotional, and had low self control. Maybe that's changing now I don't know, but coming from someone that used to behave just like you did, that's what it is. You couldn't help yourself, you had to mail her letters, had to txt back and forth, had get info from the daughter, had to be on FB. Ya a person with alot of self control and strong boundaries wouldn't do that. In plain words, you were being a wuss, and your emotions had complete control of you. A real man wouldn't act the way you did at all. The good thing is you learned from this experience, and so next time if you get dumped, you know to walk away. Don't break NC for ANY reason. EVER. No letters, no txt, no anything. You just disappear and go find a different girl. Simple as that.

 

Now go subscribe to D.D.'s email letters, and maybe get a copy of his "deep inner game" program, or "on being a man". With that knowledge, you can prevent yourself from ever getting in a relationship with some crazy girl like your ex.

 

Good luck bud.

Well, let me inform you that I did not go out of my way to talk to her daughter and I did not want to hear anything about the ex in the first place. She just kept leaving class to find me to pour out everything to me on a few different occasions. Do I blame her? No, we were very close, all of us were. Yeah, I broke NC because what the mother was doing was complete bull**** to do to a child. I don't care to get back with her in any way and didn't when I stuck my neck out for her daughter.

 

Sending a letter means I'm a wuss? I don't think so. I didn't get to say what I wanted to say at the break up and I needed that closure. Men having to be macho all the time is complete BS.

 

As for the FB thing, I had them set up so I never saw what they wrote and it was never an issue.

 

Anyways, it's all behind me now. I'm done with it.

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PixieStix

PixieStix

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Oh look a know it all. WOW Von you must think you know everything. Hmmm! Here is a subscription for ya:

 

GAL.. Get a ****ing Life!

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Von

Von

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Yes I'm overly blunt. And I figure I'll get flak for it. That's ok it's not my problem. Everybody goes through this experience differently, I just happened to change my entire outlook on life from it. I'm so overly confident and secure now that I lend it to other people, if ya know what I mean.

 

You see there is a light at the end of the tunnel of wussiness, and thorgs will head right into it whether he wants to or not. Strong men are created from the scars and wounds of battle with emotions, from the traumatic loss of a woman they love.

 

I didn't invent this stuff I'm sorry to say. It's been going on since the beginning of mankind. I'm just here to help and snap some people back to reality if I can. My only intention is to help others avoid my mistakes. The same mistakes men have made for ages.

 

My advice now for thorgs is to totally and completely remove himself from any memory of the ex for awhile... No loveshack, no FB, no phone, nothing.

 

Time to start your new life...

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Thorgs

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Yes I'm overly blunt. And I figure I'll get flak for it. That's ok it's not my problem. Everybody goes through this experience differently, I just happened to change my entire outlook on life from it. I'm so overly confident and secure now that I lend it to other people, if ya know what I mean.

 

You see there is a light at the end of the tunnel of wussiness, and thorgs will head right into it whether he wants to or not. Strong men are created from the scars and wounds of battle with emotions, from the traumatic loss of a woman they love.

 

I didn't invent this stuff I'm sorry to say. It's been going on since the beginning of mankind. I'm just here to help and snap some people back to reality if I can. My only intention is to help others avoid my mistakes. The same mistakes men have made for ages.

 

My advice now for thorgs is to totally and completely remove himself from any memory of the ex for awhile... No loveshack, no FB, no phone, nothing.

 

Time to start your new life...

Touche my friend. I wasn't trying to knock you for your input, just clarifying (from my point of view).

 

I have removed everything that has reminded me of her from my life. Thrown out letters and pictures, changed my phone number and deleted her and her daughters from my phone and FB.

 

Now, back to the original challenge, life.

 

Thank you again for your insight.

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Hurtgal100

Hurtgal100

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Holy!!! I've just read the 17 pages of ur thread & man ur strong! Even if you did break the NC! Just wanted to give you the thumbs up & say ur inspirational - Im only on Day 3 & my story is definitely not as hard as urs but fair play to you, you kept going and thanks for ur story :)

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Thorgs

Thorgs

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Holy!!! I've just read the 17 pages of ur thread & man ur strong! Even if you did break the NC! Just wanted to give you the thumbs up & say ur inspirational - Im only on Day 3 & my story is definitely not as hard as urs but fair play to you, you kept going and thanks for ur story :)

Thanks. Stay strong! It really does get easier and when it gets easier the cloud of hurt and anger vanishes and you'll see that bigger things are in store for you :)

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